You know you're tired when...

[onetiredmummy]

Daddy Pig's voice starts sounding sexy lol

Coffee is now my nice warm drink before bed

When talking about MIL to DP, you refer to her as "DP's mum" rather than "your mum"

Both myself and DP have long lost the ability to speak coherent sentences. Yesterday I was trying to mime the word for "catapult".

You become unable to tell the difference between 4yo DS and 10mo DD if they cry at night, and have to ask, "which one was that?"

It takes you 15 minutes to think about what you're going to say in between sentences when you post

THis one is not so much about immediate tiredness as about the long term daily grind of parenting, but...

when sitting in silence, in your pyjamas, in your filled-with-boxed-up-possessions crappy living room, watching crap daytime telly at 10am, feels like the most luxurious holiday you've had in years.

I am eating a packet of chocolate buttons right now, just to add a note of hedonism.

I'm jealous of Everton4me's ability to count out 7 scoops of formula. I'm combination feeding my 13 day old baby and when it's bottle time I can't even count up to 4 scoops.

allthegoodnamesweretaken, I kept falling asleep between contactions that were only 90 seconds apart .

when DD was 3wks, DH went to change her nappy complaining about crappy disposables leaking and DD was soaked in wee....

DH: 'her nappy's GONE!!!'
Me: 'erm, I think you fgorgot to put it on last time'

when DD was 11wks, I was carrying her in a sling while walking the dog. Threw a ball for the dog and DD's head flew off I screamed and cried for several seconds before realising no, it was only her sunhat.

When you have to tell DH, DD and DS to be quiet in the kitchen in the morning because they're making so much noise your brain won't work.

I do think this is one of the funniest and most reassuring threads in ages; but please tell me I won't be sleep deprived forever.......

crying with laughter here and DS is nearly three. Sleeping through the night mostly since 9m or so, so why am I tired at all?

At 7am this morning my car+house keys bundle was not on the hook inside the front door. I sighed, opened the front door and there they were, in the lock, on the outside, with the car right outside the house. I do this about once every couple of months.

yy to random words and names, paranoid middle of the night wheresthebabywheresthebaby, crashingly low clothing-cleanliness/rightwayoutness standards, and the eyes shut game.

When you pat DD's head and say "Good dog."

Nearly woke the baby laughing at nissan micro, did wake the baby laughing at miming a catapult.

You start saying something in a meeting with clients, stop because they are giving you funny looks, and then realise you are in fact speaking Dutch.

Or the other way around to family.

YY to driving off, leaving front door open for several hours, with keys hanging outside
Or driving off with nappy bag on roof of car every time I drive

Or taking baby to the doctors, thinking I am amazing for managing to get there for such an early appointment PLUS I was organised enough to be wearing a lovely co-ordinated outfit, posh lace top and smart trousers, feeling good... I undress DS for his examination, change his nappy after his check-up, and toddle off.

And only notice his SODDEN old nappy hanging from aforementioned lace top by its sticky tab, when I am halfway through the crowded waiting room..
So I pull the nappy off and it rips a huge laddered hole in my new lacy top. Bum.

And that migraine/nissan micra mix-up upthread has me PISSING my pants laughing

when you put a disposable nappy on inside out (so the waterproof bit is on the inside)

...when it's 9pm, you haven't spent any time with DH all week, and you eat 4 funsize Bounty before sitting down on the sofa, just so the sugar high will help you stay awake a while.

I'm with you on not being able to measure out 7 scoops of formula without losing count, but I may have topped that last night. Try measuring out scoops of coffee into your dd's bedtime bottle; I got to 2 scoops before I realised.

When you sprinkle baby milk powder all over your cereal. Which btw was branflakes so I would never put sugar on them anyway.

DS 4 months sleeps like an angel, its the 2 year old ds who doesn't!

....when you go out to the supermarket on a sunday morning and only whilst there you realise you're still wearing pajamas, and have kiddies toothpaste all over your cleavage, and are rocking and shushing the empty shopping trolley. You then get home, forget to put the frozen stuff in the freezer, leaving it out on the hottest day of the year to spoil, whilst you catch your bingo wing in the kitchen door handle and give yourself a disgustingly huge bruise.

When you neck a couple of Nutrasweet tablets whole, then put vitamin pills in your coffee

You send the 11 month old baby off with the childminder in the morning - without a nappy on!!! Oh yes!

This thread has given me loads of laughs - cheers.

Oh, and when you go shopping and return to the car, put key in lock and turn it and it doesn't unlock. Small panic (lock is obviously broken), and you end up unlocking the boot and climbing over the back seat to try and open it from the inside. Luckily it works so you can open the door, load shopping and baby in. It only dawns on you as you are driving home that you were repeatedly turning the key into the 'lock' position and that perhaps if you'd just tried turning it the other way it might have been fine.... in fact, you test it out when you get home and it is fine. Mental note: turn the keys all possible ways next time, before concluding there's a problem....

You put the spoon in the bin and the yoghurt pot in the sink or the teabags in the fridge and milk in the cupbaord. I have done both!

When you ask your 5 year old to remind you what day of the week it is cos you cannot remember

You are having a conversation with someone and you mind goes completely black and you cant for anything remember what you were going to say and then what you were even talking about! And hours later it still wont come back to you...only does every now and then. :\

i cannot describe DH's face after the following.

left toddler DS1's room to get his toothbrush, on the way i was thinking i need to get DH to phone his mum about something.

i then realised i was in the living room, patiently holding out the wee toothbrush and waiting for DH to open his mouth.

oh scampi that's harsh