You know you're tired when...

[onetiredmummy]

Daddy Pig's voice starts sounding sexy lol

i went to put the hot, boiling kettle in the fridge. It took me some moments to work out why it would not fit and what was wrong with the picture while DH laughed his ass off.

You sleep standing up...even for 2 minutes - while washing the dishes

Even Mumsnet can't keep you up - and you call it a night ...

You get as far as the local park before realising that you have put the cat in the car and not the dog.

while looking at colleagues week plan on wipeboard could'nt work out what course he was going on that he needed super vision . Of course he had supervision with his line manager.

You drive 8 miles on winding country lanes only to find your phone and house keys on the roof of the car when you arrive at your destination.....

hahahahahaha, brilliant postings but I have 2 more to add....

Waking up, put contacts in, cant understand why everything is blurry, rub eyes, take out contacts, think these must be rubbish, try again with a new set......slowly dawns on me that I went to bed without removing dailes......peel contacts off my eyes trying not to cause long lasting damage. Decides glasses is the way forward for the day.

And the next day,

Spraying underarms with hairspray..............FFS!!!.........babywipe pits, start again and then I did the same fucking thing again.........No lie. Im an idiot.

you walk the dog in your slippers. then come home to change them to shoes and cant remember why you came home.Thats with 7 week old twins. at 16 weeks I walk round with baby silk all down me nothing to do with being tired as they sleep thru night now more to do with not giving a fuck :)

baby sick not silk. baby silk sounds lovely-may manufacture that?!?

I'm new here, and am the odd one out being from Canada, but I wanted to say cheeseandapple, that I already love you. Hysterical!

COMPLETE blanks...whilst driving, no less. Love those ones...and yes, I fear it IS age as well!

I have taken kitchen wipes out of the cupboard and proceeded to clean my face with them ...

When you leave the house with the baby, go to nursery, walk around the nursery, drive to work, walk up and down the corridor at work, make a cuppa, pop in to chat to a colleague, sit down at your desk with the cuppa and then notice the huge splodge of baby poo on your white blouse, right on the boob, from the explosive nappy you changed just before you left the house which you were convinced you had contained.

Not that this has happened to me this week

And to all you posters who can't remember your dc's names...

The other day I gazed lovingly at my dc. "What a lovely little boy"

She's not. She's a girl. She was wearing a dress. And a hair clip. And I know she's a girl; I was there at the birth ffs.

To be fair she had kept me awake all week with a chest infection and I've just started back at work. It amazing I recognised her as being human, frankly!

When you stand absently spooning formula into your glass of orange juice.

When you lock yourself out of your house 3 times in a week.

When you can't remember your DCs DOB.

Oh yes I often fantasise about going to hospital or prison for a break.

Someone asked me how old I was and I literally had no idea. I had to ask DH. Everyone was looking at me like this

This morning I spent ten long minutes staring at the washing machine. DD who is 5yo politely enquired as to what I was doing and I mumbled something about wishing I could climb in and tumble around with the swishy, soft, warm clothes and just sleep and get clean at the same time. She actually raised an eyebrow at me and shook her head. She'll tell Mrs Perfect her teacher all about it no doubt.

Last night I in all seriousness fell asleep reading a thread on here. Only woke up when my head hit the screen.

Someone asked me how old I was and I literally had no idea. I had to ask DH

I did a similar thing once and could not remember what my house number was. I was trying to arrange for something to be delivered and everyone in the shop thought I was completely mad or maybe a bit dodgy.

"Someone asked me how old I was and I literally had no idea"

I've done that too. And several times forgotten my PIN number at the check-out

Passwords are a nightmare - they all have slightly different requirements, so though I try to use the same one for everything I can't and have to use variations. Then I can never remember which variation is which - Fortunately there's generally an "email me my password" option, or similar.

Worse perhaps when I was on the phone and asked my phone number ... no idea ... I think sometimes it's the pressure of being put on the spot which gets to me.

Same with people's names ....

When I'm really old people will think I've got Alzeimers and (if I haven't) I'll have to try and persuade them I've always been like this !!

Never know today's date for example ... generally haven't a clue ... even the month can be challenging

Sorry, I de-railed a bit, didn't I ?

... I get a little distracted ... I think it's a touch of attention deficit

I am a bit knackered this week actually, after going away last weekend for a Quaker conference. Lovely to see everyone there, but so busy and exhausting ! ... I need another weekend to recover ... luckily for me it is half-term next week and I won't be working (except looking after the DCs)
so just have to prop my eyes open with match-sticks (like in Mr Bean's holiday ) until Friday

When you walk into a wall and apologise to said wall

Getting into bed and only realise when you've snuggled down that the moses basket is empty and 2 week old baby still in bouncy chair downstairs all alone in the dark!
Several nights in a row.

Whats worse then putting hair spray under your arms? Hair mousse.

I am always trying to put the kettle in the fridge.

Forget what I am typing halfway through typing and wondering what my point was.

I have done the trolley-shaking with no baby in it thing too.

you drop your daughter of at nursery and kiss her good bye and the nursery nurse to - not sure who was more shocked.