New born.....can't cope.

[bettieblue]

My DS 4 week old and I really don't know what im doing. A few weeks ago he would feed, go down, not necessarily sleep but was quiet. Now he feeds and as soon as you put him down screams and screams and screams. He has wind problem, we are using Dr Brown bottles and Infacol but Im not sure if the screaming is connected as if you hold him he sometimes calms down/will sleeps on me but put him back in his basket and he screams. I have spent the entire morning picking him up to calm his crying (its a full blown scream).putting him down and he still screams. I tried leaving him for a bit- i had to as i felt like I was loosing it.-he just continued screaming. He wil settle if I go out for a walk but I feel like doing this every day as people have suggested will mean that the only way he will sleep which really isn't the answer .He seems tired (im not entirely sure im reading his crying right as i feel like im bloody useless) but the screaming goes on until its near his next feed. .So I feed him and it starts again. Strangely (and im sure this won't last) he goes down at night and wakes for a feed but goes down again ok.

I have spent the last few weeks i tears and today dh went back to work. I feel like im loosing the plot. What can I do??

And btw she still will not go in it during the day or her pram unless it's moving! She has a couple of times fallen asleep on her playmat as it distracts her.

I think you just have to go with it, there's a bit of me secretly proud I have such a strong minded little girl! But I do get the feeling that she is training us and not the other way round!

I haven't read through the whole thread but just wanted to say that sounds very like my DD who it turned out had reflux. She didn't vomit that much at 4 weeks so it wasn't obvious but she would scream like that. She would wake up screaming if you put her down after she went to sleep. By 6 weeks she was being very sick and I started her on infant gaviscon. She was like a different baby.

Things I found helpful with her were, not feeding too frequently, keeping her upright for 30 mins after a feed, and the absolute lifesaver was her dummy. It really did seem to offer her some relief from the pain.

Take care, it's really, really hard. I remember it well. But it does get better. I promise.

Hello

Thanks so much for the advice, Ive read a lot (not always a good thing!) and am defintely paranoid about setting up bad habits but I am encouraged that other peoples experience shows that isn't necessarily the case. I think im focusing too much on doing it right and not doing what works now as I think (wrongly from the sounds of it!) that I will regret it later when ive caused myself a bigger problem. I am crossing my fingers that once i get past 6-8 weeks it wil sort itself out.

I did swaddle him intially with blankets but he managed to wriggle out so I bought a proper swaddle blanket- he screamed blue murder so hes in a sleeping bag now.

The reflux/ colic issue, I did think intially it could be this but he settles at night so if he had one of these conditions then he wouldn't sleep at all would he.? I spend a lot of time winding him and am using infacol which does seem to bring up wind. I started using gripe water after his feed but have stopped doing that to see if this has any effect on the screaming. If it doesn't get better im going to explore it again but I don't know if im hoping its something like this so there is more likely to be a solution....

Dummies-I have always been resistent to dummies (again because I think you then go through a battle when they are older stopping them). My HV also had very strong views about not using them so I haven't yet, though am keeping it as an option. I have been using my finger for him to suck to calm him down when hes in full scream mode- it works sometimes!

Slings-I will look it into those, again im slightly wary of having a baby that gets comfy on me. See im paranoid again!

I had a friend over yesterday as she had a day off work which helped but I don't really have any other support. I did NCT for that reason but there were only 3 in my group and the others only gave birth last week so I can't really call upon them this early on. My DH came back from work yesterday, I handed DS over and had a huge glass of wine ! He read your responses and was delighted because he thinks we should do whatever works and deal later if he gets dependent on whatever method we use.

I am storing up all the suggestions and will go through them until I find one that works. Thankyou for your replies, they made me feel a whole heap better. I feed him this morning and he is now sleeping.........I have managed to have a cup of coffee today!.

really really really don't worry about having a baby that 'gets comfy on you'!

both my DD's love the sling and I carried DD1 in it for ages (till DD1 was 2.5years) because it was convienient for us, but DD1 would happily nap in her buggy/cot/bouncy chair after the initial newborn bit.
DD2 is still in the clingy stage but I have no reason to think it'll be a problem later - DD1 is now a very confident nearly 4 year old who only wants a cuddle from me when she's ill, she's a daddy's girl now!

just cuddle and feed and wipe lo's bum. everything else can wait!

sounds like you have a supportive opne minded dh - yay! (thats half the battle i can tell you!)

'Dummies-I have always been resistent to dummies (again because I think you then go through a battle when they are older stopping them). My HV also had very strong views about not using them so I haven't yet, though am keeping it as an option. I have been using my finger for him to suck to calm him down when hes in full scream mode- it works sometimes!' - ok in some ways you have answered your own question here. on the one hand i am very anti dummy and i can't bear seeing older babies/kids running aorund with them. there is a nearly 2 year old in dd's swimming class that has a dummy - in the swimming pool! i am judgey about dummies and i admit it BUT i'd take a few months of dummy use over exhaustion induced post natal depression/months of stress any day.

lastly ai am going to say something and i don't mean to purposefully offend but....it is natual and normal for a baby to get 'comfy on you' - you are its whole, whole world and most iof the time they want is physical contact. the most calming thing for a baby is to feel your heartbeat and have skin to skin touching. this is a human baby not a dog that needs to be trained. if you look in to attachment parenting they only encourage babywearing for the first 6 months because after that they will naturally seek independence....and they do! dd was in a sling on dh/asleep on dh for months when she was little...she isn't now.

can i also gently ask if there is a baby manual lurking around?

agree with everyonr else - you won't instill bad habit at this young age with walking in a pram and i also think u should try a dummy

Re dummies - I honestly can't see why the HV is so anti - if a baby is crying isn't anything that comforts them a good thing especially if it gives you a break??

My suggestion would be to buy some in but start off only using very sparingly (maybe say once a day if baby is struggling to nap), that way you won't develop too much of a dependency and if you decide to phase them out later it won't be too painful.

Sling. Sling. Sling.
Saved my sanity (a bit)

Both mine had dummies. From 6 months I limited them to sleep times only. They both gave them up altogether at around 2 with no drama whatsoever. We just stopped giving them!

I wouldn't worry about habits until the baby is at least 3 months old. The newborn stage is all about survival.

My DD with reflux somehow managed to settle better at night than during the day. She definitely did have reflux though. So don't rule it out altogether.

Good luck.

As previous posters have said, don't worry about bad habits or your baby getting comfy on you. I'm sure I read somewhere that when they are so new, their nervous systems are not developed enough for them to form associations which would lead to bad habits. As for settling on you, my DS is now 4 months and I miss those newborn cuddles, when I would put him on my chest and he would sleep for hours.

DS is also my first and I read a lot before he was born, to make up in a way for my lack of experience. I was also worried about lack of routine, rods for my own back, etc, but things have got so much easier when I accepted that he is his own little person and I decided to just go with the flow and do whatever makes us happy. And I think the whole idea of spoiling a baby is outdated, it's been proven that babies who are cuddled a lot grow up to be confident. It makes sense, since this is in tune with our instincts.

I found the first couple of months very tough, but I have gradually started to settle into motherhood. Hang in there, things will improve.Oh, and I could have sworn my little one would never have a dummy, but changed my mind as soon as I saw how much he loves it.

Agree about the reflux suggestion. It's easy to tell if it is reflux - give Gaviscon before a feed and see if baby still screams like a banshee when you lie him down. Some doctors and paeds don't believe in it but if you have seen the difference that meds can make, from miserable baby to happy, then you have to believe.
Dummies are a godsend and again are a great soother for refluxey babies, who tend to be more senstive than others - due to great pain in their chests - and benefit from being able to sooth themselves with a dummy.