I'm a WellVine baby sleep consultant - ask me anything!

[KateMumsnet]

Hello everyone

We thought we'd try something new this week, as part of our mission to make parents lives easier. With our remarkable powers of observation , we've noticed that lots of new parents struggle with getting their baby to sleep at one time or another. Even those who 'got away with' an easy-peasy newborn can find themselves staring, eyes drooping, at a sleepless little one, whether it's at four months, or six, or twelve; just when you think you've got this sleep thing nailed, something comes along which takes you right back to square one, and exhaustion.

So we've invited the folks at WellVine over for a baby sleep AMA. The WellVine app gets you personalised sleep advice from your own baby sleep consultant, who gets to know your baby's needs and helps you work through a personal sleep plan, all over video call. Genius, really - no ‘cry it out’, just gentle and supportive sleep advice from an expert, when and where you need it.

WellVine's sleep consultants will be hopping on and off the thread around their other duties over the next few days, so leave your questions about your baby's sleep needs here on the thread and they'll come back to you with their advice. Personal sleep plans are a bit beyond the scope of an AMA, but they'll do their best with all your other questions, so ask them anything (sleep-related)!

If you think you'd benefit from some one-to-one sessions or want to find out more, have a look at WellVine. We'll get a very small commission if you sign up, which will help to keep the lights on at MNHQ - but there's absolutely no pressure and the AMA is open to anyone who has a desperate sleep question (usual webchat rules apply).

Hi, I am Sam Saunders one of Wellvine's experinced sleep consultants I have over 15 years of sleep experience with babies and toddlers. It will be great to help with your sleep questions this lunch hour.
Please post away and I will try to answer as many as I can

@WellVineKerry - thank you for your time and response. I will speak again to our doctors.

@Readytogogogo

Dear Maryanne,

We did gradual retreat sleep training with my daughter when she was six months and since then she's slept through, getting herself to sleep by sucking her fingers.

She's now 21 months and unfortunately she had an injury to her finger a month ago. She needed surgery and had a dressing on her finger for several weeks which meant that she couldn't suck. She was also very traumatised after surgery - at least in part I think since I wasn't allowed to be there when she woke from the anaesthetic.

Since then, her sleep has really deteriorated. It generally takes 30 mins in her cot for her to go to sleep, usually with someone sat beside her and touching her. She then will wake crying after a few hours. Often she will settle quickly when someone arrives, but unless someone then sleeps by her cot, she will continue to wake every hour or two. She just seems really scared to go to sleep, and to be on her own.

She now refuses to nap in her cot. Funnily enough she naps well at nursery when she didn't previously, I think because there are lots of people around.

I would really appreciate any advice, especially as I am overdue to give birth again!

Hi , sorry to hear your little one needed surgery a short time ago, this can as you have found can lead to some separation anxiety. Giving her lots of reassurance in the day and maybe a night light might help.

Good luck
Sam

@FruitCider

I've not got a baby question, but a child question!

My 5 year old (nearly 6!) daughter will not go to bed, she runs up and down the stairs, plays with her toys, hides behind curtains etc for a good 90 minutes EVERY NIGHT. And she will not stay in her own bed all night - one of us has to join her 😩 how can I get her to stay in her bed and go to sleep quickly? I'm too tired to cope anymore! X

Hi , delaying bedtime is a great tactic children master so keep your bedtime routine short and maybe sit just outside her door and when she pops out remind her that its bedtime and to settle down .

Good luck
Sam

@Jellybabie3

Hi Maryanne. I have a 12 mo son who has always been a terrible sleeper. Hes exclusively breast fed but has suffered with silent reflux from birth. As a result I have never felt comfortable leaving him to cry it out for risk he will vomit and choke. He is only fed twice a day now which is before bed and in the morning. He is still treated for reflux which is unusual for 1 year plus (hosp appointment next month). I've managed to cut out the night feeds with a cuddle. He also falls asleep initially at night in my arms. Any attempts of self settling went out of the window with a bad bout of teething at 9mo. Any way, he now will sleep from 7.30pm til around 2.30am which is great except he then wakes every hour until I usually cave and bring him into my bed where he had his morning feed then wakes for the day at 7.30am ish. How can I stop this hourly waking?

FyI n the day he will nap approx 2.5 hours after waking for 1- 2 hours then 3 hours ish later the same (length depending on morning nap) all with a cuddle. I dont let him nap past 4pm

I would appreciate any advice.

Thanks

Hi, I would discuss this with his Dr that you mentioned your seeing soon, as it may be his reflux is bothering him at night.

Good luck
Sam

@Daisywho

Hi Maryanne

Roughly what bedtime would you advise for a 9 month old? Is it true that early waking can sometimes be caused by the baby going to bed too late?!

Hi , its very true that going to bed late can mean an early wake-up, depending on your little one's naps a bedtime of 6.30-7.30 is suggested

I hope that answers your question.

Sam

@Splendibubble

Hi Maryanne I would be very grateful if you advise on establishing daytime naps please. My 16 week old ds will not nap at all, if I place him in cot awake he cries and if I try to lower him he awakens as soon as he realises. I have a blackout curtain and have also been trying white noise. Thank you

Hi , Naps at 4 months can still be short and irregular, have you tried a sling for some of the naps. Also putting him down drowsy but not fully asleep and gently keeping your hands on him while he settles down and has a wriggle.

Good luck
Sam

@Caspiana

Hello

My four month old wakes at night, usually only to feed now (we seem to have got through the hourly wakes from 16 weeks, I’ve been putting her down drowsy, getting her to nap in crib etc).

However when she wakes at night she is sometimes up for an hour or two after feeding. She is happy, but wide awake!

In the day she usually naps for an hour 2 hours after waking, and a longer lunchtime nap of 1-2 hours with a shorter afternoon cat nap and a bedtime of 6:30-7.

Is there anything I can do to stop her being wide awake at night?

Hi , your doing a great job , maybe keep the lights as low as possible , keep interaction to a minimum and enjoy those cheeky smiles at 3 am :-)

Sam

@JustBecauseYouAreUniqueDoesNot

Hi Maryanne, my 13 month old recently started nursery and may also be teething. On the weekends she wakes at 5.30am each day but doesn't do this on any other day. She settles once I cuddle her and put a hand on her and is otherwise a great sleeper. Is there any obvious reason she is waking like this? We have put it down to overtiredness from nursery or teething but neither really fits with the fact that it's only at the weekends and she goes back to sleep really quickly.

Thank you for any advice.

Also, are some babies naturally better sleepers or is it learned behaviour?

Hi , If she settles with some reassurance that's great, maybe on a Friday at the end of a long week do an earlier bedtime, and yes some babies are better sleepers than others as our us adults

@Ohheyyy

Hi Maryanne,

My 7 month old will wake once or twice after being put down for the night, at approx 1am and 5am (he's put down at around 6.30 and when he wakes at 7am I get up for the day).

I breastfeed him back to sleep but I was wondering if it would be better if I just shushed him to sleep or rocked him back to break the eat/sleep cycle and hopefully get him sleeping through the night like he did before the 4 month sleep regression.

Hi, feeding in the night is perfectly normal at this age so hang in there it will get better.
Good luck
Sam

Thanks. This is the same advice we’ve had previously. We are already doing all that - he is just incredibly ‘awake’ like his older brother was. We already keep nights quiet and dark and days light, get out in the daylight early, have a rough but flexible routine and watch for sleep cues and are aware of wake times (although they are a source of grim hilarity, allegedly newborns can’t be awake for more than ninety minutes, to which I can only say, my arse. Mine can stay awake all day.)

We are well aware of wake windows, sleep cycles etc - we do watch and try to get him to sleep but it just doesn’t work. If he does drop off he wakes about two minutes later. His brother was the same and I’m extremely concerned he will end up waking hourly for years. I honestly don’t think I can cope if he does.

I’ve been awake for almost four days solidly with only ten minute naps - the baby has been awake (and cheerful, and not even vaguely sleepy) since 2am.

Any advice? How on earth do you actually make the buggers sleep?

@Fieau

My 6 month old goes to sleep fine (at about 8pm) wakes up a few times in the night for a breastfeed then goes back to sleep, but at about 5am starts getting really restless. It's as if he's asleep but won't stay still? He kicks and thrashes around so much that he ends up waking himself up and getting upset. My husband usually ends up putting him on his chest for the last hour of sleep before he wakes up for the day at 6:30. Is there a way to stop him doing this? Any possible reason why he is so restless? He also still naps four times a day while seems like a lot but three of those are short naps of about 30 mins, and one longer one of 90 mins/2 hours. Is there a way to solidify naps or does it not matter how many naps he has if the total sleep time is still quite short?

Hi , Often early waking is due to a later bedtime, so maybe try a slightly earlier bedtime if his last nap is around 4 ish.

Good Luck
Sam

If you say sling, I will cry ;)

@Willweeverfindout

Hi,

Hoping I’ve not missed the boat on this yet, but I’d like to second an answer to a question posed above.

I have a six month old baby who sleeps (thankfully) 6pm to 6.30am with no feeds and no wakings, but who will not nap more than 30 minutes in the day. White noise, car, holding, resetting with feeding, nothing works. She’s desperate for bed by 5pm usually as she’s so damn tired.

Can’t figure out how she can link sleep cycles at night but not in the day. She clearly needs it as she’s so fractious.

Any insight would be much appreciated!

Thanks

Hi , thats a great nights sleep for you all , well done ! Have you tried the buggy with a snooze shade and white noise ?

Good luck
Sam

@Firewall

I have a 1 year old and 3 year old still co sleeping in my bed. How do I move them to sleep by themselves. My 3 year old still wakes ocassionally and moves next to me to get back to sleep still. Thanks

Hi , if you are happy with them co sleeping then thats great dont worry about moving them . That snuggle in the night is for reassurance and perfectly normal

Hope that helps .
Sam

@OFuckShitAndBollocks

Hi Maryanne,

My third child is 9 months old and has gone from sleeping and nappying beautifully to waking in the middle of every afternoon nap having done a poo. She’s massively over tired and bedtimes have been a real struggle for her to settle. She’s now stopped pooing but is so used to it that she’s been unable to sleep. However this weekend she’s done a couple of days of really good daytime sleeps so I’m guessing it’ll be a few days before she catches up with herself? Is that right? Sadly though, as soon as she started the good daytime naps again she’s been inconsolable in the middle of the night. Crying for hours. She’s gone from one or no Freida and night to waking almost every 3 or 4 hours and I’ve been so tired that I’ve got her into bed with me. I have a brain injury and need to be careful I don’t get too overtired!

Whilst this has been going on my 3.5 year old middle child has been screaming the place down every bedtime. I think this is because she feels pushed out with the baby as I can’t do her bedtimes as baby refuses to take milk from anyone else, she’ll take a bottle but only from me and usually wants a BF afterwards as well.

Can you save me from drowning in this lack of sleep?!

Hi , as you have found with the pooing during a nap it passed so I am sure the naps will improve again . However Giving her reassurance when she wakes if she is still tired, maybe sitting with her until she falls back to sleep again might see you through this stage .
Good Luck Sam

@upthewolves

Hi Maryann, my son is 12 months and his sleep has gone from bad to worse! He needs to be fed to sleep unless he's in the car, consequently I haven't been out in the evening for a year. He wakes 2-4 times a night and I often can't get him back to sleep at 2.30/3am. I'm sitting here at 4.39 having been awake since 2.45. he's just been going from one breast to the other and pulling my hair. Any advice??

Hi , it may be his naps needs adjusting in the day if his happily playing in the night? At 12 months they need around 2-3 hrs sleep in the day .

Good luck
Sam

@cadburyegg

Hi Maryanne,

Is there a best time age wise to get rid of a dummy? My baby is 7 months and dependent on it for sleep. I’m aware that once we reach toddlerhood it might be more difficult to get rid of! Do you have any tips / advice?

Thanks so much!!

Hi , there is never a right or wrong time to stop using a dummy so if you are happy with her having it for sleep carry on. Often when they are older you can negotiate with them so I would worry too much for the future .

Good Luck
Sam

@AnuVk

I have a 7 month old baby girl who is a happy baby besides when it comes to nap time or bedtime. She has been a catnapper and her day naps are half hour and at Max 1hr.She just hates sleeping, the moment she knows that it's sleep time she cries like crazy. It all went in phases, first I used to rock her to sleep, in baby carrier, now she only sleeps while nursing. It's becoming increasingly difficult to feed her everytime she needs a sleep. Yesterday I was exhausted as I nursed her almost an hour till she was sleepy and then patted her but she woke up and then again I had to end up nursing her for almost half hour and yet she didn't go down and was crying like crazy... All this effort and she only went to sleep after 3 hours! I exclusively breastfeed her as she has not taken the formula when I tried. On days like this, I wonder why I am breastfeeding... I know it's common for bf babies to wake up often which I am ok with, but if I could only get her to sleep without crying or at least self soothe herself. I have tried sticking to routine, by giving bath,reading bedtime stories and singing her favorite rhymes, but none seem to work...

Hi , your doing an amazing job breastfeeding so never doubt that.
I suggest naps are in a quiet and dim room with little distraction, a couple of books and then a clam feed maybe singing to her or gently stroking her cheek may help her to fuss less. At 7 months she needs between 2-3 naps a day the first being often 1.5 hrs after waking for the morning so maybe starting your nap routine earlier may help.

If you need any more help, here at Wellvine we would be happy to support you
Sam

@OliviasMama21

Hi Maryanne,

My DD is 7 weeks old and will not be put down to sleep. She will sleep on my chest lying on her front or being cradled after BF. Even when I wait until she's in a floppy deep sleep, she wakes up within a few minutes of being put down. I've tried swaddling but she struggles against it and seems to prefer her arms to be free. In the day I try to put her down in a Moses basket or Mamaroo and at night I try to put her in a Next to Me crib- all without much success.

She seems to be constantly in my arms at the minute- I even eat one-handed whilst feeding/holding her 🙈.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated 😊

Hi , Its normal at this early age for them still to want consistent cuddles, have you tried a sling for day naps so that she can still feel your connection but you have your arms free. When she does stir after you have tried putting her down asleep, then maybe place your hands gently on her to help her settle down again, lifting them off very slowly.

Good Luck
Sam

@LearningToDrive

My 15mo wakes frequently for breastfeeds during the night. We don't have great bedtime habits, but he naps well (we are between 1 and 2 naps a day) and a bedtime of 7-8pm. It's just about manageable and I'm not quite ready for any sleep training yet.

My question is whether a baby who can't self soothe between sleep cycles is getting "worse sleep" than a baby who can? I realise how important good sleep is in kids and was told of how it can have an impact academically down the line. I was wondering if I am doing wrong by my baby by not encouraging him to self soothe at this stage, or (as long as mum and dad are coping) it doesn't make any difference?

Hi , it sounds like your doing a great job and if your little one can connect sleep cycles with some support that's great. he has plenty of time to learn to self-soothe so please don't worry

Well done
Sam

My baby is 12 months. She sleeps 8-7.45 the majority of the time. Our issue is self settling. She must be held while falling asleep. We don't want to do CIO, and most consultants just advise putting her down awake - which is difficult as she then cries! For naps she can take minutes to settle, for nighttime it's usually around 20 mins.

How do we do a gentle form of training?

Can I also have some advice on her routine. She wakes 7.30/7.45 as we wake her. She sleeps every 3 hours in the day and after 4 hours at night. So 10.30am - 30min nap. Then 1.30pm - 1.5/2 hour nap. Should we be tweaking this?

@cheaperthebetter

Hi Maryanne,

My DD9 just seems to have insomnia!

She will stay awake until I go to bed, that is with no telly and books down at 8:00pm, she always claims she is not tired, even when she has to be up early for school 7:00am, I have evening out her in a swimming club which is twice a week 6:30-7:30 Tuesday and Wednesday , hoping this will get her in a routine but it has not worked!...please help...

Hi there,

A warm bath or shower around half an hour before bedtime can work wonders! Add a few drops of lavender which is soothing and can aid sleep.

After bath or shower, wind down time in her room - keep lights dim (and no screens). Lying in bed reading for a short time, or listening to an audio book can be a soothing and relaxing lead up to sleep.

If she is seeking reassurance from you, tell her you will do a last pop in to switch off her light and tuck her in.

Hope this helps!

Maryanne

@LearningToDrive

My 15mo wakes frequently for breastfeeds during the night. We don't have great bedtime habits, but he naps well (we are between 1 and 2 naps a day) and a bedtime of 7-8pm. It's just about manageable and I'm not quite ready for any sleep training yet.

My question is whether a baby who can't self soothe between sleep cycles is getting "worse sleep" than a baby who can? I realise how important good sleep is in kids and was told of how it can have an impact academically down the line. I was wondering if I am doing wrong by my baby by not encouraging him to self soothe at this stage, or (as long as mum and dad are coping) it doesn't make any difference?

This is a great question! It sounds like you and your baby are working out the sleep between you and if it's working for all of you, then I wouldn't worry. There is no right time to have to do anything, unless you feel ready to make any changes.

Sleep is important but it sounds like you're doing just fine as it stands.

Happy sleeping!

Maryanne

@Mummyme87

My 9month old is a rubbish sleeper. Will only be fed or rocked to sleep mainly by me. Wakes up to 15 times a night. I’m at a loss. If I leave him he just screams and screams until he vomits

This sounds exhausting. A few considerations -

• Maximise naps during the day (morning and lunchtime nap)as daytime sleep can impact significantly on night sleep.
• Try to encourage him to settle at bedtime which will help with him being able to settle himself during the night. Stay next to him to reassure as necessary if he is upsets.
• Stay consistent with your responses to him so take his frustration levels down to a minimum.