I'm a WellVine baby sleep consultant - ask me anything!

[KateMumsnet]

Hello everyone

We thought we'd try something new this week, as part of our mission to make parents lives easier. With our remarkable powers of observation , we've noticed that lots of new parents struggle with getting their baby to sleep at one time or another. Even those who 'got away with' an easy-peasy newborn can find themselves staring, eyes drooping, at a sleepless little one, whether it's at four months, or six, or twelve; just when you think you've got this sleep thing nailed, something comes along which takes you right back to square one, and exhaustion.

So we've invited the folks at WellVine over for a baby sleep AMA. The WellVine app gets you personalised sleep advice from your own baby sleep consultant, who gets to know your baby's needs and helps you work through a personal sleep plan, all over video call. Genius, really - no ‘cry it out’, just gentle and supportive sleep advice from an expert, when and where you need it.

WellVine's sleep consultants will be hopping on and off the thread around their other duties over the next few days, so leave your questions about your baby's sleep needs here on the thread and they'll come back to you with their advice. Personal sleep plans are a bit beyond the scope of an AMA, but they'll do their best with all your other questions, so ask them anything (sleep-related)!

If you think you'd benefit from some one-to-one sessions or want to find out more, have a look at WellVine. We'll get a very small commission if you sign up, which will help to keep the lights on at MNHQ - but there's absolutely no pressure and the AMA is open to anyone who has a desperate sleep question (usual webchat rules apply).

So many posters whose babies are COMPLETELY NORMAL posting here!

If your baby is under a year old: cuddle them, fall asleep feeding, have them in your bed! It is NORMAL for them to scream if separated from you!

The Dr Jay Gordon method is good for those over a year old.

@DailyFailAreTwats

Hi Maryann - I'm a new mum with a 3 week old daughter. She sleeps well during the day but not at night. I think she may have reflux as she hates lying flat. We have tilted the cot etc but she isn't happy and I'm not getting any sleep! Any tips?

Hi there,

First of all, congratulations on the birth of your baby! I'm pleased to hear she's sleeping well during the day and I hope you can manage to get some rest while she does.

In terms of the possible reflux, it is certainly worth getting this checked with the GP, and if necessary, a Paediatric Gastroenterologist, if you suspect discomfort is causing her to be unsettled at night. Medication for this can help alleviate the symptoms, and hopefully, will help to improve her sleep at night.

In the meantime, try to avoid feeding her just before lying her down as will exacerbate the symptoms so switch her feeds during the day to after naps, and give her milk further away from bedtime so you can keep her more upright afterwards, so the milk has time to digest before you lie her down.

I hope this helps.

Maryanne

Hello Maryanne,

I've been co-sleeping with 4 month old pretty much since birth but am I setting her up for feed-to-sleep associations that will be a nightmare to break? She hates dummy.
What steps would you advise in order to make good transitions going forward? Many thanks.

Hi,
My 4 month old will only sleep on her side and wakes every time she rolls onto her back almost as if she is in discomfort. She is usually fed to sleep. How can I help her?

Hi, my baby is almost a year. She is still waking for a bottle in the night, as she's not the greatest eater during the day. Is there any way to encourage her out of this? Also at a year old, and having been cuddled to sleep is it too late to sleep train her?

How can you encourage a baby to feed more in the daytime? I offer milk usually at 7/10/1/4/6/bedtime and then a dream feed and she still wakes up at night for another feed. She’s 20 weeks old.

Hi all - WellVine have been in touch to ask us to remove a post of theirs from yesterday - they'd had a bit of a brainfry moment and mentioned sleep positioners. They've asked us to clarify that these are not recommended in current safer sleeping guidelines, and they've re-posted that answer now.

Hi, my Ds is nearly three and seems to be dropping his afternoon nap. He isn't tired at his former naptime (1pm) and won't go to sleep then, but by around 4-5pm he is exhausted and we are getting a lot of tantrums. If we have to go somewhere in the car or buggy he will fall asleep then, which means he won't go to sleep at bedtime.

Any advice would be appreciated.

@Imisscheese

Hi, I have a 1 year old who is an awful sleeper. She has always been fed to sleep and will only go to sleep by being fed or walked in a pushchair.

We co-sleep and I'd love to get her into a cot but if she realises she being put into one (with her uncanny altitude sensor) then she screams the place down. If she wakes up, again, she needs to be fed back to sleep so it's always me resettling her. It's driving me crazy and I'm massively sleep deprived.

The two questions really are about how to break reliance on breastfeeding to sleep and how to get her to sleep in a cot. Any advice would be very gratefully received.

In answer to your first question re her reliance on breastfeeding to sleep, you have a few options - either you reduce the length of the feed each time or decide you will do 1 feed in the night and use reassurance techniques without feeding for all other wake ups, or go cold turkey on the feeds and use the reassurance techniques for all wake ups. If she doesn't have one already, I suggest introducing her to a comforter with your smell which she will have with her in the cot.

In terms of encouraging her to sleep in her cot, factor in regular play time for her in her cot during the day. After a nap and food, so she is not tired or hungry, put her in her cot, making it obvious it is not night time so curtains open and light on. Put some books and toys (and comforter) in the cot for her to play with. This helps to build a more positive association for her with her cot for her nighttime sleep. Also try to do a nap or 2 during the day in the cot so she gets used to sleeping in it.

I hope this helps.

Maryanne

Is a sleep regression common at 13m? My son has never slept through but recent weeks have been something else!

@SputnikBear

Hi! Please can you suggest why my 8mo has never slept through the night? And why will he sleep in my bed or in my lap but pings awake and cries if I put him in his own cot? Should I stop breastfeeding him when he wakes during the night and will it stop him waking up if there’s no food available?

Hi there,

There are a number of reasons as to why your baby may be waking in the night. Daytime schedule can impact significantly on the night sleep so try to shape his naps into a schedule of 2 naps - morning around 9am and lunchtime nap around 12.30pm (after solids). Aim for a bedtime around 7pm.

It sounds like he may also have an association with the milk for sleep which may be another reason he is waking fully, in order to be put back to sleep with the milk. If you want to encourage him to settle back to sleep without the reliance on the milk, you can either go gradually by reducing the length of the feed each time, or keep one of the feeds and use reassurance techniques for all the others, or go cold turkey and stop feeds and use reassurance techniques for all wake ups.

I hope this helps.

Maryanne

DS is 4.5 months old. Sleeps ok at night (7-7ish) with no night feeds but does wake and fuss a bit but generally goes back down with dummy or self settles. He goes down on his own after a feed, still awake most of the time unless he's passed out on the bottle. In the day he gets absolutely distraught if he's put down to nap in his crib or cot and it is a real battle. If I put him in his swing he generally goes to sleep fine and sleeps longer - is this ok? I read a lot about people saying they have to nap where they sleep and I'm forming terrible habits and he'll need to be rocked to sleep when he's 5 etc.

My son is 6mths this wk. He use to sleep all night through, then at 5mths waking once for a feed. Now he wakes up every hour/2 he’s and needs settling with bottle or just a hug, tho as soon as we lay him down he cries. It takes a few attempts each time, first tooth as just appeared. A lot of it seems wind, hv said possibly the excess saliva is causing it.
I’m bk at work in three weeks and am now dreading it. Any tips?

What’s the best way to night wean a bottle fed 15 month old. I can handle the 7oz at 7.30pm and the 11pm bottle. It’s the constant snacking every few hours. I’ve started watering down bottle, but baby now snacks and has a few ounces often. Should I keep watering down so ratio water to milk is higher until I’m on water. The idea being it won’t be wanted. Or just go cold turkey. I’m too tired to think...

@dosie

Hi Mary Ann, I have a 15 month old boy, he wakes several times a night, and he cries. We have a bed time routine he sleeps in a gro bag and he can settle himself to go to sleep but wakes during the night, he has never really slept through, is there something we can do to try help him please Thanks for any hints

Hi there,

First of all, make sure his daytime naps are fitting in with the rhythms of his body clock. At this age, he may still be having 2 naps a day - morning around 9am and lunchtime nap around 12.30pm or he may have dropped down to 1 nap, which is a longer lunchtime nap. Aim for bedtime around 7pm as too late of a bedtime can contribute to wake ups during the night.

Also consider how you are handling these wake ups during the night. If you need to do something for him to get him back to sleep, such as milk, or patting/rocking, or bringing him into your bed then this may be a factor in why he keeps waking.

Consistency is really important so if you are trying to reduce an association he may have with sleep, use reassurance techniques and stick with it consistently to avoid confusing or frustrating him.

Hope this helps.

Maryanne

Hi Maryanne,

Is there a best time age wise to get rid of a dummy? My baby is 7 months and dependent on it for sleep. I’m aware that once we reach toddlerhood it might be more difficult to get rid of! Do you have any tips / advice?

Thanks so much!!

@Yarnswift

First baby woke hourly for 18m and I’m keen to notvhave the second go the same route. We tried sleep consultation before but found always variations on the same advice which we’d either tried or found to be actively worsening the issue (any kind of transient leaving method like PUPD or gradual retreat or CC.)

What would you suggest as a way of getting a new baby into better patterns? We are already doing light days dark nights etc but baby was awake, literally, all night. I’m told it’s impossible for a newborn to be awake more than 90 mins... he’s 8 weeks old

First of all congratulations on your new baby! I understand your concern about the baby's sleep, having had issues with your older child.

The baby is still very little and his sleep patterns are not yet established. The main thing to pay attention to in terms of sleep at this early stage is to try to avoid him getting overtired during the day. He may only manage 40-50 minutes of awake time before you see sleepy cues (eg: yawning, crying, eye rubbing, ear pulling). Try to get him down for a nap as soon as possible. If you can catch his sleep windows throughout the day, this can help set him up for a longer stretch at night. So contrary to what we would assume, the better a baby sleeps during the day, the more set up they will be for their night sleep.

Also setting up some cues for sleep for him can help, even at this early stage. At bedtime, do a short bedtime routine, in the room he will sleep in for the night, with the lights dimmed and keep your voice and interaction with him low-key during this time to give him cues in the lead up to bedtime.

I hope this helps.

Maryanne

I forgot to say in my original post that my middle child aged 3.5 not only scream sthe place down at bedtime but regularly wakes at night and screams the place down then too.

I have a 7 month old baby girl who is a happy baby besides when it comes to nap time or bedtime. She has been a catnapper and her day naps are half hour and at Max 1hr.She just hates sleeping, the moment she knows that it's sleep time she cries like crazy. It all went in phases, first I used to rock her to sleep, in baby carrier, now she only sleeps while nursing. It's becoming increasingly difficult to feed her everytime she needs a sleep. Yesterday I was exhausted as I nursed her almost an hour till she was sleepy and then patted her but she woke up and then again I had to end up nursing her for almost half hour and yet she didn't go down and was crying like crazy... All this effort and she only went to sleep after 3 hours! I exclusively breastfeed her as she has not taken the formula when I tried. On days like this, I wonder why I am breastfeeding...
I know it's common for bf babies to wake up often which I am ok with, but if I could only get her to sleep without crying or at least self soothe herself.
I have tried sticking to routine, by giving bath,reading bedtime stories and singing her favorite rhymes, but none seem to work...

Any answers any time?

@Reccy2018

My 4 month old baby sleeps through the night but her day time naps are all over the place. Does this actually matter, and should I just be happy she sleeps through at nighttime?

Hi there,

It sounds like your baby is doing great and sleeping through the night at this age is amazing!

In terms of naps, it is still early days and it is very common for babies at this age to sleep for one sleep cycle for each nap. The main thing to remember is to avoid her getting overtired during the day so if she is
It is only from around the 5-6 month mark that the sleep patterns start to consolidate and at this stage, if she hasn't fallen into the framework of naps herself, you can help by shaping the naps into 3 - morning, lunchtime and late afternoon.

But well done on having a baby who is sleeping through the night already!

Maryanne

Hi Maryanne,

My DD is 7 weeks old and will not be put down to sleep. She will sleep on my chest lying on her front or being cradled after BF. Even when I wait until she's in a floppy deep sleep, she wakes up within a few minutes of being put down. I've tried swaddling but she struggles against it and seems to prefer her arms to be free. In the day I try to put her down in a Moses basket or Mamaroo and at night I try to put her in a Next to Me crib- all without much success.

She seems to be constantly in my arms at the minute- I even eat one-handed whilst feeding/holding her 🙈.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated 😊

My 15mo wakes frequently for breastfeeds during the night. We don't have great bedtime habits, but he naps well (we are between 1 and 2 naps a day) and a bedtime of 7-8pm. It's just about manageable and I'm not quite ready for any sleep training yet.

My question is whether a baby who can't self soothe between sleep cycles is getting "worse sleep" than a baby who can? I realise how important good sleep is in kids and was told of how it can have an impact academically down the line. I was wondering if I am doing wrong by my baby by not encouraging him to self soothe at this stage, or (as long as mum and dad are coping) it doesn't make any difference?

@NationalShiteDay

Hi Maryanne

My baby is 20 weeks old and EBF. He feeds at least every 2 hours day and night. The nights are horrific. He wakes sometimes every 60/90 minutes for a feed. I feel like I can't do this any longer.

We've tried giving him a bottle of expressed milk but he won't take it, screams. Tried the sleep ladder, worked for one week but now back to same old. Baby takes a dummy but not consistently.

I feel like I'm going insane through sleep deprivation. I can't take it anymore and just want to cry all the time.

My HV is sympathetic but hasn't any ideas about what we can do to fix it.

Any ideas?

Hi there,

This sounds exhausting and I do sympathise. Sleep deprivation can be really tough.

It may help to check with the HV, Lactation Consultant or breastfeeding counsellor that the baby is feeding effectively for all the feeds during the day.

In terms of daytime schedule, try to avoid him getting overtired which can contribute to more wakings during the night. At this stage, you can start to try to shift his naps into a framework of 3 naps a day - morning around 9am, lunchtime around 12.30 and afternoon around 4. This may help to regulate his body clock, getting him more settled for the night sleep.

Also try to establish cues for sleep at bedtime by doing a consistent and soothing bedtime routine. If you can, try to avoid feeding him at bedtime until he is fully asleep. Read him a short bedtime book after the feed, before putting him down into cot is a good way of separating the feed and sleep.

Do try to call in help from family and friends so you can get some much needed catch up rest during the day. And take yourself off for a rest as soon as the baby falls asleep during the day. Grab at rest opportunities wherever you can.

I hope this helps.

Maryanne

I

My baby's naps can vary a lot.

If he has a day at home, he will fairly consistently wake at 7am, nap 10-11 and 3-4, bedtime at 8pm.

If he is at nursery he will have a long nap after lunch (he won't sleep any earlier). But when he comes home he is exhausted and wants to feed to sleep - if I let him, he'll sleep from 5-6pm and it messes up his bedtime, we can't get him to bed until 9-10pm, and he'll wake up the next day 7-8am. If we try to keep him up to 6/7pm, he will become very hyper and upset, and it is difficult to manage him.

My question is how best to manage naps on nursery days? I'm worried the consistent short nights three days a week will not be good for him.