You know you're tired when...

[onetiredmummy]

Daddy Pig's voice starts sounding sexy lol

You pour your contact lens solution out, then for some bizarre reason, drink it. Like a shot. Blurgh.

Cooked tomorrows tea today in the slow cooker, because I had forgotten todays tea was already in the fridge just to be heated up.

You panic everyone by yelling 'I can't see DS, where's he gone?' to find him happily breastfeeding in your arms.

I am literally crying with laughter.. thank you all so much

In the last few months I have been utterly unable to string a sentence together or follow what anyone else is saying and have bluffed and bodged my way through all social gathering/playground/work by grinning inanely at all time, thinking at least if I look friendly then no one will take offense). The other day one of the other mums asked me is I had a migraine, presume cos I was grimacing a bit, and I replied cheerily "No I've got a Nissan Micra." On the same day, I ordered 5 identical barbeques online.

You stand stupified in Sainsbury's unable to select anything and then go home empty handed and tell DH he has to select and order a takeaway for us

You don't know the answer to the question 'do you take milk'

The slightly sad ending of a film assumes horror reality proportions and starts happening in the nursery while you breastfeed

This thought process happened this evening.

Hmm I need that thing in the car.
Look for the car keys for 15 minutes
Go outside, unlock car
Cannot remember at all what I need
Open every door and compartment looking for the thing to jog my memory.

I still have no idea what I needed.

You feel sick through lack of sleep
Your wedding anniversary gift is a gift of a full nights sleep
You drink three cups of coffee and still want to sleep
You seriously contemplate running away so you can get some sleep

You put the plastic sieve on the gab hob. Only the smell alerted me
You baby proof the room and tell baby mummy is playing the eyes shut game
You get halfway to work and realise you have left all the bags at home, you get home to find the door unlocked
You leave the keys in the door overnight
You get the baby to sleep in the buggy, get back home, and fall asleep on the hall floor

DH says he is still so tired he can't remember the stupid things he has done when tired.

Thank god it wasn't just me who kept forgetting DS's name.
I kept thinking we'd called him Andy. We hadn't, nothing even similar!

you fall asleep inbetween pushes as you are giving birth!

You call the DC by the dogs names and the dogs by the DC's names. It doesn't help that the one I need at that particular moment is the one that actually looks up at me despite being called a different name.

You find anything you have lost in the fridge; mobile, keys, freshly made cuppa etc.

I know I have many more but I cant remember them right now

Yes I did that :o still had ridiculously long period between contractions when pushing!

Also spent ages wondering whethr people would think it odd we'd called our September born dd April. We'd called her Alice :o

You spend 90 mins in a dentist's chair having a root canal treatment. All is calm and controlled and quiet. You even doze off a bit while having this root canal treatment. You pay your enormous bill and stand on the steps outside the surgery and breathe a nice deep alone breath, and think 'that was a nice break'. Ahhhh, fond memories.

You make the kids cheese on toast and wrap your mobile phone in cling film and put it in the fridge. And then spend ages looking for your mobile. By the by, there is no mobile signal in a fridge.

You put your glasses on and have a mini fit because you can't see a bloody thing, then your remember you had already out your contact lenses in.

My dc's now try and guess what I'm trying to say a la vicar of Dibley

You try to put your 2 and a half year old into your 4 month old's car seat.
Or when you try to dress your 2 and a half year old son in your own shoes.

bigbuttons I've done the glasses on whilst wearing contact lenses trick.

ohnevermind I used to wake in the night and be holding my dh's head thinking it was the baby, or on other nights be pushing him because I thought he was going to squash the baby in bed. Or I used to wake flailing arms searching the duvet and bed for baby. When the baby has never slept in bed with us and was in his crib beside us!

Those 'scare yourself silly don't sleep with your baby' campaigns have a lot to answer for!

You try to open your front door with your car beeper

A friend came round and I introduced him to my husband, whom he'd known for 4 years.

Then I carefully explained that the baby wasn't the cat.

He was good enough to shake hands with DH and stroke the cat. Nothing was said till months later when sense of humour returned with along with sleeping through the night.

Whilst reading a thread you remember some stupid things you have done due to lack of sleep.....but by the time you get to the end...nope, it's gone.

I am another victim of random word syndrome. I can't claim bumping into things is lack of sleep though - I have always had bruises on my thighs at desk height and now have them at stairgate height too!

mum2 supercharlie I'm so relieved it's not just me that does the thinking the babies (have 18m old twins) are in our bed being squashed to death or patting/stroking DPs head thinking he's the baby. It's quite scary when I wake up as it takes a couple of minutes to realise it's ok and in that time I'm really struggling to work out what's happening. I think you're right that it's probably because we 're always told about the dangers of having babies sleep in our bed - and we've never done it either! I think it's just feeling too guilty about everything and yes.......sheer exhaustion!....Need to sleep NOW!

You wander around the house with visitors and only when they have gone and you nip to the loo do you realise you are 3 days post birth,bleeding like a chainsaw movie and yet have totally forgotten the need for pants or a pad with your grey trousers

When someone says "Happy Birthday" you say "oh you too!" ( I turned 39 about 52 minutes ago, and I just did this)

I thought "Fish for 6 month old" was an offer of a swap.

Say whilst trying to load dishwasher and help DD with homework "I'll sort it in a minute. I've got to load...(braindrain)....in a week"

You answer questions with "Yeah.....no.....what?"

When after Ds no3 is born you go to visit the rellies and turn up looking like you've taken part in a wet T shirt competition during the journey its the 3rd time dondon, you KNOW what breast pads are for

When making the "wake up" coffee you put the sugar in the machine and 2 heaps of ground coffee to your cup, then stand there gawping like an idiot wondering why the water is not flowing brown.

I do the name thing too, go through them all including the cat, parents, other relatives.

When I'm overtired I get hysterical giggles, something so trivial and not remotely funny will set me off, much to the annoyance of those around.

You are desperately awaiting your first caffeine fix in the morning and you pour the new bag of ground coffee into the cafetiere rather than the coffee jar it was meant to go on.....and because you've just rinsed out the cafetiere the 225g of coffee will now be damp and impossible to remove easily - done it too often to count

You take the maximum dosage of ProPlus to help you stay awake ('warning: you may not be able to sleep for x hours after taking these pills' says the packet).

Half an hour later you feel so bad you lie on the bed and go straight to sleep. You do it again the next day. And the next. Then throw the packet away in disgust. :)