pfb 5week old in cotbed in his own room...

[NameOfTheNick]

Am I. Bad mummy for doing this?
We have had a very grumpy baby last 2 nights where he wakes, has a feed, is still sleepy/asleep when put back down in his.crib in our room then wakes up straight away and starts crying and will not settle until he's picked up and then he closes his eyes then the whole cycle starts all over again with nobody getting Any hint of sleep.
So half hour ago I put him in his cotbed after feeding him and he's settled straight down even though he was semi awake and he's just gone straight to sleep.
Now I've had it drummed into me since being pregnant that baby needs to be in same room for first.6 months to help prevent sids, so now I'm panicking that he prefers the big cotbed in his own room to the crib in our room.

What do I do?

It's generally a collection of anecdotes. For example, someone posted the other day about hungry baby milk and whether they should try it. Several people came back and posted about when they had used it and what effects it had had on their baby's sleep. All anecdotes.

Of course the OP should and no doubt will make her own mind up, but anecdotes do affect that decision. If this thread had been full of 100 posts saying 'no, never' she would probably be more likely to think that she won't move her baby than seeing the mixed responses here, which tell her she is not the only mum who is/has considered doing this.

Well, I guess everyone takes something different because I don't perceive MN to be simply anecdotal, I have had some good advice, information and facts on here when posting questions, that is why I ask here sometimes.

Sorry haven't reas the whole thread not sure if this helps, has anyone suggested using the monitor in reverse so baby can hear your breathing through it and keeping your door and nursery door open so you can hear your baby if she wakes?

Lots of people told me to put ds in his own room for ages but I was too scared because of sids advice and would have got less sleep from constantly worrying! I moved him out 2 weeks ago at just over 5 months and he does wake less but I still have to go in twice to put his dummy back in.

Just thought I'd update. All ok eth friends baby . They are home now and parents nerves are frayed to say the least!

Wow, kind of glad my electricity has been off all day.

Glad to hear it mama!

I haven't read the rest of the thread. Sorry if this repeats something already said. But here's the thing. SIDS, while tragic, awful, desperate for the families affected is an incredibly rare occurance. I do know a family who has been affected.

Around 700,000 babies are born each year in the UK. Around 300 children die from SIDs each year (FSID 2010). Or 0.04% of births. 4 in every 10,000 born. As I understand it (disclaimer: I am no expert and happy to stand corrected, but this is based on my own research) there is a significant link to certain behaviours, including smoking, but an even lower risk for families who do not meet the highest risk profiles. The highest risk factors are: being a mother under the age of 20 at the time of the child's birth, the child being a boy, the child being born before 37 weeks, the child being born at a low birth weight (less than 2.5kg). Now, I have never been able to find statistics that give you a % rate for children who meet none of those criteria (including those who have non-smoking parents).

Having considered this information, and decided that all those highest risks were not relevant to my 2 DCs, I concluded that our personal risk factor was far far far lower than 4 in every 10,000 and therefore a risk I was prepared to accept for my children. Both mine, moved out of 'our' room at around 2 months of age (even, shock-horror, without using one of those Angel-Care movement mats, which IMHO are are a marketing wheeze aimed only at making money for its makers and not at all related to keeping children who would otherwise be at risk of cot death alive).

So, if it works for you and you are not high risk then it is your choice and one that I would support.

This is not to criticize parents who follow the advice - everyone has to define their own levels of risk when it comes to parenthood and we are all comfortable with different things. I am quite relaxed but I have a lot of respect for those who are less so. It is a personal choice we make. But you shouldn't be made to feel guilty about the choices you make, particular (IMHO) about very low risk activities.

I was thinking of moving our LO onto his own room early as he is a pretty noisy sleeper & lots of people seem to do it.

He then choked in his own vomit at 6 weeks couldn't breath.

For all those saying you can hear them on the monitor etc, he barely made a sound. There was no coughing, sputtering or anything to suggest he was in difficulty. Just an odd noise that made me look, then nothing. If I'd heard it on a monitor I wouldn't have batted an eyelid. It was only because I could see him I could help.

"SIDS, while tragic, awful, desperate for the families affected is an incredibly rare occurance"

well.. yes... but don'tcha think that its rare BECAUSE we are now blessed to benefit from research that tells us how to keep it rare? because from what I can tell, a couple of generations ago pretty much every extended family had some SIDS experience

mama - phew! so glad to hear it!

seems rather anecdotal to me monkey.

well anecdotally..
it reminds me of people lulled into a false sense of security by MMR (oh but those deseases are so RARE nowadays so I didn't vaccinate)... and now there is a measles problem again!

(I know some people can't for medical reasons)

monkeymama - you're totally right. But I guess the key things are making sure children are put to sleep on their backs, and that there are no smokers in the home, that sort of thing. I would imagine that the risks become infitessimally small if you take some of the other things on their own. Still awful though.

I bought a cheap crib that was roomier than our Moses basket but far smaller than the big cot bed that wouldn't fit in our room, so I could keep DD in our room longer. I personally would be terrified of SIDS if moving a baby into their own room aged a few weeks old, surely it's not worth the risk? I suspect parents' intuition is another factor in being closer to the baby being safer as well as rousing from apnoea- if your DC stops moving/ breathing normally within your proximity & vision I think you (consciously or otherwise) are more likely to react to stir the child than just by hearing them down a monitor.

On a more selfish note, when I eventually did move DD next door (aged 8 months which I admit was later than need be), I found it more not less knack wrong for me, because I had to properly wake up & drag myself out of the warm bed & next door rather than just lean over though.

DD did sleep better in the cot bed though, I must admit so I check on her all the time in fear

That should have said "knackering" not "knack wrong", blooming auto-correct!

It's hard to make sure there's no smokers in the home if one fathered your child! I stick rigidly to the other suggestions and hope the fact that there is never smoking in the house will be enough.