High Needs Baby Support Group (thread IV)

[ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged]

Yoohooo! Over here!

The last thread was filling up so I've started us a sparkling new one.

The original thread was to support those of us with babies fitting the following criteria:

1. Feeds frequently daytime
2. Feeds frequently nighttime
3. Needs to be constantly held
4. Wont sleep alone
5. Hates the car seat/pram
6. Short naps

Some of our babies have grown out of some of those now, but we're still here to support each other through the sleepless nights and noisy car journeys and to offer hugs, chocolate and wine to anyone who's struggling.

So if that list sounds familiar then come and join us as we delight in our active, inquisitive, curious and restless babies or toddlers!

Good morning and yes please to cake! And coffee...

What a rough week we've had. Babysuko was having a pretty good run until recently. Well, hell for most, but great for her. We were down to two night feeds and getting a couple good 2-3 hour stretches in the night. For the wake-ups in between her feeds, she was setting easily enough with her dummy and a bit of shush pat. But this week. Oh. My. God...

I can't even count the number of times she was up last night. Pretty much hourly from 8ish. Fed at 7, 10, 12 and 3. Co slept from the 3am feed as was too exhausted to keep getting up. She wasn't even settled in bed with me, which is rare!

Teeth actually seem better this week than last, no new foods introduced. An the thing is that she has been, - gasp, shock - self-settling for her morning nap and at bedtime too for about two weeks now. I never thought it would happen. Yes, this is the baby who has been fed, rocked and cuddled to sleep since birth. I have been putting her down drowsy, and she has been going to sleep within 10-15 minutes with barely any fuss. Only to wake screaming an hour later. The another hour after that. Then another hour...

I thought that self-settling was supposed to be the Holy Grail as far as getting babies to transition easier between their sleep cycles went. So it says in all the books. But it's not made any difference. In fact, things seem worse.

She's 34 weeks (32 adjusted age from being born at 38). Is this the 9 month sleep regression coming on. Pleeeaassse, noooooo.....

Do any of you in your infinite wisdom have any advice for me?

joyful you need to remind yourself that you will have good phase soon. It's what I cling onto as I weave in and out of the periods where I feel I can't cope. As quickly as you came down, you can come up again.

Joyful my pet hate which results in short sweaty mummy is when she takes my evenings as well as my nights away, but from no evenings 4 days ago she has now given them back. It. Will. Pass.

I feel shit today, have been so tired and DH was being an uncommunicative arse this morning do I jumped down his throat for cocking my day up, full on row in the street . Went to MILs as planned and she told me they've had some results back from his dad there is a high % is cancer, more tests on Monday.

He hadn't had time to tell me without DD1 there, he's been working all day then running his dads restaurant all night every single day with no breaks and I get at him just because I'm tired, feel awful :(

*short sweaty that meant to read shouty! Bloody iPhone

Masses of and sympathy all around. Especially Joyful - you poor thing. I'm only 8 months in, well 11 if we count the last trimester of my pregnancy when I couldn't sleep from back and pelvic pain - and feeling pretty despondent this morning. Mostly because I know there's really no solution other than wait it out or cry it out, and I can't do the latter. I am absolutely shattered and feel like an utter failure as a mum.

I've just seen this, can I jump on board too? DS2 is nearly 10 months, his sleep is very erratic and nighttimes are hell. He can wake up 20-30 times a night (between 1930-0530) but recently he's been up for most of the night instead. Last night he went to bed at 1930, awake at 9.30ish (a lovely respite), but was then up and down until he decided to wake at midnight, where he was awake until 4am and then up at 5.30. He's only had a 10min nap this morning and he's still going. I don't know what to do.

He settles fine at bedtime normally, but it's staying asleep that's the battle. I want to give up. I'm at a loss as to what to do with him.

wewere we have what I describe as unsettled sleep, where basically the quality is so shit we don't even deal with number of wakings. For these one of us is generally rocking/holding/patting him while he drifts in and out for hours. Recently he has started to have 'settled' sleep periods and generally has the first half of the night like that. I tend to describe more in terms of feeds which is the past few months has gone down to two/three and DH does most of the sleep stuff now. I tend to just feed him and deal with DD, who is still waking three times a night (but this is a recent thing but been going on for two months, she was waking just once for a good while).

DD (2.8) and DS (13 months)

Mitsouko - I understand about feeling like a failure as a mum, but that's because in our society, sleeping baby = good parenting for some reason.
Try to look at it differently. You have a high needs baby, as do all of us on here, and for lots of us that means we have babies who need a high level of physical contact both day and night. By going to your baby and picking him (sorry, was it him or her, I'm on the app so can't see your post now), you're meeting his needs and showing that his needs will be met.
In reality, that is what makes a good, indeed great mum.
I know it's bloody hard. I'm almost a year in and sometimes the tiredness/other people make me think I'm a shit mum. But my baby doesn't think so and neither does yours!

society also values a big baby, DD the non sleeping, slow weight gaining baby hit me on both fronts

That's true penguin! It's all nonsense. My baby was average born (7lb 13) but gained weight like I was feeding him lard. He's average again now, it all evens out.
Let's change society. We could go with the 'babies who don't sleep have the highest IQ' line first?

Welcome aboard wewere :)

You okay Joyful love? Sorry you had a crappy evening last night.

My little man is walking more and more on his own now :) He's choosing to walk rather than crawl sometimes, which is fab! Took him swimming today and he absolutely loved it - but he loved walking around and around the pool side more...

Room for one more ladies? My DS is 8 months and been an awful sleeper since 3 months. I feel he gradually gets worse and just adapts to anything we try until it doesn't work anymore. Long story short, he has gone from whole night in Moses basket with 4ish hourly feeds (I remember I even got one or two 5 hour stretches, I'm sure I did) to co- sleeping completely. He wakes every 40 mins usually until I come to bed then we have a couple of 2 hour blocks which is wonderful, then from 4 onwards it seems he wakes constantly. Last 2 nights has been every 20 mins till i am in bed. Exhausted. I suspect putting him in his own room would help but A) don't feel ready to do this yet and B) would require extensive sleep training as there is NO WAY I could get him into the cot without waking him and equally NO WAY he will go down awake, have tried many times (feeding to sleep at mo, I know I know, but it's the only thing that works). Don't have the energy to embark on training and not sure it's right for us. Would have to be the gentlest of gentle training too. Everyone I speak to is convinced I am doing it wrong. Have started lying to people - 'yes he's sleeping much better thanks, yes in the cot'. Oh dear...

Nightmoves. I feel your pain. Pretty much the same here.

Currently been sat in the nursing chair for an hour and a half. Numb bum!

Evening everyone. Anyone for choc chip and banana cake?
nightmoves ds2 was very similar when I moved him into the cot. He's starting to settle into it very slowly so I'm hoping there is light at the end of the tunnel. I hope there is for you too.

LittleMachine you are so right about perception of successful parents as those whose babies sleep through. It is ridiculous. Numb bum is a killer. I currently have numb bum's close companion dead arm from lying awkwardly with bubs trying to resettle. Ouch.
Natmu thank you, it's great to hear that progress is possible and that you feel you're getting somewhere. My plan was to wait until I could get him down awake in our bed, then transfer those skills to cot. May need to revise this plan in new year of sleep deteriorates further. We will see...

Morning.

DS slept in his cot from 9-3 last night, which is unheard of recently. I don't mean he slept that long, there was a feed in there at 11:30 but I slept in a position of my choosing until 3. He's only just learned to turn over in bed and I think that's helping a little.
Not much good from 3 though.
Monday Anybody else got work dread today?

How old is your DS Joyful ? Mine is almost one and needs two 2 hour naps a day or his sleep is worse at night. But I usually have to wake him up so I can go to work and then he doesn't sleep in nursery so we are doomed most nights! I've been trying to get him to sleep since 7, he went down in his cot for 40 minutes so at least I've eaten tonight, but he's been up screaming and writhing since 8.
I hope your plague goes soon. Is it bubonic? I've heard that's pretty bad.

Go to sleep Joyful's DS!