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Sleep

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Original poster

pfb 5week old in cotbed in his own room...

114 replies

NameOfTheNick · 11/06/2012 04:14

Am I. Bad mummy for doing this?
We have had a very grumpy baby last 2 nights where he wakes, has a feed, is still sleepy/asleep when put back down in his.crib in our room then wakes up straight away and starts crying and will not settle until he's picked up and then he closes his eyes then the whole cycle starts all over again with nobody getting Any hint of sleep.
So half hour ago I put him in his cotbed after feeding him and he's settled straight down even though he was semi awake and he's just gone straight to sleep.
Now I've had it drummed into me since being pregnant that baby needs to be in same room for first.6 months to help prevent sids, so now I'm panicking that he prefers the big cotbed in his own room to the crib in our room.

What do I do?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Lexiesgirl · 13/06/2012 20:10

OP, I moved DC1 over at about 10w and we all slept much better (and scarletts, it had absolutely NOTHING to do with the nursery, that's a pretty scathing opinion of people who have chosen to make a different decision from you). As others have said, it is your choice. If you have read all the guidance and weighed up and pros and cons then you can do whatever you live.

And ignore those who say 'how tired can you be'. It is NOT a competition! If you are tired, and no one is sleeping well, constant tiredness can be just as dangerous.

SarryB · 13/06/2012 20:39

It is about how well I sleep - I was so sleep deprived that I fell asleep while feeding, when I woke up I was in my own bed, with no idea where the baby was. It scared the bejesus out of me. I have no memory of what happened.

Whilst the rick of SIDS is a factor in this, the risk of a parent doing something wrong\hallucinating/etc, who is seriously sleep-deprived is also a factor.

monkeymoma · 13/06/2012 20:42

its NOT just as dangerous though, research has been done on what the biggest risk factors are, baby sleeping alone was one of them, sleep deprived new parent was not, if its any factor at all its a MUCH MUCH smaller one than putting the baby in its own room

if you choose to go against the advice, just do, don't post things that misleads lurkers like that being sleep deprived is an equal risk to moving the baby to its own room that young

SarryB · 13/06/2012 20:52

I'm not saying it's always equally dangerous...but it some cases, it must be? Being so sleep-deprived you drop the baby etc?

Obviously, each to their own and all that, I just know that for us, LO sleeping in his own room works best. Co-sleeping works for some people too, and I don't judge them, I just know that this works for us.

Also, it means that he likes his cot, and is happy to just lie in there awake when I need to put him down during the day.

Lexiesgirl · 13/06/2012 20:55

If you are sleep deprived and say, like sarry, fall asleep while feeding, or if you are too tired, that is a risk. A very real risk.

If lurkers are reading this thread they are going to see both sides of a very valid argument and can make up their own mind.

Lexiesgirl · 13/06/2012 20:55

Meant to say too tired to drive safely, MN went offline and I got confused...

monkeymoma · 13/06/2012 20:56

there are other solutions to sleep deprivation, home start volunteer, co-sleeping, taking turns to sleep on the sofa every now and again..
stop making out you have no choice but to put a teeny 5 week old baby in a room alone all night, you don't want to hear any solutions so stop making the excuses and just get on with it! you're going to anyway!

once again, noone is going to stop you from doing this, but stop making silly comments about risk factors which might influence other people!

monkeymoma · 13/06/2012 20:58

feeding in the biological nurturing position means that if you do fall asleep while feeding you wont harm the baby.. it was recommended to me by a HCP when I was worried about falling asleep while feeding.. just for the lurkers who MIGHT be interested in problem solving, there's solutions which don't increase risk of SIDS

RationalBrain · 13/06/2012 21:07

Oh fgs people. Parenting is about balancing risks, not eliminating them.

If you look at the stats, there are many things that statistically reduce the risk of SIDS, sleeping in the same room is not the only factor. Bf vs ff is also a factor, but you wouldn't bash a mother who was ff for being irresponsible about SIDS would you? Or maybe you would.

If a parent makes a fully informed decision about what risks there are, and what to take, then that is up to them. They are doing the right thing for their family, which not be the same as for yours, but is still the right thing.

So get off your pfb high horses.

Lexiesgirl · 13/06/2012 21:07

And driving? Or what if you are on your own all/some of the time so can't share the nights? Or can't co-sleep? It's just not always that simple. Of course you are right to highlight the guidance and everyone should read it thoroughly, and they should investigate all the possible solutions, but it isn't always that straight-forward to fix sleep deprivation as you are saying. And some people are worse without sleep than others.

Perhaps the OP (or anyone else reading) was after reassurance more than advice?

figwit · 13/06/2012 21:08

monkeymama your advice is spot on.

I just wish people didn't make excuses. If you need to prioritise your own sleep above the safesleeping of your baby then just say so instead of coming out with this happy mother/happy baby stuff.

monkeymoma · 13/06/2012 21:09

"Parenting is about balancing risks"

which is exactly why people shouldn't be posting that things are equal risks when they're not!
fine for people to individually decide which risk factors to eliminate, not okay for them to mislead other people about which practices are more risky!

monkeymoma · 13/06/2012 21:12

Lexigirl, if you personally have specific reasons why my suggestions wont work, and WANT to find solutions, I and many other posters will be help you brain storm to find one that works

but I suspect that is not the case

(How much driving does a mother of a 5 week old HAVE to do anyway? )

RationalBrain · 13/06/2012 21:16

Well if you're worried about equal risks monkeymomma, my own research showed that bf reduced the risk as much as putting to sleep on the back increased it, so net net with ff/front sleeping. Since back sleeping is by far and away the biggest risk, I imagine sleeping in the same room is a far smaller factor than bf vs ff. Which doesn't make it very significant when you think of the number of babies who are ff, and certainly not worthy of the histrionics.

Whose to judge whose sleep deprivation is 'worthy' or not? Surely only the person going through it, not an outsider like you?

nannyl · 13/06/2012 21:19

monkeymoma.....

the amount of driving a mother of a 5 week old has to do is entirely dependant on the family....

afterall they may have other children.... and need to drive them to places

or they may be a 1 car family, and driving their partner to work so they can have the car... because they may live in the sticks and NEED their car to go somewhere

there are a plenty of reasons why people who have babies have to drive cars

igggi · 13/06/2012 21:20

why is sleeping on your back a risk?

monkeymoma · 13/06/2012 21:21

"Whose to judge whose sleep deprivation is 'worthy' or not? Surely only the person going through it, not an outsider like you"

I'm not judging levels of sleep deprivation, I'm judging people who USE it as an excuse to do something they were going to do anyway and who are not interested in problems solving and exploring all the solutions first!

JollyBear · 13/06/2012 21:24

I used to wear earplugs when dd1 was small as she was a noisy sleeper. They blocked out the snuffling and thrashing about but not crying obviously!

I didn't move mine till 6 months and 9 months but I liked having them close so I didn't have to get out of bed to feed and settle.

monkeymoma · 13/06/2012 21:24

nannyl, but someone who drives their partner to work, has a partner.. and so probably could have a night a week on the sofa/in other kids room etc

and what is preventing someone who drives from contacting home start?

There may be a few people who have LOTS of factors as an individual that means they have no other solution but baby in their own room, but most people may have one or two or 3 which could be worked around.. if they WANT to find ways that is

PorkyandBess · 13/06/2012 21:26

I would sleep in there on a mattress or spare bed.

I wouldn't be able to relax if a very young baby wasn't close to hand at night.

monkeymoma · 13/06/2012 21:26

for example, the no room for a cot thing - sleep in a room that does have room, move your bedroom furniture into the room the cot was in..

Lexiesgirl · 13/06/2012 21:29

Co-sleeping is considered quite a considerable no-no if you are formula feeding, or the parents may find they get even less sleep with the baby in the bed (I tried sleeping with DD in our bed and got NO sleep at all, I just wasn't capable of falling asleep). Taking turns sleeping apart from the baby wouldn't be an option if you were a single parent, or if your OH worked away or worked night shifts regularly, and there was no other family to help. Sleeping when your baby sleeps might not work either if you have a LO that only does the dreaded 30-min catnaps, or only sleeps in their pushchair. That leaves the Home Start volunteer, which I'll happily admit I'd not heard about before, but surely that will depend on their availability? And as nannyl explains, there might be a lot of driving that needs to be done.

Personally I'm not looking for solutions right now, but while I know that you mean the very best by highlighting the guidance, I just think you should recognise that for some people moving a baby into their own room at an early age and that your solutions, while all very good and workable for most people, won't apply to everyone.

hazeyjane · 13/06/2012 21:33

Co-sleeping is considered quite a considerable no-no if you are formula feeding

really,why?

OpheliasWeepingWillow · 13/06/2012 21:33

Wear earplugs to muffle the squeaks and snorts.

Can't believe anyone would want their tiny baby so far away at night

monkeymoma · 13/06/2012 21:36

I never said I'ld listed all solutions for every situation, just that they usually is one! and that a lot of people who move the baby as a first-ish resort use excuses which could have been mitigated against somehow!

co sleeping did NOT work for us either, and I hadn't heard of home start either when I was trying to find ways to make the 6 months work.. none of these are one size fits all solutions which will work for everyone, but there is SOMETHING that'll work for 99% of people, it just might not come to mind straight away, there are regularly people posting who say catagorically that they do not have room for a cot in their bedroom, but they haven't considered that they don't NEED to have their wardrobe in their bedroom for the time being (or any other furniture other than something to sleep on) and that can go in the space where the cot was in the nursery - heck I didn't think of it at first, someone suggested it to me, but I was determined to find a way to reduce EVERY SIDS risk I could

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