Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Sleep

Join our Sleep forum for tips on creating a sleep routine for your baby or toddler. Need more advice on your childs development? Sign up to our Ages and Stages newsletter here.

Original poster

Anyone want to accompany me while i sleep train DD?

523 replies

MrsKoala · 07/12/2017 13:58

I am starting to sleep train 13mo DD tonight. She has been a terrible sleeper since birth and always co-slept on the boob. I had a consultation with a sleep expert today who has talked me thru a gentle process of sleep training.

I am starting tonight as DH is away for a week from next Thursday, so i want it in place for then. DH is not particularly supportive because he hates them crying (and i love it obviously Hmm ) so it would be great if there was someone who was doing theirs at the same time for a mutual support group!

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsKoala · 18/12/2017 09:24

We looked at an au pair last year but couldn’t find anyone suitable. We had lots of applications from people who were very young and saying things like ‘never go out’ and ‘would love you to take me sight seeing’. It just seemed like more work for me. We changed the ad asking for someone who’d done it before and who would be independent, doubled the money and offered to pay for a railcard into London. But got no applicants.

We may advertise again when the kids are older next year.

OP posts:
IsaSchmisa · 18/12/2017 09:34

Mr K can opt out of work overnight travel? And he's been leaving you to this torture regularly, by choice?!

Original poster
MrsKoala · 18/12/2017 09:53

Well not really. He has taken on 3 more staff recently and has said he will try to delegate to them if he can. He often feels his job is precarious and if he doesn't go and represent himself his competitors will be there and he may lose accounts. He is very much what the people pay for so other people can't really 'be him'. It's a tiny industry and at the moment he is at the front. But he is aware he needs to be constantly pushing himself forward as others are coming up quickly. It's a lot of pressure for him and he worries as the breadwinner he will not be able to support us.

But he said he will try to not go away again if he can pass it on to one of his new people. It's a fine line. He can see how it affects us/me but he has to weigh up whether he thinks it would be more beneficial for his job. Very few people in his industry are married with children. Or if they do they only have one child and a sahp with nannies etc.

OP posts:
boodles101 · 18/12/2017 14:03

Sorry a few of you had rough nights! I find it so hard to be consistent in the middle of the night as it's just natural to just do whatever's easiest to get everyone back to sleep quicker. Ds seems to have forgotten how to find his dummy in the night. He woke twice but was back to sleep after I have him the dummy.
We have just been to see father Christmas for the first time and he cried his eyes out Grin got the funniest photo!

Original poster
MrsKoala · 18/12/2017 14:16

Ha, we took DS2 to see father xmas a few weeks ago and he got furious because he thought Santa handed over the goods there and then. He stood outside the grotto for an hour raging at Santa for not giving him his crane.

We've abandoned the advent calendar too as every day was a 2 hour meltdown about why he can't open all the doors.

It's a very frustrating, confusing and pointless time when you are 3! Grin

OP posts:
woofmiaowwoof · 18/12/2017 14:26

i agree re advent calendars mrskoala, my 3 yo DD just like the elder one spent most of december asking for her advent calendar every 5 minutes - the idea they get it once, in the morning is totally lost on them!

Tricky to leave them out when you've got bigger siblings but she's destroyed her father christmas advent calendar enthusiastically ripping off the doors!

boodles101 · 18/12/2017 15:21

Haha I've got all this to come then! There was a little boy there who just stood up every time Father Christmas called out a child's name for a present and kept saying it's mine Grin

Queenofexcuses · 18/12/2017 17:05

Hi everyone! Can I join, late to the party!?

I've read the whole thread and bloody well done to you all for persevering though all the sh*t going on. TBH when I found this thread I was kind of hoping it would be a 'wow sleep training changed my life and it wasn't really that hard' type thread....but hey ho it's best to be prepared!!

We're starting PUPD tonight with my 15 month old who has never slept through the night. We've been co-sleeping to survive but even in bed with (one of) us he is a terrible sleeper so we're thinking we may as well be awake doing PUPD than awake in bed with him thrashing/crying/lying on our faces, right?

We also have a 3yo who joins the non-baby-co-sleeper in bed each night so although OH is very supportive and we alternate children, neither of us gets any sleep.

Neither of us have had a full nights sleep for 3.5 years, now that's depressing and if you could see my knackered face you'd believe me!

So thanks for sharing your storiesand wish me luck!

FannyTheFlamingo · 18/12/2017 17:48

@Queenofexcuses Good luck! And great that you have a supportive partner. I love my DP dearly, but he's bloody useless at things like this. And he gets a solid 8 hrs sleep a night - something I can only dream of! I'm on night 19 of CC. It's been up and down, but I'm hopeful it'll all be worth it.

Original poster
MrsKoala · 18/12/2017 20:15

Good luck Queen. Fingers crossed for you.

I put DD down tonight - back to her previous 'routine' but she cried for 55mins. Really furious crying. I felt so bad we'd set her back like this. But once i'd started i thought it would be worse to fish her out, so i persevered. I want to get back to where we were for xmas - so her going down happily in her cot but then cosleeping with DH and not being fed in the night. Then after xmas i will do the shushing night wakings and DH will move upstairs with the boys. I will have DH for that week so i can at least grab naps in the day.

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsKoala · 18/12/2017 20:46

Dd awake and crying 35 mins after she fell asleep. Crying now for 15 mins. :(

OP posts:
Queenofexcuses · 18/12/2017 20:51

Yes I'd be sunk without It's help. I settled the 3yo while he fought the furious thrashing baby. He had to settle him out of the cot in the end by cuddling but he did at least get him to sleep without a dummy which is the other thing we are trying to achieve! No wake ups so far. I am.convinced the dummy is part of the problem because he wakes every time he loses it. We'll see! Good luck everyone, hope you get some kip

Queenofexcuses · 18/12/2017 21:12

Awake now and howling. GOD this is so hard isn't it 😪

Original poster
MrsKoala · 18/12/2017 22:04

I know. It’s so so hard isn’t it. I just tell myself it’s cruel to be kind. She doesn’t know but she needs a better night sleep and I have to help her get it. It doesn’t help when she’s looking right at me and calling mummy tho.

I hope you get some rest.

OP posts:
FannyTheFlamingo · 19/12/2017 05:51

Hope everyone got some sleep. Not a terrible night here, DD needed her nappy changed at 10.30, but she didn't wake up when I did it. Miracle! Then she woke at 3.30 and 4.30 and up for the day at 5.15! Wish she'd just sleep in a bit longer.

boodles101 · 19/12/2017 10:31

Welcome queen, hope you managed to get through your first night ok.
Fanny how on earth did you manage to change DD without waking her?!!
We had another good night here with DS pretty much 7-7. But the dog and DH are now the problem. They are both waking me more times during the night than DS used to! Need a plan to sort out the dog and his very loud snoring, might have to move his bed downstairs or something.

FannyTheFlamingo · 19/12/2017 12:10

I have no idea boodles! I've never managed it before and DD sleeps on her front, so there was a lot of manoeuvring around. She must have been knackered. Definitely move the dog downstairs until he learns not to snore 😂

Original poster
MrsKoala · 19/12/2017 19:43

Well blow me down. DD went with no fuss tonight. No crying and i didn't even stay in the room. I just put her in the cot, said goodnight and walked out and then, not a peep. Went back in 5 mins later to check and she's fast asleep.

Last night she woke 3 times and cried but DH just soothed her and i didn't cave. She also had a huge dinner. So hopefully she will go thru the night without wanting 'booo' again.

Good luck tonight. Fanny, i can't believe what a trooper you are being. The SC said to me it would work within a week. I just can't believe that. Our children seem immune to this!

OP posts:
FannyTheFlamingo · 19/12/2017 20:44

I think it is working and apart from the fireworks hiccup, DD's been going to sleep really well. She cried for 2 mins tonight. I don't think the night wakings are going to stop, but I think that she'll eventually learn to settle herself in the night, the same way she does when I put her to bed. Throw into to the mix teething and dirty nappies and it's never going to be perfect. I think one week is a bit optimistic! I think you're doing brilliantly. I couldn't have coped with what you've been through this past week. Glad she went to sleep with no drama tonight, fingers crossed for lots of sleep!

boodles101 · 19/12/2017 20:45

Wow that's great MrsK she's is making some great improvements. Just keep at it and the small improvements will all add up. Some children seem to get things within a week but ours seem to want to do things slowly. It's taken my DS approx 4 months to get to where we are now. You are all doing so well.

FannyTheFlamingo · 20/12/2017 06:43

Aaaargh! How do I sleep train myself?? DD woke twice in the night and went straight back to sleep with a bit of teething gel, so if I was able to sleep well myself I would've had approx 7hrs. Instead I've had 4.5hrs! Every little noise wakes me, every little thought pops into my head. I'm knackered and can't blame DD for it at all.

boodles101 · 20/12/2017 07:51

I'm the same fanny. It's because we are on high alert listening out for them and our bodies have just got used to waking up for them. I still wake up at the exact time DS used to feed. It is slowly getting better though. Well done for a good night with your DD!

mamma2016 · 20/12/2017 21:18

I know just how you feel Fanny- anytime our baby sleeps for a decent stretch (which is rare), I’m unable to sleep. We’re on night 6 of CC. No probs settling at the start of the night, no more night feeds but still multiple wake ups and battling early starts.

Wishing silent nights for all and as much sleep as possible!

Original poster
MrsKoala · 20/12/2017 21:18

DD was down straight away again tonight. But DS1 is the problem now. He is taking at least an hour every night of someone having to lay next to him while he settles.

I didn't get downstairs till 8pm, then had to start dinner and we didn't eat till 8.45. I'm so tired and pissed off by then just don't want to do anything.

OP posts:
FannyTheFlamingo · 21/12/2017 07:56

DD did 7 till 5.30 without waking! I don't expect it to happen again tonight, but at least I know she can do it. 6.30 would've been better, but I shouldn't complain! I had 6 hours sleep, awake every hour, but 6 hours is an improvement.

Can DH help with the cooking MrsK? That's one thing DP is good for although half the time he just orders a takeaway, but he does cook dinner about 4 nights per week.