Right tell me how to do this AP parents...want ds and dd in own room and me and dp in SAME room

[FillyjonkIsMilitantAboutFruit]

right i am sharing rather a lot here in an attempt to get some help. anyone mocks me for my hardcore lentilly nightime parenting, i shall get a pitchfork out

ok

since dd was born 21 months ago, dp has been sharing a room with ds (3.5 ) , dd with me. Because, tbh, that was the ONLY sodding way to get some sleep. Both of my kids are utterly, utterly, crappola sleepers, which is probably in part due to me needing only about 6 hours sleep a night.

But now, bascially, I want dp and me in the same room, and the kids in a room of their own (only 2 bedrooms).

So how do we achieve this?

Here are the problems.

1. Ds will not let ANYONE except dp put him to bed. He has a complex ritual involving stories.

1. dd will not let ANYONE except me put her to bed and furthermore is usually still fed to sleep. This could possibly change, there is scope for her to have her feed earlier and then go to bed without a feed.

1. The stories are important but the kdis squabble over which story and dd has little concept as yet of turn taking, your story next etc. Of course we are working on that but in the interim, it means bedtime stress.

oh and i'd like one parent to be able to do the whole bedtime ritual so that the other could bugger off the the gym or something.

hmm. I need to work out my own thoughts here really, yours also greatly appreciated,

dh puts ds to bed at same time as you feed dd to sleep in same room you put dd asleep into bed, dh stays with ds until he's asleep for first few nights
how old?

3.5 and 21 months

ah other problem is that dd goes to bed about 6, ds about 7. Shall I just work on that somehow? maybe increase her nap or something?

OK, don't think I'm an AP parent (don't even know what it is, sorry) but the first thing I'd do is get DP to go away for 2 or 3 nights. You can then crack DS going to bed without his complex ritual plus putting them to bed in the same room. Whether or not you're in there too is up to you. Stories - how about they each choose one and then sit either side of you while you read them to both of them?

When DP comes back, all that's left is for you to extracate yourself from DC's room and slip triumphantly into bed with DP.

Sorted

blimey Fillyjonk...

first things that pop into my head are...

*can't dp quietly leave ds when he's asleep
and join you?

could do this by slowly edging out of the room on a sleeping bag/camp bed

I would attack this situation a bit at a time as it is so complex.

*can't both of you put both of them to bed for a while? Then swap round so kids get better with whoever does it?

*do you follow a set routine? If so, could it be simplified/ if not, would it be possible?

sorry if this sounds obvious/is not helpful. I have one dd who is quite good at the mo so Im just trying to imagine your situ tbh.
Best of luck, anyway.

hello Filly

lovely to see you

I would work on getting them into the same room first and then work on them being put to bed by one parent only

come on you are talking BIG changes here

get them in the same bedroom by hook or by crook, all of you in the bedroom to start with at first or whatever needs to happen to get them to go with it

then adjust the bedtime routine when that has settled down

(stands by with spare pitchfork to prod lentil-baiters)

What does this have to do with lentils?

I like Zog's appraoch but I disagree about who should sort it. YOU should be the one to bugger off & Dp should do it

that is indeed an interesting idea zog.

oh the stories, this is a bugbear generally. ds loves his stories and has quite "old" ones-chapter books etc that dd has no chance of understanding. Also, though pretty bright generally, she is not really into books, unlike ds at that age (I am not worried here, everyone in the house reads obsessively, I'm sure it will come but right now, she doesn't "get" books.) Reading to both together is a big stressy thing and I am tackling it gently. hmmm. will ponder.

what time do they get up? when do they actually go to sleep (how long do the bedtimes take?)

hey zachary btw

i may whinge but in times of crisis i turn to MN...

okay, put dd to bed first, make sure she is sound asleep. get dp to do complex bedtime ritual with ds in your room - stories etc, then put him to bed in his own bed with dd. If he keeps getting out and asking for dp firmly tell him 'time for bed' and carry him back in. Might take umpteen times first night.
Tell him a few days before that tis is the new way of things. Offer incentives - new duvet cover in whatever he's into etc etc

Oh, thought DD was still breastfed, hence DP being the one to bugger off.

Re stories, I would always read the younger one's story first. Then whilst reading older child's story, younger one would usually sidle off and potter about with some toys on the floor IYKWIM.

what time do they get up?

6-o-feckin-clock

and dd is usually awake before then, but, like the Sims, the Jonk day starts at 6.

lock the door and leave 'em to wail in the manner of Victorian consumptive children

Not really

how about

1 start getting your ds to be more flexable with his routine at bedtime, and try to keep your dd up a bit longer after you have fed her.

2 Put your dd to bed and just lie with her for a bit, instead of feeding her, and YOU start reading the story to your ds - get your dp out of the house for this

3 read the stories, then bustle around a bit, kissing and night nighting, then go downstairs.

hmmmm

are you thinking big bang approach rather than a long series of small changes because both have their merits.

No-one else knows I am called Zachary, Filly

you never stayed around long enough for it to catch on

(I am vaguely hoping someone will start calling me Francoise, at some point. I fancy a change)

Hmmm, tricky one as they are in the same room.

Could you adapt the story routine so that most of it takes place downstairs while you feed dd then both up to bed at the same time and the end bit taking place in bed? DS would still get the whole story, DD gets her feed and a new routine of them both going to bed at the same time and hopefully DD will tolerate the end of the story without too much complaint?

Not sure how to do the one parent putting both to bed bit as I hate it when I have to put DS2 and DD to bed on my own - I ususally rope DS1 in to play with dd while I read DS2 his story, very quickly, before dd realises I'm not there!

At the ages they are, I would definitely put them to bed at the same time - she's nearly 2, so won't be going to bed at 6 for much longer I wouldn't have thought.

I really would go for the whole lot at once, but then I've had to move 3 children halfway round the world, so am not generally in favour of prolonging the agony as far as change goes

Have a feeling that may not be considered lentilly though

actually he needs a bed (long story related to no ceiling...), so there is scope here for new things.

have found thomas canopy , this should help

ok here is my plan

1. get them used to sleeping in same room, ds in souped up "thomas bed" (actually he is desperate for a sofa bed but...no.), with individual usual routines.

1. try somehow to merge routines.

1. one person takes over routine

1. start putting them down for naps in their bedroom

1. move them into their bedroom and bugger off to marital bliss

thoughts?

make bedtime a bit later so they are more tired and pliable?

ds is nearly 2 and sleeps from 8.30-6.30, any earlier and he either doesn't go to sleep or wakes up. you haven't got much to lose int eh early morning stakes after all.

i am lentilly. honest guv. and very AP. i even make quinoa now and then.

my 3, as you may know, are 1,2 and 3. therefore a certain amount of neccessity has come into play in the way bedtimes have evolved around here.
and one thing ive learned, is that a little putting down of feet is resisted a lot less than you might imagine.
currently ds 1&2 sleep in same room. go to bed at same time. ds3 has a bed in there but he also has a cot in our room for if he kicks up at bedtime and threatens to keep others up. gives us flexibility.

am trying hardest to think of a concise post for you... would it be quicker if you asked any questions if you want to know how we got to this room sharing withou probs stage??

They both nap

I would favour the long term softly softly approach rather than the short sharp crash and burn approach, but that is because I am a lazy fecker

How about one big futon and leave them to it a bit? They would soon sort each other out. Maybe.

is ds read to sleep?

you need to tellt he kid oyu arent there so its daddy or no one
ditto you

go out and be tough