High Needs baby support thread

[LittlePixieMa]

Any of this familiar?

1 baby needs to be constantly held
2 feeds frequently during the day
3 feeds or comfort sucks through the night
4 won't sleep alone
5 HATES the pram and/or car seat
6 takes short naps
7 doesn't like being held / left with others
8 gets bored or over stimulated very quickly

Feeling exhausted and want some support from others with spirited fussy babies

If so join the club

Can I join? No one else I know seems to have a high needs baby, and I am STRUGGLING! DS is nearly 9 months and has never slept for longer than 2 hours. He regularly wakes up screaming after 15 mins of sleep, and has to be physically held down sometimes to get him to stop kicking and calm down a bit!

Hey Rebecca
Tough isn't it!! My DS is 16 mo now are sleep is still a nightmare. I lose track of the amount of wakings, a lot of the time I think he gets painful trapped wind.

Same here, I don't know anyone with a high needs baby. And no one understands how bloody tough it is!!

16 months? Holy crap. Was hoping they would all grow out of it by then! I'm back to work soon and have no idea how I'm going to function...
Hadn't though about trapped wind... What makes you think that?

I haven't read the whole thread, but I'm guessing there's no magic advice?! We've tried everything, including terrifyingly expensive cranial osteopathy...

Lol, yeah I was hoping things would get better..... I've now accepted it, and that makes me feel better. When I try to fix it I end up stressed and far more tired.

I think it's trapped wind as he squirms a lot, arches his back like he's trying to parp...... we are dairy and egg free which has helped soooo much. I'm trying infant probiotics to see if that makes any difference!

Xx

Dd is 15 months and some nights just has one wake up but it's not often, she's usually up for the day at 4:30 too. I'm going to try to go back to starting gradual retreat but just have so much on with work and other stuff that I haven't got the effort to go through it

Joining in! DS nearly 9mo, still wakes multiple times a night & up for the day at 5.30/6, 40min naps max in the day, it's exhausting. Made worse by helpful "oh you're still rocking him to sleep?" comments from others with 7-7 sleepers. Yes because nothing else bloody works! Give me strength

Haha, ignore people's comments!! So many people have said 'you're making a rod....'!! They just don't get it!!!

Eeek can I join please? My 4.5 month old is refusing to sleep anywhere but next to me. Meaning I co-sleep and leave the boob out all night, switching ends when we need to change boobs. Driving me bonkers. I could have written the original post too! Just a sensitive little mite who is easy to get to sleep (shushing, singing, rocking in my arms) but when I try to get him in his bed he's awake sometimes before he gets down. If I do get him down (9/10 I don't!) then he'll only be asleep for 10 minutes! ARGH.

Hey Macca
Welcome to the club!! My son had been like that since day 1!! I now cherish it, but at first I tried too hard to fix it,and compared him with other babies! Now I just accept that this is how he is.

I view them as having a high need for Survival, they would have been tribal leaders!!

At 16 months my son still sleeps next to me, boobs out ready for him! But he's such a confident and clever little boy 😀😀

I got one of those. And a friend of mine has twins, one uber laid back and one high needs!!! Makes me feel better that its not something I just 'did wrong'. Total sleep thief until age 2 she started sleeping through with no warning. Nothing changed....it just happened. Still taking a bit of getting used to! She's also very very bright and verbal (guess all those extra hours awake helped), and great company. I wish I had known in the beginning just to roll with it, lower every expectation especially of sleep, housework and memory, and that it would pass...

Ha yes. I think it's because they're so clever they need to be up learning all the time! Hand it's good to know that from the twins (assuming they are treated the same haha) that it's not what we do! This too shall pass...

Can I also join? I have an 8.5 month old who has slept more than four hours in a row about five times in her life. She mostly wakes every 1.5-2 hours. Sometimes we get 2.5/3 hours at the very beginning of the night (though that is rare). She rarely naps for more than 40 minutes during the day. We co-sleep once I go to bed, which I'm sure might not be helping (is smelling the milk a thing?), but I'm too knackered to get up a million times to settle her. Last night she went to bed at 7.30, and woke at 8.30, 10 (fed her), 11.30, 12.30 (fed), 2.30-3.45 (fed, but would not resettle), 5.15 (fed), and then I had to get up at 6.15 for work. I say fed, but maybe she's just latching on for comfort, I don't know - but shush-pat and soother will not work past midnight once I'm in bed. I'm beyond knackered, and I'm back at work full-time and really struggling with that due to sleep deprivation. She's high needs in other ways too - she needs to be constantly touching me in some way if I'm in the room, climbing on me or whatever, pulling my hair or nose. Hates her car seat.

I tell myself that this will pass, but it doesn't feel like it, especially in the wee small hours. I'm agog at people who say things like "oh, xx months already, where is my baby gone, slow down time please". It feels like a billion years since Badblet was born, and a billion more before she's a toddler.

Welcome bad. I got 1hr 50 in the cot last night - including 5 wakings up! DS is currently sleeping on me haha x

Macca Just a wee thing I've started doing recently for co sleeping feeding...
I used to be swapping sides with DS Albright to alternate boobs, but have just discovered it's possible to feed from both boobs whilst DS stays on one side... Might help if you're doing the endless swapping too!

Rebecca that's an amazing idea. I keep swapping ends so sometimes DH and I are the same way and then for the other boob we top and tail. Thank you!!!

All night!! Not Albright!

Glad I could help. It was a revelation to me when I discovered it, I think our sleep starved brains are working too hard on keeping us going during the day, and they struggle to think logically at night!!

Formula fed 7 month old here and still a crap sleeper.

Bed at 7.30 last night, awake at 8.30, 11.30 (wow), 12.30 (big puke all over the bed; clothes and bedlinen change), 3, 5.15, and up at 6.30. Bleurgh.

Those of you with older high needs babies - does it ever settle down? I really want to stop co-sleeping as I'm just not getting any rest, and I think we are waking each other up, but I also don't want to be up for hours every night resettling her. I was thinking of waiting till she's one and then trying Jay Gordon's night weaning system. Did any of you find that stopping co-sleeping helped?

Badb

My DS is 16 months. We still cosleep, he's still a light sleeper I couldn't get him down into a cot. He generally sleeps from 8.30-3am and then from 3 am wakes A LOT!! This is a huge improvement though as it used to be hourly wakings. They're tiring little monkeys aren't they!!

Hi all - read this entire thread today while my DD (5,5 months) napped on me in five separate sessions of 30 mins each... I found this thread by googling, in desperation, high needs babies. My DD is a shocking napper to get to sleep and stay asleep. Does anyone else have to consistently bounce/rock through the rem/active sleep stage? Once I've done it once, she tends to sleep til about midnight (then the fun starts). For naps, she very rarely will transition so they are all 30-45 mins (this is with me rocking her trying to help her through it.

It's insane, I'm tired, and currently not eating the roast I cooked bc I'm upstairs waiting to get through that first sleep cycle. Once she has then I can take her down, asleep in arms for an hour of grown up (quiet) time with the rest of family.

Then she will wake in night with tummy pains, I feed to get back to sleep, and repeat...

Hey everyone! Thanks for the update Pixie, I was wondering how the old timers were doing!

Well, DD 15 months now. To give reassurance to some, sleep is much better than it was. I stopped breastfeeding at 13 months. Kinda didn't intend to but I had two big nights out drinking, and it just sort of happened. DD was fine with it! And it really improved our sleep.

However. We are still co sleeping for most of the night. She does the first few hours in her cot, then I just take her in with me. It's easier for us, she sleeps much better when I'm next to her. I've tried her in her cot all night but usually give up in the early hours.

It's not ideal and it's having an impact on our marriage. It does feel like we are house mates and intimacy is affected - inevitably. But we're making the effort and I keep telling myself it's not forever! I hope it's just means I can get through the working day - no way I could do that with having to get up and down all night!

Every baby is different but I hope I can give some hope to those of you with younger non sleeping babies. For a year I despaired of it ever getting better, and it has! Ok well not better by many people's standards but compared to where I was last year, it's a huge improvement.

You're all amazing!

Nala- welcome!! It's so tough isn't it. The last time I had an evening with my husband is the night before I gave birth!! Lol. I used to have to bounce for all his naps, now I lay on the bed with him, boobs out and ready for each 1/2 hr transition- now just one nap a day of 1.5 hrs. Used to be 3 naps of 1/2 hr while bouncing him!! It does get easier, and they're much happy when they can crawl and then walk!

Purple!! Hey!! Good to hear an update!!
Hahaaaaa that you it was due to nights out that you stopped breastfeeding! Maybe I should go out on the piss?!! Lol!

DS is still such a boob lover, and not into eating solids, so I'd worry about stopping breast feeding when he doesn't really eat much food!!

God I know what you mean about relationships. People keep asking me when I'm having my second......... like we've time to to try. It really does put such a strain on a marriage, we barely get to talk as one of us is stuck on the bed with him every bedtime!

It's much better though than the early days.

These little high needs ones have so much more personally than the boring babies 😜

Hello old timers I recognise from earlier on in the year - pixie and purple and to newcomers too

So I dipped off the thread just because DSs sleeping was so rubbish and I was so knackered I just mainly wanted to forget about it during the day. For background ever since he was born, he slept in 1, 2 or 3 hour blocks, no more, til about 15 months. It was killing me. DH was away for a week for work so I was doing every night waking, feeding back to sleep, cosleeping, rocking, giving calpol for teething at 2am etc, getting up at 5am for the day - HORRENDOUS. I had pretty much resigned myself to him being a non sleeper and basically another however many years of this.

Then, then - last week he slept from 10pm to 5am randomly one night in his own bed I had to keep checking on him to make sure he was actually breathing because it was so unlike him and I couldn't believe it was happening. Then we had an unsettled night, then yesterday he slept 7pm to 6am. I don't know what we did but he seems to have suddenly levelled up by himself and nailed the resettling and just made a developmental leap where a proper long sleep is suddenly possible.

I just wanted you all with sleep refusing babies to know there is light at the end of the tunnel and it might come sooner than you think unexpectedly!

captain that's AMAZING!!! I'm sooo jealous!! 16 months here and still no sight of sleep!! DH does pretty much none of the night wakings, he just a snores away through it all and then claims he's hasn't slept a wink!! Men!