Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Sleep

Join our Sleep forum for tips on creating a sleep routine for your baby or toddler. Need more advice on your childs development? Sign up to our Ages and Stages newsletter here.

Controlled crying at 4 months old.

226 replies

Writerwannabe83 · 25/07/2014 13:25

Bedtimes have become a nightmare for me - DS just refuses to sleep.

Last night it took 4 hours for him go fall asleep once we had started his bedtime routine. That's a long 4 hours of grizzling, crying and screaming.

He will cry and cry in his Crib but the minute I pick him up, he stops. He looks at me, gives me a huge smile and a lovely laugh and starts flailing his arms and legs everywhere like he wants to play.

I calm him down and put him back in his crib and the crying starts again.

It goes on and on and on and on. He cries, I pick him up, he laughs/smiles, I put him back down, he cries again, I pick him up again, he laugh/smiles - you get the picture.

I offer feeds and change his nappy in between all these pick ups and put downs to ensure there's no reason for his screaming but absolutely nothing makes any difference.

Me and DH are nearly at breaking point - we just can't maintain this anymore.

Normally the pattern goes in for 2.5 hours but last nights record 4 hours just bought it home how insane it is.

Once he does go to sleep (usually from exhaustion) he sleeps very well. His first stretch will be 5-6 hours, then he has a feed, then sleeps again for another 3 hours. It's just getting him to sleep is the problem.

I spoke to a HV today who suggested we try controlled crying. She said to carry out his bedtime routine, pop him in his crib, turn the lights down and then for me to go and sit out on the landing. She advised that once DS starts crying to leave him for a minute before going back in, and I'm not to pick him up but just pat him for reassurance and then leave again. She told me to just keep doing this and prepare myself for having to go in and out about 50 times. She said it can be hard emotionally but after a week there should be a huge improvement in getting DS to sleep.

I don't know how I feel about it, but I know I can't spend 4 hours every night just picking him up and putting him down.

Has anyone else ever done it this early?

And if not, how did you deal with problems as bad as this?

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Rumandcokeplease · 25/07/2014 21:21

My dd2 would not sleep before 9pm, no matter what happened during the day, it's like her nighttime was 9pm-9am, she didn't have a late nap, her last nap would sometimes end at 3pm and she still wouldn't go to sleep before 9 and she was definitely tired! I have up trying to get her to bed before 7 and she just say quietly with us until she was ready for bed-as long as she didn't whinge I didn't care!!! Bedtime gradually got earlier and fitted in with dd1.

Writerwannabe83 · 25/07/2014 21:21

DS is still in a state so I have told DH to just bring him downstairs.

OP posts:
Coachbuiltprammama · 25/07/2014 21:22

No its not a evil and bad as everyone makes out with my first he was swaddled in a muslin pretty much all the time until he was 3 months old he had 30 mins playtime a day in front of the fire to get his coordination going after his bath and before bed so he tired himself out a little and during the day he was outside in his Osnath Hyde Park Pram for 3 hours while i did the cleaning and what ever else needing doing that day then after 3 hours he came in for 2 hours and had 2 30 min feeds every 30 mins with burping in between i breastfed so didn't do the holding him away from me but i didn't make eye contact so i didn't upset or disturb him while he was concentrating on his feed when it came to bedtime he had a Moses basket in his room for the first few months and then he went into his cot he slept from 6pm through to about 6-6:30 which suited me fine as we liked an early breakfast before going out and i did 20 min cuddles not 10 mins i think the show "bringing up baby" portrayed truby king as a monster when infact the woman representing him was the monster and surprise surprise she had no children of her own but knew it all Angry was vvv unimpressed with how she treated those babies and mothers

Gileswithachainsaw · 25/07/2014 21:26

Was it you writer who had the suspected CMPI baby? Or was it reflux?

I'm only asking because if you didn't get the milk sorted air the medication needs tweaking then sleep training won't work because something's wrong of that makes sense?

Apologies if I have wrong poster

Writerwannabe83 · 25/07/2014 21:28

Wasn't me Giles Smile - but no apologies needed Smile

OP posts:
Gileswithachainsaw · 25/07/2014 21:32

:) I hope your Ds goes to sleep soon.

Dd had a sensitive stomach and going to bed full of milk/food meant she woke up crying.

I found being her feed forward (for us that was 6:00) and then bathing about half six and putting to bed at seven worked much better.

Obviously adjust times to suit you but maybe don't have the feed right before bed so he falls asleep full. Have it an hour earlier and let him kick about and disperse the wind before bath and bed

PenguinsHatchedAnEgg · 25/07/2014 21:33

No eye contact in feeds and timed cuddles still doesn't sound much fun. I guess whatever suits you...

TarkaTheOtter · 25/07/2014 21:42

writer this thread just made me laugh if you need cheering up.

ChaffinchOfDoom · 25/07/2014 21:46

I have a 16 weeker

he is currently drowsily napping on his playmat, every couple weeks I attempt to put him down at 7pm just to ''see'' but it doesn't work, he is crazily wide awake at this time

I'm not forcing it, I change him & take him to bed when I go between 10-11pm, feed him in bed, wind him and he's asleep when I wind, then he goes into his cot, wiggles a bit and 50% time sleeps til 0630, or 50% time needs a feed at 0400 ish. then sleeps again till 745 ish.
If I put him down earlier Id need to feed & change him at my bedtime anyway, risking waking him up just when I need to sleep IYSWIM

I'm not going to attempt any sleep training until he's in his own room, happy with his cot and generally sleeping through at/after 6 mths

Coachbuiltprammama · 25/07/2014 21:56

its not supposed to be fun its what supposed to best for the baby parenting isn't a barrel of laughs 24/7 you know Hmm

Writerwannabe83 · 25/07/2014 22:05

Well it's 10pm and he's still going....

I've just lain him in his Crib and the grizzling started immediately.
And now it's progressed to crying.

I'm going to go and look at your link tarka because I definitely need cheering up Sad

OP posts:
PenguinsHatchedAnEgg · 25/07/2014 22:08

I meant it doesn't sound a lot of fun for the baby. As I said, whatever suits, but personally I think babies both need and enjoy snuggles, cuddles and eye contact. My youngest is 2.5 months, and when he breaks off in a feed to give me a big grin and then burrows back down to continue, that is one of the best feelings in the world, and certainly doesn't seem to be doing him any harm either. Smile

Writerwannabe83 · 25/07/2014 22:17

Thanks tarka - I now see that there are people out there with real problems and ones that are far bigger than mine Grin

OP posts:
Lillifrog · 25/07/2014 22:21

When my DD was 4 months we had the same situation and we did controlled crying as advised by our paediatrician. The problem was it took days and she screamed and screamed. It was the most traumatic thing for all of us and though she then slept alone, she started headrocking which went on for years. i think one factor is that 4 months is probably just too early anyway. With hindsight I would definitely have tried another way as I have always bitterly regretted doing it.

Writerwannabe83 · 25/07/2014 22:28

Still constantly screaming.

I seriously can't take this anymore.

OP posts:
MoominKoalaAndMiniMoom · 25/07/2014 22:28

Truby King didn't just believe that neglect was good for a baby's character, but also that women receiving higher education is a bad thing, because it's 'detrimental to their maternal functions'. Hmm

MoominKoalaAndMiniMoom · 25/07/2014 22:28

I've rtft but my memory is shot, have you tried shh-pat writer?

SlicedAndDiced · 25/07/2014 22:29

Ffs if your baby is constantly screaming go into her and comfort her!

Why do some mums insist on suppressing all natural instincts.

Poor baby.

karinmaria · 25/07/2014 22:31

Writer is taking 15 min shifts with her DH to settle her DS. RTFT.

Coachbuiltprammama · 25/07/2014 22:31

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Writerwannabe83 · 25/07/2014 22:32

I haven't left him all evening - I don't know why you think I have Sad

I'm in the same room with him. He screams until I pick him up and then screams again when he's put down.

OP posts:
PenguinsHatchedAnEgg · 25/07/2014 22:33

Oh Writer Sad

Do you have any instinct as to what's wrong? If it's wind pain, maybe a warm bath with one of you might help if nothing else has?

If he's just worked himself up, what are you doing? Because the risk is you chop and change so much to try and find something that 'works' that you keep overstimulating him. You could try just taking it in turns to hold him quietly in a darkened room, quiet back pat. Or lie him on his side and firmly pat his bum. It might take quite a while, but it's not as if you're leaving him on his own.

Writerwannabe83 · 25/07/2014 22:33

I left him twice but only when my DH took over. I'd never leave him alone to cry Sad

OP posts:
SlicedAndDiced · 25/07/2014 22:33

Sorry half asleep, missed that.

But if they are with the baby and soothing etc. then why the constant screaming?

Is there a medical problem?

SlicedAndDiced · 25/07/2014 22:34

Ah, is it only when he's in a cot op?