the no-cry sleep solution

[iris66]

has anyone tried it? (book by Elizabeth Pantley) I'm on day 2 & looking for a bit of support as I know it's going to take time. I'm dying through sleep depravation with 8mth DS who bfs to sleep but is very very tricky to move so have been cosleeping whilst he fidgets & kicks all night(and power naps during the day)
Think this is the last chance saloon before ear plugs & leaving him to get hysterical (even though I know that won't happen - i just couldn't, he really does do the whole temper, then sad then hysteria/shaking/terror/I've been abandoned thing - even if DH goes to him - such a mummy's boy)
Anyway, please post if you've been successful with this [hopeful emoticon]

HELP I am feeling awful. I'm beyond exhausted and called my HV in tears yesterday. Her advice was to try CC as I need to get sleep before I go gaga. I'm already feeling anxious and can't bear feeling like this much longer. DD like most of the other babies has made some progress but is regularly still waking for a b/f 4+ times a night. I'm starting to crack under the strain!!!

momomama,big(((hug))) to you.i called my hv last week too,shes coming today,i think i have pnd AGAIN!i cant believe a hv would suggest cc!what are you going to do?hope all goes ok,let us know what happens.

Big hugs to momomama and moljam, you sound like you're both having a hard time. Moljam we cosleep, I'm sure some others on this thread do as well. I hope your hv has some good advice about possible pnd.

momomamma, I think hvs always recommend cc, it's what they know about . I can't remember, how old is you DD? Do you think she is waking out of habit or need? Let us know what happens [hug].

ive just got copy of ncss through post,cant wait to read!i flicked through looks great.ds slept 7-2 ,had milk,then woke again at 4 ,more milk then awake at 6.30.not too bad!just had 5 minute nap though!silly mummy tried moving him off me so i could clear up before hv comes!now hes awake but im not cleaning im on mn again!

Dear Moljam and Monomama, Big hugs to both of you! I hope things get better soon!

I found that when I co slept that I was less tired, I don't think it makes much difference to baby's sleep. I can't co sleep at the moment as I'm moving house and it not safe to where I am just now which is why I've stopped. Though Last night I heard DS wake and move around cot and go back to sleep on his own.... (9mths) I have the Dream N play travel cot with a 10cm thick mattress as I don't like proper cots with bars.It's right next to my bed. We like to kiss through the mesh and also he rubs his head against it without getting hurt so I think it's a good cheap compromise if you did want to try a cot.

Sorry misread - You have a cot already! If cc makes you more anxious and unhappy it's not a solution.

I have just tried the wake to sleep suggestion for extending DS naps IT HAS WORKED I hadn't the courage to try that tip until now!!!!

moljam/momomama ((hugs)) it's so hard isn't it especially when people in RL are so unsupportive . We co-sleep too & DS seems to sleep better that way at the mo (I certainly do!)

Difers - congratulations!! (must read the book more !)

must go DS awake.....

Thankyou everyone. I'm totally confused what to do next. HV is actually very supportive and helpful but feels I NEED to make sure I get more sleep very quickly thus CC. I'm soooooo tired I think I'll cave after 10 mins so not even considering it at the moment (that time could come). Just read Dr Sears sleep book (to confuse matters further) and their advice for burn-out mums is to take steps to stop bf through the night usually with a lot of support from DP. I am considering this. DD is almost 1 and I feel like such a wreck and so anxious its really affecting me.
Moljam (((hugs))) too. Just remember you need to take really good care of yourself too.
Well done all of you for sticking with the plan. I'm sure it will yield rewards it just takes soooooo long.

Momomama & Moljam, I wish I could say something that would help.

We co-sleep and alway have done. We don't have a cot at all. It's the only way for us as I think DD is at the top of the 'high need' baby tree! As for me, I'd so much rather cuddle her up in bed and fall asleep while she feeds than get up and wander around in the dark a few times a night. Last week I started going to bed with her at 7.30-8-ish so I could catch up on some sleep and I do feel a bit better this week.

Well done on the naps Difers! It's worked for me too, up do a point. I still have to b/f her back down after the first half hour though.

I met a young mum today at baby gym whose baby is 8 months the same as my DD. When her baby was 3 months old she found a lump in her neck and has been having chemo ever since... Dunno about you, but it kind of put a few night wakings seem a little bit insignificant all of a sudden .

What a nightmare you are all having! I think in a lot of cases parents make it into a problem by feeling guilty when baby cries so go and jiggle it about etc also co sleeping is not helpful at teaching babies to sleep happily on their own. When a baby has proper structured naps in the day they sleep better at night. My 4month dd has learned to sleep an hour in the morning and 2 hours at lunch time and is asleep at 7pm and wakes between 6 and 7am (I wake her at 10pm for quick top up) She is the most laid back jolly soul but if I hadn't let her go through the screaming from tiredness every night for 2 weeks she would be a pain in the arse still. It was AWFUL to leave her crying but she was fed, changed, the right temperature, burped and it wasn't colic (no writhing around etc) and its the best thing Ive ever done for her. I think all parents need to be hard with themselves and be honest and look at how you are with your babies and ask yourself Am I creating this needy baby? More often than not the answer is yes. Do not feel bad about sleep training. Sleep is IMPERATIVE for a healthy immune system. Its the best thing you can do for your child. I wish I could bloody sleep!!

you know what I just said about naps? About always having to feed DD back down after 30 minutes? Well I just went upstairs to do just that. At 30 minutes in, nothing happened. At 40 minutes in, she briefly opened her eyes, snuffled a bIt, then SHUT HER EYES AND WENT RIGHT BACK TO SLEEP AGAIN!!

That is the first time EVER that she hasn't woken rooting for me after half hour into a nap.

Could this finally be progress??!(trying-not-to-look-too-excited face).

With reference to the post by Manuka:

Iris, over to you............

manuka,have you read through the rest of the posts?i really think you should!

manuka - honey, I'm so pleased you have trained your baby not need you but we have a slightly different take on CC here.

danceswithbaby - you naughty, naughty girl!!

go iris.

momomama - I'm so sorry you are so low lovely (((hugs))) is there any way you & DD can have the bed to yourselves for a few nights? Just having more room to move has made a huge difference to the quality of sleep I've been getting - DH isn't impressed but I'm figuring it's short term so..

or can family/friends/DP take her out for a couple of mornings/afternoons so you can sleep uninterrupted?

If you do go down the CC route please don't worry - she'll be fine and you will too (and we'll all still love you even me)Just make sure the decision is yours.

I have read the posts and I think you're all making something so straightforward into a big hardship and none of you are happy! My friends who do what you do have unhappy, whingeing babies most of the time.I wasn't wishing to offend any of you so I shall bog off and wish you all luck with your methods. x

we've been co-sleeping for months and the last few weeks DP has left the bed to give us space etc but i'm feeling awful still. Ideally I would love to just keep going with the demand bf and co-sleeping but I've reached the point where I know I can't without really running myself into the ground.
Manuka, have you ever heard the phrase if you don't have anything good to say don't say anything at all. Talk about kicking people when they're down. I can ASSURE you that none us are in thge business of 'creating' needy babies. In future think about a little empathy and sensitivity before giving useless opinions which only serve to undermine and antagonise others!

but that does offend. I have a lovely, happy, smiling little boy who just happens to be a high needs baby who is excited by the world around him and who resists sleep, not an "unhappy, whinging baby most of the time". The NCSS is not the quick way to help him sleep better but, for him and babies of a similar character, it is the kind way. CC would not suit either him or me, and I resent your implication that I am somehow deliberately and obtusely making my son miserable for my own ends.

Manuka "honey" think only a kiwi would notice that going together! There is a manuka honey vodka in NZ. Anyone thats enough useless information on Manuka products... my sisters dd did not sleep through till just over one year old and she was left to cry etc. I cosleep after trying ds on mattress next door with dd. I am too lazy to get out of bed and tbh it supports my ethos of raising my kids with alot of support, trust and companionship in sleep and life. I see alot of freedom in dd (3) which really reflects my hippie style of parenting!

Hi everyone nice to see this thread still running for support Once we are all over our colds ds will be working towards one feed a night and try and only feed 3 times max in 24 hour period. So you might well see me back for commanderie then

Thanks for your support Papillon - we're all committed to doing the best for our LOs, whichever route we take but it is such an emotive subject isn't it!!
Am trying to get DS down to 2 bf per day (and conveniently ignoring the 3/4 night sessions for the moment )

being very childish but sorry I can't resisit....

manuka - just to add

• my DS is, and I quote many friends and all his (very) extended family, one of the most contented and happiest baby boys they know.

so there

That was funny - the manuka honey- comment! I've read your comments and really thought about it and had a good look at myself and to be honest I think I was motivated to comment on here through a deep sense of feeling like a shit mother. I did the cc thing because unlike you I found it horribly difficult to love my baby at first from pnd. I was terrified to love her and terrified to have anyone need me. So it wasn't hard for me to do cc. luckily she is naturally very happy and giggly and thankfully no worse for wear from the 2 week cc. I do love her endlessly now. Reading your ways of being with your babies made me feel shit that I couldn't love as much as you do and I can not go back and change those first 3 months. So I humbly appologise for all my comments and thankyou for your replies as it made me really look at myself.I really admire you for your selfless love. Your babies are lucky to have you.

Oh that's so childishly reinforcing Iris My ds was photographed by strangers yesterday cos they just liked his peaceful aura

((manuka)) thats beautiful, healing and very aware of you

If you need support in the future and I see you name, I will try and be there for you... Take care