New born.....can't cope.

[bettieblue]

My DS 4 week old and I really don't know what im doing. A few weeks ago he would feed, go down, not necessarily sleep but was quiet. Now he feeds and as soon as you put him down screams and screams and screams. He has wind problem, we are using Dr Brown bottles and Infacol but Im not sure if the screaming is connected as if you hold him he sometimes calms down/will sleeps on me but put him back in his basket and he screams. I have spent the entire morning picking him up to calm his crying (its a full blown scream).putting him down and he still screams. I tried leaving him for a bit- i had to as i felt like I was loosing it.-he just continued screaming. He wil settle if I go out for a walk but I feel like doing this every day as people have suggested will mean that the only way he will sleep which really isn't the answer .He seems tired (im not entirely sure im reading his crying right as i feel like im bloody useless) but the screaming goes on until its near his next feed. .So I feed him and it starts again. Strangely (and im sure this won't last) he goes down at night and wakes for a feed but goes down again ok.

I have spent the last few weeks i tears and today dh went back to work. I feel like im loosing the plot. What can I do??

[Athrawes]

Agree about the reflux suggestion. It's easy to tell if it is reflux - give Gaviscon before a feed and see if baby still screams like a banshee when you lie him down. Some doctors and paeds don't believe in it but if you have seen the difference that meds can make, from miserable baby to happy, then you have to believe.
Dummies are a godsend and again are a great soother for refluxey babies, who tend to be more senstive than others - due to great pain in their chests - and benefit from being able to sooth themselves with a dummy.

[bankholiday]

As previous posters have said, don't worry about bad habits or your baby getting comfy on you. I'm sure I read somewhere that when they are so new, their nervous systems are not developed enough for them to form associations which would lead to bad habits. As for settling on you, my DS is now 4 months and I miss those newborn cuddles, when I would put him on my chest and he would sleep for hours.

DS is also my first and I read a lot before he was born, to make up in a way for my lack of experience. I was also worried about lack of routine, rods for my own back, etc, but things have got so much easier when I accepted that he is his own little person and I decided to just go with the flow and do whatever makes us happy. And I think the whole idea of spoiling a baby is outdated, it's been proven that babies who are cuddled a lot grow up to be confident. It makes sense, since this is in tune with our instincts.

I found the first couple of months very tough, but I have gradually started to settle into motherhood. Hang in there, things will improve.Oh, and I could have sworn my little one would never have a dummy, but changed my mind as soon as I saw how much he loves it.

[mumblebum]

Both mine had dummies. From 6 months I limited them to sleep times only. They both gave them up altogether at around 2 with no drama whatsoever. We just stopped giving them!

I wouldn't worry about habits until the baby is at least 3 months old. The newborn stage is all about survival.

My DD with reflux somehow managed to settle better at night than during the day. She definitely did have reflux though. So don't rule it out altogether.

Good luck.

[Knackeredmother]

Sling. Sling. Sling.
Saved my sanity (a bit)

[fromheretomaternity]

Re dummies - I honestly can't see why the HV is so anti - if a baby is crying isn't anything that comforts them a good thing especially if it gives you a break??

My suggestion would be to buy some in but start off only using very sparingly (maybe say once a day if baby is struggling to nap), that way you won't develop too much of a dependency and if you decide to phase them out later it won't be too painful.

[mollythetortoise]

agree with everyonr else - you won't instill bad habit at this young age with walking in a pram and i also think u should try a dummy

[sungirltan]

sounds like you have a supportive opne minded dh - yay! (thats half the battle i can tell you!)

'Dummies-I have always been resistent to dummies (again because I think you then go through a battle when they are older stopping them). My HV also had very strong views about not using them so I haven't yet, though am keeping it as an option. I have been using my finger for him to suck to calm him down when hes in full scream mode- it works sometimes!' - ok in some ways you have answered your own question here. on the one hand i am very anti dummy and i can't bear seeing older babies/kids running aorund with them. there is a nearly 2 year old in dd's swimming class that has a dummy - in the swimming pool! i am judgey about dummies and i admit it BUT i'd take a few months of dummy use over exhaustion induced post natal depression/months of stress any day.

lastly ai am going to say something and i don't mean to purposefully offend but....it is natual and normal for a baby to get 'comfy on you' - you are its whole, whole world and most iof the time they want is physical contact. the most calming thing for a baby is to feel your heartbeat and have skin to skin touching. this is a human baby not a dog that needs to be trained. if you look in to attachment parenting they only encourage babywearing for the first 6 months because after that they will naturally seek independence....and they do! dd was in a sling on dh/asleep on dh for months when she was little...she isn't now.

can i also gently ask if there is a baby manual lurking around?

[RobynLou]

really really really don't worry about having a baby that 'gets comfy on you'!

both my DD's love the sling and I carried DD1 in it for ages (till DD1 was 2.5years) because it was convienient for us, but DD1 would happily nap in her buggy/cot/bouncy chair after the initial newborn bit.
DD2 is still in the clingy stage but I have no reason to think it'll be a problem later - DD1 is now a very confident nearly 4 year old who only wants a cuddle from me when she's ill, she's a daddy's girl now!

just cuddle and feed and wipe lo's bum. everything else can wait!

[bettieblue]

Hello

Thanks so much for the advice, Ive read a lot (not always a good thing!) and am defintely paranoid about setting up bad habits but I am encouraged that other peoples experience shows that isn't necessarily the case. I think im focusing too much on doing it right and not doing what works now as I think (wrongly from the sounds of it!) that I will regret it later when ive caused myself a bigger problem. I am crossing my fingers that once i get past 6-8 weeks it wil sort itself out.

I did swaddle him intially with blankets but he managed to wriggle out so I bought a proper swaddle blanket- he screamed blue murder so hes in a sleeping bag now.

The reflux/ colic issue, I did think intially it could be this but he settles at night so if he had one of these conditions then he wouldn't sleep at all would he.? I spend a lot of time winding him and am using infacol which does seem to bring up wind. I started using gripe water after his feed but have stopped doing that to see if this has any effect on the screaming. If it doesn't get better im going to explore it again but I don't know if im hoping its something like this so there is more likely to be a solution....

Dummies-I have always been resistent to dummies (again because I think you then go through a battle when they are older stopping them). My HV also had very strong views about not using them so I haven't yet, though am keeping it as an option. I have been using my finger for him to suck to calm him down when hes in full scream mode- it works sometimes!

Slings-I will look it into those, again im slightly wary of having a baby that gets comfy on me. See im paranoid again!


I had a friend over yesterday as she had a day off work which helped but I don't really have any other support. I did NCT for that reason but there were only 3 in my group and the others only gave birth last week so I can't really call upon them this early on. My DH came back from work yesterday, I handed DS over and had a huge glass of wine ! He read your responses and was delighted because he thinks we should do whatever works and deal later if he gets dependent on whatever method we use.

I am storing up all the suggestions and will go through them until I find one that works. Thankyou for your replies, they made me feel a whole heap better. I feed him this morning and he is now sleeping.........I have managed to have a cup of coffee today!.

[mumblebum]

I haven't read through the whole thread but just wanted to say that sounds very like my DD who it turned out had reflux. She didn't vomit that much at 4 weeks so it wasn't obvious but she would scream like that. She would wake up screaming if you put her down after she went to sleep. By 6 weeks she was being very sick and I started her on infant gaviscon. She was like a different baby.

Things I found helpful with her were, not feeding too frequently, keeping her upright for 30 mins after a feed, and the absolute lifesaver was her dummy. It really did seem to offer her some relief from the pain.

Take care, it's really, really hard. I remember it well. But it does get better. I promise.

[Bubandbump]

And btw she still will not go in it during the day or her pram unless it's moving! She has a couple of times fallen asleep on her playmat as it distracts her.

I think you just have to go with it, there's a bit of me secretly proud I have such a strong minded little girl! But I do get the feeling that she is training us and not the other way round!

[Bubandbump]

Bettieblue,

My DD is 4 weeks old and apart from the day she was born, she has refused to go in near Moses basket or co sleeping cot. I have been a baby marketers dream, slowly getting through every product on the market in the search for a magic solution.

But as from Saturday, she has started to go in her basket at night rather than sleep on one of us. Honestly I think it has just been time and her digestive system getting a little older to deal with wind.

I really did try every trick in the book, rolled up blankets, hot water bottle to warm,swaddling, white noise, smells of mum on mattress. We could even get her to sleep on the Moses basket mattress on top of me and then as soon as transferred she would wake up and cry and then wanted to comfort suck and also won't take a dummy!


My coping strategies have been:

Expect nothing then any time down is a bonus.
Do anything possible to have naps in the day, walking, jiggling, sleeping on me.
Have a block of time where someone else can take him so you are guaranteed 2 hours continous sleep as a minimum.
Had a bath, feed, bed routine - I thought a routine at this age was nonsense but it really does seem to help - especially the bath and darkened room.
Try something different every couple of days so I feel like I am proactively trying to do something about it.

I am still waiting for her users guide to arrive in the post!

[sungirltan]

3lb 4 - awwwwwwwwwwwwwww

sorry, anyway.....actually dummies can really help with sore tummies. iirc they stimulate something to soothe sore tummies. also ff babies seem to like them because it satisfies their sucking reflexes.

i bf my dd to sleep every night until she was 12 months - she is 21 months now and i can put her to bed awake most nights and she goes to sleep no problem at all. i was terrified of sleep crutches too when she was little and really worried i was making rod for my back etc blah blah but i didnt and she's no problem. when she teethed or was a bit poorly dh used to pace up and down in her room rocking her for hours sometimes - does she now need that every night? no!! actually of the 5 families i hang around with none of the babies have permanent sleep needs. 3 out of 5 can be put down awake no probls (the other two co sleep)

agree that reflex is worth investigating. one of my latch on mums has a really refluxy baby and my goodness she cried morning noon and night until she was 3 months and then things improved a bit. it took a long time for mum to get a good diagnosis and the right meds but when she did it made a huge difference BUT reflux is one of those onditions people dont believe in - the HV still wont acknowledge it even though the baby is on strong medication. this baby was the screamisest baby i have ever seen - all i saw was a bright red, screwed up screaching banshee for weeks and weeks - we used to take turns to walk up and down with her so mum could have 5 minutes to herself then suddenly mum turned up with what looked like a ocmpletely different baby until i realised i had never seen her face properly before. if this osunds like your ds make a docs app.

[tinker316]

Night times were a nightmare with my DD she would fall asleep either in her bouncy chair or laid in our arms-soon as we place her in her cot she would scream hysterically was awful 2 see her like that , I just felt something was not right?? So I saw the dr & prescribed her infant gaviscon which helped- but she would only sleep in her bouncy chair!! She would not tolerate being laid flat on her back?! That lasted a few months-but it did get better My DD was only 3lb 4 at birth so her digestive system was still developing.
I recommend that you look up at silent reflux , infant gaviscon.
It will get better
Good luck! X

[Ulysses]

Swaddling/Sling/Dummy and Co-sleeping has made my life so much easier and my 12 w.o. much more content and rested. It is so hard going but your baby is so young and tiny and its only natural that he wants to be close to you.

[VforViennetta]

Mine didn't form bad habits either, they were cuddled to sleep until they started to fight it/not want it, then put into cot awake (was about 4 months for both).

[sungirltan]

oh love. huge sympathy they are bloody hard work arn't they!

take a deep breath and clear your mind of all this 'bad habits' malarkey. do what works best for you and a walk a day in the pram will do your dc no harm, give you a bit of peace and fresh air and probably do you both good short and long term if thats what you want to do. otherwise slings/baby swings all brilliant suggestions - see if you could borrow both to try out if you dont want to shell out and then it not work if that makes sense.

does your baby pull their legs up toward its tummy when he cries? this is a sign of pain so if lots of wind etc dont be afraid to badger your HV or GP for advice

i dont know much about ff but i have read plenty of time on here that different brands are better for different babies so you could consider changing brands to see if it helps with the wind if that makes sense.

keep going and keep posting on here here if you need a chat - we have all been through it x

[VforViennetta]

Yes swaddling is really good at this age, do you wind him really really well? Not just for 10 minutes, but until you get a decent burp. Wind was the problem for all my babies, had a catalogue of winding techniques, we used to wind then swaddle then cuddle to sleep/put down. It is tough with a screamy baby, just do what gets you through, good luck.

[Fifis25StottieCakes]

forgot to add she was fine on a night time as she co-slept

[fromheretomaternity]

I found the first few weeks hell with both my DS's. First time round it was a huge shock and I felt horribly guilty for hating it so much, thinking I should be all blissed out with the baby. Second time I expected it to be crap and it was!

I remember breaking down in tears with colicky crying DS1 over in the local park one day and a passing mum taking pity and telling me 'it gets SO much easier', and she was right.

Do whatever you need to do to survive the early days. Sling is good, swaddling too (Miracle Blanket from Mothercare - fab fab fab), white noise (IPhone app available), dummy if your baby takes one (I just don't get the ideological objection - DS1 never wanted it, lifesaver with DS2)...

And for yourself, eat a lot of chocolate and cake, and get out and see as many friends / fellow mums as possible, isolation is the worst possible thing.

Good luck!! x

[Fifis25StottieCakes]

One of my 3 dd's refused to sleep flat for some reason through the day. She would sleep no problem in a bouncy chair or a rocking car seat if i rocked her to sleep.

[kellieb7]

My DD refused point blank to be put down until she was about 9 weeks old, I survived by just going with it, I had a sling and we walked for bloody miles. We also co-slept and this was the only way either of us got any sleep. However despite this I now have a DD who self settles for naps and sleeps in her own cot, in her own room, I did not use any of the sleep techniques I just went with it and followed her lead and gave her the opportunities when I thought she was ready so please don't worry about bad habits as if this was true my DD would have them all!!

[Krainy]

I found the AMBY natures nest a lifesaver - you can bounce the baby to sleep in it. Sounds like your baby responds to movement as he sleeps in the pushchair, so might be worth a try.

[lookthepartbethepart]

DD2 is just six months so have just been through this again. She was very similar to yours but now goes down in cot with a gurgle and drops off.

I second all the advice about doing whatever works for the baby at this age as was told by GP that they have very immature nervous systems until 6-8 weeks. DD2 wanted to be held between 7-10pm every night and between 4-7am in the morning. We initially put her down in moses for all naps but picked her up and held in a swaddle if she really wouldn't settle (it is knackering but won't last forever I promise).

After about 6 weeks she started to get into much deeper sleeps at her bad times and then we felt more confident about putting her down and it worked out fine. 4 weeks is so early that he won't form bad habits - just keep an eye on when you feel the tide is turning developmentally (magic 6-8 week period) and start gently encouraging (e.g. pick up put down method) sleep in cot again. Best of luck.

[fluffy123]

I found an electric swing really helpful. I also used my bouncy chair really a lot . I wrapped up my ds's in their blankets and put them in the chair and gently bounced it with my foot as they seemed so much more content with a bit of motion. You are doing really well trying to get used to your babies different cries. It will get easier.