How can I stop BFing to sleep?

[ArtichokeTagine]

My 7 month old DD has always been breastfed to sleep. If she wakes in the night I breastfeed her then too. She is addicted to the breast - using it as a sleep aid, a comforter and a food source. If we lay her in the cot awake, or try to cuddle or rock her to sleep she screams and screams. They only other way she falls asleep is in the car or pram. Often I bf her to sleep and she wakes as I lie her down and I have to start all over again.

I return to work in 8 weeks and 3 nights a week DP will put her to bed. We have to find a way to get her to sleep without the breast and we need to start now so she can be eased in gently. What can we do? I do not agree with straight cc.

artichoke? whre are you?????

So glad I found this thread! It has inspired me to start trying to sort out our sleep problems tonight.

DS3 (7 1/2 months) is very good really, he only wakes for a feed once a night (touch wood), but I am lazy and don't make him self settle because I have to get up early for the school run and have been too sleep deprived to tackle it. So, I'm often only getting 4-5 hours broken sleep, as his feed is a long one.

We did CC with DS1 and DS2, following Dr Richard Ferber's sleep book, but I have been too freaked out by his change of heart to try it with DS3 (I understand that he does not now recommend it under one year). So, we plan to do the rock for 3 days, cuddle for 3 days, cuddle in cot thing. If that doesn't work, then we will do stay-in-the-room-controlled-crying.

I'm typing this so I can't change my mind!

crayon - welcome . i tried pu/pd, NCSS, gradual withdrawal before doing cc. it isthe only thing that has worked for me and it was not nearly as bad as i had envisioned even though ds gets really worked up when he gets upset. that is why i had steered well clear of it in the past. it was only when i was making my 4th visit to his room in one hour after putting him to bed that i took the bull by the horns and did cc. it was very hard but not nearly as diff as i thought. AND ds really caught on fast. That said, he woke twice between 7 and 6:30 last night and would only be resettled with boob. Tonight i will do cc again if he wakes as he does benefit from the sleep as do i! Good luck.

Hi There, I think I recognise you Cruisemum from the NCSS thread.

I was very against CC but at 15 months and DS was waking twice per night to be BF back to sleep either in the cot or my my bed I felt that I needed more than 6 hours of continous sleep.

I took on board friends advice about getting baby to sleep on his own in his own cot and offering a beaker of water if he cries instead of the boob. I did this most but not all of the time. If he refused the beaker of water and was just wanting boob then I left the room for a period (2 mins to 15 minutes) depending on the type of cry. It's taken about two weeks but he is now going off to sleep without the boob and settling himself if he wakes at night. I never left him get very upset and have gone back to BF if he was but it has helped to break the boob-sleep association. I explain all the time in a soft voice why I am doing this and talk him through going to sleep aswell as reading books to distract him. It is amazing to see him settle himself and just go to sleep on his own.

Obviously he is much older than your babies but please take heart if you don't feel ready to do this now you may want to do this type of thing at a later stage when your baby will be more understanding and you can both cope with it better.

After all there are no hard and fast rules are there, you just have to find the best pathway for your situation.

Thanks Cruisemum1. You really have to be in the right mindset to do CC, don't you? I'm really determined that we need to start getting this sorted this week while DH has some holiday and I can sleep in, so I am hopeful!

I'm not sure what gradual withdrawal is - it it controlled crying but staying further away from the cot?

I know I am a much much better parent when I have had more than 4 hours sleep a night, and I know the children will benefit emotionally from that, probably more than they may be damaged by controlled crying with me in the room.

Wish me luck!

Difers - that's me! I am sleep thread tart!!!
crayon - you will be fine. when i did cc, as i said, it was not planned but definitely necessary. all i did was go in at 1 min, 2 mins, 4 mins, 4 mins again and the longest he was left was 6 mins. his cries stopped and started - sometimes full blown, often grizzles but i only went in if he was crying proper. all in all it took 40mins but he was not crying all that time . basically i played it by ear and followed what i believed to be right for my boy. good luck. and here's wishing you and your lo some restful nights soon

I am hating this. He is so sad. Put him down half an hour ago and until now one of us have been in his room, calming and picking him up every so often, but I have just come out because I'm not sure we are not making matters worse.

I would be more confident doing it if Richard Flipping Ferber, so called Sleep Solution God, hadn't changed his mind about whether it is OK to do with an under-one year old. I mean ... how do you write a book and then change your mind about something as important as that :-[.

Does anyone know why he had his mind change?

Hi everyone
Im having same problem with DD 8 months. I dont think I will ever get her off her boob. We have tried half heartidly to get her in a bedtime routine but we have not been consistent enough! You are all ahead of me at least your LO in own room. Im a big softy and bf DD to sleep.....she only sleeps for 20 mins to a hour if I put her down at night (on our bed-co sleep). Im usually trapped with her on my knee until we go to bed!Feeding her back to sleep if she wakes up. To be honest im too tired at this stage to change. Got a DD aged 9 also and I was much different with her.Will watch this thread wiyh interest and see if I can pick up any tips

That was horrific . The worse night since ... well since the last time we controlled cried. We were in and out of his room, sometimes staying and sometimes going because I thought DH and/or I were a distraction, for an hour. After an hour, I always think it is cruel to stop because they have done the worst bit. Eventually I held him and hugged him until he calmed down and gradually withdrew until I was crouched by the cot, not touching him, and he dozed off.

I have been trying to hide my sobbing all evening too and feel emotionally shattered. The problem is, he didn't really respond to the pick up put down stuff, because it just seemed to annoy him.

If he wakes in the night, I will definitely not feed back to sleep, but will stay by his cot and hug him until he feels dozy, and gradually withdraw over the next few days.

Could be a long night.

Good luck everyone else.

crayon - bout your horrid experience. i found the same with pu/pd. totally awful. i think it's cos they get mixed messages...up,cuddle, down,up,pat, up, cuddle etc. so confusing for them. i abandoned it on the one occasion i tried it. almost cried as much as he did . i know it works for some but not here . i hope he slept soundly after that adn you did not have a truamatic evening. thing to remember is their memories are very short and he will still love you .
mamaladybug- i stil bf to sleep but lo is in his own room in co. if you read earlier threads you can see what i did. he cried last night at 9:40 and i had to repeat cc till 10:30pm. it was hard but as he had been doing so well it would be madness to revert to bf to sleep again which was what he was looking to do. they do say they can revert to former behavoiur after around 5 days and it was about 5 days ago i first did it so hoping that was it for now

Thanks Cruisemum1. Not sure he does still love me; he won't meet my eye properly this morning. I know that sounds a bit melodramatic, but he seems really disappointed in me - still willing to smile at his Dad though, who had little to do with it. Guess whose turn it is tonight!

Doing a softer version tonight though, can't go through all that again.

crayon- when they don't make eye contact, it is generally out of tiredness. They often avert their eyes in either direction. don't fret - your lo loves you unconditionally

He did really well tonight . He only took 30 minutes and that included one false start as he got off to sleep, but woke with wind, so I winded him and put him back down and he went to sleep on his own again.

I stayed in his room very close to his cot. The first time he was holding my hand, the second he did it all on his own. Very very proud of him .

crayon - that is fantastic / be prepared for some glitches though. he may take a couple more days ot really 'get it'. how was the night? did he wake? hope you feel rested and happy today! my ds slept from 7:15pm - 6:35am!

Thanks Cruisemum. Well done your DS! I feel a bit ashamed actually because he woke at 3am, but as I had only managed to get to sleep at 1.30am (DS2 woke me making a racket in his bed and I have hayfever) and we are due to go to our Anniversary lunch today, I really didn't have the appetite for putting him down awake. I know I have to though, and plan to do so tonight.

Hi all - I have been away for a week using a travel cot to test DD's new found ability to self settle.

Sorry Cruise - I never meant to ignore you I just did not have web access. How is your DS doing? In answer to your question from Monday my DD basically stopped waking in the night when I started CC. She has woken twice in the last month - once at home and once while we were away. Both times it was around 11pm and I fed her back to sleep and she was fine. It just seems that now she knows how to self settle she wakes less.

She was great on holiday - the first night she cried when I lied her in the travel cot but I stayed with her and after 4 mins she was asleep. Every other night she was fine. Sadly the early wakings are creeping back. This morning she was up at 5.10am. Now we are home I may tackle that with a feed and then CC when she refuses to settle. 6am is my absolute limit if I am to function for the whole day.

Hi to Crayon and Mamaladybug. Crayon - how is your lol doing now? I hope things are improving.

Hello ArtichokeTagine.

We were running late tonight and he was tired, but I put him down awake at 9.48pm. He fell asleep at 9.49pm!! Now I just need to bring bedtimes much earlier and retreat from the room a bit.

Well done your DD too

crayon - howwas your night?

Hey everyone
Just watching this thread and dipping in and out if that ok. I think my LO on a growth spurt because she is feeding on/off every 2 hours at moment!!!But I seem to be getting used to living on less sleep at moment so hanging in there. I know when time is right for me I will need to do what you are /have done i.e allowing some crying for sake of sleep but in a caring and gentle way (hate to say the CC word! lol) I think im just swamped with bf hormones at moment so if i hear a baby crying anywhere in the world I feel the need to bring it to my extra large boobies!
I think you have done really well crayon and if it is any consolation at all, my DD 2 never looks at me in the eye when she is tired....that is one of the ways how we know she needs to sleep. I think helping your baby to learn to sleep is a good thing if done with love like you are doing.

Im not brave enough at moment, although she does have a cry in frustration when she is overtired and sitting in her car seat when im driving......I cant get to her when im driving but i talk to her to sooth her and she just gives in to sleep eventually. Dont see how it is that much different to me sitting next to her when she goes to bed and doing it .....if you think about it.

My older DD 1 is 9yrs. At about 10 months of age I did CC with her and it worked after approx 1 week.........I however did it the total book way and just let her cry to sleep with me crying in the other room!!! I followed things to the book then and it has scared me for life ....but she is fine! However, it worked and she was in her own room in her own bed by 12 months....she cant remember a thing about it when I ask her about it now. She loves her sleep now i cant get her out of bed!!!

Cruise, thanks I will look back at your past threads with interest in how you got your LO in their own room etc.

You are doing fab crayon.......you sound like a totally loving parent who is very sensitive to your LO needs and im jealous of your new found sleep

mamaladybug - my dd is 9 too!

Cruisemum - fab night thank you. I was full of resolve to make him self settle in the night after feeding last night - but he slept through until 7am!! First time in ages.

Mamaladybug - thank you for saying such lovely things - it's made me all glowy this morning! LOL re crying babies anywhere in the world! And, it's good to know that your DD avoids eye contact when tired too - I was beating myself up about that one as I never notice it unless I have done something like this. How old is your LO?

crayon - that is amazing - you must feel brill! . let's hope it is the same for you tonight and the next night and ........ it makes it so much better when you realise that what you did, however hard it may have seemed, has paid dividends. well done

Just updating incase anyone else reading this thread needs a bit of inspiration before starting sleep training! Tonight I put him in his cot, sat on the bed for about 10 seconds and went out of the room. He grizzled a tiny bit and was asleep in about 6 minutes. This was night four

Hey everyone

Crayon and Artichoke you seem to have cracked it now, using a more gentle version of CC technique.Artichoke-wow!!!A travel cot!!! hopefully no looking back now your LO's can settle themselves. I think Artichoke is out there having some fun now there is no stopping her.....AND lots of sleep

Its funny finally had a bit of time to read most of this thread....I read about the dummy trials.I just tried DD with a dummy.....she thinks its a toy and smiles and plays with it and turns it around in her hand a lot......but no actual sucking going on! Its in her toy box now covered in fluff probably!! Soooo back to using my boob for her dummy.

Crayon- I have DD1 who is 9, DD2 who is 8 months
Cruise- Think our LO's around same ages
ps ...excuse grammar etc one handed typing with LO on my knee feeding!!!! prob like lots of mums on here...Takes me ages to type a reply on mn.

good night last night. sleep at 7:00pm, woke at 9:15 for 15 mins (had to do a bit off cc but he was not too bad at all) and he slept until 6:40am! the nights are not yet consistent but such a vast improvement on a fortnight ago that i can hardly believe it. hope you are all feeling refreshed today