High Needs Baby Support Group (thread IV)

[ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged]

Yoohooo! Over here!

The last thread was filling up so I've started us a sparkling new one.

The original thread was to support those of us with babies fitting the following criteria:

1. Feeds frequently daytime
2. Feeds frequently nighttime
3. Needs to be constantly held
4. Wont sleep alone
5. Hates the car seat/pram
6. Short naps

Some of our babies have grown out of some of those now, but we're still here to support each other through the sleepless nights and noisy car journeys and to offer hugs, chocolate and wine to anyone who's struggling.

So if that list sounds familiar then come and join us as we delight in our active, inquisitive, curious and restless babies or toddlers!

Oh Tickle I know what you mean. DS1 has preferred DH for about 2 years. It makes you feel really crap. Don't expect too much of yourself. You need to get better before things can get back to 'normal'. I would definitely be very grumpy and I think anyone would so don't be too hard on yourself.

Hello everyone, and welcome Sylvia. I'm so sorry for your loss, what a terribly hard thing to go through. So sorry to hear that you're struggling.

I can only second what everyone else has said in that the support here is really lovely, and there's lots of us in the same boat. My DD is my first and only 9 months, so I'm still finding my feet as well. It has gotten easier, bit by bit. Take care, and hang in there.

Last night I think, I think, DS slept from 12-4 without waking up. Granted he was awake from half 10 for an hour, and awake every hour from 4, but those consolidated hours have given me hope. A little bit. Maybe. It was probably just a one off...

Wow, Nightmoves, that's fantastic. Babysuko has on occasion done a 4 hour stretch but it's usually in the evening from 7-11 or 8-12. I hope it's not a one off for you, but a hopeful sign of quiet nights to come!

I have been over in the 'Misery Loves Company' thread for 8,9,10 month old babies who hate sleep. It's a good one. Unsettled nights seem to common at this age, even for previously good sleepers. My DD was never one of those, so I don't know what a regression looks like really.

DD and I went to hospital the other day to see the dietician - DD has CMPA so we're weaning dairy free. I wasn't expecting much really in terms of advice, but was appalled to be told off for still breast feeding in the night now that DD is 9 months old. Apparently I should only be offering water and leaving her to cry "for a couple of hours if necessary". Needless to say, that won't be happening.

While I have nothing but respect and admiration for the NHS, I am growing pretty tiresome of being told by one health professional after another that I need to let DD CIO at night. I have no judgement of and nothing but sympathy for exhausted parents at their wits end who turn to CC after all else has failed, but it's not for me, and the only situation in which I would consider it would be if my health or my ability to care for my baby was so affected by sleep deprivation that I truly felt I had no alternative. Fortunately, I have a supportive partner who more than shares the load, despite working long hours, and haven't reached that point yet. I'm bloody exhausted, but functional.

When did this advice become the board standard though? I don't even mention sleep issues to HVs or GPs anymore, and was suprised to hear it coming from a dietician of all people. We weren't even discussing sleep - as I know better - she just saw from my food diary that DD was still having 2-3 feeds at night and asked why. To which I said that it was the only way to settle her sometimes. Tsk, Tsk, "She really should be sleeping through the night by now, and if you fill her up with milk, she'll have no appetite for solids and will be nutritionally deprived". Really???

That is outrageous. Where do people get off giving advice like that? My DS eats very regularly thought the night (4hr was one off so far )and breakfast is one of his best meals, nevermind the WHO guidelines on breast feeding. I am tempted to say this is just her personal opinion, which as a health professional she should really know not to give unless asked or at least make it known that this is just what she thinks. Especially as a dietician, babies sleeping through the night and child development is probably not her area of professional expertise. I totally agree re the CC, and actually just don't think it would work for my DS, even if I could bring myself to do it. Another example of those supposedly in the know trying to prescribe a one size fits all philosophy to babies. Very sad.

I'm having a bit of a moment ladies. I've just reached that red mist point at DS2s screaming. DH is back on his permanent night shifts after annual leave last week so I'm by myself with the boys. DS2 was allowing himself to be put down asleep in the buggy for the early part of the night and would sleep quite well until about midnight but the past two nights he is refusing to let me put him down at all. Last night I got by with the sling but tonight I needed a shower and he has just screamed himself into a complete state while I had the fastest shower possible. He is now asleep in my arms again but I need to brush my bloody teeth. For gods sake it's not much is it? I know if I put him down he will start again straight away. Poor DS1 has probably been woken up by now but he's so good he won't even get out of bed

Sorry for the rant

that's rubbish about having no appetite for solids... you'd expect better from a dietitian.

We have good news, DS for his nap and bedtime sleep went off to sleep, in his cot, with my sitting next to him. Occasionally giving him kissing or laying him down. He has been feeding twice a night this week and sleeping inbetween bar one or two hours come early morning.

DD otoh is still waking at least twice

When he was just over a year old I was despairing a bit about the copious amounts of rocking required. 6 weeks later and he is a different baby. I still can't leave the room when he is awake but he is pretty happy for the most part running around doing his own thing. He had his jabs yesterday though, so expecting things to go wrong again (he has reacted to every jab so far)

erm I only aim to brush my teeth once a day if I get twice then bonus. Just remember that it will end, does DH help in the day a bit so could you squeeze in a nap for you then?

Sorry you are having such a rubbish night Natmu. I know just what your mean. Is it really too much to ask to have 5 mins to brush your teeth and wash your face when other people can have complete evenings lounging in front of the t.v., go out even!!! Are you in a comfy enough position to get a bit of sleep feasibly? I am a total wuss and confess I would try and have a snooze then go for teeth the next time he wakes. You might feel stronger after a rest. Either that or risk ending up in hysterics on the bathroom floor... I don't know how you do it with 2 DCs.

Thanks Nightmoves. I'm feeling a bit calmer now. Am on the sofa so can put my feet up.

Good luck for the rest of the night.

Sorry Climbingpenguin, I didn't read your post properly. DH does help when he can during the day but he works 12 hour night shifts which doesn't leave him much time at home between shifts.

Am a bit paranoid about my teeth atm . Had my first ever filling the other day and was a complete wuss and cried all the way through. God knows what the dentist thought!

Thank you Nightmoves. Hope everyone else's night is calm.

I was a bit worried that it was the sling which has stopped him from allowing me to put him down. Do you think it could be this? I worry all the time that I'm making him worse and even more clingy by what I'm doing (co sleeping,slinging etc)

Joyful so sorry DS is still poorly. I hope he comes out of it soon.

I agree with what you are saying about being unable to make a non-clingy baby clingy and vice versa I just wondered if it is possible to make the problem worse eg DS2 used to sleep by himself during early night but since using the wrap for past couple of nights he no longer wants to sleep by himself.

Natmu, how are you today? Hope you're feeling a bit better. I definitely don't think slinging etc makes a baby more clingy - you do it because they need and often demand it. Anyway, there's lots of research about how positive baby wearing is in the long run.

We have turned a corner here. We've had good sleep 5 out of the last 6 nights. Last night we had a feed at 1 and a feed at 4 but back to sleep really quickly. The nights before he did 9-4 in his cot! He's like a different child in the day as well, at the moment he is sitting 2m away from me, reading his books. He's been really happy and cheerful and independent. What's happened?!
This is the baby who woke every hour until 6 months and almost as much until he was one...
I'm not keeping my hopes up, but having some sleep finally has made such a difference to both of us. Hope this gives some hope to others as well!

Don't know if this is just scotland, but child under 2 they have to give you same day appt if you want one. Poor wee not so joyfull. Am sure some antibiotics will sort him out. Hope he feels better soon.

Natmu, had my first filling at 26 and cried like a baby.

Oh Joyful that's not nice. Poor little DS. At least you have a diagnosis although dosage would be nice too. Can you ring them and find out? How old is DS? If you can't find out I might be able to contact someone I used to know from my days as a paramedic.

I'm a lot calmer today thank you everyone. I've taken DS2 in to see my work colleagues and he's been cooed over and performed like an absolute angel. Somehow when you have a whole crowd of people telling you how gorgeous your baby is and what a fantastic job you're doing it reaffirms your self belief a bit

DS2 has also started doing something rather cute. When I put him over my shoulder to wind him he turns his face to mine and literally starts trying to eat my face! He especially seems to like gnawing on my chin Do you think he needs more milk?! DH's theory is that he's turned cannibal since getting a taste for blood when my nipple cracked!

Aw poor baby Joyful. When DS had bronchiolitis it was 2.5ml 3 times a day. Obviously he screamed blue murder. Hope the antibiotics help though.

DH out for night so don't even see the point in leaving bedroom. Lying down resettling DS for first time of the evening with iPad and a (smaller than I would like) Christmas gin. How is DS joyful, aside from woombie-gate? Any better? Hope you have good meds for your sinusitis. Just in time for Christmas!!