We're still not sleeping

[Meepmoop]

New thread for those whose babies are avoiding sleeping through.

My DS is now 11 months old today..

Bartos we used a sleep consultant at a similar age plus some controlled crying and it has massively changed my life. I'm in my third week back at work and it's hard enough as it is. It's not for everyone though, I have to say I do miss seeing DS asleep. He actually slept at nursery today for more than 30 minutes which was his average all last week! They did have him outside all day though.

@bartos you are not weak!! You are coping under some extremely challenging circumstances. I'm the same, I feed to sleep continuously, whenever I try anything different like shush pat, PUPD, he gets even angrier and louder. Like you, I simply don't have the energy to see it through. Start the night with the best of intentions but I end up doing what I have to in order to get some sleep!

We are not failures because our babies are non sleepers. We are heroes for surviving these little sleep thieves!

We can't afford a sleep consultant so just going to muddle through.

Bad night and I have a cold coming on. Lying low today...

Sorry you're having it tough bartos. We used a sleep consultant, sleepy moon keeper (Boogie). I would recommend her, she's been a big help and makes herself very available. Ignore the fact that my lo's sleep is still hit and miss, overall there has been a massive improvement, and I am confident that the situation at nursery contributes to ongoing issues.

Thank you all! I rang the HV team in despair,someone please give me some guidance. They rang me back loads of empathy, but then mostly agreeing to whatever is in my mind. So I've discussed trying gradual withdraw method, since DD is moving so much and I'm so afraid she might hurt herself. Plus she sits by herself now (only overnight though...) and I don't think she knows how to lay down. I think if I see her, and if I'm able to see when she is truly distressed, I will be able to be more consistent. She agreed. I've asked if involving DH would be a good idea, to share the pressure, she said yes. She said I could do it over 2 days or a week,up to me. I've asked what to do about feeding hourly and she said to stablish boundaries. Try to settle without feeding. If she won't calm down offer the breast and put her back in the cot to settle. But not to give in every time so that she understand that she won't get the breast every time she cries. She said it works... I told her I was considering a sleep consultant she said she never heard of that and didn't know what to advise me in relation to that, that it was up to me. Is it not well seen? I doubt that she never heard of that... I'm dreading it.

@WhoAteAllthePercyPigs money is also what's putting me off. My husband is saying we will end up spending the money so that she tells us what we know already. I don't think so. I think it would be helpful. Above all I'm desperate and if it's a chance to improve, I want to try. But I will gibe it another go with this "new method" and if it doesn't work out say bye bye money

bartos - I understand the difficulty. I was also unsure about doing it and spending the money. And also felt they would probably just tell us what we know already. Our consultant's standard package was £160, we got one with more support over a three week period for £290. Turned out she helped with a lot of things we wouldn't have thought of, and we had very good success with gradual retreat method. Sleep was a joke before and we now put DS in cot and leave room between 7 and 8 pm, he puts himself to sleep and usually we do not hear from him again until just before 6 am. I can't believe it myself. Happy to PM if you want more info. Either way good luck, you're doing amazingly well back at work, it's so hard on minimal and broken sleep.

We spent £180 on a sleep consultant. Supposed to be 2wks support but turned into a month and she's still on the end of the phone for me now. The biggest help was getting me and DH on the same page. She told us things we already knew, but gave us the resolve and support to stick to the plan. I am sure we would have changed what we were doing and messed things up, if it wasn't for working with her. Ds is extremely 'persistent' (stubborn!!) so after a few days we would think it wasn't going to work and try something else. I say we, but in fact it was DH who was being soft /cracking! When nights improved we lost it with naps and sleep consultant carried on with us until that was sorted, then nights went bad again, we are honestly just getting on an even keel now! We could have done everything on our own but the fact was we hadn't, because it's damn hard. So I don't regret spending money.

I had an interview today and I completely messed it up. I feel like my brain has dissolved after being off work for so long. I just couldn't form words. Before having dd I would have walked through it. Does anyone else feel like being a mum and especially a mum of a non sleeper means you just forget things all the time??

Hi Frozen, I'm sure it wasn't as bad as you think! However, my work brain definitely isn't what it once was. I think I reached brain peak in 2010...

Even if I've had a good sleep, my heads just not in the game the way it once was!

I think that's quite normal frozen- I feel the same! I have done some silly things at work, especially when the sleep was really bad. I'm sure it wasn't as bad as you think though. How is your DD getting on at nursery? Have they been more supportive? It took DS a few weeks for his napping at nursery to improve but it did get better. They should be doing what they can to support you, I really hope they've improved in that regard!

I picked her up last week (I don't usually do drop offs or pick ups because Dh works 5 min walk away and I finish later than he does) and they seemed fine. She had an hour nap on Wednesday so she must be getting used to it. I do hope she continues this way.

I feel like I still have remnants of pre-baby me, but that my brain function isn't as sharp as it used to be and it's quite frustrating especially in a work setting.

Dd was wide awake at 2am last night and was screaming and screaming. I think she doesn't feel well again so I gave her calpol and she did eventually settle and then had an epic 3 hour nap this morning. We're both shattered and she's refusing all food. Somethings not right and I'm at work tomorrow and then going to a wedding so my mum is picking her up and having her overnight. I'm a bit worried about it!

I've not posted in ages and have missed a lot. I've been back at work for 2 months now, and ds is 10 months old. His sleep has been bad all along, but it's gotten worse. He takes hours to get to sleep, wakes up every hour through the night, or both. I'm so tired.

Sorry and surprised to see so many people still here. it would take me forever to comment on everything I've missed. But the nursery and sleep thing stood out. I found nursery to be quite good, they cuddle him or rub his back until he falls asleep. He has one nap there usually for about an hour and a half. When he's with my in-laws (2days a week) sometimes he doesn't nap at all, because they look after him for free is difficult for me to tell them what they should do. It seems completely wrong that a nursery would expect a baby to settle in and sleep 'properly' so quickly.

Ds has just started standing up by himself, so perhaps now he's learnt something new his sleep will improve a bit??

@kiwiblue @Haypanky thank you for sharing your experiences. I've started the gradual withdraw method on Tuesday, she now falls asleep quickly in her cot but I'm sited near the cot with my hand on her back /tummy. I've stopped shushing. Yesterday I was suppose to have removed my hand and just sit by the cot but she kept crying trying to reach out for me through the cot bars. She has another cold. I haven't been applying the method overnight in the week because I'm so tired and have to work next day but was decided to do it in the weekend..now with this cold I can't do it.. She is on paracetamol and ibuprofen and still under the weather. By this rhythm it won't happen. Nights improved slightly, some nights,, by usually after 2am we go back to our rubbish "normal".
@FrozenMargarita17 I'm so sorry you felt so down with your interview. Probably you have a different perspective from the panel. It always seems worse than it is. I do understand how you feel. I hope you get a job that you fancy soon! Good luck! Under this very hard conditions even being selected for an interview is a success! It's frustrating but be proud of your efforts!

@MummyCuddlesSolveEverything im sorry! Sounds pretty bad. I'm in the same boat. My DD is 11 months. Crawling and standing up. No improvements in her sleep yet. But I hope it happens! For both of us.
Hard situation with grandparents... Maybe approach subject in a gentle way? I'm sure they want to help!

@bartos well done for starting it. DS also got a cold during it and so we slowed the process down, I started patting him again (we were up to the just pat the mattress stage), until the cold passed, then we were back on track. It didn't seem to matter too much that we backtracked a bit. Consultant said ok to regress a bit if they're ill just try minimise how much you regress. I really hope you see an improvement soon.

Thanks bartos the last few days has been settling a bit quicker. I've started bed time a bit earlier and played classical music quietly and it seems to have help. Perhaps he was over tired because I wasn't getting him ready early enough, and I think the music is helping him calm down.
Still having lots of night wakings but every 2-3 hours rather than every hour. Feeling slightly more human.

How is everyone else getting on?

Sorry to hear lots of you are still having trouble. We've had a terrible week or so here - he's been up every 2 hours or more frequently every night. We've tried nurofen before bed in case it's teeth, giving him a bigger dinner, giving him a bottle before bed, tweaking naps but none of it has made any difference. Is there a 6.5 month regression?!

He's determined to pull himself up on the most dangerous surfaces he can find all day too so I can't take my eyes off him for a minute... I'm exhausted!

@thingybobwotsit there's a six month regression, they say. Although I can't say my DD sleep has regressed, because we never recover from the 4 months.
How was DS sleeping before?
I'm fighting for survival here. Plus DD caught a cold and decided to share with me. If someone would knock me out with a hammer it would be a favour. Being unconscious for a few hours sounds like a dream right now

The 4 month regression hit us pretty hard but we'd started to settle into a pattern of 2 feeds a night and some reasonably long stretches, until about a week / 10 days ago

Baby has been crying in dads arms for the last 40 mins. He was fed back to sleep at 2.45 and when he woke again at just after 4 I just couldn't do it. There is no way he needs a feed an hour and a half apart. But now he's so upset and I feel I should feed him but then the last 45 mins of not feeding have been unnecessary stress for everyone...

Can I join you guys? My six month old is broken...,,, she’s been waking up at least every 90 mins for the past month or so. I’ve gone past the point of tired 💤

I've got a teething mess on my hands, not been to sleep yet and he just keeps screaming.

My DS has a cold, probably picked up from visiting friends in Oxford last weekend but he's doing OK with night sleep. Going to sleep BF if very tired or going down in cot for DH if feeling 'lively'

I'm trying not to be lazy and bedshare with him in the small hours as he probably actually prefers his own space now so I did return at 5am this morning the DH went in to collect him at 7:20 so not too bad.

He's taken his first unsupported steps today (literally two lots of one step) but I'm so chuffed!

Walked with him in carrier to get him to sleep for nap then popped him into cot. I'm hoping he'll go longer than he has been with an hour max the last few days, i'm just worn down with the day sleep situation

Hi everyone, it's been a while since I've been on, not because I've been sleeping, just been trying to muddle through without reaching for my phone.

Oh my god what a night so far 😩 on 3rd wake up with ds2 (who us now 10 months) and ds1 has been up for the past hour and a half being sick. Fucking he'll, not what I need as I'm back at work now and even more tired than ever.

DH has set up camp in ds1s room and is reading him a story now, I can tell it's going to be a very long night ahead.

No idea what's up with ds1, he has been with the PIL's today so his knows what they have given him to eat. They know I don't like him having too many biscuits or crisps but they do it anyway, makes me so mad. 😡

Oh my. Teething is the pits...a week of hourly at best wakes ups and still only 1 of 4 teeth though. I am absolutely worn out. Going on a mini break Tuesday. I dont know if that's a good or bad thing anymore as he is unlikely to sleep in his travel cot.

Congrats on the steps Brighton so lovely

Sorry to see others are still struggling. Why on earth are we still not getting sleep!!