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Original poster

How can I stop BFing to sleep?

142 replies

ArtichokeTagine · 10/03/2007 21:09

My 7 month old DD has always been breastfed to sleep. If she wakes in the night I breastfeed her then too. She is addicted to the breast - using it as a sleep aid, a comforter and a food source. If we lay her in the cot awake, or try to cuddle or rock her to sleep she screams and screams. They only other way she falls asleep is in the car or pram. Often I bf her to sleep and she wakes as I lie her down and I have to start all over again.

I return to work in 8 weeks and 3 nights a week DP will put her to bed. We have to find a way to get her to sleep without the breast and we need to start now so she can be eased in gently. What can we do? I do not agree with straight cc.

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cruisemum1 · 15/03/2007 12:41

wow!

cruisemum1 · 15/03/2007 13:28

let me know how long she sleeps for!

Original poster
ArtichokeTagine · 15/03/2007 13:32

hi cruisemum

she slept in the cot for one hour and ten mins. she then cried so i picked her up and has been asleep on me ever since. okay so maybe i should have put her back in the cot but after one hour and ten mins i was so pleased i just wanted to cuddle her . my house is tidy for the first time in ages and i feel like i had a real break.

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cruisemum1 · 15/03/2007 16:14

sounds like heaven! maybe I shall have to take the cc route at some stage myself. Maybe I'll do it when dd is on Easter hols as she can stay with my parents at the seaside.... sounds hard but necessary maybe

cruisemum1 · 16/03/2007 18:54

artichoke - did you find the daytime naps in the cot hard to establish? lo sleeps quite well in the day usually but only in his buggy (indoors or out) or car seat on the move.

Original poster
ArtichokeTagine · 16/03/2007 20:27

Hi Cruisemum

Until yesterday DD had NEVER slept in the day except on me, her Dad or in the pram. Even as a newborn she only slept on people in the day. We never pushed it because we enjoyed it and I will never regret the months of her curled up on my chest . However, if I laid her in the cot during the day she would scream (or play until she realised she was not going to be picked up - then scream). I never pushed it as I was so anti CC. Then yesterday I let her cry in the cot at nap time and it only took 12 mins. She did not cry at all today.

I know you said you might do CC when your daughter can stay with your Mum but that might not be necessary. In the 6 days I have done it I have had a total of 33 minutes crying. 21 mins to get her to sleep the first night and 12 mins to get her down for the first nap. Maybe it will not be as bad as you think.

Another bit of good news was that we beat the early rising this morning. DD woke to start her day at 4.50am and I just thought NO, NO, NO. I went down to her room and fed her in the dark and then lay her quietly down and went back to bed. I turned off the monitor as she was playing and I can hear her easily if she really cries. I was fully expecting to hear crying and have to get her within 10 mins. In actuality the next thing I knew it was 7.30am and I could hear her gurgling at her toy duck. I feel soooooo rested.

Good luck.

OP posts:
cruisemum1 · 16/03/2007 20:54

OH.MY.GOSH! that sounds like you have it completely sussed and sorted. Funnily enough. ds only woke twice per night for hte past (excellent for him by recent standards) and tonight he wnet in his cot, stirred, turned to face away from me and went to sleep - that was 2 hours ago! so maybe ...pleassse... I won't have to take that route.... Glad it has worked for you though. Our lo's sound very similar!

cruisemum1 · 18/03/2007 21:16

bumping this as i need to re-read tomorrow.Sorry everyone! n'nite

Original poster
ArtichokeTagine · 19/03/2007 10:26

Hi Cruisemum

It sounds lik you had some promsing signs on Friday. How was DS's sleeping over the weekend. Your need to bump suggests you may be considering CC. Are you?

DD is still doing well going down at night. But the naps are 50:50. Some days she will go down in the cot without fuss for her nap, otherdays not. She got her first tooth on Sat so I have not pushed the naps as I think she needs lots of cuddles. Early wakings are also still an issue. This morning she woke at 6am and it felt like a real lie in! Despite these little issues things are so much better and I feel so much more in control. Good luck and let us know what you decide.

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cruisemum1 · 21/03/2007 19:44

artichoke - ds was a nightmare on SAturday night. Woke so often I was a total wreck on Mother's Day . Did my best to remain radiant and happy for 9 yo dd though - even managed to raise th energy to play netball with her . Sunday was marginally better but Mon and Tues have been appalling. he has a cold and was v conspitated the last couple of days but I know it is now solely to do with that. He is taking a while to settle at bedtme again with me having to repeatedl go in and bf to sleep again - another problem for me as he will not go to sleep any other way at bedtime and I want to wean from boobs to see if this alleviates prob. gotta do something as I am getting bogged down and obsessed with sleep (or rahter lack of it!)

missingsleep · 21/03/2007 20:24

I've been reading this thread and feeling my veiws on cc might change. My dd is 24 weeks and wakes every 1-2 hours, she will only go back if I bf her. Pu/pd, the ncss won't work - she sounds just like yours artichoke in short.

Have been telling dp for the last month all the reasons why we're not going to do cc but am just so exhausted I don't know what else to do. So artichoke tell me was your lo OK the next day? Do you think putting her through that bit of crying has changed anything other than her sleep? I really need a solution and maybe cc is it.

cruisemum1 · 21/03/2007 21:20

Meant so say but I know it is not solely to do with that"
"missingsleep - crikey! you are my twin! my ds is 27 weeks so not much difference in ages as far as cc is concerned. I also tried pu/pd and ncss to no avail. pu/pd completely cranked ds up and he became quite hysterical (it was at about 4 mths we tried). NCSS seemd like the perfect answer but as I only really need the pull-off thing and this hasn't worked either, it has proved useless too. I am desparate for sleep. Some nights he can do huge swathes of sleep and others 1-2 hourly wake ups. I really do think that it is up to me to fix it. Surely it is fairer on all concerned that I teach him to sleep/settle himself. I have been upstairs to settle/bf him four times already this evening and I don't even include this in my 'wake up count' as I haven't been woken myself iyswim. I only count teh ones that occur during my sleeptime. He is awake again. I ahve to do something

Original poster
ArtichokeTagine · 21/03/2007 21:21

Cruise - sorry to hear that your ds is still not sleeping well. I know what it is like to become obsessed with sleep. I too was tempted by the bottle but in the end I realised how much I love breastfeeding and how good it makes DD and I feel. I am not in any way saying you should not bottle feed - that was just how I felt. I hope you get a good nights sleep soon.

DD has continued to go down like an angel at night even though she got her first tooth on Saturday. I am introducing longer gaps between the last feed and bed to make sure they are distinct in her mind. Today we read a story after the feed and she still went down without a peep. The early waking has improved slightly - 6am for a few days. On Saturday night DH and I felt her sleeping had improved enough to leave her with a babysitter (her grandma) and go to a dinner party. Until now I could not really leave for long as she would wake and need the breast. It was a great night. DD did wake up at about 10.30pm but her grandma gave her a cuddle and she went back down happily! Unheard of.

Missingsleep - I am sorry to hear that you are so tired too. I feel really strange about encouraging CC. I was (and still sort of am) very against cc. I had read "Why Love Matters" which is a book that suggests stress in babies can affect their brain development. This and my maternal instinct meant I thought I would never consider CC. Having said that it has worked wonders for us. It does not seem to have affecting DD's personality. She always has been, and still is, a very happy and smiley child. The only difference is that she can settle herself better and so gets better sleep. She also has a much more happy Mum .

However we were really lucky. It took 21 minutes of crying and then a couple minutes more crying for the second night, the first two naps in the cot and a couple of the early wakings. Thats it. If DD had found it more upsetting and cried for longer I am not sure I could have done it. I would have felt I was damaging her and letting her down. What I am trying to say is I am really conflicted. CC worked for us but even though we had much less crying than I had feared I still feel a bit guilty about having done it. However I do think it is kinder for a baby like my DD than PU/PD. I felt PU/PD gave her no chance to settle and overstimulated her when it was tired. i also felt picking her up and putting her straight back again just taunted her. Good luck in whatever your choose and let us know what happens.

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cruisemum1 · 21/03/2007 21:21

my ds wil only be sent back to sleep by bf too. Nothing else works and as I ahve a dd I have to get to him reasonablly quickly as she has to be up for scool and cannot have her sleep disturbed.

Original poster
ArtichokeTagine · 21/03/2007 21:24

Cross posted there Cruisemum. Sorry to hear your evening is not going well. As you see from our posts we agree on PU/PD - I do think straight CC is kinder and more likely to succeed. I hope DS settles soon.

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cruisemum1 · 21/03/2007 21:42

artichoke. A quick suck on the boob always fixes it for ds! Trouble is, his need is becoming a burden. I love bf and have continued for longer than I intended partly due to ds's need/love of it and partly because it is so easy in the early hours. I am stopping over the next couple of weeks though to see if it alleviates night wakings. dh and I ahve some really important/fun functions to attend (he is involved in politics and entertainments in a big way) and I cannot spend the evening worrying that ds will not settle without me and that dd will suffer as whoever babysits will be 'neglecting' her needs too iyswim. I have fed for 27 weeks now so I am trying not to feel guilty and a baby's memory is VERY short! I also do not belive that cc or a variation of it, has any long term detrimental effects on the baby (more likely to have those on me!), I think it is a valuable gift that we are imparting - the gift of long and peaceful sleep for all. And that is the only way I will be able to see it through. I really appreciate your continued imput on this thread. Don't leave us now!!! . Off to bed for 1.5 hours of glorious, uninterrupted sleep

missingsleep · 22/03/2007 10:16

Another terrible night, dd woke every hour. Cruisemum I'm sorry you're going through it too but I'm also glad someone else out there is in the same boat as me.

Still I've made a plan. I'm going to give her her first solids today, she's 24 and a half weeks so bit early but I honestly think it's time. If there's no change in 2 weeks then cc it is. I only hope it goes as well as it did for artichoke.

Cruisemum keep me posted on what you decide - and tell me if it works. Fingers crossed for us both.

lovefamily · 22/03/2007 10:52

im joining the club on this one. dd was awake every hour too! needs boob to sleep. thinking of weaning off boob as dd now 6 months.

cruisemum - hi its me ive been awol for a while as business takes off (and over my life) hows it going? will try and catch up

have 2 go baby grumpy with cold - see u all soon

cruisemum1 · 22/03/2007 14:21

lovefamily - hi! ds got cold too more later

missingsleep · 22/03/2007 15:53

Hi lovefamily, another one - thank god. Just been to a play group where all the babies sleep through, was v jealous. (My dd's still the prettiest and overall best though obviously). Am so, so tired...

lovefamily · 22/03/2007 17:06

ive been thinking of using a dummy - i dont have anything against them but dont really like the idea. Does anyone else use one yet?

cruisemum - was it you that was trying to get ds onto dummy rather than boob - if so howd it go???

we cosleep (even though have a bedside cot) and i want to wean dd off boob at night - dont think she actually needs the food - she has two meals a day now solids as we started weaning at 4 months as she was a bigger baby.

i will try read through older messages to get to know everyone better and hopefully will get round to checking in more!

cruisemum1 · 22/03/2007 18:02

lovefamiy - ds won't take a dummy. I have no objectins to them whatsoever as dd had one till she was at school . I have every size, shape, texture possible but he won't have it! I don't co slpee which means i have to troll across the landing into his room to bf bck to sleep. Sometimes it is only twice a night but others far more . Dunnow waht to do - scuse spelling rushing like blue arsed fly at mo. mor elater hopefully

cruisemum1 · 22/03/2007 18:03

missinghsleep - hello - will check in aain later

lovefamily · 22/03/2007 20:40

ive read a few of the previous messages - i get the feeling im not the only one whos regrettably considering cc. i hate the idea and know its gonna kill me to do it (plus i obviously worry about effect on dd and guilt etc) but at the end of the day - something needs to be done.

cruisemum1 · 22/03/2007 21:14

lovefamly - i am totally with you on that. But something has to give here and I do feel it is my responsiblity to give my darling boy the luxury of uninterrupted sleep

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