New born.....can't cope.

[bettieblue]

My DS 4 week old and I really don't know what im doing. A few weeks ago he would feed, go down, not necessarily sleep but was quiet. Now he feeds and as soon as you put him down screams and screams and screams. He has wind problem, we are using Dr Brown bottles and Infacol but Im not sure if the screaming is connected as if you hold him he sometimes calms down/will sleeps on me but put him back in his basket and he screams. I have spent the entire morning picking him up to calm his crying (its a full blown scream).putting him down and he still screams. I tried leaving him for a bit- i had to as i felt like I was loosing it.-he just continued screaming. He wil settle if I go out for a walk but I feel like doing this every day as people have suggested will mean that the only way he will sleep which really isn't the answer .He seems tired (im not entirely sure im reading his crying right as i feel like im bloody useless) but the screaming goes on until its near his next feed. .So I feed him and it starts again. Strangely (and im sure this won't last) he goes down at night and wakes for a feed but goes down again ok.

I have spent the last few weeks i tears and today dh went back to work. I feel like im loosing the plot. What can I do??

Have you got a sling? That way he can sleep on you and you can still move around/do things/have your hands free.

I'm sure someone far more knowledgable than me will be here soon to give you more advice

you've probably only got another 2-4 weeks of this then he'll settle down, most babies seem to at 6-8 weeks.

don't worry about him getting used to only sleeping when out, he's so so little, far too early to worry about "bad habits"

get a sling and walk with him, babies always seem to sleep better when you're out.

5 weeks ago he was inside you, so being put down somewhere without your touch is still very odd for him!

First of all, you're not useless. Newborns are extremely hard work. For me, the key at that stage was finding what worked best for me and the baby at that point in time, and not worrying about setting up bad habits for later. If your ds sleeps when you take him out for a walk, take him out for a walk if you can - it won't be the case that in 6 months' time that'll be the only way he'll sleep. Also, if he settles when you pick him up, but screams when put down, he probably just wants a cuddle. I second the suggestion of a sling. It made life with dd manageable. Don't feel that you can't pick him up if he cries - it won't set up bad habits, and you really can't cuddle a newborn too much.
Also, take it as absolutely easy as you can. Do nothing that doesn't actually need doing :)
You'll be fine.

Newborns are hard. I found swaddling was great for getting my little ones to sleep in the first few weeks.

youre not useless, its so hard at that stage, and honestly, it gets easer, really and you will look back in a few months and hardly believe just how things have changed

slings are great, worked a treat for same issues with DC2.

do whatever it takes to get him to stop crying, it is only for a few weeks, and he will calm down in due course

Yes, what robynlou says, at this stage do NOT worry at all about bad habits. It doesn't matter, you can sort out a routine and a better way of calming him later but at this early stage just concentrate on keeping yourself sane and keeping you as sane as possible.

Both of my children have settled really, really well at this stage with white noise. Have you tried putting a hairdryer on in the room and seeing if it calms him? Sorry if that sounds mad but it settled both of mine when they were newborns. You can buy white noise CD's to save burning out your hairdryer!!

I used white noise with mine til about 5/6 months when they seemed to outgrow it and they settle beautifully in their cots withou it.

I hope someone with experience of colic/windy babies comes along with some good advice too.

You are doing a wonderful job - just get through this bit and it gets lots easier, I promise

JUst remembered my oldest hated being put down too and settled really well in one of those motorised swings.

It's a real baptism of fire, having your first baby. It doesn't necessarily get any better with subsequent babies either because they will go and complicate things by being completely different to their siblings - grrr. DD used to get absolutely hysterical when she was tired, it didn't occur to me for absolutely ages because ds never did it, and I (wrongly) assumed that if she was tired the crying would be more... limp. Pathetic. Whimpery. Wrong, it was fully on screaming. the fact that you said he doesn't do the crying thing at night makes me wonder if he's really really tired.

I would agree with RobynLou that you've probably got another couple of weeks of this. Babies tend to reach their peak of inconsolable crying at about 6-8 weeks. Until then to preserve your sanity get a sling. It might be worth going to a shop and trying a few. John Lewis is a good bet.

Also, do everything in your power to get your baby to sleep. don't worry abou creating bad habits. You won't at this age. If your ds will only sleep in a pram then take him for a walk until he sleeps, don't go too far from your home because I used to do this with dd, and I remember clearly cursing myself for being too far from home to go back to bed for a snooze.

Roll up a cellular blanket into a long tube and put it round him in upside down U shape. Makes them feel they are being held - tip given to me when DS2 5 days old and I was a Zombie - worked a treat. Do sling as well early days are tough...it does get better

Do not worry about bad habits. Do get a sling or carrier so he can be attached to you permanently. DS2 was attached to me either on my boob or snuggled in carrier for 12 long weeks, he gradually stopped the crying when separated and he now, at 6 months is a very happy contented baby and sleeps through for nearly 12 hours at night and is happy practically anywhere during the day. It is such a tough time, he HATED his moses basket and pram and would scream when either but stop as soon as I picked him up. It is so hard at first but when they are that tiny they just need to be close to their mums. This will pass, just remember you are not crap, he just wants to be near you.

Have you tried swaddling him to make him feel secure?

Also take a look at the reflux thread to see if any of the symptoms there sound familiar.

I found an electric swing really helpful. I also used my bouncy chair really a lot . I wrapped up my ds's in their blankets and put them in the chair and gently bounced it with my foot as they seemed so much more content with a bit of motion. You are doing really well trying to get used to your babies different cries. It will get easier.

DD2 is just six months so have just been through this again. She was very similar to yours but now goes down in cot with a gurgle and drops off.

I second all the advice about doing whatever works for the baby at this age as was told by GP that they have very immature nervous systems until 6-8 weeks. DD2 wanted to be held between 7-10pm every night and between 4-7am in the morning. We initially put her down in moses for all naps but picked her up and held in a swaddle if she really wouldn't settle (it is knackering but won't last forever I promise).

After about 6 weeks she started to get into much deeper sleeps at her bad times and then we felt more confident about putting her down and it worked out fine. 4 weeks is so early that he won't form bad habits - just keep an eye on when you feel the tide is turning developmentally (magic 6-8 week period) and start gently encouraging (e.g. pick up put down method) sleep in cot again. Best of luck.

I found the AMBY natures nest a lifesaver - you can bounce the baby to sleep in it. Sounds like your baby responds to movement as he sleeps in the pushchair, so might be worth a try.

My DD refused point blank to be put down until she was about 9 weeks old, I survived by just going with it, I had a sling and we walked for bloody miles. We also co-slept and this was the only way either of us got any sleep. However despite this I now have a DD who self settles for naps and sleeps in her own cot, in her own room, I did not use any of the sleep techniques I just went with it and followed her lead and gave her the opportunities when I thought she was ready so please don't worry about bad habits as if this was true my DD would have them all!!

One of my 3 dd's refused to sleep flat for some reason through the day. She would sleep no problem in a bouncy chair or a rocking car seat if i rocked her to sleep.

I found the first few weeks hell with both my DS's. First time round it was a huge shock and I felt horribly guilty for hating it so much, thinking I should be all blissed out with the baby. Second time I expected it to be crap and it was!

I remember breaking down in tears with colicky crying DS1 over in the local park one day and a passing mum taking pity and telling me 'it gets SO much easier', and she was right.

Do whatever you need to do to survive the early days. Sling is good, swaddling too (Miracle Blanket from Mothercare - fab fab fab), white noise (IPhone app available), dummy if your baby takes one (I just don't get the ideological objection - DS1 never wanted it, lifesaver with DS2)...

And for yourself, eat a lot of chocolate and cake, and get out and see as many friends / fellow mums as possible, isolation is the worst possible thing.

Good luck!! x

forgot to add she was fine on a night time as she co-slept

Yes swaddling is really good at this age, do you wind him really really well? Not just for 10 minutes, but until you get a decent burp. Wind was the problem for all my babies, had a catalogue of winding techniques, we used to wind then swaddle then cuddle to sleep/put down. It is tough with a screamy baby, just do what gets you through, good luck.

oh love. huge sympathy they are bloody hard work arn't they!

take a deep breath and clear your mind of all this 'bad habits' malarkey. do what works best for you and a walk a day in the pram will do your dc no harm, give you a bit of peace and fresh air and probably do you both good short and long term if thats what you want to do. otherwise slings/baby swings all brilliant suggestions - see if you could borrow both to try out if you dont want to shell out and then it not work if that makes sense.

does your baby pull their legs up toward its tummy when he cries? this is a sign of pain so if lots of wind etc dont be afraid to badger your HV or GP for advice

i dont know much about ff but i have read plenty of time on here that different brands are better for different babies so you could consider changing brands to see if it helps with the wind if that makes sense.

keep going and keep posting on here here if you need a chat - we have all been through it x

Mine didn't form bad habits either, they were cuddled to sleep until they started to fight it/not want it, then put into cot awake (was about 4 months for both).

Swaddling/Sling/Dummy and Co-sleeping has made my life so much easier and my 12 w.o. much more content and rested. It is so hard going but your baby is so young and tiny and its only natural that he wants to be close to you.

Night times were a nightmare with my DD she would fall asleep either in her bouncy chair or laid in our arms-soon as we place her in her cot she would scream hysterically was awful 2 see her like that , I just felt something was not right?? So I saw the dr & prescribed her infant gaviscon which helped- but she would only sleep in her bouncy chair!! She would not tolerate being laid flat on her back?! That lasted a few months-but it did get better My DD was only 3lb 4 at birth so her digestive system was still developing.
I recommend that you look up at silent reflux , infant gaviscon.
It will get better
Good luck! X

3lb 4 - awwwwwwwwwwwwwww

sorry, anyway.....actually dummies can really help with sore tummies. iirc they stimulate something to soothe sore tummies. also ff babies seem to like them because it satisfies their sucking reflexes.

i bf my dd to sleep every night until she was 12 months - she is 21 months now and i can put her to bed awake most nights and she goes to sleep no problem at all. i was terrified of sleep crutches too when she was little and really worried i was making rod for my back etc blah blah but i didnt and she's no problem. when she teethed or was a bit poorly dh used to pace up and down in her room rocking her for hours sometimes - does she now need that every night? no!! actually of the 5 families i hang around with none of the babies have permanent sleep needs. 3 out of 5 can be put down awake no probls (the other two co sleep)

agree that reflex is worth investigating. one of my latch on mums has a really refluxy baby and my goodness she cried morning noon and night until she was 3 months and then things improved a bit. it took a long time for mum to get a good diagnosis and the right meds but when she did it made a huge difference BUT reflux is one of those onditions people dont believe in - the HV still wont acknowledge it even though the baby is on strong medication. this baby was the screamisest baby i have ever seen - all i saw was a bright red, screwed up screaching banshee for weeks and weeks - we used to take turns to walk up and down with her so mum could have 5 minutes to herself then suddenly mum turned up with what looked like a ocmpletely different baby until i realised i had never seen her face properly before. if this osunds like your ds make a docs app.

Bettieblue,

My DD is 4 weeks old and apart from the day she was born, she has refused to go in near Moses basket or co sleeping cot. I have been a baby marketers dream, slowly getting through every product on the market in the search for a magic solution.

But as from Saturday, she has started to go in her basket at night rather than sleep on one of us. Honestly I think it has just been time and her digestive system getting a little older to deal with wind.

I really did try every trick in the book, rolled up blankets, hot water bottle to warm,swaddling, white noise, smells of mum on mattress. We could even get her to sleep on the Moses basket mattress on top of me and then as soon as transferred she would wake up and cry and then wanted to comfort suck and also won't take a dummy!

My coping strategies have been:

Expect nothing then any time down is a bonus.
Do anything possible to have naps in the day, walking, jiggling, sleeping on me.
Have a block of time where someone else can take him so you are guaranteed 2 hours continous sleep as a minimum.
Had a bath, feed, bed routine - I thought a routine at this age was nonsense but it really does seem to help - especially the bath and darkened room.
Try something different every couple of days so I feel like I am proactively trying to do something about it.

I am still waiting for her users guide to arrive in the post!