Controlled crying at 4 months old.

[Writerwannabe83]

Bedtimes have become a nightmare for me - DS just refuses to sleep.

Last night it took 4 hours for him go fall asleep once we had started his bedtime routine. That's a long 4 hours of grizzling, crying and screaming.

He will cry and cry in his Crib but the minute I pick him up, he stops. He looks at me, gives me a huge smile and a lovely laugh and starts flailing his arms and legs everywhere like he wants to play.

I calm him down and put him back in his crib and the crying starts again.

It goes on and on and on and on. He cries, I pick him up, he laughs/smiles, I put him back down, he cries again, I pick him up again, he laugh/smiles - you get the picture.

I offer feeds and change his nappy in between all these pick ups and put downs to ensure there's no reason for his screaming but absolutely nothing makes any difference.

Me and DH are nearly at breaking point - we just can't maintain this anymore.

Normally the pattern goes in for 2.5 hours but last nights record 4 hours just bought it home how insane it is.

Once he does go to sleep (usually from exhaustion) he sleeps very well. His first stretch will be 5-6 hours, then he has a feed, then sleeps again for another 3 hours. It's just getting him to sleep is the problem.

I spoke to a HV today who suggested we try controlled crying. She said to carry out his bedtime routine, pop him in his crib, turn the lights down and then for me to go and sit out on the landing. She advised that once DS starts crying to leave him for a minute before going back in, and I'm not to pick him up but just pat him for reassurance and then leave again. She told me to just keep doing this and prepare myself for having to go in and out about 50 times. She said it can be hard emotionally but after a week there should be a huge improvement in getting DS to sleep.

I don't know how I feel about it, but I know I can't spend 4 hours every night just picking him up and putting him down.

Has anyone else ever done it this early?

And if not, how did you deal with problems as bad as this?

Bedtime at 18:30 seems to be an English thing.

I just meant that some children at less than 6 months may struggle with the crying techniques doe the lack of object permanence. This is a skill obtained between 4 and 6 months.

I do agree that there isn't a need for constant night feeds at 4 months old, they should be able to do a 6-8 hour stretch without milk.

An early bedtime is truly a western obsession! I like it though!!

I can understand the appeal of an early bedtime and my toddler goes to bed at 7.30 latest (even though I've had to cut her nap to achieve it). But at 4 months I'd just try to bring it forward slowly rather than trying to force it. It is not a great time of year to get them to settle early anyway. Maybe start with a morning routine - wake at 7am latest, first nap after 9am - and see if the rest of the day falls into place. Once solids are established the day will have more structure anyway.
Ps I'm not anti cc (we did it at 6 months with dd because she was waking every two hours all night long). But I think if you're baby isn't that tired they will have the energy to scream and scream and it'll be really hard for you. If the only sleep problem is late bedtime I don't think cc will help.

Calpol doesn't work for dd with teething either, nurofen is much much better. The pain is caused by inflamation in the gums, nurofen is an anti-inflammatory.

Well bedtime has started.

He woke up from his nap at 6pm so, in alignment with the while 'should only be awake for 2 hours' theory I aimed to have him feeding at 8pm, which he is currently doing.

I've just read to him as advised by the HV it was two pages from my current Jodie Picoult book and I have a Winnie the Pooh lullaby type thing attached to the Crib and ready to go when I lie him down. I have also got my Ipad so I can sit on the floor, out of DS's eyeline, and MN whilst waiting for him to fall asleep.

I have told DH that he is not to come upstairs.

DS is falling asleep at the breast as this is my problem - it means I can't wind him when he's asleep and so even if I can transfer him to his Crib without waking him, he always wakes up 10 minutes later screaming due to trapped wind. It's a nightmare!

He'll probably grow out of the wind issues soon and that'll help things.

How are things going?

My ds has had his 30min sleep in his cot and is currently asleep in his bouncy chair downstairs whilst I watch greys anatomy. I'm not surprised he's happier down here though as it's 26degrees in his room!

If he wakes up windy lay him on his tummy. He will burp after a few minutes and then roll him over. That used to work a treat. Good luck!!

He's asleep

I put him in his Crib and he stayed asleep

There hasn't been a peep out of him for 15 minutes!!!

I'm definitely, definitely not counting my chickens though, I'm pretty sure he'll be awake within the next 20 minutes and the fun can begin...

May I recommend a book called 'the sensational baby sleep plan' by Alison Scott-wright. It isn't for everybody but it explains all about how much sleep a baby needs at each age and how to teach a baby to self-settle (literally a step by step guide). There is a very helpful crying scale where you ignore the whimper (my daughter used to have a tired whimper that she used to use to send herself off to sleep) but go in and settle if the crying escalates at all. Good luck x

Ooh. Hopefully not x

My dd just had to get used to being winded after each feed. You can do it in such a way that he can stay asleep. I'd have dd on my chest and rub her back for a good 15 mins.

I would also bring his bedtime much much earlier I.e. 6pm and only have a short final nap of 15-20 mins if you can. No naps after 4.30.

If I do bring his bedtime forward to 6-6.30 is it still likely he will go through the night?

My saving grace at the moment is that even though he doesn't fall asleep until 10pm at least it means he will go through until 5-6am. Maybe 7am on really good days. His current late bedtime means I get a proper, undisturbed nights sleep.

He's still asleep - that's 20 minutes now. With each minute that passes I feel more hopeful I'm still sitting in the bedroom with him but am seriously considering getting the baby monitors out and just leaving him...

I used the truby king method with mine they slept right through the night from the start. too much fussing and picking up messes with their minds plenty of time for that once they are potty trained and sleeping in a big bed by themselves

Did you follow his suggested 10 minute daily cap on cuddles too coach

Truby King

Coach that sounds sad, maybe its not as bad as it sounds?

Writer, my ds always had his long stretch at the beginning & dream feeding didn't really work so I was always up feeding at 3am. Df-ing might for your lo if you get them to feed at their bedtime & then yours.

Am amazed your HV didn't mention what others on the thread have referred to as the four month sleep regression. I found the book The Wonder Weeks very helpful in understanding various developmental jumps.
You said there's no reason for his screaming as he has had nappy changed and fed - needing you is also a possibility of course!
I think the uninterrupted sleep you're getting is pretty good for a four month old tbh. Agree with suggestions re altering timing/routine of bedtime.

If my HV had suggested controlled crying with a four month old I'd have told her to fuck off.

Plus at four months should still surely be with you for all naps and sleep, or have the SIDS guidelines changed?

Well he woke up 15 minutes ago with absolutely piercing, agonising screams. It was that bad my DH came running up the stairs because he thought I'd dropped DS or something.

DS clearly has trapped wind as is absolutely rigid and his screaming is full of pain, lots of tears streaming down his face. I did all I could think of but he's too upset to wind effectively. I have been walking him round, patting his back, humming his favourite lullaby to him but nothing is working. His screaming hasn't abated at all.

As a result DH is now up there - we are taking it in 15 minute shifts because it's just unbearable and soul destroying to listen to

Have you tried sitting him on your leg and a very fast jiggle/bounce with your knee? Plus patting if you have the coordination.

iggi - I said to the HV about DS always being with me for naps and how I have never left him at any point during the bedtime routine. I said that even if DS fell asleep at 9pm I would still sit with him until I went to sleep myself but she kind of implied it wasn't necessary.

But to be fair, in the mornings whilst DS is still sleeping I will put the monitors on and leave him so I can grab a shower and have some breakfast before he wakes up.

Obviously support head and back as necessary!

Oh that sounds hard. Hopefully he'll get it out soon. Have you got ? I think gripe water is good for trapped wind isn't it?

Unless there's a major reason why you don't want to, why not just let him stay downstairs with you, napping and cuddling, while you get on with your evening, and then put him to bed at 10 when he usually goes all night? I mean, at the moment your life is hell, so why not just go with what he seems to want? He's only 4 months. You can sleep train later. I was brutal with bedtime meaning bedtime when DS was almost 2, from memory. He has rigidly set bedtimes now and has for years, so I don't see any rods for backs being made. If a 4 month old isn't ready for bed at 8, then they aren't, so I wouldn't create misery for all concerned by trying to force it tbh. (And have you tried lying mostly upright with the baby up on your chest after falling asleep to feed? DD is 5 months and you can feel/hear the bubbles rising for half an hour or so - after that, she's good to lie down. She has reflux and silent reflux, though improving now, so I do understand.)

My second is a good sleeper. First was anything but. It isn't your fault or doing, they are just made that way, and it will come good in a little more time.

I'd love a glass of wine but can't drink alcohol I have chocolate cookies though....