The non-sleepers are still not sleeping

[NinaMarieP]

New thread, guys!

Night was terrible I'm feeling desperate, like there's nothing I can do to improve this. I am so exhausted. I think I was having to go to her 30/30 min, as soon as I was faking asleep DD was crying. I could barely have my eyes open and kept tripping on things lacking balance. I've put the lights on at 6am,says morning with a cheerful voice (as much as I could pretend), and said mummy is just popping to the toilet. And stayed in there crying while washing my face. God, when will I be able to sleep again?

@Haypanky job well done with the nights! When did you start leaving him to it overnight? You said he is one next week my night was even worse than usual. I'm really tempted to start leaving her to cry and hopefully settle by herself, but I'm not sure how. I'm breastfeeding and apparently for this age she should wake up 1/2 times, right now she feeds way more, she seems to be teething again. Night was up 30/30 min and even after a 2 hours morning nap she is quite grumpy. She seems to be in extra cuddle need... And I'm in extra sleep need this prolonged weekend would be ideal to start training overnight but she does seem to be a bit more needy. I'm not sure it's the right time to start... Any advise? Overnight you actually did controlled crying? How long did it take to see some improvement with nights? God, I wish I had a mum on call (another me) that could come in my rescue and swap with me when I get to this stage.

Oh @Bartos I've been there. With the constant night waking. And feeling on the verge of break down the next day. I have to cosleep. I can't be in and out all night. Do you bedshare ever? It's not ideal and I don't want to do it long term but I know I get more sleep this way.

I wish there was an answer. I hope soon someone can do the night duty so you get to sleep through.

Anyone had any luck with baby sleeping on tummy? He's 6 months old and has a very strong head but not rolling yet. Rolls from front to back sometimes and back to side. Also anyone have any luck with OH doing bedtime instead? I breastfeed and he just wakes up constantly wanting to feed for comfort

Hi Bartos, it's all quite a confused picture to explain but I'll try. We ended up working with a sleep consultant for the last month (paid for a week but she's carried on working with us). One of the main reasons being disagreement between husband and I what to do, 2am hissed arguments etc. At this point ds was usually up at 9 briefly, up for 1-2hrs middle of night, fed at 4, up at 5 or 6. Things had changed from normal baby with bad sleep to an unbreakable pattern when he got ill at 8 months. We'd tried loads. We'd even tried controlled crying but called it off after 2.5hrs crying. So sleep lady booked, my mum offered to have him for a night to let us catch up ready to start. He slept through. We were totally shocked, mum was smug ha ha. Sleep lady basically concluded we were making things worse trying to get him to go back to sleep. So recommended controlled crying with interval checks. We steeled ourselves for 2.5hrs screaming again, but it honestly never happened. Since that night at my mums he was never as bad again. We've had some nights where we've done interval checks aka ferber but realised that he was getting more disturbed by this so we moved to checks every 20mins of that and only if we really needed to. He settled so much quicker if we didn't go in, and actually got a lot less worked up. So the 2min checks the HV told us to do had actually made things worse, and just sitting with him had made things worse. We were basically confusing him and stopping him settling by trying to help. Now he does still wake up but usually just chats to himself, sits up and plays, at some point he just lies back down and goes back to sleep. We don't go in unless something is wrong. Like last night he was coughing and upset so he had a cuddle and Calpol in the end. Hope this makes a bit of sense.

@mission yeah my ds sleeps on his stomach. If they can roll, it's not an issue.

@bartos for sake of full disclosure, I do believe in sleep training and also did cio with my dd when she was 6mnths. Looking back, I can't believe we did that so young! I wouldn't necessarily recommend it. But was desperate as she'd only sleep if I kept a hand on her back all night, soon as I took my hand away she cried. One night I totally broke down, I was so tired and ill, the next night I left her. She cried for an hour. The next night she cried 20mins. The next night she slept through and that was it. I am in awe of people who wait for them to grow out of it, co sleep and cuddle all night, but it's just not something I can do. Personally I also believe they need to learn to sleep for their own development, neurological and physical. I didn't want to go down this same route with my ds and got him into good habits from birth, but we ended up in a similar situation at an older age. Maybe it's genetics, personality, something. Both my kids are so stubborn (persistent if you look at the baby sleep site personality quiz).

@justanotheruser18 I've tried twice when we were on holidays but she woke up as soon as I layed her in bed and started crying. Because we had a house full of people I gave up right way and stayed sited in bed for more than 1 hour just freezing (she was in her sleeping bag). Then another time maybe 2 weeks ago from 5 to 7am I layed her next to me and she slept, but a very light sleep and I kept putting the dummy. I never did a night with her. I'm really afraid she will never leave my bed! Thanks for the support!

@Haypanky thanks for taking the time to share your experience. For naps and going to bed in the evening I also realised I was making it worse by trying to make her drowsy in my arms. She was getting more agitated and wanted to play. So now I have her in my arms for less than a minute and I put her in bed. Today I was walking to the cot and she started crying knowing what's coming but fell asleep in 30 seconds. The issue is staying asleep really. She napped 2 hours in the morning and 45 min at lunch, woke up at 1pm and although she was really tired and we went for a walk she kept fighting not to fall asleep. I'm really confused with what should I do. I've been reading about the 8,9,10 months regression. There's a all bunch of reasons why she may have problems sleeping, just not much clarity in how to sort them out. I have an HV visiting at home and advising. But her indications so far brought me no advantage at all... Today she fell asleep at 18h30, exhausted, so I know it's going to be a very early start. And the issue isn't even the awake time, is the overall night torture. I hope I find some light into the all thing soon. Never thought motherhood would be this difficult

Hoping I'm not jinxing it but I just got my DS to fall asleep on his own with a projector cot mobile that my MIL picked up for cheap as she thought it may help. So I did his normal routine, fed and burped him, lay him in the cot and turned it on. I stayed in the room with him as normally he screams if I leave him awake but he happily watched it for about 5 mins or so smiling away and then just fell asleep. Just like that! I'm abit in shock to be honest! I'l keep you all posted and see if you sleeps longer tonight with it. But I'm cautiously optimistic!

Fingers crossed for you @Missonhartbaby

Sorry my messages were so long!

Two things to add in case they help, ds self settled well for bedtimes and naps so the controlled crying we did was all in the dark hours of the night. And if he has had a bad night or bad naps, I put him to bed at 5:30! He actually doesn't wake up any earlier, so this is the only way I've found for him to catch up on some sleep and avoid running up a sleep deficit, which makes him sleep worse.

@Haypanky thanks so much! I understand all that you are saying. I also feel that putting DD to bed earlier is best, since most of the days she won't sleep after 1pm and gets overtired. I do face so much pressure from my mum, she just wants to help but really makes me doubt all I'm doing. She keeps telling me to put baby to sleep at her usual time, like 18h30,but then bring her down the first time she starts crying. And keep her awake for an hour or 2.which in my mind makes no sense! DD is quite tired and she cries but she is still very sleepy, she needs to sleep not to be kept awake. I've been changing things according to people's advise but really I think it's just making everything worse. I know my baby better than anyone else. I A have to stop doubting myself. The thing is with a bad sleeper you start questioning your parenting skills. DH stayed with DD in her room tonight and I got some rest thanks God! I actually slept from 3 to 6am I think!

@Missonhartbaby that's awesome! I hope it Continues to work! Best of luck!

It's been shit here. We've had house guests and chaos all week which has thrown the baby all out of whack. His naps are shot to hell and all the progress I made towards getting him to settle in the evenings has disappeared. I put him up at 7 last night and he woke up every 5-10 minutes throughout, taking 30 minutes to settle each time. A nightmare for 30 minutesI eventually handed him to DH at 1am when he got in from work and just crashed. The worst part when you've got house guests is you don't feel like you manage things how you usually would because you constantly have to be "present" for the guests. 😫 I'm getting my house back finally today and 5pm and I'm gonna crack down hard on routine again.

Posted too soon. Meant to say *a nightmare for 30 minutes each time followed by 5 minutes of peace during which I got all sorts of looks and comments from the guests.

Last night was the worst night in a long time. DS is teething and has a cold, he just wanted snuggles all night. Every time he fell asleep he woke himself up coughing or sneezing and he has been so clingy today. DH had him from 2-2.45 but then he screamed for bf. He finally settled at 3.45 and woke at 6.30 feeling so tired today

So tired I posted this on the wrong thread...

Disaster. Ds fell asleep feeding then woke up when I put him down, after the third time of trying he's now wide awake rolling and crawling around. DH has messaged to see if I'm ok and what's taking so long. Told him Ds is wide awake and I'm trying not to cry because I've been awake since 4:30 on a couple of hours sleep. His response....I hope he tires himself out soon. Not you have a rest and I'll watch him for a bit, and not how can I help. Ds is only a baby and can't help waking up. Ah is an adult and needs to realise it that he has to do more.

Hope you all have a better night.

@flowerpicture freedom at last? :) hope you can get things back on track quickly! It's very hard with guests. Well done you!
@tealandteal I hope tonight goes better and that baby gets well soon! It's extremely difficult when they are sick. Bad sleepers are a challenge as it is, add sickness to it it's madness! Good luck!

House guests gone so I'm trying to get back on track. I put him to bed at 7 and he was asleep by 7.02. Success! But then he woke up 15 minutes later and he's only just gone back to sleep now at 8.30. And the night is young, so I feel like I'm only at the beginning of tonight's battle.

But he did just have a week of chaos at no fault of his own, so I'm happy (lol "happy") to have a couple of bad nights now while he gets the idea of it all again. Fingers crossed. I really don't mind a thousand wake ups in the evenings as long as he's asleep fully before midnight. I don't think I'm going to be that lucky for a long while yet.

@MummyCuddlesSolveEverything you poor thing :((( bloody men!!!

Guys, it's 11pm and he's been asleep since 8.30. I don't know what to do with myself. I've wasted my unexpectedly free evening staring at the monitor waiting for him to wake up 😂

Hahaha this happens to me @flowerpicture when dd sleeps for a while I'm awake just.. waiting..

@flowerpicture I can relate too!
There have been a few not enough nights where Ds has gone down for four or five hours at the start of the night and Dh has been out. I was wandering around the house aimlessly wondering what to do haha.
Not a great night here. Four wake ups after I had gone to bed. White noise wasn't working properly so that didn't help. And the last hour I had to hold him as he slept as he would not go back in the cot 😶

flowerpicture I do exactly the same. I worry that something is wrong if ds doesn't wake up lots in the evening. When he sleeps in the evening I should probably do something more useful like tidy the bomb site I call my house, instead I watch TV or read.

Thanks frozen DH redeemed himself last night. He messaged me again saying 'is their anything I can do to help' and he hadn't come down because he didn't want to distract ds and make it worse. Ds is going through a phase where he gets so distracted when feeding it makes it quite difficult. So actually in a strange way DH was helping by staying out of the way I think. When ds finally settled he got me a drink and some chocolate

Anyway, Ds finally stayed asleep at 9, slept till 1030, had a big free and slept 11-2:30 then quick feed then 2:45-6:20!!
It's the best he's ever slept I think. I'm up and having a few minutes to myself to mn while Ds and DH sleeping before heading out to church then a family BBQ.

How did you all get on last night?