Active discussions

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Sleep

Join our Sleep forum for tips on creating a sleep routine for your baby or toddler. Need more advice on your childs development? Sign up to our Ages and Stages newsletter here.

Original poster

pfb 5week old in cotbed in his own room...

114 replies

NameOfTheNick · 11/06/2012 04:14

Am I. Bad mummy for doing this?
We have had a very grumpy baby last 2 nights where he wakes, has a feed, is still sleepy/asleep when put back down in his.crib in our room then wakes up straight away and starts crying and will not settle until he's picked up and then he closes his eyes then the whole cycle starts all over again with nobody getting Any hint of sleep.
So half hour ago I put him in his cotbed after feeding him and he's settled straight down even though he was semi awake and he's just gone straight to sleep.
Now I've had it drummed into me since being pregnant that baby needs to be in same room for first.6 months to help prevent sids, so now I'm panicking that he prefers the big cotbed in his own room to the crib in our room.

What do I do?

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Set a reminder
PotteringAlong · 11/06/2012 04:35

Can you move the Cot into your room?

kickassangel · 11/06/2012 04:43

Let him sleep?

You will only prevent SIDS if he stops breathing and you know immediately so get there and give CPR. Doesn't matter which room he's in, if you're asleep it makes no difference. The chances are v temote anyway.

If he's settled then get some sleep yourself. If you're worrying then you can always sleep outside the door

Getting enough sleep for both of you is also pretty important

SausageSmuggler · 11/06/2012 04:51

If he settled I'd say leave him. We moved our pfb into his own room at about this age and we all slept much better. If you're worried you could always get an angelcare monitor. I've had 2 and think they're brilliant. Also I've heard a ticking clock works well for babies if they can't hear their parents breathing.

PickledLily · 11/06/2012 12:00

What sausage said. Very Envy that he's settled in his own cot. Definitely don't feel bad! :)

benne81 · 11/06/2012 12:21

I had my son in a moses basket in the cotbed from 3 weeks. He was in his own room but I slept on a campbed in there for the first 5 weeks and then left him to his nursery.

We did it as we were concerned about our cat that we couldn't keep out of our bedroom and so my DH could get some sleep.

Don't feel guilty, loads of people do it and they are guidelines which are not actually based on particularly robust research.

Do what is best for you and your baby

ceeveebee · 11/06/2012 12:45

The reason that its advised for baby to sleep in same room as you is so that they can hear you breathing, not so you can hear them. Apparently sometimes babies forget to breathe but they hear you and it triggers them to breathe... Or something

My DTs went in their own room from about 6 weeks but I slept in there with them in a single bed for a few more weeks/months until they were sleeping through the night.

monkeymoma · 11/06/2012 12:49

"You will only prevent SIDS if he stops breathing and you know immediately so get there and give CPR. Doesn't matter which room he's in, if you're asleep it makes no difference"

this is wrong, the sound of your breathing while asleep can trigger them to breath in moments of apnoea (not breathing), if you move about in your sleep it stops them from sleepiing too deeply and not breathing. You are helping to prevent SIDS just by breathing near them.

Why not move the big cot to your room, but remember that they WON'T sleep as peacefully in with you but that is the point! you really don't want them to fall into too peaceful a sleep and breathing pattern in the first 6 months when SIDS risk is higher!

Bitzer · 11/06/2012 12:53

DD1 and 2 moved into cots in their own rooms at 5 weeks and about 12 weeks respectively. They were both such noisy sleepers that neither DH or I could get a wink of sleep with them in the same room. I would wake up at the slightest little bleat and assume they needed feeding, when often they were probably just stirring and I'd disturbed them unnecessarily, so actually I felt they got more sleep in their own rooms too. Each to his own though, a friend of mine has just moved her DS into his own room at 5.5 and that's what worked for her. But don't beat yourself up about it if it's working I'd say.

armywifeknackered · 11/06/2012 12:53

Our son went into his own room at 6 weeks as he was such a noisy sleeper, it was impossible to fall back to sleep after the night feeds. I got the angel monitor thing too and made me feel much more relaxed. An alarm on the monitor triggers if there is no baby movement (breathing) after 20 seconds. Really was fab for giving me peace of mind. However it costs about £80 so not cheap. Think I got mine in Mothercare.

monkeymoma · 11/06/2012 12:55

"often they were probably just stirring and I'd disturbed them unnecessarily, so actually I felt they got more sleep in their own rooms too"

as I said, you actually WANT to disturb them out of moments of apnoea, and yes they get more sleep in their own rooms but that is what increases the risks.

Each to their own, but the statement about disturbing "unnecessarily" is a bit false, there is a reason why we are advised to stay in the same room where we disturb them a bit

Original poster
NameOfTheNick · 13/06/2012 06:56

Thanks for the replies.
Ds managed 3 hours in his cot so that was a bonus, I actually had a little sleep.

monkeymomma there is no.room for his cot to go in our room. But in the end I Did sleep on the floor in ds room.

I am thinking.that it might be better for all of us if he goes in his own room soon as he is such a nosey sleeper, stretching.grizzling in his sleep means I am getting little sleep when ds is actually asleep. I am nearly dead on my.feet.
Dh can only help every few days with the nightime settling.etc as he works shifts and it is important that he has sleep to be able to do his job as it requires him being alert and involves some pretty intense driving.

OP posts:
nannyl · 13/06/2012 09:56

DD went into her own room at 7 weeks

in her cot bed in her moses basket (because i fell asleep just before i was about to dream feed her, she slept until 3am (for that 1 and only night) and we all slept so much better and OH got a whole nights sleep... so we kept doing that

then at about 10 weeks her nappy leaked and instead of changing the sheet on moses basket in middle of the night, i just lay her in her cot bed.... and she has been in it ever since

i can here everything on the baby monitor (which is next to my ear) and can here all her breaths, so for us it was the right thing to do

with regards to SIDS, the major risk factor is smoking, and BFing is one of the main protectors...i figures as none of us smoke, and i would never allow her to be near anyone smoking, and as she was EBF it was unlikely.

OH has had full nights sleep since and has he has a manual job he needs his sleep

if it works for you, and your family then thats all that matters

scarlettsmummy2 · 13/06/2012 10:06

I think you are all mad for ignoring the advice as to why you should have the baby close to you. The bottom line is babies regulate their breathing by listening to their mothers. But each to their own.

monkeymoma · 13/06/2012 14:16

"monkeymomma there is no.room for his cot to go in our room."

wasn't room in our room for a cot either... till we moved all our bedroom furniture (apart from bed) into DSs room so the cot could fit in till 6 months! is there NOTHING you could swap with the cot?
it was worth it for the reduced risk, as was the crappy sleep till 6 months (DS was a CS baby so very very noisey snuffly fidgitey breathing)

monkeymoma · 13/06/2012 14:16

"i can here everything on the baby monitor (which is next to my ear) and can here all her breaths"

you cannot hear apnoea through a monitor
the babies need to hear YOU

nannyl · 13/06/2012 14:22

Im happy with MY decisions for MY baby

MY baby is fine

will do the same for the next one too

our whole family functions better when at least one of us has had a nights sleep

monkeymoma · 13/06/2012 14:27

fine, do it, noone is going to STOP you, but your excuses were worth correcting incase anyone else is reading and gets the impression from your excuses that its about YOU hearing THEM, when infact it is the other way round

and for the benefit of lurkers, there is always a way around space, I doubt there are very many bedrooms smaller than ours but we found a way. And you can also take turns sleeping in another room/on sofa if the baby keeps your sleep too shallow (like we did) so the baby still has someone breathing near them, which is what they need.

TheSecondComing · 13/06/2012 14:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HidingInTheUndergrowth · 13/06/2012 15:09

Personally I suspect that moving your baby into their own room this young may prove to be a false economy. When DD was that age I found that if I caught it early enough I could often settle her just by holding her hand and shushing her whereas if I left her she would wake up. So if she had been in her own room I would not have been able to just reach over to reasure her and would have ended up with her fully awake and me having to get out of bed and do the whole feeding, settling thing.

I also couldn't have been able to bare her being any more then a few feet away from me anyway and wouldn't have been able to sleep a wink with worrying about her in another room.

Maybe I really am pfb about it but it seems terribly mean to take a baby who has known nothing but being inside you for 9 months and then suddenly expect them to sleep alone, completly away from you in a big and scary world after only 5 weeks.

scarlettsmummy2 · 13/06/2012 18:59

i think there seems to be a definite trend to moving babies into their own rooms way before six months now, and I personally do not understand it. My second baby is twenty weeks and she is the only one of our antenatal group of ten who is still in with their mum- and she is the oldest. I find it bizarre and quite mean. part of me thinks a lot of it is to do with wanting the baby in the beautiful nurseries.

SarryB · 13/06/2012 19:23

My LO has been in his own room since he was 8 days old.

scarlettsmummy2 - for us, it has nothing to do with his beautiful nursery. I cannot sleep i n the same room as I'm always listening to him breathing, and end up getting no sleep at all. He falls asleep well in his own bed, once he is swaddled and well-fed.

If your LO is settled, leave him be.

scarlettsmummy2 · 13/06/2012 19:27

But it's not about how well you sleep- it is about the baby hearing you to regulate their breathing and to prevent them getting into such a deep sleep they forget to breath. The recommendations are there for a reason.

notcitrus · 13/06/2012 19:30

Are you getting so tired that you think you're unsafe to look after the baby?
If so, then do whatever you need to get some kip yourself. Anyone saying you 'can't be that tired' is being distinctly unhelpful.

But then once you're slightly better rested I'd reconsider.

FWIW I was so desperate for some sleep around 8 weeks that I moved pfb ds's moses basket into the room next door, as he was sleeping pretty well but making so much noise screaming in his sleep that I couldn't sleep and I was getting terrified I'd drop him as I was so exhausted and starting to hallucinate. After that I brought him back into my room if he had a cold or seemed at all under the weather.

Dd is still in my room at 4 months and I'm coping OK (after being paranoid about SIDS for months), so imagine she'll still be here for a while, seeing as haven't even started doing up her bedroom.

Both my babies actually slept best in a pushchair, so I figure as long as they're snug they don't feel 'alone' at that age.

Iggly · 13/06/2012 19:30

I wouldn't do it. Baby stays in with me when that tiny.

igggi · 13/06/2012 19:30

I am surprised that the majority opinion on this thread is that it's ok to move them away from your room so soon. I definitely wouldn't do it - I'd either move the cot in or sleep in the room with the cot. I am very risk adverse though, and the FSIDS advice makes sense to me.

Swipe left for the next trending thread