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Sleep

Join our Sleep forum for tips on creating a sleep routine for your baby or toddler. Need more advice on your childs development? Sign up to our Ages and Stages newsletter here.

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Original poster

I've done EVERYTHING by the book since birth but baby screams until he passes out

117 replies

Raydan · 29/06/2018 16:53

My 18 week old screams hysterically nearly every time we put him to sleep. We've been using the EASY method since he was born and the screaming is getting worse and worse (currently one hour and 10 mins into screaming - I've had to hand him to my mother).

We use a nap routine of lullaby with head stroking followed by reading the same story book and then a few mins of quiet sitting before being put down drowsy but awake...or that's how it's supposed to go. Now most of the time he instead screams until he passes out. Nighttime routine includes change of clothes and applying moisturizer.

He's not too hot or cold, he's not hungry, he's not overtired, he's not uncomfortable in any way. He's not scared of his cot as will happily lie there when he wakes up
It seems he just doesn't want to be told what to do and go to sleep. The screaming will stop immediately if we stop the routine and leave the room.

He has always resisted nap and bedtime but the resistance is now more frequent and more extreme.

I've searched online for answers and asked relatives who have lots of baby experience, but I cannot find a cause for this behaviour.

It's pushed me so far that I've just referred to my son as a "prick" so I'm definitely losing it. I would be very grateful for any advice on how to make him happy to go to bed!

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Bananarama12 · 29/06/2018 16:58

You're baby hasn't read the book! Imo he won't be able to self settle yet either hence the screaming. Ditch the routine and you will feel more relaxed.

Original poster

Raydan · 29/06/2018 16:59

Bananarama12 how to get him to sleep then? Just wait until he wears himself out...?

OP posts:

Badgerthebodger · 29/06/2018 17:00

What’s the EASY method?

My first thoughts are to wonder why you are so keenly persisting with any routine at all if this is what upsets him so much? He’s 18 weeks old, it doesn’t matter if he’s not in a routine I promise. Some babies are a bit more freewheeling than others

My DS is now 16 months and still not in any kind of nap routine. If he’s starting to get tired, I’ll put him down for a nap. It must be quite stressful for you and lord knows I’ve been there with a child that won’t stop crying but what if you just went, ok stop. We can change things.

You say you’ve done everything “by the book”. Honestly lovey, I mean this very kindly, there is no book. Your baby is an individual and you just need to find what works for him. So, does he go to sleep easier in other situations? Being fed, being cuddled, on the move, in the car, in the pram, in a sling? Tell us a bit more about times he has gone to sleep nicely without screaming.

TeeBee · 29/06/2018 17:02

Ha ha ha ha...book? Routine? 18 weeks! Ha ha ha ha ha. Sorry, just accept it's not going to happen. They'll settle when they're ready to settle.

Original poster

Raydan · 29/06/2018 17:05

Hi badger.

He will fall asleep nicely on the breast or in the pram. Re book I've been using the baby whisperer with adjustments based on what I've read here and learned from family to suit him better.

Breast and pram don't seem like realistic long term options for me as need some way me and my husband can both do to get him down.

When he gets upset I cuddle him, talk to him, rock him and give him lots of kisses to try to calm him.

OP posts:

Bananarama12 · 29/06/2018 17:06

Feed,rock whatever works for baby then put him down when he is asleep or keep him in your arms (lovely sleepy cuddles) When something stops working then try something new. I didn't attempt a routine until about 6 months.

Original poster

Raydan · 29/06/2018 17:08

Everyone I know has managed to get a sensible wind-down and sleep routine going and I'm just trying to do the same. I don't think letting him pass out when he passes out will be good long term as he will have to get into a routine once he starts crèche.

OP posts:

Flowersonthewall · 29/06/2018 17:08

If he falls asleep in the Pram that's brilliant let him do that. It's hard because you dont want them to get into bad habits or make a rod for your own back but actually they aren't bad habits and there is no rod anywhere. If he falls asleep on the boob or the Pram then do it. All three of mine went to Sleep on the boob and they are all absolutely fine no bad habits my youngest is now 2 goes to bed fine has a nap in the day sometimes I have to walk her in the buggy sometimes she'll crash out on the sofa but she's happy she's healthy and it's ok xx

Flowersonthewall · 29/06/2018 17:09

In regards the crèche they usually fall into whatever routine is happening there don't feel like you have to get him into a routine that they do. In another week he'll be different

WorzelsCornyBrows · 29/06/2018 17:10

Put the books down and step away. All babies respond differently to different things. Respond to what your baby wants and stop reading books. 18 weeks is very early to be in a routine and self soothing!

A pp has already said, your baby hasn’t read the book. They’re right.

Andromache77 · 29/06/2018 17:11

Just burn the book, seriously, your baby hasn't read it and by the time they can, there will another one that's all the rage. Just accept that routine is not going to happen until it happens and relax. My DD was a terrible sleeper, only boob would work for her. Putting her to sleep in her cot was impossible, she screamed and wailed, she just wanted mum so I gave up and we co-slept. As to naps, she wasn't keen either so she didn't really nap until close to turning one and then only sometimes.

I hear that there are babies who do have a schedule of sorts, which is great, but if you didn't get one of those don't fight it, go with the flow, at least that way you won't drown.

Bananarama12 · 29/06/2018 17:11

Honestly I did everything to get my little one to sleep even walked for hours with the pram. He is now 8 months and sleeps in his cot so well. You are not making a rod for your own back. God I hate that saying and so glad I ignored it.

Original poster

Raydan · 29/06/2018 17:13

Pram is not an option as wakes as soon as the motion stops. Breast doesn't seem like a viable long term option as A) it means that I'm the only person who can put him to sleep B) he often wakes as soon as he's off the breast C) I won't be breastfeeding forever

OP posts:

oldbirdy · 29/06/2018 17:19

Breast feed to sleep until 7 or 8 months. Try to get him to take a dummy; I used to slip it in beside my nipple at first to fool them, then when they get the hang of it they will happily take it. You can start a phased return sort of thing once he's 8 months to a year or so.

For almost the whole of history, a newborn or pre-crawling baby would have been eaten by animals if they had been laid down awake away from parents. They are trained by millions of years of evolution to seek adult contact to sleep at that age. Once he's crawling and more developed you can try again.

Badgerthebodger · 29/06/2018 17:20

Everyone you know says they have a sensible sleep routine.

I promise it doesn’t matter. Let him fall asleep feeding then transfer, if that is making you fall over with exhaustion you get your husband to properly help with night feeds sometimes, so he gets up and tries to settle baby, if he can’t he brings him to you for a feed. You can feed lying down half asleep. When baby finishes, DH does the winding and resettle.

At 6 months old it will all change again so really don’t worry about a routine now. Just do whatever works for your baby and your family. When is he going to crèche?

Badgerthebodger · 29/06/2018 17:21

Dummy is a great idea as well

LorelaiVictoriaGilmore · 29/06/2018 17:22

Everyone I know has managed to get a sensible wind-down and sleep routine going and I'm just trying to do the same

I think the people you know may be lying putting a positive gloss on things. I'm in an NCT group and all our babies are around 18 weeks. One out of eight has a nighttime routine that works and that baby doesn't have a day time nap routine.

You and your dh do not have to put the baby down in the same way. I have always breastfed to sleep, dh has his own way of getting our babies to sleep that seems to involve many verses of 10 green bottles. It doesn't have to work the same way for everyone all the time. The key is to watch your baby's cues so you can tell when he is getting sleepy and is ready to go down.

overmydeadbody · 29/06/2018 17:25

Raydan is important to remember that nothing you do now will be a long term option.

You have to keep adapting and changing as your baby gets older and goes through new stages.

Breastfeeding to sleep is absolutely fine right now. Then you can gradually move to riding to sleep in your arms or whatever.

It's not forever. Do what your baby needs now.

august1 · 29/06/2018 17:26

Was in the same position as you at 17 weeks. Drove me potty. Sleep regression is horrific.

Evening routine that worked for us then:

5pm one side boob
6pm bath, massage, into PJ's
6.30pm other boob
6.45pm story (same one every night)
7pm into cot with comforter that smells of me

It took 2-3 days to get him used to routine and settling with comforter. Yes there was an element of CIO which isn't for everyone (and I do understand why) but I was personally comfortable with it.

Original poster

Raydan · 29/06/2018 17:26

Thanks for sensible response badger. Feel like I'm slacking if I give up on routine when it "seems" to work for everyone else. He's not going to crèche until 11 months so I have ages. Been told by a number of ppl that it's unfair to not have child in routine and just can't figure out where I'm going wrong. Have tried so hard to make him feel safe and happy when going to bed.

Oldbirdy - am using a dummy.

Any advice on how to do bedtime if I did have the napping routine?

OP posts:

overmydeadbody · 29/06/2018 17:27

Good advice from oldbirdy too.

rainingcatsanddog · 29/06/2018 17:28

Everyone I know has managed to get a sensible wind-down and sleep routine going and I'm just trying to do the same

How many people do you know? Lots of babies have comic/reflux at this so definitely won't have a sleep routine. I'm a mum of 3 and 2 of them screamed to sleep at 18 weeks. (Colic and reflux)

LittleMissBananaHammock · 29/06/2018 17:30

Burn the baby books. They haven’t read them. All my babies are too old to have had internet help from other parents. I did read the books. And I didn’t enjoy my eldest as a baby as he wasn’t going by the book. Please enjoy your babies.

RockinRobinTweets · 29/06/2018 17:30

My ds cried before every sleep until he was 18 months old, regardless of how he fell asleep. It was just part of his process unfortunately. It’s just trying to decipher if your Dc is like that too or if it’d cause less upset by changing your approach.

Original poster

Raydan · 29/06/2018 17:33

Overmydeadbody - that's reassuring to know thank you

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