I'm a WellVine baby sleep consultant - ask me anything!

[KateMumsnet]

Hello everyone

We thought we'd try something new this week, as part of our mission to make parents lives easier. With our remarkable powers of observation , we've noticed that lots of new parents struggle with getting their baby to sleep at one time or another. Even those who 'got away with' an easy-peasy newborn can find themselves staring, eyes drooping, at a sleepless little one, whether it's at four months, or six, or twelve; just when you think you've got this sleep thing nailed, something comes along which takes you right back to square one, and exhaustion.

So we've invited the folks at WellVine over for a baby sleep AMA. The WellVine app gets you personalised sleep advice from your own baby sleep consultant, who gets to know your baby's needs and helps you work through a personal sleep plan, all over video call. Genius, really - no ‘cry it out’, just gentle and supportive sleep advice from an expert, when and where you need it.

WellVine's sleep consultants will be hopping on and off the thread around their other duties over the next few days, so leave your questions about your baby's sleep needs here on the thread and they'll come back to you with their advice. Personal sleep plans are a bit beyond the scope of an AMA, but they'll do their best with all your other questions, so ask them anything (sleep-related)!

If you think you'd benefit from some one-to-one sessions or want to find out more, have a look at WellVine. We'll get a very small commission if you sign up, which will help to keep the lights on at MNHQ - but there's absolutely no pressure and the AMA is open to anyone who has a desperate sleep question (usual webchat rules apply).

@squirell27

Hi Maryanne, My baby boy is nearly 9 months old now. We moved him to his bedroom some time ago and after the initial getting used to the new situation, he seemed to have settled down. He was going to bed about eight o’clock and then waking up about 3 or 4 am for a feed (breastfeeding), after which he would go back to his bed. Then he would wake up about six and I would take him to our bed. Recently I had some problems with my joints, so took him to bed with me as soon as he woke up the first time- as it was easier for me. That somehow made him wake up more and he was constantly breastfeeding through the night. I am feeling better now, so tried to put him back in his bed. He is not being able to settle back in his bed, wakes up a lot- last few nights he was fully awake and it took ages to get him back to sleep. Not sure how to get him back to his old routine or –preferably- get him to sleep through the night. Also-he always falls asleep while feeding. I would be grateful for any advice.

Have some time during the day for him to spend time playing in his cot with some books and toys, making it clear it is not about sleep so keep the curtains open and lights on. This can help to encourage a more positive association for him with his cot. You may want to also try to lessen his association of the feeding and sleep. Introducing a bedtime book after the bedtime feed, before putting him down can help separate the feed from the sleep.

Hi MarryAnne

I’ve had a bath bedtime routine for my LO for 7 months, always starting between 6.30 and 7 pm. However even though she is clearly tired she doesn’t fall asleep until 9-10pm. Why? Is she over tired? How to I make things better for her (and me so I’m not spending 3 hours in a dark room every evening)? Should I move her bedtime later?

Thank you!

@pinkcarpet

Hi Maryanne

My breastfed 5 month old cannot sleep at night without being latched on to me, even if she's not actively feeding or just suckling for comfort she wakes within 5 minutes of being unlatched. I am getting barely any sleep and she just screams if my husband tries to settle her or if I try rocking/shushing/patting. She sleeps in a sling or buggy during the day and will wake as soon as she stops moving. I have to go back to work next month as DH is facing redundancy so we really need to get her night weaned but i don't even know where to start. Any ideas?

This sounds really exhausting. Try to maximise her naps during the day and avoid her getting overtired as this can cause her to be more unsettled. If she is only having short naps, and you see that she shows tired cues after an hour or so of awake time then try to get her to sleep as soon as possible, rather than stretching her awake time. If you don't have already, introduce a soothing and consistent bedtime routine which will set cues for sleep for her. Keep your voice and interaction with her low-key and keep lighting dim when getting her ready for bed as this will help her wind down.

Hi, I have s question about after nap time. My daughter (21months) wakes from her nap (1-2pm usually ) crying and very upset. She normally stays in that mood until bedtime. Help me please

Hi Mary Anne, I have a 14 month old, wakes continuously throughout the night screaming for the breast, nothing will soothe him apart from bf. Sometimes he drinks sometimes it's comfort. He cannot seem to self soothe at all even during the day time nap the slightest noise will wake him and he cannot get back to sleep without being tapped or put back on the breast. He used to only sleep with the breast but trying to wean him, which means he only now sleeps when he is v tired. But when he stirs he cannot put himself back to sleep.

Hello Maryanne!
This post popped up for me and could not have come at a better time!
My son is 8 months next week and wakes around 4/5 times a night crying. Breastfeeding is the only thing that will put him back to asleep. But when he wakes I try not to feed him but he acts like hes hungry so I always give in. We do cosleep, but will be moving him into a new cot in a few week which will be in our room. He eats 3 meals a day and has around 4 breast feeds in the day also. Is he actually hungry at night? For his naps sometimes he falls asleep nursing some times I just leave him and pat him to sleep.
What can I do to get some more sleep at night?

Wow - its nice to know Im not alone on the sleep front! My (now 6 year old) didn't sleep through the night until she was 3, but since then she has been a fantastic sleeper. I would have never believed it until it happened, so persevere mums and dads! You are all superhero's!

She now has a 20m brother who also doesn't sleep (yay - thus the 2am posting). He wakes from about 12.30am until about 2.30am every night and gets very frustrated that he cant get back to sleep. Apart from keeping on lying him back down and shushing him every 5 minutes or so, we've run out of things to try. He's had night lights, no lights, water, nappy changes, tough love, lots of love etc etc. He has a Gro clock, lots of layers (in case he is cold), teddies, soothers. Nothing seems to break this cycle. Any advice you have to save my sanity would be fab. Currently sat on the bathroom floor in my 'night time office' waiting for him to fall asleep zzz

Hi Maryanne

Our 2 year 7 month old is a nightmare; we have no evening (and as we both work and I have a long commute it’s destroying us right now!).

He is in a bed as he kept dangerously climbing out his cot head first. He can also climb stair gates (headfirst).

He won’t stay in bed. We try the pick up and replace without engaging but it doesn’t work. As soon as he is in bed he is out and sprinting to the door. This can go on over 100 times. If we don’t stand outside the door he dives into his sisters room (age 5) and climbs on her bed waking her up.

He is at nursery during the day and doesn’t have a nap.

We start bedtime at 7pm with a story and then do the putting him back in bed until about 10pm which is when he normally relents. This has been going on about three weeks since he went in a bed and the time isn’t decreasing.

He normally stirs about midnight and ends up in bed with us, with one of us sleeping on the floor.

We are on the verge of booking a hotel a few nights a week so at least one of us sleeps. I leave the house 6am for my commute (back home at 7pm) and feel like I never see my husband as one of us is stationed outside his bedroom all night.

Hello,

My baby is nearly 11 months old.
He is eating solids through the day and breastfeeding in the morning and evening and sometimes in the afternoon too.

I lay him in bed awake at 7pm and he manages to get himself down.

But he still wakes up through the night to feed usually around 3-4 times and it seems excessive.
First waking is around 10.30/11pm, then 1.30am, 3.30or 4am and then around 6am after which he can still go back down for another hour or so before he is up for the day.

He has a dummy which he only uses for daytime naps and I've also been using it to try to settle him with at night without having to feed him but that usually only gets me another 30mins before he's up and wanting to BF.
I don't believe that he's hungry as he can go for much longer through the day when he's distracted and he doesn't feed for long when he wants it at night.

What can I do to get him to sleep longer and better?

Hi everyone, I'm Kerry Secker, one of WellVine's experienced baby Sleep Consultants. I have over 20 years experience helping families around the world and love working with babies and toddlers. I'm on here to help answer your baby sleep queries, alongside WellVine's other sleep consultants

@TheRhythmlessMan

Hello Maryanne,

I've been co-sleeping with 4 month old pretty much since birth but am I setting her up for feed-to-sleep associations that will be a nightmare to break? She hates dummy.
What steps would you advise in order to make good transitions going forward? Many thanks.

Hello Kerry here!

Co-sleeping safely is only an issue (at any age!) if it's one for you and feeding to sleep isn't a bad bed habit. I've lots of babies who feed to sleep and sleep very well!

If it's working well for you now there's no need to change anything but IF you want to move forward my 2 top suggestions are:

When feeding at bedtime try to keep it simple and stick to just feeding to sleep. Try not to pat/shush/sing if you can!

As soon as she's finished feeding or is asleep unlatch her from the breast

Sending sleep solidarity!

@SylvesterTheCat

Around 4 months they are having 3-4 naps a day. Some babies at this stage can do one short and two longer naps in the day others are having 4 slightly shorter naps. In total, in a 12 hr day, he needs around 4-5 hrs and between 10-12 hrs at night.

I'm nowhere close to this number of hours for my four-month old. Should in be worried? I just don't know how to discipline sleep! When DC naps it's only for about 20-30 mins and only maybe three times a day. Maybe do you think that's why the nights have become broken?

Hey Kerry here!

Nap guidelines are just a guide! They are all different and some babies will need less than the guidelines and some more.

Short frequents naps pre 6 months are natural because their circadian rhythm hasn't yet fully developed.

My sleep suggestions for you are:

Try bringing your nap times earlier

Take them somewhere calm and quiet to nap

White noise can help them to sette

Sending sleep solidarity!

@StinkySaurus

Hi MarryAnne

I’ve had a bath bedtime routine for my LO for 7 months, always starting between 6.30 and 7 pm. However even though she is clearly tired she doesn’t fall asleep until 9-10pm. Why? Is she over tired? How to I make things better for her (and me so I’m not spending 3 hours in a dark room every evening)? Should I move her bedtime later?

Thank you!

Hi Kerry here!

You could try a slightly later bedtime or make sure that if she naps past 3pm it's kept to 30 minutes max.

Sending sleep solidarity!

@Northernbeachbum

Hi i forgot to ask about self settling,

DS (4 and a half months) cannot self settle, he has white noise, a sleepyhead and used to be swaddled which we stopped as he started hating it. If i try to put him down he screams until i pick him up, he can only fall asleep on the bottle, in the pram, in the car or being rocked. I have no interest in CC or CIO so have been doing pick up put down but he just gets more and more tired so gets increasingly worked up and we've not had it work yet. Any suggestions? Once asleep he sleeps well at night

Hi Kerry here!

Falling asleep independently isn't always the key to getting a good night's sleep. If your baby is sleeping well at night and rocking isn't an issue for you then nothing needs to change!

Sending sleep solidarity!

@Calmingvibrations

What’s the best way to night wean a bottle fed 15 month old. I can handle the 7oz at 7.30pm and the 11pm bottle. It’s the constant snacking every few hours. I’ve started watering down bottle, but baby now snacks and has a few ounces often. Should I keep watering down so ratio water to milk is higher until I’m on water. The idea being it won’t be wanted. Or just go cold turkey. I’m too tired to think...

Hi Kerry here!

Feeding at any age is only an issue if one for you but if you want to stop the bottle buffet overnight here's my 3 top tips:

Make sure they're getting 3 meals a day and a diary snack at 3pm

when they wake up do a bottle buffer and try to settle them for a short amount of time ( you can set this and start as low as 2-3 mins!) before offering the bottle

Gradually reduce the amount of milk in the bottle by an oz every 2-3 nights

If you decide to stop altogether being consistent and giving them lots of reassurance whilst they transition is key.

Sending sleep solidarity!

@Nickyj83

My son is 6mths this wk. He use to sleep all night through, then at 5mths waking once for a feed. Now he wakes up every hour/2 he’s and needs settling with bottle or just a hug, tho as soon as we lay him down he cries. It takes a few attempts each time, first tooth as just appeared. A lot of it seems wind, hv said possibly the excess saliva is causing it. I’m bk at work in three weeks and am now dreading it. Any tips?

Hi Kerry here!

Excess saliva whilst teething can disturb sleep and cause wind whilst they're teething.

My 2 tips are:

Raise the head end of your baby's cot to help the saliva issue

Have a little tummy massage in your bedtime routine. Bicycle legs can really help!

like most things this will pass!

Sending sleep solidarity

@Bojangles33

DS is 4.5 months old. Sleeps ok at night (7-7ish) with no night feeds but does wake and fuss a bit but generally goes back down with dummy or self settles. He goes down on his own after a feed, still awake most of the time unless he's passed out on the bottle. In the day he gets absolutely distraught if he's put down to nap in his crib or cot and it is a real battle. If I put him in his swing he generally goes to sleep fine and sleeps longer - is this ok? I read a lot about people saying they have to nap where they sleep and I'm forming terrible habits and he'll need to be rocked to sleep when he's 5 etc.

Hi Kerry here!

I honestly don't believe in bad habits and if it's not an issue and is working for you, all is well!

Sending sleep solidarity!

@SlB09

Is a sleep regression common at 13m? My son has never slept through but recent weeks have been something else!

Hi Kerry here!

Sleep is not a linear process and can change as your Small changes.

You'll have periods of settled sleep and periods where it's a shiz show. Both are natural and it usually settles with time.

Sending sleep solidarity!

@TheCatFromOuterSpace

Hi, my Ds is nearly three and seems to be dropping his afternoon nap. He isn't tired at his former naptime (1pm) and won't go to sleep then, but by around 4-5pm he is exhausted and we are getting a lot of tantrums. If we have to go somewhere in the car or buggy he will fall asleep then, which means he won't go to sleep at bedtime.

Any advice would be appreciated.

Hi Kerry here!

Dropping their nap can be a tricky transition but hopefully these sleep suggestions will help:

Bring bedtime slightly earlier

Keep the afternoons low key whilst he transitions

Having some quiet play/time: books/puzzles/ chilling in place of a nap can help!

Sending sleep solidarity!

@RockinRobinTweets

How can you encourage a baby to feed more in the daytime? I offer milk usually at 7/10/1/4/6/bedtime and then a dream feed and she still wakes up at night for another feed. She’s 20 weeks old.

Hi Kerry here!

Food FoMo is natural but hopefully these will help:

Taking her somewhere calm and quiet to feed

Stroking her face or using her hand to stroke your face can help keep her feed focused!

Sending sleep solidarity!

@Teachtolive

Hi, my baby is almost a year. She is still waking for a bottle in the night, as she's not the greatest eater during the day. Is there any way to encourage her out of this? Also at a year old, and having been cuddled to sleep is it too late to sleep train her?

Hi Kerry here!

Babies drop their feeds at night when they're ready and it's only an issue if one for you. If you want to try and drop the bottle my 2 top tips are:

Slowly reduce the amount you're offering in the bottle by an oz every 2-3 days

Take time to sit and eat together during the day

Offer a 3pm snack

Cuddling to sleep again is only an issue if one for you but it's never too late to support then to sleep in a different way.

Sending sleep solidarity!

@Essexmum31

Hi, my baby is 6 months, a pretty good sleeping and until first teeth started cutting at the weekend has generally slept through the night 7-7 from about 12 weeks old. However recently he has started to wake at 5/5:30am, and can take over an hour to get back to sleep, which then puts him all out for the rest of the day due to having an awake period in the early hours. I know the reason is that he is going to bed overtired due to his daytime napping schedule. He tends to have his longest nap in the morning, around 1.5-2 hours, then two shorter naps of 30-40 mins in the afternoon. This means by about 5:30/6pm he is extremely tired, but also not ready to go to sleep for the night because he often doesn’t wake from the third nap until 5pm. How do I get him to swap his long nap to the after lunch one? He self settles, can obviously link sleep cycles...but even on the odd occasions he only sleep 30mins-1 hour on the morning nap (if he gets woken for example) he still doesn’t sleep for any longer after lunch!! Help!! Is it a case of waking him from the morning nap and just persevering until his sleep schedule naturally changes? I’ve tried getting him back to sleep when he wakes after 40 mins from the second nap, but he is just wide awake and it’s impossible.

Hi Kerry here!

I would suggest waking him gently after 30-40 minutes from his first nap. Fingers crossed this encourages him to take a longer lunch time nap :)

Sending sleep solidarity!

@TawnyTeal

Hi Maryanne, I have been diagnosed with a circadian rhythm sleep disorder, and routinely only sleep (or sleep deeply) between about 2 - 6am, with this being the pattern whilst pregnant with my son.

He is now nearly 2.5, and we have overcome all the terrible early days of colic, reflux, only napping for 20 minutes each morning and afternoon, etc. He is in a cot in his own room, and he goes down at around 8pm most nights, maybe waking/crying after 20 minutes but falling sound asleep after I put his dummy back in or rub his back. He then sleeps until 8:30am. He refuses all day naps.

Since he was about 18 months, he has had about 3-4 nights a fortnight where he will wake at around 2:30am, and be wide awake until 6am. He will now lie in his cot, and I lie on the bed in the room (in the dark) in silence for those hours, except for when he asks a question to check to see if I’m still there/awake. He tosses and turns, moves around the cot, until he suddenly sighs, flops over and goes back to sleep around 6am!

Have I passed on my sleep problems to him? I am just so exhausted as I don’t get to sleep before he wakes up, and for the last month, he has swapped his pattern so he is waking most nights, and only sleeping through 1 or 2 nights a fortnight.

I have no idea what to do, I don’t want him to have all the problems I have with sleep/lack of - but I’m not sure what to do. Could you give any advice, please? Thank you!

Hi Kerry here!

This sounds so tough and tiring for you all. My initial thought is have you raised your questions with your Dr? I really do think this would be the first sleep step so they assess him properly and rule out anything medical.

Sending you so much sleep solidarity!

@2littleboymonkeys

Any tips with routine for baby no 2 (4 months) my first (2 1/2) was bottle fed and I never taught to self settle, now have to sit with him and hold his hand to sleep for 30 mins every night. Keen to get into good habits with no 2 who now seems to bf to sleep and wakes a lot in the night, he struggles napping in the day as we have ds2 following us around being noisy. I'm so tired I have stopped driving the car and I'm worried about falling asleep while feeding at night.

Tips please help

Hi Kerry here!

Napping with 2 can be a logistical mindfield!

My suggestion is to focus on the naps that will likely help the nights.

My tips are:

Use white noise whilst your baby naps

If napping in the buggy try a snooze shade

A sling can save sleep!

Sending sleep solidarity!

@nicolemac25

My lg is 6 weeks and will not sleep on her back in the snoozpod/Moses basket/pram. I'm well aware of the 4th trimester and babies needing to be held but I feel that there is more to it than this. The max she sleeps on her back is 30 min, and wind tends to be the reason she wakes up. She grunts alot and almost sounds like she is choking on her own breath. When I put her down, despite her being in a deep sleep, she'll immediately kick and and wave her arms and legs about. Sometimes swaddling works, other times it just makes her more frustrated. We've tried raising the cot at one end, I purchased a sleepy head and babymoov all with no effect whatsoever. Personal preference but I don't want to bed share. I'm currently sitting in rocking chair while baby intently sleeps on my chest. During the day in happily letting her sleep in a sling but need a solution for bedtime that allows us both to rest. Any suggestions please? Thank you

Hi Kerry here!

It's quite natural that some babies find it difficult being on their backs. I can highly recommend looking into some cranial therapy especially if there was any forceps/ventouse used during your birth.

Sending sleep solidarity!