High Needs baby support thread

[LittlePixieMa]

Any of this familiar?

1 baby needs to be constantly held
2 feeds frequently during the day
3 feeds or comfort sucks through the night
4 won't sleep alone
5 HATES the pram and/or car seat
6 takes short naps
7 doesn't like being held / left with others
8 gets bored or over stimulated very quickly

Feeling exhausted and want some support from others with spirited fussy babies

If so join the club

purple you're not failing, you are amazing! Situation is exactly the same here. He does start the night in his cot and then I usually resettle him a couple of times through the evening and then he comes in on the first wake up after I go to bed. I still sleep in the spare room cos dh is a really light sleeper. I boob ds back to sleep at each wake up, usually 2-4 times a night. I plan to just keep doing that though and I hope the first period of sleep will lengthen gradually and I'll one day get to spend the whole night without a baby attached to my boob! He's a bit off solids at the moment too so more boob required. I'm pretty relaxed about it at the moment, largely because I've realised resistance is futile and it's easier to go with the flow. I'm several months off going back to work though so I may have to change tactics if the situation is the same come August!

Here's to the clock change though! 5am becomes 6am! Woop!

How was everyone's nights? DD woke at 6 old time, so actually 7am new time. Not sure if that's good or bad. Least she's in sync with the clocks!

Thanks all for your advice. Up until recently, DD didn't disturb me much during co sleeping. She'd wake a few times, but it was easy to boob her back to sleep and not wake up properly myself. But with her cold, and now wanting to stand all the time, it's become bad again. Could this be the 9 month regression??

We'll get there. Sometimes I feel relaxed about it and hopeful she'll find her own groove with it all. Other times, I panic she never will. Good to remind myself I'm not the only one though!

Today will mostly be about house packing and easter eggs...

Hey all!
Sorry haven't been on for a while, we've all been poorly but finally feel better!

Db4d I've a britax car seat, he's brilliant in it unless tired as he wont fall asleep in the car!

Purple don't let people make you feel bad if you no longer want to breastfeed. I'm on a Facebook group that is soooo pro breastfeeding that they slate people who aren't. It has to work for both of you. You are not a monster!!

Llama yay! Glad you're no longer diseased!!

Nights are the same here, snuggled up in the bed next to me. I've no idea how I'm ever going to get him in a cot!! He's too much of a light sleep, wakes immediately, and I'm too lazy to keep at it.

Weaning is slow. At 6 months he'd eat anything I spooned into his mouth. Now he will only eat pancakes - no sugar, dairy free - so I hide broccoli and carrot in them!!

I missed the trolls posts! What did they say?!!!

Howdy all!

How's everyone doing?

I'm having a weaning stress out. DS will only eat pancakes, yoghurt and broccoli! I'm hiding all sorts in pancakes for him!!

Is everyone else doing well with introducing solids?

Sleep is still shit here, wakes a zillion times a night.

anyone?

Hi pixie, I'm still around!

An update from us;

Car - vast improvement if timing is right (even sleeps in it now sometimes)
Pram - sleeps when out and only screams when first put in
Weaning - going ok, I just need to get more variety in and find time to cook!
Sleeping at night - not great! Goes to bed ok but then wakes and I comfort feed so we've fallen into a habit that I don't know how to break!

I didn't think there was light at the end of the tunnel with all of this but there really is. So anyone else struggling, id say just go one day at a time, do whatever it takes and then one day it will be a little bit better!

Any tips on breaking habitual night wakings, I would be grateful!!

Hi all, good to hear your updates! That's us moved house, all went well, DD was on good form and thanks to her, I got to spend most of moving day eating cake in the local park

Weaning: it's so so. She had a few glorious weeks of taking food from a spoon, but now refuses it. She's ok with finger food but only picks usually. She is eating some things though and it's a vast improvement on how she used to be, at least she puts stuff in her mouth now! We had a very slow start to weaning. Health visitor weighed her yesterday and she's only put on 10 ounces since January. Was worried, especially as the other babies i know are very much bouncing chubby little things, but my DH is tall and thin with an extremely fast metabolism, so I guess she gets it from him. She's also on the move a lot, which probably contributes to it.

Sleep: backwards step I'm afraid! Since we moved into our house, she's refusing to sleep in her cot at all. At least she was going a few hours in it before but now, she just won't settle. She could be in the deepest of sleeps and will still wake when I put her down. So for the time being, she and I are sleeping on a double mattress on the floor. And yes, apart from a disrupted night due to teething, we have both been sleeping better. But it's far from ideal. This means I have to go to bed when she does at 730. Although last night she settled without needing to be on me so I'll see if I can leave her tonight.

Health visitor also gave me a guilt trip about it, which didn't help! 'You do realise it's not safe don't you,' making me feel like worst mum of the year. She just doesn't get that it is impossible to get DD in her cot!

Feeding: still breastfeeding, still snacking loads at night! We were starting to reduce feeds but then she needed comfort with teething so back to square one. Ho hum.

Then today we had her first settling in morning at nursery. Apparently she was very teary but did settle with cuddles. Feeling the expected guilt! But I'm back to work in May so we have no choice. Anyone else's babies about to start nursery?

Sorry for that essay of an update!

Hi all

Nice to see some updates here! We've been ill (dd chest infection and teething, me a cold and ear infection!) We seem to be constantly unwell.

weaning - hit and miss.
This morning she refused the spoon from me so I gave up her the bowl of porridge and some spoons and let her create havoc, she seemed to enjoy that and then took a few spoonfuls from me, so I will be trying to embrace the mess more I think! She's all over breadsticks at the mo...

Sleep- same as ever, feeds through the night, Sometimes get her in the cot for a few hours, lately not so much, her teeth are bothering her so I end up going to bed at 7. I don't mind when I'm ill too but not seeing much of dp On the plus side, it seems to be getting quicker to settle her to sleep and she seems to be happy on two naps in the day now and can tolerate a much longer awake time. Woohoo! Naps are short and in the sling or in the pram (has to be outside) but.. meh I've stopped caring. I'm not going back to work yet so just going with it for now.

Car- haven't tried for a few days but I suspect she still hates it! Have been looking to get the next size and I'm liking the look of the maxi cosi axxis... Anyone heard good/bad things about it?

Strangers still bother her quite strongly! but I think it's slowly improving. She's definitely loads happier now she can move herself around a bit.

pixie atleast you can hide stuff in pancakes!

Db4d ive got a maxi cosi axxis and it's absolutely brilliant!. I've found the spin feature invaluable, especially as they get bigger. Recline thing is great too. 3 year old still in it so definitely had my monies worth!.

I got mine from boots because there was an on line deal and then with various points offers it made it the cheapest.

Hey all, I'm such a grump bag today, I find after a succession of worse than shit nights turns me into a monster.

Purple f@&k the health visitor, and tell her do do some up to date research, co sleeping is safe when done properly. I'm assuming you don't get pissed every night?!!!

We had our 10 month check and my HV pissed me off. Going on about food should be starting to overtake breast feeding....... Blah blah blah...... I'm sure he'll get there in his own time, HV add too much pressure. Argghhhh.

DH is annoying me too!! I so wish he'd get involved with the weaning and cooking stiff. He promised he would and so far has boiled some veg. When I asked him to help more he said he had, with the veg. Arghhh men.

Just arghhhhhhhhhh today!

Joining in with your aaaargh!! Pixie! I hate those days. Had a few nights now of shit sleep, and it's starting to get to me. Am extra clumsy, and my skin feels horrible, very dry. Could barely bring myself to look in a mirror today.

Health visitors can get to f**k! Know they obvs mean well but it's not helpful. Yeah I got that thing about food overtaking milk. Then she had the gall to patronise me about feeding DD nutritious foods! Er do you think I plonk her in front of a Big Mac every night?? although I might consider it if she'd actually eat it It's very annoying. Our babies WILL get there in their own good time. And food is for play in this first year, anything else is a bonus I reckon!

Yeah, meals all planned and made by me. When DH sorts her meals on the rare occasion he's all 'what do I give her??' Haribo and Sunny Delight...ffs man, use your head!

Had a counselling session today. Think I mentioned HV referred me for them because of DD not sleeping. At the time I was very much like 'what difference is that going to make??' but actually, it's been very satisfying to talk about how I'm feeling. Today we explored how inadequate I feel as a mum. Was very emotional but good to confront it. And it made me realise just how much harder this motherhood thing is when you're getting by on as little sleep as we all are. Which made me feel better about my efforts...but also had me blubbing again, because it is so damn hard and I wonder how I keep going some days.

Anyone else got the mid week 'hump day grumps'??

Purple HVs treat all babies the same, and have no concept at all of high needs babies. I'm sure they think I'm incompetent, they keep on at me to put him down drowsy but awake, haha in my dreams!!

Glad the counselling went well. Having a high needs baby is soooo draining and lonely, it does make you want to fall apart. Add the no sleep on top and arghhhhhhh!! I find that once I accept that this is how things are for now then I feel much better. Difficult finding the energy and time to nourish ourselves as its all about the babies. And men are just shit at really helping!! Sending you hugs xx

Purple where have you moved to? I'm amazed at how many people move house with a baby!! How old is yours?

Yarp how's the bump? I'm right that your expecting?! Xx

No pixie not pregnant! Not sure what gave you that idea?!

Hope you and purple have better days tomorrow. You are right, the babies will get there in their own time, try not to let HV's bother you - no one knows your baby better than you and if you need help or advice you know you can get it. Im just feeling like it will all come together in the end. In the meantime, it's just one day at a time.

Think there is someone on here who is preg but not sure who? My god I don't know how I'd get through this with pregnancy insomnia too!

Thanks pixie and yarp. I'm sure it will come together. When I get hopeless I remind myself of how far we've come - managed to survive 9 months, sure I can survive another 9 months!

Pixie my DD is 9 months, and we moved just a mile up the road (we're I'm Glasgow). Seemed crazy to move while all this is going on but we figured, there's never going to be a good time to do it! We want another baby and don't want to leave it too late to try (I'm 36). So we figured we might as well get moving out of the way now, as we really needed a bigger house. Going to be majorly skint for the foreseeable now, but hopefully worth it!

How were your nights? Slightly better here but woken at 630 with lots of crying. Sigh...

Just wanted to say these babies who are 'high needs' do exist! DS1 was one of these. This time with DD, although like all babies she needs to be helped to sleep, cuddled lots etc and doesn't want to be put down while awake or be in pram, I can actually transfer her to a cot for naps. It makes me realise all those smug people giving me good advice were just talking bullshit. They didn't have any special technique, it just depends on the baby!! Having her sleep somewhere other than me is so freeing. Big to all of you with sling nappers!

Can I join?

I have been on and off sleep threads since ds was about 3 months. I usually come off as I feel like a right moaner. Ds is 16mo and sleep is appalling.

He has to be held to sleep which takes a minimum of one hour. He will only be held to sleep by me, no one else. He then will sometimes sleep for an hour or two, other times the wake ups are constant.

I am pregnant no idea how we managed that and exhausted. The other night I made the fatal mistake of, after being up hours holding ds (he'd fallen asleep but I couldn't put him down) I asked my husband to come hold him so I could get some sleep. This was about 10 o clock. The second he went to my husband he was wide awake. He starts off talking and squealing but it soon turns into full blown hysterical crying. I had to go back to him but by that time it was too late, he was wide awake. Last time I looked at the clock that night it was quarter to 4. I managed to get him to sleep eventually and he was up at 5 I don't know how he does it.

Wow Ducky that sounds awful. They are just exhausting aren't they? How far along are you in your pregnancy? Hope you manage to get some rest somehow. Know what you mean about being a moaner. I can't believe I've been on here for 9 months now! Even I'm sick of the sight of me!

Bad night here, coming on here for a rant. So tired tonight and that's when DD decided she just isn't going to sleep. Or rather, she'll sleep, but waking hourly. When is this going to end?????

I remember you purple! Crap your still here too. Are they quick wake ups or is she staying up?

I'm only about 6 weeks how the bloody hell will I get through an entire pregnancy!!!

Ds is up for the hundredth time and completely refusing to go to sleep anywhere but on me whilst I sit up. He knows if I even slightly recline. And I feel so sick

Oddity hey, thanks for sharing. How long have we to wait until these little monies start sleeping?!!!

Welcome ducky! Do join in with our complaining!! How did you get pregnant?! I'm way too tired to even consider sex! Poor DH must been gagging for it!!

Purple how sooner are you planning to try for another? I always wanted a couple, but there's no way I could cope with another high needs baby! So just the one for me!

Bad night here. DS is intolerant to eggs and dairy and like a twat I had a piece of cake and a bar of chocolate yesterday, so poor lad was up all night crying with stomach ache. Never eating dairy or egg again!!!!

Little every few months he will gave about 3 days in a row of sleeping ok. When I say ok I mean short wake ups! So my only guess is it happened then!

Ds has dairy, egg and black currant allergies too. He's got an appointment a week on Tuesday for allergy testing to see if there's anything else.

We had another horrendous night. He was up until around 3.30 when i just lay on the floor next to the cot and slept there holding his hand. He still woke up 3 or 4 times and was up at 6.

Hi can I join?

My son is now 8 months now, since he was born I never had a good happy day he's always looking for attention. Hates his pram,cot, car seat,or floor mat. He wants to be held all day or perhaps play with him constantly. His sleep is also an issue, he's awake up to 4 times every night and won't sleep during the day more than hour if I'm lucky!

Ducky we are also getting allergy tests, appt is in May. We dairy, egg and dish free.

Delice welcome!! My DS is the same! Once he started crawling he was a lot happier, is yours crawling yet?

As yet DS won't let me put in down at all, he refuses to crawl, belly must be really bad. Was supposed to be viewing a house today but not sure I can get him in the car plus had an argument with DH and said 'f@£k you' to him. We never argued before having a baby

Can I join? I've been flitting around the other threads so people may know me. I have a 10 month old dd who wakes at least 4 times a night.

She was going down well at 7 with first wake up at 11, then 2 ish at which point she comes in with me and it becomes a blur.

But she's just changed her bedtime behaviour at 7 and comfort sucking for ages and gets irate if I remove my nipple so my short bedtimes (only thing that was positive) have gone too

She doesn't each much in terms of solids and feeds almost like a newborn.

I'm thinking I need to start keeping in her on her cot all night but every night at 2 I just haven't got the willpower to do it as I'm so tired