Feel like I’ve failed as a mum

[HidingUnderTheSofa]

First time mum to a four month old baby, exclusively breastfed. Night time sleep was gradually getting better week by week until 11 weeks when he did a five hour stretch at the beginning of the night.

It was like a switch was flicked- he went from two wake ups/feeds on a good night to anything from four to eight. Longest stretch of the night is generally two to three hours and wake ups are anything from one to two hours for the rest of the night. Night feeds are generally ten to twenty minutes long.

Naps are also a disaster. He wakes up between 25 and 45 minutes after falling asleep. Will generally fall asleep without too much fuss in the pram but naps in the crib involve much more settling.

After six weeks of very broken sleep (and four months in total of poor sleep) I am exhausted and I feel like an utter failure as a parent. I am crying a lot out of both exhaustion and feelings of worthlessness because I feel I am failing so badly. I am surrounded by mum friends whose babies are sleeping much better than my son. I

I am feeling especially awful because my in laws are staying at the moment and of course all of their other grandchildren are/were champion sleepers as babies.

I have read so many sleep books and have tried to extend daytime naps with the hope of improving night time sleep- I can’t get him to settle back to sleep after the 45 minute wake up however hard I try but he’s clearly still tired when he wakes up.

I’ve had a bedtime routine since he was six weeks old and put him down to sleep when he’s sleepy but still awake...but it makes no difference. Last night he still woke up after two hours and four or five times after that.

I’m finding it increasingly hard to settle him down to sleep for naps or at night which is really upsetting too.

I am so, so sad. I feel like I’m failing my son.

I’m glad that the sleeping situation has improved a little. I think you need to weigh what’s best for you all when it comes to sleep. We’re managing the sleep ok here (it’s no worse) the tricky bit has been dealing with the onslaught of nursery illnesses!

Yes crawling helped DD with her frustration, it just means that I literally cannot leave her alone for 30 seconds in case she ends up in bother. I’ve just stopped her climbing into the dishwasher! So less whinging but more running round after a little person!

She’s starting to settle at nursery, she’s playing more but eating/sleeping is a bit hit and miss. But we’re getting there!

I’m glad you seem more positive from your recent posts. I think once the 6 month mark passes it feels easier even if it’s not if you know what I mean.

Hello,

It’s me again. DS nearly 9 months old now and I’m still struggling things were improving- we dropped from 3 feeds down to 2, and then had the odd amazing night with just one wake up and feed.

But things are now all over the place. Random screaming 2 hours after being put to bed sometimes, leaking nappies in the middle of the night even though I’m using Pampers pants to try to avoid this problem, waking up less than 3 hours after last feed in the middle of the night, biting during feeds or the latch is just uncomfortable due to teeth....

I’m rarely getting a 3 hour stint of unbroken sleep and I’m tired. I feel like I’ve been left behind in the baby sleep race. Even the mums I know of once terrible sleepers are now doing much better or sleeping through the night. I cry every single day and yes I’m miserable and depressed, because I’m tired. Exhausted. DS is quite often grizzly during the day so I constantly feel like I’m getting this very, very wrong.

I cry all the time (in private). I don’t know what to do for the best. I am on a couple of ‘gentle’ parenting Facebook groups but they are full of mums whose 1+ year olds are waking many, many times a night. I don’t want to be feeding mum DS multiple times a night (not nice for his stomach surely?) in the name of being a gentle, responsive parent. At the other end of the spectrum I’ve been lured in by mums I know whose babies were very bad sleepers who have done ‘cry it out’ and the babies now sleep through. I keep feeling desperate and thinking I’m going to do it because the thought of a full nights sleep being within touching distance is so seductive...but it doesn’t feel right for me/DS.

I worry all the time about disturbing our neighbours at night. We are in a semi and the adjoining neighbours have kids under 5 years old. I hear their kids during the day sometimes in the living room as they are adjoining, including crying, but don’t recall being disturbed by them at night. I have DS in the bedroom furthest away from the neighbours so there is his bedroom, then me in the bedroom next door, then the adjoining wall. But when DS cries it is SO loud in the bedroom next door, I’m sure that they must be able to then hear through the adjoining wall. I feel so upset about it but don’t know how I can stop disturbing them. DS even roars even louder when I go into his room so those brief seconds when I have his bedroom door open must be disturbing them.

I’m rambling, I know. I’m just so sad and feel so alone. Even if I seek out the company of fellow sleep deprived mums eventually they end up with a baby that sleeps and that feels crushing.

I don’t even know what can be done. I always hear that the key to sleep training is teaching a baby to ‘self settle’ (how I hate that phrase). DS goes in his cot awake for naps and at bedtimes as it is (admittedly is drowsy from bedtime feed but sometimes will roll around for five or ten minutes before falling asleep). What could I do differently?

DS has just woken up 30 mins into his nap, unhappy. Of course

Hi, you're not failing AT ALL.

I'm quite poorly at the mo so trying to rest but didn't want to read and run.

Are you on any antidepressants? Sertraline helped my ability to go back to sleep very quickly so that I felt like I had a full nights sleep and also to stop worrying/ crying/ feeling a fucking failure.

Interestingly with my 7 mo old (no. 2) who is waking hourly I'm mostly getting a ton of sleep simply because I go back to sleep. I actually think this is a big part of what your dealing with. Your ds actually sounds like he's doing well.

Ds1 screamed due to separation anxiety. If I coslept we both went back to sleep quickly.

Also; teeth. Ibuprofen is better for teeth.

Leaking nappies - leave the gusset of baby grows open so nappy expands through gap. Double check willy pointing down.

I commented on your thread a couple of times previously under a different name, and I am so sorry to hear things haven't improved. I have been where you are, and I remember well how hard it is. Everything you say about how you feel is so familiar.

I think you have two separate issues (as did I). Firstly, obviously your DS's sleeping sounds really tough, but secondly how it makes you feel. The first is going to take longer to fix, but the second you can take steps to resolve sooner. I got to a point where my mental health improved so it was so much easier to deal with the sleep issues (which were as bad as ever initially). Have you been to speak to a GP about how depressed you feel? I know you may feel like they can't do much but even having someone who cares making you regular appointments to check in with you really helps. I was also put on ADs which absolutely changed how I felt relatively quickly. There are BF safe ones. I didn't go to the GP until my DD was about the age of your DS and I felt so ashamed at first, but I think it might have been the best choice I have ever made. I phoned up and asked to book an appointment with the GP with the most experience of mental health issues - the receptionist who I cried at down the phone was so kind, and booked me an appointment with the most lovely GP who couldn't have cared more.

I remember you said your husband isn't around much, but is he helpful when he is? Does he understand how you feel? I didn't let on with my DH for ages how bad I felt again because I was so ashamed, but when I finally broke down to him he immediately started looking for little things he could do to take the pressure off me. If your DH/DP cares about you, he really should be stepping up now, and doing everything in his power to help you.

In relation to the sleeping issues, do you get a sense of whether it is a separation anxiety or just struggling to fall asleep himself leading to him getting more and more worked up out of tiredness and frustration? With my DD I was pretty sure it was the latter, as she was often screaming for 3 hours in the night even when we were cuddling her and co-sleeping made little difference. We did opt for a form of CC in the end when she was 14 months but we didn't leave the room. So we would never cuddle her/rock her/feed her to sleep, she had to fall asleep by herself but we would be next to her the whole time reassuring her/stroking her. If she stood up I would lie her down, but only if she hadn't done so herself after a few minutes as I felt part of the process was helping her to learn how to lie down and relax herself. She has a dummy and some comforters which she cuddled. There were two bad nights with a fair amount of crying (but less crying than some other nights where we were cuddling her), and after that it was fine - she has slept well ever since. I was planning to do some kind of gradual retreat once she started falling asleep by herself, but I didn't need to - as soon as the sleeping thing clicked with her she didn't really want me there at all. She has the odd disturbed night when teething/poorly but then goes back to sleeping fine by herself without any further sleep training ever needed. I honestly think she just didn't get falling asleep and was getting so frustrated out of tiredness and the classic freaking out at waking up in a different place to falling asleep, but as soon as it clicked, she was fine. So I guess what I'm saying is it doesn't have to be full cry it out, there are other things you can try that are slightly more gentle but will probably involve some crying. Whatever you are comfortable with.

I wouldn't worry too much about your neighbours - it sounds like they hear it anyway so sleep training wouldn't make that worse. Perhaps just tell them before you do it, and explain you will stop if it doesn't work in a few nights? Most people are kind and understanding, and will not be annoyed if you speak to them. We had a stage where both us and our neighbours had non sleeping babies, and they would both be howling in the night...(and when their baby started sleeping first I was so jealous, but at least they understood).

I'm sorry this is so long - I just wanted to take the time to give you a good response, because every word you have written reminds me so much of me at that stage. It will be OK, and you will get there but please don't be ashamed to ask for help. Keep talking, let us know how you are.

@hiding I wondered how you were getting on. I kept meaning to post and then forgot!

I totally agree with @puffeduppufferfish, that the sleep and how you react to it are two separate things.

I genuinely think you should step back from the baby sleep conversations with other mums. It doesn’t make you feel any better and I believe that a lot of mums lie about how good a sleeper their baby is- especially if they’ve sleep trained and feel they have to justify their decision to do so. Not that there’s anything wrong with sleep training, but it isn’t a magic solution and seems to need repeating whenever baby has a bad patch- which is often at this age.

I don’t have any magic answers for you unfortunately- DD is nearly one now and still waking 2-4 times a night even though we’re cosleeping. Emotionally I found going back to work made things better for me as I felt more “normal” again but I appreciate that’s not the same for everyone.

Sending you solidarity as always!

Thank you for the lovely replies. I find it so helpful hearing other people’s perspectives on here. Also, the people I’m closest to in real life have their own difficulties so it helps to be able to offload on here without feeling guilty about burdening people.

@Neurotrash sorry to hear that you’re poorly and it’s extra kind of you to take the time to reply. I hope that you’re feeling a little better since you posted. Thank you for the nappy tip! I’ve tried that the last couple of nights and no leaks so far, so touch wood!

I’m not on antidepressants. I’ve been burying my head in the sand a bit as I so wanted everything to improve. But I’ve finally booked a GP appointment so we’ll see what they say. I’m amazed but glad to hear that you feel that you’re getting a good amount of sleep despite hourly wake ups. Really amazed actually because I’ve found that for me the total number of hours sleep I get isn’t so important in determining how well I feel, it’s how big an unbroken chunk of sleep I get.

@Cottipus oh bittersweet to see you back here. I’ve thought of you every so often and hoped that things had improved for you. I’m glad that going back to work has actually been ok and can understand that having a piece of your pre-mum life back would actually be a bit of a blessing (although I really salute you being able to cope with getting your brain in gear for work every day whilst dealing with multiple wake ups. I still feel that my brain is so woolly. How I miss that sharp pre-baby brain that could actually reach for the correct word 99% of the time!)

@PuffedupPufferFish thank you so much for sharing your experience. Oh how it helps to not feel alone in your feelings! Eyes are starting to droop so I will reply more fully tomorrow but just wanted
to acknowledge for now and say thanks for replying.

I haven’t read your full thread. How old is your baby now? Do you breastfeed?

@hiding i'm so sorry it's still so tough. I haven't been around here for a while but have wondered how things were. I had a slightly better patch but it feels like we've gone backwards again. We're bedsharing all the time which is increasingly uncomfortable as DD gets bigger. I'm back at work and so tired. I'm trying to do bedtime at 6:30, which is still hit and miss, then bf back to sleep hourly til 10 or 11 then it's anyone's guess. I do seem to get a 4 hour sleep more often which is great. Going back to work seems to have negated all the benefits that might bring energy wise. I hope seeing the GP is useful, asking for help is so hard but talking to my health visitor has been a life line. I love my daughter so much but feel broken by lack of sleep and my personality has disappeared this month.

Sorry I meant to come back sooner but DS is teething at the moment and pretty miserable so I keep starting a reply and then he will wake up from a nap etc.

@PuffedupPufferFish I think you are right that a lot of my issues are more to do with how I feel about DS’s sleep. His sleep is much improved having spent a lot of money on a sleep consultant. But I think I struggle with the unpredictability of his sleep- he’s had the odd night of doing 7-9 hours for his first stretch!!! But equally it’s not unusual for him to wake up after less than 5 hours. I find it really stressful not knowing what the night is going to bring. Until DS was six months (when we got help from a sleep consultant) I simply fed him every time he woke up, even if it had been 40 minutes or an hour since the last feed. He didn’t seem to be able to link up sleep cycles by himself and I guess me feeding him every time he woke wasn’t really helping him to do anything different.

Now that he’s doing longer stretches I never know whether I should just feed him every time he wakes up. As I mentioned, sometimes he can do 7 hours at the beginning of the night so if he wakes up after 5 hours do I assume he’s not hungry and try other methods or settling him (which involves lots of screaming whatever I do) or just feed him for an easier life?

I think one of the reasons I feel so crap is that I never seem to know what to do as a mum. Since seeing the sleep consultant, DS is put in the cot awake for naps, and after his bed time and night time feeds. He is fed at bedtime and in the night which does of course make him drowsy but I always unlatch and put down awake. I thought this was the holy grail for babies sleeping through but apparently not.

My husband is supportive in that he cares about me a lot and I know only wants good things for me. But he’s said that he worries about me so much at the moment and so that just adds to my feelings of being a useless burden that is no good to anyone. I know he’s desperate for me to be ok again so he doesn’t have to worry about me.

I am going to ask my husband to pop over to see the neighbours at the weekend and just apologise for DS disturbing them at night, to reiterate that we have him as far away from the party wall as possible and are trying our best to settle him at night and minimise disruption to them. I’ve become so fixated on worrying about disturbing them, it’s another source of stress and I worry all the time that they think I’m a useless, awful mum. I can’t face speaking to them myself as I will break down and cry.

Saw the GP today and found him perfectly pleasant but I felt like he was clock watching and wanting to get me out of there (I do totally understand why he would). Told me it was very common to feel as I do and suggested I might want to stop breastfeeding as I had explained that I was finding it very stressful now that DS is sometimes biting me.

Well I would love to stop breastfeeding but DS won’t settle for me without feeding and I don’t have anyone else who can settle him at night. I’ve wondered about getting a night nanny in for a week but worry that this is very selfish and would traumatise DS. I feel so lost.

I’m going to be one of those mums whose baby doesn’t sleep through for years aren’t I.

I’ve wondered about getting a night nanny in for a week but worry that this is very selfish and would traumatise DS.

OP - I used a maternity nurse for the first few weeks of my DD's life. This was one of the best parenting decisions I have ever made. A lot of my friends and colleagues hired maternity nurses or night nannies. No-one has ever expressed any regrets.

I know many people on internet forums and RL will say "mother knows best", "just listen to your baby and follow their lead" but in my particular case help and advice from someone with experience has been invaluable. I feel I am a much better mother because now I actually know what I am doing:). I also learnt to listen to my child and understand how to read her cues. As for my DD, she has leant to love and enjoy her sleep (which is a vital skill). Of course, not all night nannies and maternity nurses are equally good but if you go for someone with experience, they will probably make a difference to your life and your DS's sleep within a week or two.

Please do not feel you have to do everything on your own. There is nothing wrong with getting help (either from friends and family or from qualified professionals).

@wintertravel1980 I do agree with what you’re saying but I think using a night nanny with a newborn is a whole different kettle of fish to using one for a nine month old. DS would be very aware that it was a stranger and I think that would be really upsetting for him in a way that it wouldn’t be for a much younger baby.

DS is sick and teething at the moment. Keeps sinking his teeth into me I cried out in pain earlier when he bit my leg and he then cried inconsolably. Feel like a crap mum all the time.

I feel in such a bind about breastfeeding. I feel totally trapped by it and TOTALLY cheated by all the pro-breastfeeding information out there. No one says how difficult it will be to stop when you want to. If I ever had another child, which I won’t as there’s no way I could do this again, I’d formula feed from the start. I feel completely trapped.

Hi OP - I agree using a night nanny with a 9 month old is different but it does not mean it has to be upsetting for your DS. Most likely, it will take 2 or 3 days for your DS to adjust to the stranger and accept them into their "inner circle". However, once the stranger anxiety is no longer an issue, an experienced night nanny should be able to make your life much easier. I remember leaving my 8 month old DD (who was going through a period of stranger anxiety) with an experienced daytime nanny when we were on holidays. DD only spent 30 minutes with her before we left. I was sure the nanny will call me in 15 minutes, ask me to return and "save" DD. When I got back in 2 hours (after a spa treatment which was not as relaxing as it should have been), I found the nanny and DD happily playing on the terrace of our room. DD did not even notice that DH and I were gone. I felt a bit hurt but I realised a lot of my fears and concerns about DD are actually self-inflicted. I could never leave DD in a kids clubs but getting her to interact with a new adult on a one-to-one basis turned out to be much easier.

The best thing about good and experienced night nannies and maternity nurses is that they can help you with changing your DS sleep patterns. I have read that you already used a sleep trainer but the problem is it is very difficult to get reliable and actionable advice from someone who has never seen the child. The rate of failure with remote sleep training is probably relatively high (especially when the child is older than 6 months and has already developed his own sleep associations). My maternity nurse worked with more than 150 babies (+ she had 4 children and 6 grandchildren on her own). She told me that she has to adjust her techniques with every single baby. There is no "one size fits all" approach.

Of course, there is also a question of cost (good night nannies and maternity nurses are not cheap) but if you can afford it, it may be worth giving it a try. There is nothing more important than your family health and if cost is not a significant factor, this is probably something that has the highest chance of success.

Hi @HidingUnderTheSofa I'm so sorry to hear you are still having troubles. I completely agree with @wintertravel1980 if getting a night nanny will help you then it is the best thing for you and your son. Your son will honestly adapt just fine, these people are so experienced she will know just what to do to help your son feel relaxed with her. My Dd2 is about the same age as your son and she just stopped breastfeeding. She actually decided herself to stop (she bit me and I squealed and I think it put her off 🤦‍♀️). Anyway, usually she gets herself to sleep for naps/night but when I missed the window and she was overtired and not settling I used to feed her to sleep. I was so worried what I would do once she stopped breastfeeding but actually she hasn't needed me to help her much. I think partly due to her age, overtiredness is slightly less of an issue. But also if she was struggling to sleep a little rock and bum pat seemed to work ok, so not breastfeeding hasn't been an issue actually.
Whatever you decide please try not to feel guilty or selfish. I have learnt since having my second that the decisions we have to make are never actually selfish they are for our own sanity and health which is so important.
I'm sorry doc wasn't very useful, I hate how they always just say give up breastfeeding rather than supporting whatever you would like to do and offering support with that. If you want to stop then do it, but if you don't then don't feel pressured. Do what works best for you.
Sending you big hugs xxx

Argh I just wrote a massive message, then DS started crying part way, I put my phone down and message has disappeared!
I have an 11 week old and it's been rocky. I can't pretend to even imagine the time you've had but I almost broke and it sounds a fraction of your situation. I really feel for you but it's NOT your fault! I read your whole thread hoping and hoping it would get better for you.
What does your husband do? Is it absolutely impossible for him to take annual leave now- a week, say? Or has he taken time off for Christmas? He really needs to help out more. If he doesn't know how bad it's become, can you write him a letter??
We'll done on breastfeeding for so long - that's truly inspiring. Now that he's older and becoming bitey, have you tried expressing? I know you said he won't settle without the breast (mine won't either), but what about expressing and bottle feeding a few oz then finishing off with the breast? I'm doing a bottle a day, before bedtime.
Would it be madness to introduce a dummy now or has he got past the age where that's useful? Also, if he's still not doing daytime naps in the pram, have you tried a snoozeshade to keep it dark for him? Doors slamming etc wake my son too in pram naps but I find the white noise app on my.phone helps!
I'm.sorry if these are all stupid suggestions or things you've tried, and I do realise that with an 11 week old I.know nothing! I just felt so sad reading your thread and wanted to try and help. I've just been through the mist hellish two weeks of my life and hated my baby and I understand a bit about the emotional torment. We have used a sleep consultant too - a phone one. I know you're worried about traumatizing your son with a night Nanny but in the bigger picture you'll probably be doing him more of a favour by getting some rest so you can interact with him better during daytime?

Oh @surreygirl1987 my heart goes out to you! How have things been since you posted? The newborn weeks were so scary I found, as my baby got older I can’t say that I necessarily found things loads easier but it was at least far less scary, there isn’t the constant worry about SIDS and they generally seem much more robust. My thread has probably made for disheartening reading for you but your baby is so young and there is every possibility that your son’s sleep will change and improve over the next few months. I am toying with deleting what I just wrote because I remember hating people saying “oh things will get better by >insert time of choice that feels like it may as well be a million years away

I've just read your thread and my goodness I could have written exactly the same feelings. My DD is only 16 weeks but sleep has gone to shite - awake every hr last night.
Its utterly demoralizing. I blame myself entirely. It's an awful awful life at the moment and the holidays have made it so much harder because everyone with babies who sleep are so fecking happy.

Glad to hear the sleep has improved HidingUnderTheSofa but sorry to hear you are still finding it generally hard. Everything you say still reminds me of my situation so much - the short naps leading to a grumpy baby and thinking why can't you just sleep longer and be happier? And the general feeling of being a failure. Our naps did improve quite suddenly when our DD was a bit older than your DS, so I hope they do for you to. I'm not sure if it was that which helped with her grumpiness though or learning to walk but she did transform from a grumpy baby to a funny, delightful toddler - she can still be a real pain sometimes but she is so much fun, and generally lovely to have around.

I felt like such a failure all through her baby hood. I felt guilty for stressing about her sleep because I felt a good parent would just accept it. I felt guilty when I felt stressed about her grumpiness because I thought I should just be able to take that in my stride to, but also felt like it was somehow my fault she was guilty. When she cried I thought everyone was looking at me thinking I was a rubbish mum. A year on, and I do actually sometimes feel like an OK mum. I'm not sure what changed really, but I have been practising being more kind to myself and that has really helped. I also think I massively prefer parenting a toddler, despite the tantrums.

I am so annoyed the GP wasn't more supportive of you. Surely any decent doctor would realise you are struggling. Telling you to just give up BF is silly - it sounds like your dislike of BF may be more of a symptom of how you are feeling than the cause. I had the opposite problem - I struggled with BF and gave up early on and felt such guilt for a year, but it was just another form of my anxiety and feeling like a failure.

Did you decide any more on the night nanny? Would another option be one day a week in a nursery/CM? That would give you a chance to catch up on the sleep, maybe look into some therapy and generally look after yourself. I know you were reluctant when he was smaller, but 9 months is quite a usual time to start nursery and I'm sure he would be fine. It sounds like you really need to look after yourself and help yourself to recover a bit.

Aw thanks @hiding. No, things are getting better actually - most of the time at least! He's always been a fab night sleeper so I've never been tired- it's just that he's been a hellish day napper so he's spent the first two months of his life cranky! My husband has been off for Christmas though so has been helping much more, so I've had a chance to read lots of books about sleep and try out some things... and I am astonished that some things are (kind of) working! Wish they'd told us all this at NCT. The last couple of days were amazing- 11 hours night sleep, then 3 self-settling day naps, including a 2 and a half hour lunchtime one! First time he's napped for more than one sleep cycle since he was a week old!! All reasonably close to our planned schedule. Of course, today it all went to pot and he screamed rather than slept for his third nap (after waking up only 30 mins into his second one), so I've just sent my husband for a pram walk with him to make him nap. But that's progress at least. I guess I'll see how next week goes - I feel like it could go either way very easily... I also wish I felt I could take him out places or make plans or go to baby groups like my NCT friends. I don't know how everyone else manages! Every day is so unpredictable, as you say.
Amazing that you've got him self settling for naps though!! I admit I do tend to feed him before his afternoon naps just because I know it makes his drowsy, and I definitely take advantage of that at bedtime too! How did you get him to self-settle in the crib so well? Was it literally just time and perseverance? It sounds like you're doing amazingly now any way - don't be so hard on yourself!! There are so many of us finding it tough and threads like this show we are not alone!

I came on to get some advice about my 14 month old who has never slept through and is currently waking every 1.5-2 hours... But I feel like I need to reach out to you guys who are really struggling and give you a big hug because it isn't about whose child is sleeping worst but about how as parents we manage to deal with it. I don't feel like we've failed in any way shape or form because our son doesn't sleep, that's just who/how he is. And you shouldn't either! Please be kind to yourselves. Parenting is hard and unpredictable and I say that as someone doing it for the third time. One day this will all be a distant memory.

Wow @Exexexcel I’m so impressed that you are able to be so pragmatic about your sleep situation. Do you have other children? The reason I ask is that second and third timers seem to be so much more chilled out about lack of sleep, having been there and done that before. How are you managing on such broken sleep for such a long period of time? Really hope things change for you soon

@surreygirl1987 wonderful that you had some really impressive progress! Hope things have continued in that direction for you since you posted. No sympathy for you now that I know your baby sleeps well at night in all seriousness, dealing with a cranky baby is really horrible, I tend to take it really personally when DS is grumpy all day, feels like he’s unhappy because I’m not doing something right.

I did a form of sleep training when DS was 6 months out of desperation. I sat next to his cot whilst he fell asleep, feeding briefly every so often if he got very distressed. It wasn’t a pleasant experience but I was at breaking point.

@PuffedupPufferFish your post has really reassured me, thank you so much. Feeling REALLY crap this morning. DS has woken up at 5am for the third time in a row and I’m leaving him to grizzle on and off for as long possible and only getting him up once he starts properly crying in an effort to try not to encourage this becoming a habit...however I have a horrible sinking feeling that I’m fighting a losing battle. I think the issue is DS is getting himself stuck in the corner of his cot, waking up uncomfortably squished off and can’t back to sleep. He’s in a sleeping bag already so there’s absolutely nothing I can do to stop him moving around. He’s always moved around loads in his cot at night.

I just feel irrationally FURIOUS this morning. Surely I have had my fill of crappy baby sleep already DS is totally miserable, I think because he’s still tired. I have eaten chocolate biscuits for breakfast as a stupid quick boost but I just feel depressed that I’m back to the point of eating sugary crap for breakfast.

Breastfeeding is so painful due to all of DS’s teeth. He’s not even biting, it’s just the teeth make it really painful, my nipples are bruised and sore. I am having to fight the temptation to reply to all of the posts by poor new breastfeeding mums who are having a tough time sleeping saying “do yourself a favour and stop breastfeeding now! The stupid breastfeeding propaganda fails to mention that you might find it almost impossible to stop when you want to, you’ll be stuck doing all of the bloody night feeds unless you can summon the energy to express milk and, let’s be realistic, you’re going to be way too knackered to do that. Just wait til the teeth come in and you’ll find a whole new level of pain that you thought you left behind after the early weeks.” But keeping my bitter self to myself so far..:

Yes, it’s a shame that the GP wasn’t able to do more. It felt very much like the GP was clock watching which is understandable and not their fault at all.

My DS's sleep has gone to shit. He's 4 months old and I'm on my knees.

The feeling of failure is overwhelming.

@HiringUnderTheSofa you are so right re breastfeeding. I really do feel misled about it. If we ever have 2 mins to ourselves in order to conceive a 2nd child I would really think long and hard about it.

Sorry - @HidingUnderTheSofa

@hiding thanks 😁 Yeh, my NCT friends used to tell me to shut up when I moaned about my son's sleep - they didn't want to hear about his fab nights either!! But I honestly had him screaming from his overtiredness for the first two months of his life and it's the worst thing I have ever gone through. I didnt even realise he was overtired- that's the worst thing. I thought he was ill or had something wrong with him as I assumed he'd sleep when he wanted to, just like my NCT friends' babies who seem to STILL be asleep most of each day and just calming snooze whenever they're sleepy! My son never feels sleepy but he does get exhausted! We've had q couple of difficult days of him screaming at every nap attempt (but happy the rest of the time - I wondered if he was scared of the crib) and me resorting to the dummy or yet another long pram walk. I noticed the importance of his naps yesterday when he missed a nap then was shattered that evening and crying constantly- flashback to a month ago! However this morning he went into his crib for a nap with no fuss so I guess he's doing much better overall. Ironically his night sleep is now deteriorating slightly (still a good sleeper, but waking up a but in the night) so i guess you win some you lose some!

Re breastfeeding, have you considered trying nipple shields? I only ask because a friend asked me and another friend on Monday what we'd do about breastfeeding when our babies got teeth, and I said I'd never manages to get off nipple shields so hopefully that would prevent any pain. My other friend is still also using nipple shields- we both had babies with imitially undiagnosed tongue ties and have never been able to wean them off the shields. I know people don't recommend them because they say they don't get enough milk through them, but my son is 91st percentile and ENORMOUS - he definitely gets an abundance of milk! Just a thought- I wouldn't usually encourage someone to use them if they didn't need them, but if it's the choice between that and giving up breastfeeding?