High Needs baby support thread

[LittlePixieMa]

Any of this familiar?

1 baby needs to be constantly held
2 feeds frequently during the day
3 feeds or comfort sucks through the night
4 won't sleep alone
5 HATES the pram and/or car seat
6 takes short naps
7 doesn't like being held / left with others
8 gets bored or over stimulated very quickly

Feeling exhausted and want some support from others with spirited fussy babies

If so join the club

In Perth pixie. Oh dear yours is wise to the ninja roll!

Hello everyone!

Transferred sleeping DD to cot last night, she slept for 45 mins and I actually made it downstairs for a bit! I managed to get her back to sleep in the cot by getting half in and feeding her. She went to sleep for 25 mins then I got her in with me. I was too sleepy to carry on! Gona go for three resettles tonight!

I've stuffed a muslin cloth down my top in the hope she'll take it as a comfort object. Lol. Anyone had success with this?

pixie has your DS always refused the cot?

Ooh no but I'd love to hear of comfort object success. At the moment I think I'm DS's comfort object for sleep

Interested to hear about the comforter as I was thinking about trying that too.

Not too bad of a night here, but getting her to bed in the first place....oh my word....screamed for over an hour no matter what I did, then gave in and fed her (no way she was hungry, she had just had 8oz bottle). She had fallen asleep in the sling but then woke on transfer - so feeling all your transfer troubles!

Honestly feel like I need to do some sort of sleep training because it really shouldn't be this traumatic going to bed. And she screams being held/rocked so might as well lie in her cot. I would never leave her alone to cry but anyone had any experiences of pick up/put down? Or any other magic method?!

Db4d 45 mins is great compared to my 10 mins. I tried a comforter ages ago, I wore it in my top for a week, but DS never took to it, but he was tiny then. I may try again!

Captain haha, same here! If only my boobs would detach!!

Yarp. As she screams being held, being in the cot with your hand in her wouldn't be much different. I've not ever tried pick up put down. I'm not into sleep training, even if I was in pretty sure DS would scream for hours!! The Gentle Sleep book and the no cry sleep solution are good reads if you want to avoid the harsher methods xxx

Thanks pixie, will have a look at those. Not really into sleep training either, more so just feel I need to do something to help her not be so distressed, as whatever we're doing isn't working! Will see what tonight brings.

Hi ladies. Sorry I've got a bit behind. Last night was ok. We didn't have a middle of the night poo episode and he only woke for feeds which was better. Still up at 5:30 though. Cold definitely on the way out though which is good.

However I'm feeling quite smug because I went into town on the bus with ds ON OUR OWN! He was fab. I did some shopping. Got his passport photo done (cute!). Ate lunch in pret and wandered around town drinking a hot chocolate. I had him in the sling. He beamed at people on the bus. It made me feel more human! Also discovered our Debenhams has an amazing baby change room and separate feeding room!

Tomorrow I have my first physio session on my buggered stomach muscles. I had 4cm of separation, did anyone else have that? Dreading taking ds with me as the traffic to the hospital and the parking can be dire and hes crap in the car. However after today's successful expedition I will keep telling myself we can do it!

Also welcome captain!

As for sleep transfers. During the day... impossible. When he first goes off at night its possible to transfer him into his sidecar and he will stay there anywhere from 1-3 hours but when he wakes from that sleep I have him in with me cos it's impossible to get him back in the sidecar. I'm hoping that first sleep will one day last longer meaning he'll stay in his own bed longer! No idea why I can transfer him for that sleep but not for any others?

yarp the gentle sleep book is great, it definitely helped me understand why he is crap at sleeping and gave me hope that if I just ride it out it will get better as it's mostly developmental. The sweet sleep book is good too. It's essentially a book about cosleeping but it does give you info about how to eventually move them into their own beds.

Llama woohoo!! Bet it feels fab that you went into town! So glad he was happy and smiley. Hopefully he'll be a little star at the physio. I didn't get any separation, I measured 4 weeks behind throughout pregnancy so the muscles didn't over stretch. Soo common through, it'll gradually reduce in size with the correct exercises.

DS was a star this morning with the inlaws while I taught postnatal yoga. This afternoon however has been meltdown mayhem. Cold + teething + wind = miserable boy. Add to that DH scratching him by accident led to an inconsolable meltdown. Finally git him to sleep.

Yay llama for getting out! Did you have people commenting on what a happy, contented baby he is? I get that and smile through gritted teeth!

DS does go to bed in his cot although never in the daytime. We moved him in there at 10 weeks because he was too big for the Moses basket so maybe that helped.

He started crawling a couple of weeks ago so if I walk away from him he follows me and holds on to my legs crying.

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Same here captain!

llama sounds like a good day!
I have the same problem with day time sleep transfers. I used to be able to feed her to sleep, pop her in the cot then she'd wake up smiling. (only very short naps of 20-45 mins). I think she realised what was happening and decided to put a stop to it!

yarp whats your bedtime routine like? I recently changed dd's, she gets so over stimulated in the evenings. Not tried any sleep training, I'm too wimpy for it!

Pixie sorry to hear about the meltdown, poor boy. Sometimes it just all gets too much for them doesn't it! Hope he's ok.

nails that's quite cute about the leg clutching, though immensely annoying I am sure!

Yeah everyone was saying what a happy little boy he was in town today, he charmed everyone!

Yes I'd be interested to know what people do in the evenings? DS has a last nap around 3-3:30 for 30-45 mins depending on how long he sleeps for. He ALWAYS wakes up a bit miserable (other naps he wakes up happy) and I have to work hard to get him through the last bit of the day. He's always whingy and miserable until bedtime, with the odd happy spell! It's knackering. Plus, I have to wait til he is absolutely exhausted before I can get him to sleep, he just will NOT go to sleep otherwise, which means he just gets more miserable til about 6:30-7pm when he finally accepts a feed and crashes out on my boob. I usually keep him with me on the sofa for half an hour to an hour before I transfer him to bed. I've tried doing it all upstairs but frankly its more stressful and he seems to settle better downstairs.

So basically we have no bedtime routine, I've tried. I just have to get him through the evening any way I can and feed him to sleep when he's utterly knackered!

Also interested to hear everyone's bedtimes.

We recently started putting her to bed about 6.30 following a bottle (BF the rest of the time). She had been staying up with us and feeding/dozing on my lap all evening but got to a point where it just wasn't good for anyone and she was clearly tired and needed to be in bed. I was guilty of massively misreading tiredness for hunger, especially when she was little.

So routine is bath, bottle, dimmed lights etc and then rocked to sleep. She's usually asleep by 7. I then feed her about 10pm and then we wing it from there on in, but if she wakes I just feed her! (I know this is bad but it's easiest way for everyone to get some rest)

My sleep training thing was probably a cry for help more than anything as last night was so traumatic for her. I know it's just a phase and usually it's not too hard to get her off to sleep. I will check out the options though.

Llama similar story here. Wakes up grumpy from his last nap, which is usually 4pm-6pm, too late really for a nap but if I wake him earlier then he's in even more of a state.

Can't get a routine to work, he's all or nothing. No point is having a calm quiet evening, he'd be bored and cry, bath time makes him hyper so no point doing that in the evening, baby massage too boring, and reading also too boring for him.

So our 'routine' is play play then sling or boob at between 8 or 9pm. I'd love to sit and read a book as he drifts off but think that a long way in the future!!!

Llama interested to hear what your physio says about muscle separation, I've got a bit too but haven't done anything about it.

So our bedtime routine is:

3pm-ish wake up from last nap.

Around 4-5 might put in high chair and eat something (ie wave it around and throw it on the floor)

5-6 (this is mega grumpy time) he goes in the sling on DH and they go and water the garden together. Or we put on music and he just bobs around in the sling with whoever's carrying him.

6pm he has a bath and then comes into the bedroom where it's dark and we've got white noise going. He feeds to sleep pretty well if he's been up for those three hours. Once his arm is good and floppy I transfer him to his bed and creep out. Sometimes he needs another feed at this point to drift off again.

Then it's potluck what happens. Sometimes he sleeps really well and I can eat dinner, watch tv with DH etc. Sometimes I'm in and out every half an hour so I give up and just go to bed early.

Last night he woke at 9, 12,30, 3.30 for a feed and back to sleep. Except he came in our bed at 4 because he just thrashes around at that time and keeps waking up. If he can feel me next to him he settles better.

Yarp well done for getting a set bedtime in place. I have tried but he just won't go to sleep til he is trashed.

pixie I was slinging DS to sleep in the evening up to Christmas but all of a sudden he started falling asleep on the boob over his bedtime feed, so we've been doing that ever since. The annoying thing is, he decides when the bedtime feed is. He refuses it til he's ready, so when I think its bed time I offer him boob, and if he refuses I just keep offering every 15 mins or so and eventually he latches on and drinks like he's been starved and falls asleep. So no, no routine at all here either, it's just impossible cos he's too cranky in the evening so I just go with whatever keeps him calm.

captain I'll let you know re the physio. Sounds like you've got a decent bedtime routine too, and I guess you just keep going with it and the potluck evenings will get less and less.

I think I just need to put one in place and try and stick with it and accept some nights it won't work. I think I need to do the feeding upstairs in a dimly lit room, but cos I have to keep offering every 10-15 mins or so til he'll accept it I could be up there for ages trying to entertain him inbetween til he will feed!

He slept ok last night. Think I fed him 4 times, but no midnight pooing again so I see that as a small victory!

DD needs to sleep every 2-2.5 hours during the day, naps can vary between 20 mins and an hour (occasionally 2 hours) so having any routine is hard!

I try to start the bedtime routine about an hour after her last nap or she gets very hyper then very grumpy.
We recently stopped bathing her in the evening as she was just too tired. Screaming, crying, eye rubbing etc.
We're doing day time baths now and she's loving the bath!

Last night I started bedtime at 4.30! she was asleep by 5.30, (ridiculously early but I figure until she stretches her awake time I'll roll with it!) put her in cot, she coughed herself awake after 20 mins, I then fed her back to sleep and she stayed in the cot for an hour. Then I got her in with me and we went to sleep.
She latches on and off while we're both asleep, I have no idea how much this happens during the night! She gets woken up by her bum at 5.30am most days, I then change her and spend the next hour- 2 hours settling her back down for a bit more sleep. So this morning it took an hour then she slept for another hour til 7.30.

Bedtime is currently; go to bedroom where I've already got the blind down and curtains shut, lights off and lamp on. I don't talk much just try to say shhh shhh. pjs, fresh nappy and sleeping bag already laid out. Ewan dream sheep goes on, lay dd on bed, change her, pjs on, sleeping bag on, pick her up, we turn the lamp off together then it's a feeding, shhhing, rocking, sometimes singing marathon til she's asleep on boob lying on bed. Then I attempt the transfer! This usually takes about an hour but can take longer, it's always potluck here too.

Haha my hv always says 'do you read her a bed time story?' I just say yeah yeah... If I tried to do that with DD she'd be tearing the book up and trying to eat it!

yarp I automatically feed dd to get her to sleep too. I have wondered about giving a bottle before bed, as DD seems to get frustrated with bf in the evening, I think she's just tired but I can't help but worry she might be hungry!

Db4d this was exactly how our bedtime bottle started. When she was little, I found by that time of the evening I was 'spent' and felt I had not a drop of milk in me and it was frustrating for all.

The bottle in between feeds has really helped - although I admit I had to stop being stubborn about exclusively BF and let it go (tried expressing but it was hopeless)

Although the bottle really doesn't 'knock her out' or make her sleep for hours as I probably thought/hoped it would! It does though reassure that whatever the problem is at bedtime, hunger isn't it.

If she took a bottle I would be doing the same as you! Now we're weaning I'm giving her a sippy cup with water in it and she seems to be starting to get the hang of it so fingers crossed I can put formula or expressed milk in it soon and it'll help with weaning her off the breast.

Likewise if DS took a bottle I'd probably give that a whirl too. I'm trying him on a valveless sippy cup next, having tried every type of bottle going.

Had a disaster today, it's trashed my confidence which was doing well after yesterdays trip into town! I tried to go for my physio assessment. Traffic was terrible, and the car park even worse. I drove in to the car park and it took me almost 45 mins to get back out it was so gridlocked. I never found a parking space. DS screamed the whole time, I had to stop on double yellows a few times and get him out and cuddle him, he was hysterical. It took him ages to calm down and go to sleep afterwards. I finally got out of the car park and went home. I never made it to my appointment, there was literally nowhere to park, it was insane.

Tomorrow I'm meant to be doing a 90 mile trip to visit my Gran, she's never met DS and he is her only great grand child, she's 90 and lives in a nursing home and really wants to meet him. I've put off going til now cos he was too dreadful in the car, then had back to back colds which I didn't want to give to her. He seems ok now, but I'm stressing about it again after today! He'd been quite good in the car for the last couple of weeks. I'm going to go anywhere and if I have to stop 50 times on the way there and back then so be it!

I will take lots of snacks to keep me going!

haha Db4d my DS would be the same with his bedtime story. DH sometimes attempts it but it usually ends in a fury of flailing little arms!

I feed to sleep wherever possible, it is my only weapon! Rocking over a stone of baby to sleep is just knackering.

Sorry for typos. I'm on my phone and I'm useless.

Llama that sounds horrendous

I did a similar long drive on my own with DS so he could see my grandma. I timed it so we left when he was having his first nap which knocked out the first bit of the journey. Then of course he woke up and screamed, we pulled over, had a cuddle, back in the car, repeat etc. I found breaking the journey up so we stopped for coffee in some random place off the motorway helped, as did lots of toys hanging around his seat. Last resort was stop, in the sling, walk around to try to get him to sleep, transfer back to car.

Hope yours goes okay.

I've come down with a cold and feel terrible. DS slept all night in our bed last night and he was pretty good thank goodness. The cosleeping means neither of us really wake that much when he rouses and feeds, but then I miss my own space.

How's it going?

llama I hope you had a better day today

captain are you feeling better?

I'm doing third sling nap of the day. When will this cycle end!! 😫

Comfort object update: been wearing the muslin religiously so it's popping out the top of my vest. When DD has sling naps she's started to hold it and rub her face with it, and a couple of times stuck her thumb (wrapped in muslin) in her mouth while feeding. I have no idea if this means anything but it seems good?!!

I survived. Journey there was fine he slept for the whole 2 hours so I arrived calm! He was an absolute treasure the whole time we were there. Slept conveniently through lunch and cooed and smiled at grandma the rest of the time. She's a total battle axe and he completely charmed her. Journey back not too bad either. Bit of wailing so I stopped at a giant Tesco and wandered around and he slept the second bit. He's been a complete nightmare this evening though! Quite wild and kept feeding and then pulling off and flailing about and crying and wanting more boob then more flailing. Knackering. He's just gone to sleep on me finally.

captain how are you feeling?

DS seems totally over his cold but he's still doing loads of mucousy nappies. He's done almost 1 an hour today but seems fine? Not sure why?

Good skills with the comfort object db4d. I need to try and create one too. Not sure what to use though?