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Sleep

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Original poster

How can I stop BFing to sleep?

142 replies

ArtichokeTagine · 10/03/2007 21:09

My 7 month old DD has always been breastfed to sleep. If she wakes in the night I breastfeed her then too. She is addicted to the breast - using it as a sleep aid, a comforter and a food source. If we lay her in the cot awake, or try to cuddle or rock her to sleep she screams and screams. They only other way she falls asleep is in the car or pram. Often I bf her to sleep and she wakes as I lie her down and I have to start all over again.

I return to work in 8 weeks and 3 nights a week DP will put her to bed. We have to find a way to get her to sleep without the breast and we need to start now so she can be eased in gently. What can we do? I do not agree with straight cc.

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missingsleep · 23/03/2007 10:42

Hello my fellow sleep deprived Mums. Oh dear dp nearly in tears last night as he feels unable to cope with work and the utter lack of sleep. He thinks we should do cc, in fact sees it as our only option. So I have some questions about the technicalities. Say I let her cry herself to sleep at 8 (god feel awful even typing that), if she wakes at 11 for a feed, then 12, 1 , 2, 3, 4 etc do I leave her to cry too then? Or feed her and if she drops off on the breast so be it?

Have also started weaning in the hope it's hunger waking her up though I suspect it's not. How did evryone elses night go?

cruisemum1 · 23/03/2007 12:47

missingsleep - i really don't know! i, too, want advice on this. someone is bound to know....let's wait

cruisemum1 · 25/03/2007 09:01

bump as i need to refer to stuff here. sorry!

BandofMothers · 25/03/2007 09:32

How old are your babies???

cruisemum1 · 25/03/2007 10:38

bandofmothers - my ds is 28 weeks. he seems a bit more settled this week so am hoping and praying that idon't have to do any cryng thigns! trouble is he is gonna be weaned from bf in the next couple of weeks and that is hte only way he falls asleep at night at the momeht so I am prepared for some resistance.....

BandofMothers · 25/03/2007 11:19

Cruisemum. What is the reason for weaning???

lovefamily · 25/03/2007 11:43

im also thinking of weaning dd off boob completely. for a mix of reasons - would like to be able to spend some decent time with ds1, take him out and need to get dd from falling asleep on boob and dontr think thatll happen while breastfeeding. ds1 has unfortunately noticed there has been a lack of attention aND time spent on him despite our best efforts to avoid this happening.

im trying to go straight to a beaker - any thoughts on using beakers straight away anyone? ive got a tommy tipee 4 months plus one but feel free to recommend a good one for a 6 month old breastfed bub

cruisemum1 · 25/03/2007 11:45

many reasons.... cos i want to. cos dh and i have some v important functionss coming up and currently i am the only one able to put ds to bed. cos ds is unable to settle to sleep without boob which leads to same in middle of night. cos i am ready, despite loving it. why do you ask

cruisemum1 · 25/03/2007 11:46

lovefamily - we cross posted. obv we are in same boat!

mears · 25/03/2007 11:47

ArtichokeTagine - I haven't read all the responses but just to let you know I breastfed all my babies to sleep and when I went to work it really wasn't a problem. The wee monkeys just knew I wasn't there and happily took EBM and went to sleep. Left EBM for night wakings but they often didn't. Knew when I was home though

mears · 25/03/2007 11:52

cruisemum1 - I may have asked you this before but why don't you take him into bed to feed at night so often? That means you get some sleep while the baby is quiet. I did that, and if I woke I put the baby back in the cot that was beside the bed. That is not the same as co-sleeping IMO. There is now way I could have been bothered trailing to another room to feed at night. Does that not make you resentful of getting up?

mears · 25/03/2007 11:53

Meant to say that I never had a problem getting a child out of my bed. They always started the night in the cot and then eventually did not wake till the morning. They got moved to their own rooms at a year.

Jomaja · 25/03/2007 13:59

DS is 28 weeks today and for the past three days has gone to sleep by himself after only having been able to bf to sleep unless he was in a car or the pram.

I think it made a huge difference tat he's been in our bed at night. He starts off in his bed and when he wakes for a feed I leave him with us. Since doing this the two- hourly wakes at night have disapeared too.

cruisemum1 · 25/03/2007 15:37

he actually only wakes twice per night mostly, except the odd bad night which is usually down to tummy or cold etc. I don't want to start co-sleeping at 6 mths as i seem to be making progress without taking that route, lovely as it was when he ws very small . he only woke once last night but the prob is falling asleep at the beginning of hte evening. he needs to be able to have someone else put him to bed occasionally but currently will not sleep unless at breast for bed.

BandofMothers · 25/03/2007 20:02

I asked cos I wondered if you might feed him just at night, and not in the day, if your reason was going back to work or something like that. But if it's just that you're ready then that's different, but at that age you may find he will still wake to feed at night even if he's on a bottle.

I take it he doesn't have a dummy. He is old enough IMO to try controlled crying. I did it with dd2 at about 5 mths. She settles ok now at night and nap time but still wakes 1 or 2 times at night. If she wakes too soon after feeding that I know she's not hungry I sometimes leave her, and she mutters and squeeks a bit, then goes back off, but it can take 1/2 hr for her to go back to sleep. Trial and error really.

stingray · 25/03/2007 20:04

dear artichoke,I have a 14 week old baby girl with whom i have exactly the same problem.I have bf to sleep since she was born,as she just would not lay down in her cot and go to sleep herself.We are now at the stage where she wont sleep at all in the day without being attatched to me the whole time.A few weeks ago she would sleep in her pram if i walked with her,so i would walk for over an hour after taking my 9 year old to school,then in the afternoon she would sleep on me for an hour or more.since she was born i have hardly been able to put her down,as she cries unless she is on me or bf.For some strange reason she goes to sleep at 9 to 9.30 at night and sleeps till 7 am waking once for a bf at 4 am.I dont understand why she can do it in the night but wont in the day.I have tried everything from swaddling to putting my t. shirt in with her,to laying down with her, trying upstairs in quiet and with radio on... nothing works.My life revolves around keeping her quiet,i cant get anything done and my 13 year old and my 9 year old are suffering because of it.My dh is marvellous but lately she cries when on him.I feel completely desperate,what can i do?Surely she is too young for cc?I have three other children and although my 9 year old was a cryer she was nowhere near as bad as this.

mears · 25/03/2007 21:59

stingray - have you tried a dummy?

cruisemum - do whatever it takes to get sleep. You would not be starting co-sleepiong at 6 months by taking your baby into bed. You might find that after a short while your baby will not wake during the night at all. 6 months is still a young baby. Make life as easy as you can.

I vote for sleepining AND feeding - after all that is one of the bonuses of breastfeeding.

Also breast feed to sleep if that is what it takes. Honestly - it does not mean your child will never settle again on it's own. I absolutely loved breast feeding my babies to sleep - they looked so peaceful and happy.

lovefamily · 25/03/2007 22:54

mears - i co-sleep and breastfeed - only because of this anytime dd wakes i have to go back up until she drops off again - which can be ages. I then have to creep out only for her to constantly reawake quite frequently. I also cannot get her down to nap in the day as she is unable to settle herself to sleep. this also means she is very cranky when out if she is tired and cannot have boob. I guess i could try a dummy but was trying to avoid it and think it must bring its own problems ie falling out and depending on it more and more. I set up business this year as i cannot afford to be a sahm without an income so have many things to do day and night not to mention an 8 year old ds who has been feeling neglected since his sister came along - and a dh who keeps joking about being on the bottom of my list (of things to do or get round to).

I cant see any other way than to call it a day for breastfeeding and have dd learn to settle herself to sleep...... somehow although not quite sure.

mears · 25/03/2007 23:53

lovefamily - what is so terribel about a baby being dependent on a dummy? As long as your DD has no problems in the breastfeeding department let het have one. If that gives you space then what is wrong with that?

I only had one child who had a dummy and that was DS3. I just didn't feel it was fair to let him cry when I was busy with the other two children or making tea etc. Hestopped using it at 8 months old when I didn't replace it because it was damaged. He didn't bother. The other three were thumb suckers and they all stopped in their own good time.

I think some babies are just 'sucky' and want comfort whether they are breast or bottle feeding feeding. To my mind, it is far better that babies nebefit from the benefits of breastfeeding and get a dummy than stop feeding altogether. They are only babies for a short time of their whole lives. This will not last forever!

overthehill · 26/03/2007 00:23

My dd is now 11 but I was at the end of my tether when she was a baby trying to get her to sleep without bf, & sometimes fed her up to 5x per night. The pits was when we went on holiday when she was 8 months old & she woke up every hour during the night for a feed. Tried controlled crying but once she cried so much she threw up ! Finally found a wonderful book by Richard Ferber called Solve Your Child's Sleep Problem (available on Amazon but I can't do links), which worked a treat - by gradually shortening the feed times each session.

cruisemum1 · 26/03/2007 10:12

so frustrated . with you lovefamily on the bf issue and the time it takes re: older child feeling left out. dunno wot to do.....

mears · 26/03/2007 12:34

A dummy might give a break and time with DD.

You may well change to the bottle and find that he still needs to suck for comfort and need a dummy anyway. You could try mix feeding for a while and see what happens.

cruisemum1 · 26/03/2007 15:59

ds refuses a dummy! i know it would be a godsend as dd had one and slept through from 11 weeks. have been mixed feeding for a while too.

lovefamily · 26/03/2007 17:46

cruisemum - do you think i should try a dummy? not sure what to do with it - as in is it just for the night etc. is it just as much trouble if it keeps falling out, and once babies have a dummy do they want it all the time - might sound like silly questions but didnt use one with ds1 so have no experience of using them. dh isnt keen as his mum is dead against them so he has decided he is too - look forward to the fun comments from the inlaws if i do get a dummy

cruisemum1 · 26/03/2007 19:30

lovefamily - i would offer a dummy and let baby decide whether she wants it or not. They are a pain in the bum when they fall out but once my dd was about 6mths she could find it and put it in again. A Godsend as far as I am concerned! I had about 4 of them scattered around the cot! . My rule with the dummy was that I would only offer it if she needed a nap/sleep/relax. She NEVER had one when on the move once she could walk. If she hurt herself she would often ask for it and we would cuddle whilst she had a quick chomp(she had one till about 4 ) . I didn't have a problem with the dummy once she got the hang of puytting it in herself. Imo it is defo worth a go. hth

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