You know you're tired when...

[onetiredmummy]

Daddy Pig's voice starts sounding sexy lol

Put water in the kettle for a cup of coffee, flick the switch, and wander off to mop floors while it boils.
Come back, put water in the kettle, flick the switch... then realise you've already done that bit.
Didn't sleep well last night - can you tell?

You wake to do a night-feed only to go into the bathroom, stand there for 3 minutes and have no idea why ...

You stand at the bus stop early in the morning with just your tights on, no trousers!

Done that before but thankfully it was winter so very dark!

You sit down, exhausted, to take off your eye makeup and wonder why the cotton wool pad is burning your eyes with fumes. It's because you've used nail polish remover instead.

You realise whilst trying to get your ds2 to please go to sleep, that a) you are pleading with a 2 year ols who has no concept of the phrase "darling, please sleep, mummy will die if she doesn't get some sleep".

B) you haven't slept in your own bed for 8 days and you haven't spoken to DP for nearly as long because despite living together haveing to sleep in shifts means you only see each other for the 10 second handover.

You fall asleep with contact lenses in, wake up in the morning, put new ones in, arrive at work pissed off that you eyes haven't settled into contacts this morning so put glasses on

Remembering personal details is beyond me.
I have no idea how old am I and if I am ever asked I usually have to work it out. As in, "Wait a second - I do know. I was born in 1976. What year is it now? So that would make me, um, 36. Gosh, when did that happen? I was 20ish last time I checked. Oh, wait, hold on - I haven't had my birthday yet so I must be 35." Followed by a big triumphant grin at the ability of my brain to do maths, even if recall is an issue! (And followed again by a nervous grin from whoever has had to listen to the above...)
Phone number - we've moved twice in three years and I have no idea anymore. I check on my mobile which has the numbers programmed in, assuming I can find the mobile.....

The best one was when dd was 4 days old and someone sent me flowers. I answered the door to the delivery man who said "Are you MrsBaby?" I said "No." in a very confident manner, if not entirely accurately. He looked confused. I said "Oh, no, wait. Yes. That is me. I got married, didn't I? Yes. So I'd be MrsBaby, yes." He grinned and said "Congratulations. Still getting used to it? When did you get married?" I said "Five years ago....."

I do that too baby, When I get an email or a letter addressed to Mrs(Married name) it always takes me a while to realise it's addressed to me (I got married nearly 6 years ago )

After yet another night feed, you're looking at your DS thinking, is this the baby boy or the baby girl. And where IS the baby girl?!

I only have DS.

DH had to make a phone call at work, but as it was connecting, his own mobile started to ring, so he hurriedly hung up and answered his mobile, only to find there was no-one there. So he tried making the call again, but as it connected, his mobile started to ring again. He put the phone down, answered his mobile, again there was no-one there. It was on the third occasion that this happened that he realised he was dialling his own mobile number and then repeatedly hanging up on himself. I think three times wasn't too bad, there have been days when I could have got into double figures with that one.

You see the veg not getting grated in the food processer and use a butcher's knife to poke it down a bit. Said knife touches the high speed rotating grater and flips out. It passes you face close enough to feel the air go over your eye, but too fast to actually see it, and lands right by your foot. The bits of lid skim across your scalp at an angle which, luckily, prevents them from imbedding in your brain, and hit the wall across the room.

This results in the DCs foverver asking if you were trying to make knife soup.

when you here your baby crying..... but you are dreaming you are feeding your baby in bed (despite never ever doing that) and wake DH to tell him to go and (BF) the other twin (you have 1 baby, not twins)

'You answer the door to the postman with one boob hanging out of your top from when you were breastfeeding over an hour ago, and only realise 20 minutes later.'
Done something like this...gave DD1 (then 4 months) a quick top up BF in car before dropping off at nursery...walking into Nursery past an oldish man and (to be friendly and pretend I wasn't feeling like death) say a rather too breezy 'hello' - he mumbles hello and gives me a funny look - I think because maybe I was a bit OTT with enforced cheerfulness ...
Half way up steps I realise that boob is still hanging out -worse still on the side I've got rucksack hanging on one shoulder - effectively thrusting it out...

At work I used to do my computer work after lunch - about 2pm I would regularly fall alsleep and wake up 20 mins later with my hand still holding the mouse...

You put your glasses on and then spend the next 10mins looking for them cos you know they were sitting next to you a minute ago

But daddy pigs voice is sexy.

Sleep or nay.

you start hallucinating that your baby is the devil when doing yet another 4am feed.

Finally wrestle wriggly, grizzly dd to boob. Dh laughs at me when he hears 'good boy'. We have no boy. Girl is 11w and this was a couple of days ago.

You know you and your best friend were talking about "something" 10 minutes ago sat on the sofa together but neither of you can remember what it was (but you know you never finished your sentence).

You find socks in the fridge

When you go to put the horses out in the morning , to find the mini pony in the biggest stable , the cob in the spare , and the snooty warm blood looking outraged with his nose pressed into the corner of the mini pony 's stable , where he has been all night . And despite me doing the late night checks too. It hadn't even registered . Either that , or they did it on purpose to confuse me .

lulz

I have put fish fingers and chips on baking tray and then come back 20 mins later to find them still sitting there with the oven on full blast below. :(

Have given up using names for my three, they are a generic poppit. Even my husband at times of real sleep deprivation.

Walking round looking for the phone while holding it to my ear.

Have left the front door open, car unlocked and answered the door to the postman whilst feeding.

But the worst was forgetting a towel while in the bath and mother in law having to bring it. I was so tired I stood up to take it giving her a full frontal. Number three was only about a week old at the time. I must have looked SHOCKING!