I'm a WellVine baby sleep consultant - ask me anything!

[KateMumsnet]

Hello everyone

We thought we'd try something new this week, as part of our mission to make parents lives easier. With our remarkable powers of observation , we've noticed that lots of new parents struggle with getting their baby to sleep at one time or another. Even those who 'got away with' an easy-peasy newborn can find themselves staring, eyes drooping, at a sleepless little one, whether it's at four months, or six, or twelve; just when you think you've got this sleep thing nailed, something comes along which takes you right back to square one, and exhaustion.

So we've invited the folks at WellVine over for a baby sleep AMA. The WellVine app gets you personalised sleep advice from your own baby sleep consultant, who gets to know your baby's needs and helps you work through a personal sleep plan, all over video call. Genius, really - no ‘cry it out’, just gentle and supportive sleep advice from an expert, when and where you need it.

WellVine's sleep consultants will be hopping on and off the thread around their other duties over the next few days, so leave your questions about your baby's sleep needs here on the thread and they'll come back to you with their advice. Personal sleep plans are a bit beyond the scope of an AMA, but they'll do their best with all your other questions, so ask them anything (sleep-related)!

If you think you'd benefit from some one-to-one sessions or want to find out more, have a look at WellVine. We'll get a very small commission if you sign up, which will help to keep the lights on at MNHQ - but there's absolutely no pressure and the AMA is open to anyone who has a desperate sleep question (usual webchat rules apply).

Thank you @maryanne that’s really helpful 😀

My son is almost 4 and won’t stay in his bed. I have to sit with him very night to get him to sleep. He’ll then come into my bed every night , the time varies. Dc3 due next year and we need to have him sleeping, going to sleep alone and sleeping in his own bed. We have no idea what to do with him

Hi Maryanne, my 11 month old has never slept through the night. He won’t settle on his own in the cot, only in my arms. I then put him down asleep. He wakes hourly, sometimes due to wind other times because the dummy has fallen out. Other time who knows? I get him back to sleep either by popping the dummy back in or picking him up and breastfeeding him. I don’t want to leave him to cry but I’m shattered. He has a morning and afternoon nap lasting about 1.5 but each. Last one finishes around 2.30pm. We have a good bedtime routine from birth. Any ideas?

Exact same scenario for me and my 6mth old

My son turned 3 in July and he doesn’t sleep through, he goes to bed fine, sleeps a few hours then wakes and shouts us about 5 times a night. Tried snacks, drinks, loo all sorts were exhausted. He’s always been a rubbish sleeper but what else can we do?

My 13 month old will sleep through the night maybe half the time. She sucks her thumb, which seems to help her settle herself at night but not 100% reliably. She also refuses to go into the cot awake and lay down to be soothed with back rubs etc. We have to hold her until almost asleep before she will go in the cot. Many times when she realises she's being put down, she will spring up and start screaming/crying and we have to pick her up to soothe her until she's so sleepy she stays down.

How can we gently teach her that in the cot she should lie down, suck her thumb and drift off?

Children sleep through when they're ready to. DS1 was 5 YEARS old, DS2 is 29 months and hasn't yet.

Those of you with tiny babies, just cuddle them to sleep already! They need to be close to you day and night. They can't self settle.

Hi Maryanne,
My baby boy is nearly 9 months old now. We moved him to his bedroom some time ago and after the initial getting used to the new situation, he seemed to have settled down. He was going to bed about eight o’clock and then waking up about 3 or 4 am for a feed (breastfeeding), after which he would go back to his bed. Then he would wake up about six and I would take him to our bed. Recently I had some problems with my joints, so took him to bed with me as soon as he woke up the first time- as it was easier for me. That somehow made him wake up more and he was constantly breastfeeding through the night. I am feeling better now, so tried to put him back in his bed. He is not being able to settle back in his bed, wakes up a lot- last few nights he was fully awake and it took ages to get him back to sleep. Not sure how to get him back to his old routine or –preferably- get him to sleep through the night. Also-he always falls asleep while feeding.

I would be grateful for any advice.

Dear Maryanne,

We did gradual retreat sleep training with my daughter when she was six months and since then she's slept through, getting herself to sleep by sucking her fingers.

She's now 21 months and unfortunately she had an injury to her finger a month ago. She needed surgery and had a dressing on her finger for several weeks which meant that she couldn't suck. She was also very traumatised after surgery - at least in part I think since I wasn't allowed to be there when she woke from the anaesthetic.

Since then, her sleep has really deteriorated. It generally takes 30 mins in her cot for her to go to sleep, usually with someone sat beside her and touching her. She then will wake crying after a few hours. Often she will settle quickly when someone arrives, but unless someone then sleeps by her cot, she will continue to wake every hour or two. She just seems really scared to go to sleep, and to be on her own.

She now refuses to nap in her cot. Funnily enough she naps well at nursery when she didn't previously, I think because there are lots of people around.

I would really appreciate any advice, especially as I am overdue to give birth again!

I've not got a baby question, but a child question!

My 5 year old (nearly 6!) daughter will not go to bed, she runs up and down the stairs, plays with her toys, hides behind curtains etc for a good 90 minutes EVERY NIGHT. And she will not stay in her own bed all night - one of us has to join her 😩 how can I get her to stay in her bed and go to sleep quickly? I'm too tired to cope anymore! X

Hi Maryanne. I have a 12 mo son who has always been a terrible sleeper. Hes exclusively breast fed but has suffered with silent reflux from birth. As a result I have never felt comfortable leaving him to cry it out for risk he will vomit and choke. He is only fed twice a day now which is before bed and in the morning. He is still treated for reflux which is unusual for 1 year plus (hosp appointment next month). I've managed to cut out the night feeds with a cuddle. He also falls asleep initially at night in my arms. Any attempts of self settling went out of the window with a bad bout of teething at 9mo. Any way, he now will sleep from 7.30pm til around 2.30am which is great except he then wakes every hour until I usually cave and bring him into my bed where he had his morning feed then wakes for the day at 7.30am ish. How can I stop this hourly waking?

FyI n the day he will nap approx 2.5 hours after waking for 1- 2 hours then 3 hours ish later the same (length depending on morning nap) all with a cuddle. I dont let him nap past 4pm

I would appreciate any advice.

Thanks

Hi Maryanne

Roughly what bedtime would you advise for a 9 month old? Is it true that early waking can sometimes be caused by the baby going to bed too late?!

Hi Maryanne I would be very grateful if you advise on establishing daytime naps please. My 16 week old ds will not nap at all, if I place him in cot awake he cries and if I try to lower him he awakens as soon as he realises. I have a blackout curtain and have also been trying white noise. Thank you

Hello

My four month old wakes at night, usually only to feed now (we seem to have got through the hourly wakes from 16 weeks, I’ve been putting her down drowsy, getting her to nap in crib etc).

However when she wakes at night she is sometimes up for an hour or two after feeding. She is happy, but wide awake!

In the day she usually naps for an hour 2 hours after waking, and a longer lunchtime nap of 1-2 hours with a shorter afternoon cat nap and a bedtime of 6:30-7.

Is there anything I can do to stop her being wide awake at night?

Hi Maryanne, my 8month old starts getti tired at 6.30 (rubbing eyes,crankiness ) so we shave a bath, pjs and story done by 7, then we have the last feed. And then she perks up and won’t stop blowing raspberries, screaming in excitement. And then it take son and off feeding for 3-4 hours until she finally goes to sleep ( adthen wakes up every 1-2hours :(). Why? What can I do to stop this? I am getting to the end of my tether. She has done this since two months old.

Hi Maryanne, my 13 month old recently started nursery and may also be teething. On the weekends she wakes at 5.30am each day but doesn't do this on any other day. She settles once I cuddle her and put a hand on her and is otherwise a great sleeper. Is there any obvious reason she is waking like this? We have put it down to overtiredness from nursery or teething but neither really fits with the fact that it's only at the weekends and she goes back to sleep really quickly.

Thank you for any advice.

Also, are some babies naturally better sleepers or is it learned behaviour?

@MrsPatrickDempsey

Do you think sleep is a learnt behaviour?

Great question! According to findings published in the Archives of Pediatric and Adolescent Medicine, sleep patterns evolve rapidly and consolidate around 17 months of age. Parental input at bedtime and responses to nighttime wake ups have a significant impact on a child's sleep patterns.

Following this research study, it was concluded that sleep is in fact a learned behaviour, like talking. So infants can be taught to sleep, which in many cases, is the key to solving many common sleep problems.

Obviously, every family have different views and parenting preferences and there is no one solution for everyone and we recognise that what works for one family in terms of their child's sleep may not work for another.

I hope this answers your question.

Maryanne

How do I go about getting help from you guys?? I posted upthread but think I could do with some actual support

Hi Maryanne,

My 7 month old will wake once or twice after being put down for the night, at approx 1am and 5am (he's put down at around 6.30 and when he wakes at 7am I get up for the day).

I breastfeed him back to sleep but I was wondering if it would be better if I just shushed him to sleep or rocked him back to break the eat/sleep cycle and hopefully get him sleeping through the night like he did before the 4 month sleep regression.

@PoliticalBiscuit

I have a friend who's really struggling with transition to a 'big girl bed' , do you have any advice for her?

Great idea for an AMA, thanks MNHQ.

Encourage your friend to have some play time during the day with her daughter on her bed with some of her favourite toys and books. Make it fun for her, calling it a bed party, and invite some teddies. This can help her acclimatise to her new sleeping environment.

Depending on how old she is, bring her to choose her own 'big girl' sheets for her new bed to make her feel involved in the new arrangement.

If she is still feeling unsure, she may need to give her some extra reassurance at bedtime if this is when the problems arise. Sitting outside her room for a few nights when she falls asleep may just help her settle more calmly.

I hope this helps her.

Maryanne

@Stellarbella

Hi Maryanne, I have a 5 week old who will only sleep on my chest, night and day. I’m exhausted! If I put him to sleep on his back he just cries and vomits or gets hiccups which disturb him. Have tried elevating the crib to no avail. What else can I do?!

Hi there,
Congratulations on your new baby! The first few weeks can be exhausting and sleep can feel like a real luxury. If he appears to be in discomfort when being laid down after a feed, try switching all feeds during the day to when he is up from a nap. This way you can keep him upright for longer after feeding which will give the milk more time to digest. At bedtime, try to leave a gap of time after feeding, before putting him down, for the same reason. If you can hold him upright until he burps that this may also help if he is uncomfortable from the wind.

Also, try to pull in family and friends to help whenever possible, to allow you some time to rest during the day. And accept all offers of help!

I hope this helps.

Maryanne

@Autumn101

What advice do you have to improve sleep habits in older children? My 8 year old wakes every night and struggles to get back to sleep (even in our bed) - he had terribly disturbed sleep for his first 3 years due to health issues and feeding tubes and we can’t seem to break the habit of frequent waking!

Hi there,

It sounds like you, and your child, had a really rough start which has impacted on his sleep. He is, understandably, seeking reassurance from you. What sometimes happens is that as a child gets older, what once worked as a reassurance becomes more of a stimulating presence, which then affects a child's ability to sleep soundly.

Try to use a gradual process, involving sitting next to his bed at bedtime and for wake ups during the night, and use verbal (calm, quiet reassurance words) and keep a hand on him initially to help him settle to sleep. As he starts to become more confident, you can gradually give less input and move your sitting position to outside the door of his room over a series of nights.

I hope this helps.

Maryanne

My 4 and a half month old struggles to nap when theres people around or things to see unless in the buggy or car. Hes ok if we're at home though, do we just accept he's a nosey one or can we help him?

Also he cries in his sleep sometimes, i think it could be teething pain but again should we worry?

How do you make a baby who will only sleep in your bed, go in his own cot without screaming? And how do you make him sleep through instead of waking every couple of hours? I am literally on my knees with exhaustion.