Hey you lovely lot
Not been on here in a while
In summary another round of disagreements and trying to sort my marriage out been having same themed argument for years
Mainly he's lazy in our relationship and I've never felt a priority it started as soon as we began living together takes me for granted
Example once we were planning our first trip away together and had landed on Barcelona as we love football and sun and didn't want to travel too far for a weekend getaway he'd been before but I hadn't we were really strapped for cash so would require some saving and lucky for us we get spoilt still as grown ups lol at Christmas so the plan was to save any cash we got then after a month of talking about it I don't know how exactly but it went from a couples trip to him talking about it to his mates to a us plus his mates trip to then a mates trip.
He then frittered away his Christmas money his parents needed up having to pay for the trip plus his spending money and he went with just his friends and I didn't get a birthday present because of it!!
That has been the worst example and after that it's just been awful to the point that I've never truly had a heartfelt apology for that nor have I ever felt he's gone above and beyond to make it right. Never felt his priority and always put more into than got out of this relationship!
Why stay with him? It's always been empty promises and saying he understands tears and promises to make it all ok and it's only ever lasted a couple of weeks in being better. Then back to being with a selfish child obsessed with feeling me popular with his mates in whatsapp groups and making memories with friends from nights out to trips away never organising anything for just me and him.
I stupidly still married him thinking he would mature and things would get better we will have been married 4years this September. When we decided to try for a baby I got him to agree he needed to step it up eg take care of his finances and start saving, learn how to cook some meals other than just meat and rice or noodles to look after me post partum, look after himself healthwise as he's massively overweight eats same meal day in day out meat and carb, and start to focus on us more and cut his phone use/social media down as he is definitely addicted.
Fast forward to when I have both in November and he's more overweight than ever, 2weeks post partum he was asking me to give step by step guide on how to make scrambled egg for me for my lunch, and that addicted to his phone when driving with me and DS in back of car doing 70mph he's answering a text!!!!! And even tried to excuse it when I had a go at him! He even is on his phone when he gets home after work seeing DS I'll be in-kitchen and hear him talking and singing to him him but will pop my head round door and he's not even looking at him.
I have tried every approach, tact, angle, discussion, argument, calmness, counselling for myself writing out a list of expectations to agree to for him to try and implement , threatened to leave everything and nothing seems to trigger him sorting and improving things he goes from being irritated and defensive like I'm making it all up to being really sorry and understanding and agreeing he's fucking up and round and round we go.
Latest I got him to write down where he things he's accountable for issues and what he can do to sort them took him a week to write out something text message length and even then I had to remind him I still wanted it in writing as needed assurances and he was shocked that I was in fact being serious and wasn't just from upset.
It basically said he will turn off phone for periods each evening and focus on DS and I more, will cook for us more, make me feel important and when DS few months older plan a trip away for us... it's been a week and not once has he turned his phone off NOT ONCE!!
Last night I broke down to him telling him I hate my life and have nothing else to give emotionally physically to this relationship and feel I can't do being a mother it's been so hard it's one thing after another my mum is 4hrs away on train as she doesn't drive and his parents do my head in and despite parenting 2 children themselves still seem clueless and DS gets unhappy and unsettled when they handle him they think coming round several times a week not leaving until they have held him is helpful despite me saying g what I really need is you to sort your son out and do washing up!lol!
DH response you're just tired!!!
No I don't think 5years of a disappointing relationship is me being tired, me struggling with motherhood isn't just tiredness, me wanting to be better off financially and sick of supporting the whole family isn't just tiredness. He didn't have much to say to that in fact remained very silent staring at the tv.
I took DS to bed then cane back down and cried in his arms he still said nothing I for some bizarre reason then apologised and he said it's ok.. wtf why am I apologising?! Why is he accepting the apology I have nothing g to be sorry for!
I'm sorry for the long post I just know you are all incredibly supportive and I have no one else to talk to my friends live all far away and none are married or have children yet.