4 month sleep regression- light at the end of the tunnel

[nearlymumofone]

I posted here a while back about the hell i was goig through with the 4 month sleep regression. And it really was hell. However I've been meaning to post here to let anyone going through it know there is light at the end of the tunnel. DS hit it at 16 weeks, and it lasted till 6 months, with the worst weeks being form 16-20 weeks. I was EBF at the time and I think this actually didn't help the sleep sitruation, at 5 months i introduced solids and a bottle, he was established on solids by 6 months and ff and slept through the night without waking. I can't tell whether the formula or solids helped, whether it was either or both, but his sleeping well coincided with him being well satisfied and full (he was very poor at bf and not gaining weight so it wasn't going well at hence i gave in at 5 months). We also introduced a blankie which was a godsend and put him in his own room. All of which seemed to positively contribute to him sleeping well. Maybe the regression would have passed without us doing these things, however they seemed to work well for us. Now DS is 9 months and unless he's ill/teething sleeps through the night (from 6.30-6.30 ish).

I just wanted to give hope to anyone going through it at the minute that it will get better.

Oh I wish I had the same luck.

My 4-month-old DS had a sleep regression at 3 1/2 months.
We were follwing a nice and gentle routine and it didn't work. Now, not only he doesn't sleep through the night (waking every hour and a half) but he doesn't sleep during the day. He's grumpy, he wakes up yawning, crying...not happy. Because he hasn't had a good sleep.

What can I do? Let him cry for 5 mins and go? For 10, 15, 20? I don't know. Here on mums net it says, you can do the controlled crying or the slow one. I do the slow one so i pick him up and tell him everything will be ok and put him straight back into his cot. But it's worse, and he fights it. I don't want to do the crontrolled crying yet. But it seems he needs that because for example, it's 12pm now and he's been crying since 10. He's been fed, changed...so what is it?

To worsen this, my business from home means sometimes I have clients that call. And it frustrated me. I am with the baby the whole time, make him play, sing songs to him...I truly adore motherhood but today I had a good project to delegate (as I can't do it myself at the moment due to maternity leave) and he wouldn't stop screaming. So I feel I don't know what to do.
I understand he's a baby, and I'm there for him. But there are times when I just don't know what to do.

Would you let him cry until he falls asleep (which breaks my heart) or would you go every 5 mins tell him everything will be fine and do that more than 100 times? Oh hang on, he stopped now... I mean, he was very tired and couldn't fall asleep. He has a wonderful sheep that makes nature sounds and soothing piano music to help him sleep. Mummy is here and she loves him but she wished he could sleep. Oh he came back again with the crying.

Oh well...any suggestions?

Paula - 'Now, not only he doesn't sleep through the night (waking every hour and a half) but he doesn't sleep during the day. He's grumpy, he wakes up yawning, crying...not happy. Because he hasn't had a good sleep.'

I think you may have answered your own question there, but the day time naps are so difficult to get right. My DD would scream and fight all the time and I thought that she was getting plenty of sleep in the day.
I only realised where I was going wrong a few days ago when she just slept, and slept, and slept...

Now she has a half hour/hour nap every 1 and a half - 2 hours and it's definitely helped. I just try and get her to sleep as much as possible during the day.

I don't know if it's just me that didn't realise they need that much sleep in the day - because I honestly didn't - and all babies are different, but my DD obviously needs a hell of a lot of sleep

Quick tip - get that morning nap in asap, literally half hour/hour after they wake up, and that should help them with the rest of their naps iyswim.

I second what Pukey says. If he doesn't go down for the that morning nap then the day is a disaster! Also Pukey, my DS is exactly the same, he can't stay awake for more than 2 hours, usually 1.5. And his first nap is only 45 mins-1 hour after waking. He sleeps about 6 hours a day.

Paula spend a few days watching DD for tired signs; eye rubbing, not making eye contact, jerky limbs, followed by yawning and whinging and then put her down for a nap. To start with I had to cuddle him in close for naps, now he goes into his cot. During growth spurts I have to cuddle him.

So glad you've had such a big improvement Chop, that's fantastic news. Very interesting that your DS is 20 weeks. Mine is 20 weeks on Friday and like you it's been 6 weeks of knackered sleep for us. Maybe we're coming out the other side too. I have a friend whose DS is 10 months and still an absolute nightmare, so I'm praying my DS doesn't follow suit!

Oops sorry Chop missed this last page! Sorry you had a bit of a setback but if the general trend is good, hopefully there'll be less of them.
Paula I agree with the others. If naps in the cot don't work, take your DC out in a sling or the buggy and pound the streets. It's totally worth it to have a happy and non-overtired DC!

Thanks for the support everyone.

When I said he fell asleep at around 12, he did. He got tired and fell asleep. Then he woke up, I brought him downstairs to play in the gym. He got tired, I fed him and he fell asleep in my arms, i took him to the cot, he woke up. ANd he just managed to fall asleep again and it's almost 4. I think there are worse things...but this is defenitely one bad day for poor Jack.

I always take him for a walk in the pushchair and look for signs of tireness not overtireness but it's not always easy i guess.

Hopefully, he will sleep a bit better now and he will wake up happy again for his once-a-day solid meal.

I'm knackered and to get things worse, I lost the project I was bidding... I feel upset or exhausted. But I love my baby boy...I just want him to be happy.

Thanks

Hi, it's been busy on here in my absence, lots of posts to catch up on- which I guess means not much sleep going on for everyone
I wish I could say that my absence was due to my DD suddenly sleeping through, but no. More a case of it being very hard to post as she has an uncanny knack of knowing when I am on my iPhone and wakes up, especially if I try and type. And if she is awake and sees the iPhone, then that's the end of sleeping, my phone is far too interesting! Shit, she just stirred now, will have to type faster- I was hoping she was in a deep enough sleep. How does she know? The bloody thing is on mute!
Anyway, no real improvements but the last two nights I have brought her into bed with me which I was reluctant to do as I felt anxious about co-sleeping but don't know how else to survive. I am falling asleep in the chair with her anyway as I am so exhausted. Someone reassure me about co-sleeping please! It doesn't help that my DP is unsure about it. Yesterday he said he was worried we'd never get her back in her own bed, this morning he said he didn't think she slept as well in our bed. I guess she does wake more, but only when looking for my nipple and it's not waking and crying IYSWIM. Oh I don't know. And today has been hard work- she won't nap for very long and has been grouchy and tired, so maybe my DP is right? Or perhaps it's because she's teething? God, sometimes I feel like such a shit mum, not being able to get my baby to sleep.
Right, sorry to return and rant. Have had a bad day and needed to vent. It took 45 minutes to get her to fall asleep tonight as well. She's still sleeping on me, despite the mumsnetting on the phone- might attempt to put her in her cot soon.
Good luck tonight everyone!

Dorcas a very good friend of mine is a very clever paediatrician, very up to date with research etc and she co-slept with all her children. She reckons it is very safe as long as you follow the guidance e.g. not being drunk/smoker etc. and advocates it as natural and comforting for the baby, her children are brill-really confident etc. I usually bring DS into bed with me in the morning but I really don't think he likes it, he's not really a cuddly baby and likes his own space! I would def do it if it helped though.

Paula sorry you've been having a bad time, our naps here are terrible too.
Does anyone have any tips for naps - I take action about 1.5 to 2 hours after he's woken up, have given up just plonking him in cot and usually rock or pram to sleep. He can only sleep when being walked about though, for instance he napped in the car today but woke up the second I turned the engine off. I can never get him back to sleep, and naps are sometimes only 20mins which seems a waste of the ages I take to get him to sleep!
His first nap is usually about 2 hours after he wakes (at 5am!!!) as someone said if less they are liable to continue waking early, do you think I should get him down sooner than this? He just doesn't seem tired, chatty, no yawning etc. I'm walking the streets 4 times a day sometimes so can't nap with him and he wakes as soon as I get back so never get a rest. He definitely improved after lots of sleep on holiday so I do think naps are the key.

Sorry for mega-post. Last night was okay again, just up twice.

Dorcas another cosleeping fan here. Well I wasn't a particular fan until I realised it was the only way to get some sleep. I've coslept with DS for this whole sleep regression (6 weeks) and it's saved my sanity. When I manage to get him in his cot, he usually wakes very soon afterwards, whereas if he's right next to me it seems to soothe him and I can get a good stint out of him. But it does mean he gets restless periods in the night where he nibbles away with me feeding him on my side. I think this would probably still happen in his cot and at least I don't have to get up this way. Not sure about getting him out of my bed, I do worry about it, but things are so bad with his sleep at the moment I try and do what's best sleep-wise at the time,
Borg are you bf? When it's time for DS's nap (first rub of face) it's on to the bed, lie down on my side and bf him to sleep. I do have to lie there with him or he wakes up, but I'm so knackered I look forward to it!

Bet forgot to ask did you manage to organise things so DP was in between you and DS? Sounded like a great idea, i.e. would still get the comfort but away from milk smell!
Yes I'm BF, but I've recently tried to separate feeds and naps throughout the day so if he's grumbling I know which one it is, otherwise I found he would fall asleep on boob then need feeding again when he woke and would sort of snack all day. For us having proper 3 hourly feeds rather than snacking seems to have helped get a little routine which we've never had before, and now he doesn't fall asleep (obviously does at night though!) when feeding so I couldn't try it for morning nap (sorry for long winded explanation), it's a shame as the idea of lying down with him for a morning nap sounds like heaven!
He's woken up twice already this evening so I think it's going to be a long one....

Aargh! onto the third wake up of the night, sort of feel there is no point going to bed!

Dorcas I don't co-sleep because I can't feed lying down properly and my girl goes nuts for my boobs and we'd never get any sleep. But I know it works brilliantly for lots of people. There's a resource on co-sleeping from Unicef that might be helpful: Over here

Well it's my birthday tomorrow. Can my present be a good night's sleep? I did finally get to sleep last night and then she woke an hour later. And decided to wake up for the day at 7am which did not please me. I'd have preferred a bit of a lie in, normally she goes until 8.30am.

Naps are a challenge here and don't seem to impact on night sleep much. She's always been a terrible napper - I used to have to always be out with her. Sometimes I can feed her to sleep for a bit.

Good things: she seems to have started self-settling. She was tricky to feed to sleep tonight and went down fairly awake. I heard grumbling over the monitor but was trying to finish my dinner and she wasn't properly crying so I left her. Then she went silent.

My wonder weeks app tells me she's out of this wonder week thing, so apparently I should be getting a lovely easy ride now. We shall see.

Cross post Borg, that does not sound like a good start at all. I think what I hate most about this is the feeling you get that there is no point sleeping as you'll be up again soon anyway.

I am off to bed now and hope to get some kip before she wakes.

Cluster post!

A good night here again. 9pm-12.30am, 1am-4.30am, 5am-8.30am. That's definitely better in terms of length of time asleep and number of wakings. Hooray!

Morning all. Borg we did try DP next to him one night buy it didn't seem to make much difference. I don't really think it's hunger any more, just habit.
Last night wasn't great. Didn't get him in his cot and he only slept 10-11.30 for his first stint, which is usually his long one. Then he woke at 1am, 2.15am, 3.30am, 5.45am and then nibbled until 7.40.
He needed a nap an hour after he woke up though. So weird!
Muser, I REALLY hope you get some sleep for your birthday!

Bet do you use a dummy? We've gone whole hog with comforters so he's got a dummy and a taggy. Seems to work ok to settle him when he's not hungry. Trouble is telling when he's not hungry! Sometimes I can settle him but then he wakes again 30 mins later. Seems easier just to feed him. Sorry about the bad night, have you had a nap today?

We're down to 2 wake ups now, although he doesn't take a big feed at the first one and then wakes at 4/4.30 no matter what time the first wakeup was so think that might be habit. Things seem to be much better now he feeds 3/4 hourly in the day. He used to feed before and after a nap so more like snacking.

Muser I think it's only fair you get some sleep for your birthday!

My birthday was on mother's day. DS was 6 weeks. I got an evening of colicky screaming. Fun!

Borg did your night get any better?

muser well done on the self settling and good night. Chop good news on the 2 wake-ups. I think I should be out of this according to the wonder weeks thing, slightly concerned that I am actually out of the regression and DS is just rubbish. bet I think you are due for a good night tonight.

Last night was not good, was in tears by the time DH got in from work (nights), getting fed up of the 5am starts and no naps. Have been pounding the streets today with the pram but I think he's probably only managed about 2 hours in total from 5 till 7, and he's not actually asleep yet!

Right, attempt one at self settling seems to have failed to off to rescue!

Chop, I've tried DS with a dummy but he just spits it out. Strange really because he loves to suck a nipple or a finger. (he sucks his own fingers like crazy).
Went to see HV today and her advice was to get a really good evening routine going: bath, story, massage, feed. I have to admit our routine is pretty non-existent: eczema cream on, nappy change and sleepsuit on, then bf and take him to bed with us at about 9.30. I keep the lights off in the eves to try and teach him it's nighttime too. But anyway, HV said 9.30pm is way too late for his bed and it should be 7.30pm. I do see why she's saying this but DS has only ever done 5 hours solid and I'd rather he did this at the same time as we're asleep rather than earlier. Seems like a waste of good sleep time to me! She said I could try cc at 6 months but there's no way I'd do that.
Ultimately I agree a bedtime routine is useful for getting DS to wind down and be calm ready for sleep, but she couldn't give any advice on the nighttime wakings other than not to go to him straight away (or try cc). Not that I was really expecting any. She also said DS was a chunky wee boy to be ebf and no wonder he ate alot. Hmm, maybe solids will help? I've given him bits of porridge but not enough to make a difference. Will try properly at 6 months.
Sorry for sleep-deprived ramble. Going to get ready for bed now!

Most of the babies I know around this age don't go to bed at 7.30pm Bet, if that helps. Mine doesn't normally, although she did tonight as I think I exhausted her with birthday fun. I am delighted by this and am already on my second glass of champagne.

Bedtime here is around 8-9pm. But I start bedtime routine at 7pm as she starts getting a bit overwhelmed by the day then. We do bath, massage, story (this is new) and feed in a dark room. I think it does help her to unwind and relax.

I don't think the chunkiness of a baby is a good way to judge when to wean. It's gut maturity that matters, and I don't believe that's related to weight. Most people I've spoken to said it took a few months for solids to make much difference as they don't eat much to start with anyway. But there are a few who've had success with baby rice. It's so hard to know whether it's the weaning or natural progression though.

Forgot to say happy birthday muser, sending good sleep vibes as a present.

Bet most babies this age can't do 12 hours on a night so I would say best to have a later bedtime. We do 7 just because he is so knackered by then and could probably go to bed at 6pm, but I don't think he can do a full night hence the 5am wakings! His night sleep did improve though when I brought his bedtime from 830 ish to 7 I have to say (in general). HVs seem very pro controlled crying, mine said pretty much the same - I can see how people do it when they're desperate but I reckon cold, teething, 8 month regression (see you there everyone unless we're on this thread so long it becomes that!) and you'd have to do it again anyway which would be heartbreaking.

Muser, happy birthday, great news about the champagne! Borg, it's good to know about the bedtime thing. Last night was the first night DS really did seem to want an earlier night. He was overtired and whinging by 9pm so I took him to bed and it took 45 mins to get him to sleep.
We had a crap night after that: 9.45-10.15, woke at 11, 12.30, 1, 2.15, 3.30, 5 and 6. DP took him at 6 and I had another hour, then we've just had a 2 hour nap but he took alot of coaxing to stay asleep that long.
Very depressing, we've had no good nights for ages and DS seems to be getting worse if anything. Going to try earlier routine and bed tonight to see if that helps?
Anyone got any good news?

Well...sorry to hear that Bet01, I'm sure that it will get better.
WE haven't had a proper night sleep since my DS was born. Not a single night!

But like the other ladies suggested, I encouraged my little one to have a good nap at around 8.30am or 9. You see, he wakes up to annoy really at 6 so by 8, he's dead. So he had a nice nap yesterday and a few after that and everything seemed to be great. He always has his bath at 6.30 and at 7pm he's already asleep. It really doesn't take long to get him to sleep in the evening because he is tired. However, as soon as we went to bed at 12am, he woke up. I think he was annoyed because he has a rash in his head and it's uncomfortable poor little thing. So, today we are going to the doctor to see if he can have soemthing and probably that will be the solution.

We realised a couple of things that could be the reason he wakes up too many times at night.

• Internal clock changed and so we need to get him unused to feeding every hour and a half
• I removed the sheep skin from his cot because it was too hote - but probably he was comfy there
• the itchiness in his head.

I do have faith ladies, oh yes! He is having his third nap now (1.45pm) and then we will go out, go to the doc, walk by the Thames and then get back home for a nice bath unless we walk to daddy's work so we come home with him.

I was desperate the other day but I think he was stressed because I was stressed. SO I'll take it easy. I promise you that surprisingly, things start to get better littly by little.

Good weekend!

Hi there, we had a better night last night. I'm just trying to plough on with getting the naps in, we found that a really late nap seemed to help, he was not overtired by bedtime and managed to put him down awake for the first time in ages. Needed patting several times but eventually did go to sleep. Going to keep trying to put him down awake on the advice of HV (probably only vaguely sensible thing she suggested!), so hopefully he can settle himself better in the night.
He woke at 11, then 130 but squawked a bit then went back to sleep till 4, so I'm counting it as 11-4! I was a bit paranoid about him waking and couldn't sleep properly after that, but he managed to go until after 6 which is great for him. Just had a longish but broken nap with lots of rocking, bouncing, feeding etc and managed about 1hr30 in total which is his best for a while. Will try a late nap again and see what happens......
Sorry this is very boring but it helps me to write it down, hope to see a good pattern somewhere!
Bet how are you doing? Are you due out of this according to that wonder weeks thing? I do think earlier bedtime helped but generally I don't get the benefit of his long stints unless I go to bed at 7 which I may well do tonight, hey it's friday after all! I think DS is getting better overall, throwing the odd shocking night in but generally improving, it's hard to say if just him or the various tactics I have tried in desperation!

Hope everyone else had a good night and good luck for tonight, hope muser is not too hungover!

Thanks Paula, I totally agree about the morning nap. We at least manage this every day, and it gives me a chance for more sleep. Sorry to hear your DC has never slept well, I'm glad you have a positive attitude! We had good 5 hour stints from 10-14 weeks but other than that pretty rubbish. I feel better now as took DS to meet his Dad for a coffee in Shoreditch, looked round the shops and had a nice time in the sun. DS had his nap in his sling which was good.
Borg, that night sounds darn good to me! Yes, DS is 20 weeks today so should be starting to improve. He's had quite alot of stimulation today so my plan is to get him to nap at about 6.30, then bath, sleepsuit etc and wind him down ready for bed. Hopefully the lively day coupled with lots of chance for calm will do the trick. Just a glimmer of hope would be nice!

Here's hoping for glimmers of hope last night.

Mixed night here. She woke up at about quarter past 10, just as I had decided to go to bed. Then woke again at 12.30 but after that was asleep until 3.30am. Back asleep by 4am and woke up at 8.30ish. That's an amazing long stretch! It has given me hope.