High Needs Baby Support Group (thread IV)

[ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged]

Yoohooo! Over here!

The last thread was filling up so I've started us a sparkling new one.

The original thread was to support those of us with babies fitting the following criteria:

1. Feeds frequently daytime
2. Feeds frequently nighttime
3. Needs to be constantly held
4. Wont sleep alone
5. Hates the car seat/pram
6. Short naps

Some of our babies have grown out of some of those now, but we're still here to support each other through the sleepless nights and noisy car journeys and to offer hugs, chocolate and wine to anyone who's struggling.

So if that list sounds familiar then come and join us as we delight in our active, inquisitive, curious and restless babies or toddlers!

It really is poorly season :(

I am back from staying at my mums. Still have loads of work to do, but getting there. I was worried about dealing with DSs sleep but he was happy to co-sleep with my mum and I just went through a few times for feeds. At 14 months we are down to 2/3 night feeds. (If he's well which we all know how long that lasts for atm)

Hope poorly babies are feeling better. It was DS's first birthday party today, we had about 50 family and friends here and e cried for the whole time. I know it's daft, but I'm so disappointed and upset

He was tired, he fell asleep twice, overwhelmed and needed a very big poo!
I'm just so disappointed and of course there were lots of passive aggressive 'Oh your mummy spoils you!' comments because I was obviously holding him because he was crying
And my MIL dipped his dummy in her wine I was fuming. She went to do it again and I went mad. Usually get on fine with her but....

Oh my god no wonder!! I would have been so cross! My dad tried to get DS to lick a chocolate truffle when he was 51/2 months and I thought that was bad enough. Hope she apologised. It is still nice you organised a lovely party even if your efforts weren't totally appreciated by DS, and those commenting people were probably just jealous they didn't get a cuddle because he only wanted you. Stuff them.

Is your DS any better Night?

We were supposed to be making out first trip to my mum's this weekend but called off as everyone's poorly. Lucky me I seem to have the worst of it but I'd rather that than DC's.

One good thing was that I bought a wrap sling on Thursday and today it arrived. I was so excited!! DS2 has been in it twice so far and I managed to cook dinner single handedly for the first time in months DS1 was even impressed and tried it out too (he's 4.8 )

4.8...heavy! I have rediscovered my ring sling recently and have been using it to back carry DS while I do things. Sometimes he does get hold of knives things when he's on my back though, or stands up on my bum!
I hope it makes things easier for you having the wrap. And I hope you all get well soon.

Oooooh.... What age/weight can you use them until? We tried a sling when DS was little and didn't like it much but maybe worth another go or is 8m too big? Is that even a silly question?

God, we all seem to be dropping like MN flies!! DS tummy bug a bit better thanks, but still off his food etc. He is so unsettled and having pain somewhere. Just had 20 mins of crying on and off in response to something. But between tummy/teething and now snuffles its hard to tell what. DH nowhere to be found of course. Actually just came on to post that I had officially had enough and that I quit but reading the other posts has calmed me down.

DS stopped in the kari-me when he was 9 months but DD would happily get in, but she was old enough to know not to throw herself backwards.

I haven't quite got to grips with the back carry yet either. Now it is winter I prefer him on my front to keep him warm.

I spoke too soon and DCs are ill, only mild so far. Still that day and half of them being well...

Hi everyone, I've just joined this group as I was sorely hoping someone would be able to help.

My daughter was 16 weeks yesterday, she won't sleep for more than 30 minutes during the day unless I really persevere with Tracy Hogg's shush pay, wake to sleep, pu/pd regimen.

I have been doing this for the past week with some positive results but she simply won't settle with my partner, hasn't done for weeks now. She won't even take a bottle with him now either. I used to get a break from B/F and some hours in bed asleep with him looking after her but now, although she's alright with him when awake and not tired, as soon as she's tired and he tries to get her to bed or give her a daddy booby feed she screams.

Today she screamed so much she had a nosebleed.

I can't cope because if its not me gettign her to sleep or topping her feed up with bottle booby milk before bed she gets eczema rash on her face, body, arms and legs, won't stop screaming (she goes beetroot (literally) and ramrods) for 1 -2 hours until she collapses in exhaustion (this is really NO exaggeration).

Has anyone else experienced this and what did they do?
Her daddy has never really put her in her cot to sleep. It has only been in the last 4 weeks that we've really started her on a sleep regime because the lack of sleep has made her a miserable child.

Please, any ideas or help anyone. I need to be able to have a break. My mum died when my daughter was only 2 weeks old so I don't have anyone to support or advise in this any more.
Yours hopefully
Sylvia

Sylvia that all sounds dreadful. I'm so sorry you're going through such a tough time.

I'm still finding my feet with my DS but there is lots of lovely advice on this thread. The best two things I bought were Dr Sears Fussy Baby Book and my sling wrap. I've had to completely change my ideas and outlook on parenting and I now do all sorts of things like co-sleeping which I would never would have done before and it's slowly becoming more bearable.

I can't put links up at the moment but if you google Dr Sears the website comes up. Personally I feel like my DS just needs loads of contact to stay calm. If your DD won't settle with your DH perhaps just leave her with him when she's happy for now and maybe she'll become more comfortable with him in time?

sylvia what a tough situation to juggle with your grief.

FWIW the sleep situation sounds normal (well for us lot anyway). At this age I struggled to get DS just to do 10 min naps. 4 months is a particularly time sleep wise as well.

I accepted that DS needed contact and rocking and was not amenable to sleep training. DD (his older sister) did 30 naps until well over a year but she was easy to put down and was refreshed afterwards, unlike DS who clearly needed more sleep.

We had a lot of sling time, a lot of co-sleeping time. In fact he now sleeps with DH as (i) he is older - 14 months and (ii) he just needs the contact, he doesn't care who provides it - now. This also really helped him and DH bond, he just brings him through for feeds. Before DS would only be happy with me, but he is bonded almost as well to DH through this contact at night. This eventually happened because we wouldn't unlatch and I stopped being able to sleep through it. He also refuses/d bottle or dummy and that pressure can be hard to take at times.

With DS I learnt he could not get to the crying point (unlike DD who needed an amount of crying to calm down). If I got there, DS would take ages to calm down and all attempts at sleep training (or whatever I was trying to do) was gone.

Changing outlook is the most important thing, doesn't make it easy, but most of the time it makes you more accepting. Sorry if I don't offer anything that seems to help yet but read around and block out what other people's babies do (remember only the ones with good news reports it, once you chat to people who will find a lot more people in a similar boat).

Sylvia I'm so dreadfully sorry to hear about your mum. That must be so hard for you. We can all sympathise with your issues. At 16 weeks, my DS also only napped for 30 minutes at a time. He'd only just started naps not during feeds at that point, as he finally took a dummy. Have you tried a dummy? I know loads of people don't like them. He was up every hour every night as well, until 6 months, so I know how you feel, and sleep deprivation of that extent is awful.
You've had some good advice already. I mix fed DS (bf, ebm and ff) - have you tried moving to the next teat. I think DS went from teat 1 to teat 2 at about 4 months as he got frustrated. DP used to do the dream feed usually and it was a god send to me, so I can see why you don't want to lose it.
I have a very poor sleeper still, but he is better than he was, thanks to introducing a (tedious) bedtime routine at 6 months and co-sleeping. It will get better even if it's just a little bit.

This time last year I was in labour!

Joyful DS's birthday is tomorrow I went into labour on the Friday night and had him on the Sunday morning. (Long!)

Aw bless him going to sleep having his nappy changed! I'd have covered him with a blanket and gone for a cup of tea

And he was 11 days over due by the way!

Just a week apart then Joyful! He obviously wanted to make a special entrance. It all sounds a bit dramatic!
Hope your DS is better soon. I know he's a week too young for honey officially but I've found a spoonful of Manuka honey great for coughs. Also Baby Vicks on his feet.

I feel like I can't do a bloody thing right today. DH is being great - I've managed to pick up a tummy bug (possibly from DS but this whole house is plague-ridden at the mo, so it could've come from anywhere) and I'm trying, trying, trying to be upbeat and normal for DS but I'm finding myself being very snappy, and DS is just feeding off it and hasn't stopped whining all afternoon over silly little things. He's beginning his final Wonder Week and his sleep has been really shit lately so there's every reason for us both to feel ratty. But DH is so calm and patient in a way I just can't be right now and it's putting me to shame :(

DS prefers DH right now, I think :(

tickle I feel your pain. Baby just over tummy bug when DH gets it. He thinks he is dying. Loo looks like THAT ONE in Trainspotting. Want to move rather than clean.

sylvia so sorry about your mum. Hope this thread is providing a wee bit of comfort and some helpful hints. Seconding what's been said, the biggest thing for me was changing my expectations and realising that others are in the same boat. Really helped me feel not as alone. The MN talk boards are filled with people like us and this thread is a godsend too.

So sorry I've been absent recently. Combination of illness, sleep deprivation and the mumsnet app being rubbish.