Night time 'bad habits' ... the independent baby sleep - support thread for anyone trying to break baby sleep habits

[Millipede170]

This thread is for anyone who routinely 'helps' their LO to get back to sleep when they wake in the night, would like them to start being more independent, but doesn't relish the thought of CC or CIO. Or maybe you've been there and are out the other side and can share your journey/pearls of wisdom (you could be my new hero). What methods have you tried or come up with? Please share ...

I am so lost, feel like my little boy has the worst sleep I have ever read about. Nearly 11 months, he is waking every 15-45mins from about midnight onwards. 45mins is a massive success at the moment! I basically never get time to fall back to sleep myself. Tonight he went into his own room, (we moved and it wasn't fit for a baby before now), this has not gone well, 21 separate wakes and put back to sleep between 12 and now 5am. I feel utterly desperate. I fed him at 1, I was determined not to feed again until morning, he is not hungry just feeding for comfort. But I've failed. The last hour and 15mins he has all out screamed, despite me stroking his head, my arm in cot, he's refusing his dummy, freaking out even when I pick him up and cuddle him so I've failed and fed him again, and he's asleep in my arms. I will be up with my 3yo in about an hour and I'm totally broken. Where do I even start fixing this? xx

Hi Alex, I'm so sorry I can't help but wanted to just add a bit of support and say that there are people on here who will have some good advice!
My 11 month old still feeds twice at night, sometimes more and also does a fair bit of waking up too. I really hope you've managed to have some rest today xx

Oh gosh Alex, that is so tough. Has he always woken so frequently or is this a relatively new thing, like since you moved? I only ask so that perhaps you can troubleshoot a bit. Is there any chance of reflux (at 11 months it's unlikely it would have passed you by, granted. But reflux babies can often struggle with sleep) or perhaps teeth? Have you tried some nurofen in case he has pain?

Whenever my DS went through his worst phases (every 30-45 mins in our case) I would bring him into my bed (and kick DH out) and would find I could at least doze - uncomfortably - which was slightly better than yo-yo ing in and out of bed and getting no sleep at all. Are you able to try co sleeping for a short while?

Lastly - and this will sound ridiculous probably - but have you ever tried having a word with him. Seriously. I once explained to DS at bedtime that we needed to make a change because I was exhausted and that I wasn't going to feed him every time he woke in the night. I said things were changing and he needed to be more independent now. I really meant it. And you know what, we actually got a few decent night's sleep after that, literally starting that night. You may think I've lost it but they understand more than we know and it is worth a try.

I am sending you a huge hug. You are having it super tough and just by not giving up I think you are amazing. Please stop with the 'failing' talk. If I were in your shoes I would be doing whatever it took to get my DC back to sleep as quickly as possible. I am guessing you don't have the energy to try anything else right now and see it through, so please go easy on yourself. Good luck tonight xx

Thank you so much both of you for responding and your kindness and compassion. I honestly feel so heartened by it going into tonight. Millipede your advice is so thoughtful and gentle on me. It's made me realise that a lot of the pressure I'm feeling is coming from others (mostly mother and MIL), they come at me with 'he's nearly 1, he should be sleeping through' and 'if you carry on letting him in your bed whenever it gets tough he'll never settle to his cot'. Your post made me realise it's actually me that has to cope and function the next day so if I give up and co sleep for a while or feed more often then that's just survival and I need to be able to let myself do that for the sake of my health and sanity!

It was interesting you mention reflux as he had bad reflux as a newborn, plus dairy intolerance, I had to completely give up dairy as he was getting blood in his nappies and rashes. I thought he'd grown out of all of that as the doctor said most do by 6months. He seems happy to have dairy in his diet and no blood anymore but maybe there is still a slight reflux/dairy issue there. His sleep has always been fairly rubbish but got worse from 6months to now so that would coincide with dairy being introduced in weening. It's so hard to tell isn't it, maybe I'm barking up the wrong tree!

I have tried calpol incase it's his teeth hurting him but it's been months like this so I'm reluctant to just medicate him. He also has a constant runny nose which isn't helping!

What does anyone think about white noise? Worth trying? Any tips on what has worked for you? I should probably read back through this entire thread, I'll do that in the wee hours tonight!

Again thank you so much for taking the time and effort to respond despite your own sleep troubles. It has boosted me no end xxx

Oh and I forgot to say yes will definitely try having a word with him! Haha. The power of positive thinking should not be underestimated I reckon! X

Alex344 my sister has an app on her phone that mimics womb noise. She swears by it. My sleep regime has gone completely out the window as mini monster has severe bout of tonsillitis and temp of 39degree that calpol isn't shifting, ended up at a&e and I'm now medicating calpol and ibuprofen alternating through the day with antibiotics.
Who needs sleep!! Trying my best to keep my patience and sanity

Oh no mcrstorm, that's awful. Tonsillitis is just horrible. You will come out the other side of this soon, keep going! Sending love and get well wishes xx

alex Sorry, no advice on the sleep but just at the Dr saying most babies have grown out of a milk allergy by 6 months!!! If your baby had bloody stools then it was fairly severe. If I were you I'd eliminate all dairy for a month and see if that makes any difference. I have a cmpi ds so I know it can be a pain but well worth trying imo. My DS also had an egg allergy, so obviously avoided that. But when I returned to work I was eating a hard boiled egg every day with my lunch - I thought he could tolerate it through breastmilk. His sleep went to sh*t - it was nearly a month before I put two and two together! But 24 hours after no egg his sleep improved massively.

Thanks so much for your insight on alergies. Amazing that it had such an effect on your son even through breast milk! Well I've since been reading up more on milk alergy and yes, whilst many babies grow out of it by 6 months it's not uncommon for it to last a year or 18months! And of course a few are allergic for life. Annoyed with the doctor and myself for not rethinking it myself earlier. So we are going to go dairy free again as of tomorrow. It may make no difference but it's got to be worth a try!! Thanks again Haribo xx I have also downloaded some womb noise mcrstorm! Let's try everything

Good luck alex, fingers crossed it makes a difference! Xx

Can I join.
Baby is ebf. He used to sleep from 8 til 12 in side sleeper and then wake every 2 hours for feeding. I would put him back but was exhausted as he slept in sling during the day. Started to feed to sleep which led to him co sleeping. Hes 15 weeks now. He goes to sleep at 8 but now wakes every time my boob leaves his mouth. During the night he wants boob in his mouth so I am not getting into a deep sleep. Partner can't settle him.

I am starting to wish i never started breastfeeding. Best friends son sleeps 11 to 9 with no wake ups and she's always telling me how tired she is.

Breastfeeding is a lot more difficult on the mother than ppl like to mention, yes it is better for babies health but not to the detriment of the mother. If u are really struggling don't feel like u have to persist no matter what. I managed to bf til monster was 11months but I was reduced to 2feeds a day as he was eating 3meals a day at nursery from 9months.
You could always express your milk and bottle feed, that's what multiple best friend did for both hers.
It's all about what works for u.

Boob addiction is really tough Guiness. It really is up to you, however you decide to go forward with feeding is totally understandable. With DS1 I really didn't want to introduce a dummy first of all and it's a really individual choice, but it did stop me being a human dummy all night long. Obviously it doesn't replace feeding when they need it but reduces comfort sucking, my health visitor suggested it saying some babies are just more 'sucky' than others. Your choice though and I understand if not. Also a dummy hasn't saved the day sleep wise with DS2 or I wouldn't be on here! But it did with my first so thought I'd mention. Good luck whatever you decide xx

Guinness, I'm there too 😞

O Guiness, I'm sorry! And second all advice above. I found out last week that a friend of mine did no night feeds after baby was 2 weeks old! (Formula fed from day 3 and amazing dh!)

I still feed ds twice, sometimes 3 times in the night - he'll be 1 in 2 weeks but it's an easy way to settle him- although if I stop he may not even wake up at all I guess. On of my NCT friends said her little girl has just lost interest in boob during the day! I wish my ds would ( but would miss it of course)

Sorry others are in the same place
He wont take a dummy at night. I introduced it during sling naps about a month ago but no luck during the night.

I love breastfeeding him during the day but the last few weeks the nights are so tiring. Awake every hour from 8 to 8 last night!

How was everyone else's night?

DS (5 months) was the same. Fed every hour from about 7pm. We were away in hotel too, with older DD in the room so I couldn't do anything except feed and long for sleep 😩 (and a cup of tea!). Feel broken today, especially after a nightmare journey home (6hrs).

Tea how old is your dd? I dont know how you manage with another child!
I am going to bed now.

Guiness and TeaMuncher you poor things. Hourly wakes are the pits. It comes in waves I think - from 4 to 10 months (!) 3 hourly wakes were a treat at this end, the norm was every 2 hours to be honest. Plus only boob would do to get him back to sleep.

Now (since 10.5 months - crawling was the big game changer here, plus me trying everything I could think of in place of boob to get him back to sleep, on rotation) I'm getting 1 wake per night usually and sometimes he goes through. Early wakes are the bugger here right now, 5.30 is the time of choice. But after the pain of the last year, I'll take that ...

Alex I think the allergies/diet idea is a really good one. I have a friend from my baby group whose DD has dairy, egg and soya intolerance and her sleep is seriously affected when she has any of those. I'd say try an elimination diet (dairy takes a good couple of weeks to get out of the system mind you) and/or have an allergy test if you can afford it.

Big love, sleepy mamas.

Oh, and I chipped a big chunk of enamel off one of my bottom teeth today. Before I had DS I had really good teeth, not even a filling. But they seem so weak now? I look like a pirate. Best get to the dentist. Ha.

We may have turned a corner. We're in middle of course of antibiotics due to severe tonsillitis, and we've managed to get 2 naps a day whilst Lil monster has been off nursery and last night he slept from 8:30 til 5:30. I know that's still early but he normally wakes up every 2-3hrs!!!
I actually thought something was wrong with him last night because he'd been really ill and I'm not used to him sleeping at all.
Monster had 2sleeps today and back to swimming lesson this aft and he went to bed at 8:30 again and he's still asleep
X ur fingers this nap thing might be working. Would it be mad or wrong to ask the nursery to implement 2 naptimes for him??

Guinness DD is nearly 4, and an absolute star. Always slept really well. It's payback time!! 😩

PS. I always fed DD to sleep with no adverse effects, and she slept like a dream, always. Goes to show that every child is different. In DS' case, he def uses me as a human dummy, but he also needs to feed at night because he is rubbish at feeding during the day - I think because he's so distracted by the world (and his big sis!!).

I'm hoping that weaning may be a turning point for us, to try and fill him up in the daytime a bit more. I'm also biting the bullet and trying some formula this week - just one bottle in the daytime to give myself a break... I think... I mustn't wimp out... argghhhh!

Sorry for absence, I will try and catch up on the thread later. Big waves to everyone, including anyone who has just joined.

We're going through a horrible phase (I long for it to be a phase) with both kids alternating keeping me awake all night. DH was away last week and after 30 mins sleep from 1am on Thursday night I was a broken woman. Last night we had both in with us from about 3am. My king size bed is not big enough for 4! DD is 6.5 months and having had some solids for about a month I'm cutting right back as she's really struggling with her tummy which I'm sure isn't helping at night.