Active discussions

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Sleep

Join our Sleep forum for tips on creating a sleep routine for your baby or toddler. Need more advice on your childs development? Sign up to our Ages and Stages newsletter here.

Original poster

High Needs baby support thread

834 replies

LittlePixieMa · 07/12/2015 17:49

Any of this familiar?

1 baby needs to be constantly held
2 feeds frequently during the day
3 feeds or comfort sucks through the night
4 won't sleep alone
5 HATES the pram and/or car seat
6 takes short naps
7 doesn't like being held / left with others
8 gets bored or over stimulated very quickly

Feeling exhausted and want some support from others with spirited fussy babies

If so join the club Smile

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Set a reminder
duckyisback · 21/04/2016 02:18

I was previously zombie btw if I forgot to add that one in!

chillichoclove · 21/04/2016 03:12

Purple I've been lurking on sleep boards for months. My ten month old doesn't sleep either and I'm up with her and her cough. I too wonder why I breast feed! I'm exhausted. We had months of hourly waking then did sleep training a few weeks ago as I couldn't take it any more. We had a couple of good weeks (getting three-4 hour sleeps! It's all relative!) then cold.
My little boy us 2 1/2. He slept through at 20 months but has disrupted sleep at the drop of a hat but so much better. There is light at the end of the tunnel. It will get better. But it's so hard and I do empathise!

Coconut0il · 21/04/2016 03:51

Do you have anyone there in rl purple? It's exhausting at the best of times but if you're ill too it's even worse. Is there anyone who can just take DD for a few hours so you can sleep?
It's not your fault you have a bad sleeper. I really believe it's the luck of the draw. Some babies are good sleepers from day one and others need more help. You're DD would probably sleep exactly the same if ff but you would have all the faff of bottles and sterilising.
It will get better. I never did any kind of sleep training with DS1 and I won't lie I did go up to bed with him till he was about 3. At the time it felt like he'd never sleep alone but honestly it's a distant memory now. I know this isn't much help when you're awake for the hundredth time but it will get better.

InsaneDame · 21/04/2016 07:48

Another one saying it will get better - my ds2 just turned 2yo and I thought he was actually sent to kill me with sleep deprivation. I had weeks of being up every hour, months of 3 - 4 hours of broken sleep. I actually thought it was going to damage me mentally forever as I had some worrying issues with eyes and awful short term memory (which is usually good for me so quite upsetting). Anyway, long story short around 22mo he went to just waking up 1/2 times a night, which was literally a quick tuck in and I was back in bed within 5 minutes. For the last 3 weeks he has generally slept 8pm - 7.30am, with no wake ups! A couple of nights he has woken once briefly (bad dream/duvet gone walkabout) but on the whole sleep has been 'normal' finally and it feels amazing. Your dd will so get there - with my eldest who was a bad sleeper also (although not as bad as ds2) his sleep improved enormously when I stopped bfing in the night at 12mo and slept through on and off since then. With ds2 stopping bfing in the night at 10mo made no difference whatsoever - some kids just wake and need parenting at night just as much as the day.

Purpleboa · 21/04/2016 18:10

Thanks all! So lovely to hear kind words of support and empathy.

Coconutoil, yeah, she'd probably be a bad sleeper even if she was ff, but at least I'd be able to share the feeding with others. Right now it's all on me and that's just too big a burden to have. She's started nursery, bur refuses any milk or food while there, so I'm very worried about that. I do think if I have another baby, I'll ff. I can't see that there's any difference in the benefits babies get.

My DH took her this morning so I got a bit of a sleep. We don't have family nearby so it's all on us.

I've got through today, just kept going really, but am now lying on the bed almost weeping with exhaustion. Knowing I've got to get up, sort the tea (DH is doing tea for DD right now cos I just couldn't take any more crying) and then do bedtime. Again. Knowing that I'm in for another bad night. I hate the night times, wish I could just skip them altogether.

Ugh. We just have to keep going don't we!

duckyisback · 21/04/2016 19:09

Purple, are you able to have a nap for a bit? Get a take away or get dh to sort dinner?

I completely understand how your feeling, I seem to have that every few days from sheer exhaustion. I hope it passes quickly for you WineCake

And fwiw, ds was ff since birth and is a rubbish sleeper! And he would not take a bottle at all from anyone else so I couldn't share feeding. Although I appreciate most ff babies aren't like that!

For some reason Thursday's seem to be his worse night Hmm

Good luck everyone. Hope tonight is especially easier for you purple.

Coconut0il · 21/04/2016 19:44

Aww purple I know what you mean. DS1 had one bottle of formula everyday and it was a break. DS2 is a total bottle refuser like your DD and it is tough. He is just starting to use a free flow sippy cup for water but milk is all on me.

Do you have to get up? Any chance you can go to bed now and your DH have DD till she absolutely has to come to bed. My DP is not a great cook so has had lots of soup and toast since DS2 was born. Even when I manage to throw something in the oven it's normally a pizza or chicken portion.

I'm sorry if you've tried these, haven't read from the start but could your DH take DD for a long walk? Drive around with her? I know it's hard to rest when you can hear crying. DP sits in the car on the drive with DS2 sometimes. He can't settle DS upstairs as I always feed to sleep but he can sometimes swing him in the car seat or push him back and forth in the pushchair till he sleeps. He keeps him downstairs as long as he can. DS is a real chunky monkey but when he was smaller a bouncy chair would work. I went to bed and DP bounced him and watched a film.

I know it's not ideal and we haven't had much time as a couple but sleep is definitely a priority. I'm sorry if you've tried all these, it's just how I managed. It will get better.

Purpleboa · 25/04/2016 00:58

How are we all doing? Still bad here. Resigned to a totally sleepless night, DD just won't settle and it's been like this all week. I have no idea what to do. Still ill, not getting any better. Bleurgh. Life used to be so much easier...

deathb4decaf · 26/04/2016 09:59

How are you today purple?

Not much to report here, went to a wedding. DD cried and cried. She wouldn't eat, wouldn't let anyone touch her, then I had the questions. 'is she good?' 'Sleeping through?' 'Oh, still breastfeeding?' And the terrified looks people give you!

It's just a phase...it's just a phase...

Timetogrowup2016 · 29/04/2016 10:10

Hi, how are you all?
I think this is the thread for me to.
Will tell my story later when oh is home and I get time to type

Purpleboa · 29/04/2016 15:59

Hi Time to and shout out to everyone! How are we all doing? Slrep still bad here, I'm surviving. But back to work next week and I have no idea how that's going to go!! Just over being ill, been weeks of feeling like shit.
How's everyone else?

fluffikins · 29/04/2016 17:10

We're still waking a lot here, we've had about 6 weeks of illness after illness, Dh and I affected worse than dd. People said she'd get better at 10-11 months and we're nearly at 11 with no improvement. Her food intake has increased though, how's it with you purple, I know you were also having issues there, dd still rejects a lot but has at last started swallowing some. I'm hoping in a few months she'll be eating a lot more to see her through the night and maybe even start walking (I'm told this is they key for non sleeping babies as it wears them out)

Purpleboa · 30/04/2016 00:49

Sorry to hear that Fluff. I think it's our systems catching up on us - we've had almost a year (well more if you count pregnancy) of shit sleep, and adrenaline can only carry you so far.

I've come down with stomach flu. In 36 years I've never had this. Rarely puke, even in pregnancy. But tonight I've been sick 3 times, and have just had an 'accident' all over the bathroom. I feel like hell. Thank fuck DH is doing night duty. He had no choice!

What makes it worse is that this weekend was the first one in ages (10 months) where I've had fun social stuff planned. Hen lunch tomorrow, wedding reception Sunday. Cannot see that happening now. I'd feel more upset but I'm just too ill and exhausted. Desperately in need of a handhold if anyone is around? Sorry to whinge on AGAIN...

LibertyBelles · 30/04/2016 10:08

Poor you purple I hope you're feeling better today

fluffikins · 30/04/2016 19:53

Oh that sounds so awful purple! Hope you feel better and can get out!

Does anyone just get bored having to think about sleep and napping and eating? I sometimes just find it consumes my brain to the point that I just can't be bothered with it anymore and just dont do anything. I blame health visitors and the baby whisperer followers for putting doubts in my mind and making me stress, I think the stressing is almost worse than the wake ups!

deathb4decaf · 30/04/2016 21:05

Yes fluff I really wish I hadn't read the baby whisperer book. It just made me feel awful and quite confused! It went in the bin in the end. I too get bored of it all... I've been getting really snappy with dp because I feel so consumed with it all.

Purple you poor thing. hope you're getting better now?

Has anyone read up on floor beds? Or 'Montessori' beds? Thinking it'd be a good transition to own bed and room from co sleeping for DD. I'm also thinking I might try night weaning when she turns 1. Who bloody knows.

Welcome timeto!

Original poster
LittlePixieMa · 02/05/2016 15:04

Hey all
Sorry haven't been here in ages! Haven't had a chance to read all the posts so I hope you are all well.

DS is still as high needs as ever! At 11 months he's rather heavy so sling nap are making me ache Confused

Weaning is still slow, who wants food when there's a boob about!!

OP posts:
fluffikins · 05/05/2016 15:02

We're also finding weaning very slow. I ask around at baby groups and everyone else's bf babies at 10-11 months are on 2 feeds a day, max 3, mine is on 4-6! And I've tried cutting out feeds to encourage her to eat solids but this has just resulted in her feeding all night to make up for the lack of calories in the day Sad she just isn't that interested in solids no matter what I give her, she's so busy, usually looking out the window/at pics on the wall/anywhere but focussing on the food.

fluffikins · 27/05/2016 19:35

Have all the other high needs babies been cured and just left me with mine?Confused

Dd still waking regularly at one year old. No idea what I can do to change the situation!

deathb4decaf · 27/05/2016 20:12

No fluff, you're not alone! I'm currently lying in bed with dd googling blackout blinds. I've got some but they are shit. I think I need to double up or triple up with a travel blind of some sort and maybe blackout curtains too. The light in the mornings is waking her at 5.30am and she doesn't go to sleep til it starts to get dark. How is it going everyone??

fluffikins · 27/05/2016 20:58

Same here, we've got blackout bliss and curtains but think we need something to completely cover all the side gaps!

Dd has been teething here so nights have been clingy and I'm at a loss about what to dress her in with it getting warmer. I can't decide whether sleeping bags help her or annoy her!

Purpleboa · 29/05/2016 22:38

Nope, still here! And still getting woken lots. DD now throwing tantrums at night so that's fun. Trying to night wean, failing miserably. Back at work and really struggling, keep making mistakes because I'm so tired. Whoever said it got better lied!! She's one in less than a month and I swear she slept better as a newborn!

fluffikins · 30/05/2016 14:35

I was wondering how you were doing purple! I think dd slept better in the first few weeks for sure!

I've decided to get a projector to see if it will calm her down st night, I'm really struggling getting her back into her cot after a wake up, no matter how asleep she is she starts screaming and I end up brining her in with me

Original poster
LittlePixieMa · 04/06/2016 15:43

Hey
Sorry I've been very quiet! Looks like everyone has disappeared from here?!

Well DS is now 1, and sleep is still poor!!
Naps are still in the sling or joined to boob, and god knows how many times he wakes at night!!

DB4D you still about?

Anyone struggling with having no time for themselves? Feel like I've lost who I used to be Confused

OP posts:
fluffikins · 04/06/2016 16:02

I'm still here! Mine is 1 soon and Sleep has improved, we're down to 2 wake ups on average, one between 11-1 and one at about 3:30 but I still feel we have a long way to go with her sleep. All naps are still on me but nursery have worked out how to get her to sleep in a bed once she's asleep.

Dh has started to take her a bit more at weekends after I had a mini meltdown about needing some time to do stuff for myself and that's helped a lot. He does still like to remind me how many hours he's put in though!

Swipe left for the next trending thread