Controlled crying - moving from attachment parenting to abandonment parenting?

[tinkerbellhadpiles]

I know this is going to get a few people annoyed so I've put my special teflon knickers and fireproof boots on first. This is a genuine question:
I don't get controlled crying. I've spent a long time thinking about this (mostly at 2am when my DD wakes up hungry). If you put yourself in the place of the child, is this not a movement from attachment parenting to abandonment parenting
You spend all day lavishing attention on your child, when the little one cries you comfort him or her, sacrificing your time to do anything else in favour of looking after her.
Then seven a clock rolls round and you suddenly start ignoring her, until she learns that you just abandon her at nights and gives up and goes to sleep through exaustion or frustration.
To my mind controlled crying is an oxymoron, a child cries because they are out of control, frustrated, hungry or frightened. And if you are sitting there on the stairs sobbing because you can hear her (as a lot of my friends do) then you aren't in control either. Is it just a battle of wills or is there a genuine bit of science in here?
Seriously, will someone PLEASE explain how this actually works?
Incidentally, I don't have a much better solution, my DD (five months) sleeps 7-2:30, has a feed and sleeps till about 6ish. We just deal with it now and honestly I don't mind now I'm used to it. She did wake up every hour for a month when she got to three and a half months and I was fairly psychotic after a week of it and did pick up, put down and that worked to get to the above situation.

And funnily enough the evidence of damage from daycare is real and robust, which is not the case for sleep training.

are you talking the same kind of 'evidence' of damage as you have found like the 'evidence' to show how safe cc is?

don't make me have a larf (again) woman.

oh, i see you are willing to take up that podium in the sky, again, aloha.

Keep talking, kiskidee, let it all out. Don't hold back. I am listening.

We are all listening. Aloha, me, the voices in your head. You have our attention. Undivided, of course.

at 5 months I let ds CIO during his lunchtime nap. I was at the end of my tether with lack of sleep. he cried the first day for 45 minutes. then he slept for 1 1/2 hours (he'd only ever done 1/2 hour before). the next day he cried for 20 minutes.

that was it. he is a fantastic sleeper (7.30 pm til 7.30 - 8.30 am).

he absolutely has not 'learnt' that he is abandoned and there is no point crying: he often wakes, with a nightmare/when he is ill/when he is thirsty. we always immediately go to him. the difference is that he learnt that not only could he put himself back to sleep when he woke, but that he was safe to do so and that I was always there when he woke.

so quite honestly....you carry on with your children that do not sleep....what, you think that is 'genetic'? there are children born to not sleep? carry on darlings.

parenting is not always about doing the easy thing. it is about making sure your child's survival needs are met (that means good food, ENOUGH SLEEP and lots and lots of love as emotional survival is the most important).

chronic lack of sleep in a child (i.e. less than 11-13 hours depending on age) could be characterised as abusive.

This thread is really becoming appallingly vicious

would there be anything one of us could say to encourage you all to step away for a little while?

I truly don't think this can be helping anyone and it makes for very sad reading

Well, there is no evidence of harm from controlled crying - you haven't been able to find any for a start - and a shedload of studies indicating harm caused by full time daycare for tiny babies.
You choose not to believe the latter? Fine. Your choice. And of course, your child may well be undamaged. It was a risk you were clearly happy to take. But don't pretend you are some guru of what's best for babies.

I agree 100% with Sophable.

This is a terrible, terrible mess, FrannyandZooey. If you can help, please do, particularly with the language.

Aloha, sophable, I agree with you two but this thread is more about kiskidee support than CC - at the moment, anyway!
I will come and join the other thread shortly where rational debate appears to be still taking place.

Its midnight. Time for bed.

wow. just saw this from aloha.

i must have said something that must have cut close to her bone sometime in the past.

whatever it was aloha,

ssssoooooorrrreeeeee!!!!!

i hope you only think of this of me an not all the other working mums who use Mumsnet!

By Aloha on Sat 05-May-07 23:01:41
Full time daycare? You disgusting monster. You aren't a parent at all. You just let strangers mind your baby as if she was an animal in a zoo.

Actually, I don't think that. But bloody hell, to be lectured on parenting by you makes me laugh. Don't you know anything about glass houses?

As it happens I know lots of happy children who were in daycare. Just as I know lots of happy children who were helped to get to sleep at night.

I wrote: "Actually, I don't think that. But bloody hell, to be lectured on parenting by you makes me laugh. Don't you know anything about glass houses?"

Or didn't you bother reading that far?

That's better, kiskidee, don't stop, let it all out.

It's not nice to be accused of being a crap parent, is it?

my, aren't you a clever one!

Are you feeling better, kiskidee?

repeat after me aloha.

I am not a crap parent for letting someone else cc your child.

now say that 3x times, have a glass of water, and go to bed.

lol.

oh come on folks....this is not nice.

I am very happy knowing I am at least a more present parent than you are. And a less stupid person. Good night love.

don't forget to shut the door and pull down the black out blinds.

and if you wake up during the night do not cry because no one is coming in to soothe you. you'll just have to do it yourself.

Kiskidee, that has got to be the most bitchy, nasty, low comment I have EVER seen on here.

I'd report it, except I think folk ought to see it.

Really nasty.

pmsl

VVV, honestly, from my experience of her, I would not be at all worried about aloha. i imagine she is smiling wryly on her way to bed.

Kiskidee, please stop now. Take a break. We can resume at another time.