Ageism should be against Talk Guidelines

[Somethingbland]

In the past there has been a lot of disquiet about the blatant ageism on MN.

Today I have been extremely annoyed by a blatantly and unashamedly ageist thread in AIBU about dressing " like an old lady"
I reported the thread and of course was told by MN the thread is allowed to stand because it doesn't contravene Talk guidelines.
But why doesn't it? Why does MN see ageism as perfectly acceptable? It's a total disgrace in my eyes.

I was amongst the first women who were affected by the change in retirement law and was so unable to retire at 60 as had been the norm previously. The discrimination I experienced as an older woman amongst predominantly younger staff was extremely upsetting . To be a figure of fun and contempt because of your age is no joke. And yet MN is apoarently happy to enable such views on this site

@Somethingbland what are your thoughts about Gransnet being equally ageist? Just curious 💐

If you object to something posted on Gransnet you need to comment there!

Did you mention their ageism to them? If you did, what was the response?

Thanks for raising this. We do understand why ageism matters, and we don’t want anyone on Mumsnet to feel dismissed or mocked because of their age. If a post appears to be attacking or goading people on that basis, we’ll look at it in context against our Talk guidelines.

We can't reasonably remove every clumsy reference to age or generational difference though. Age comes up naturally in all sorts of conversations on Mumsnet and sometimes posters will word things imperfectly, and other posters are free to challenge that, but it doesn’t automatically mean the whole thread breaches our guidelines or that the poster had bad intentions.

A thread asking whether an outfit feels “old lady-ish” may not be phrased in a way everyone likes, but we wouldn’t treat that in the same way as someone attacking another poster because of their age.

What we do need to avoid is unrelated threads being pulled off course into a wider argument about ageism. It isn’t fair on the OP, and it often leads to pile-ons and personal comments that make the thread worse for everyone. By all means challenge ageist assumptions where they appear, but please keep it relevant to the thread and don’t pursue other posters across the discussion. If you think something crosses the line, report it and we’ll take a look. We won’t delete every mention of age or every awkward phrase, but we will review reports in context.

Thanks.
MNHQ

I'd actually forgotten I'd started this thread back at the end of May.

In the last few days I have been embroiled in the thread about whether people should just end their lives at the age of 75 because apparently, in the view of some pp , life isn't worth living after that age..

Certainly my lived experience is that many many older people in my community live full, active, and enjoyable lives into their 70s 80s and beyond. I find it really horrible that MN continues to pedal the line the line that older people are to be lumped into the category of not counting as people because they are too old to actually matter as individuals.

I can’t find that thread. Do you have a link please?

@Anonymouseposter
www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5558046-to-think-gill-pharaoh-had-the-ideal-end-of-life?reply=153720234

Definitely was an ageist thread. Casual ageism, disguised as something else.

Yes it is.

I don't think it is at all.

Of course it is. It is assuming that all 60 year old dress in a certain way because of their age. And it assumes it is not an appealling way to dress.
I

I wouldn't want to dress like a teenager - is that ageist too?

I'm over 50 and still won't want to dress like an 'old lady' when I'm 60. HTH.

When you picture people of different ages and yourself at different ages how does a 60 year old dress? Is it different from a 50 year old? Or an 80 year old? Or a 20 year old?

When I picture myself at different ages and people I know a description of how people dress based on age doesn't accord with the living reality.

How does a teenager dress? How did you dress as a teenager? Do you dress as a 50 year old now?

The teenagers I'm thinking of have a huge range of styles and preferences. Just like everyone else of other ages.

I'm not trying to be argumentative, awkward or silly. It just makes no sense given the actual people I'm picturing who are a very broad range and the different styles and preferences I've had over the years.

Typo edit

I still don't think it is.

I am entitled to my opinion.

A 20 year old is allowed to say she doesn't want to dress like a 60 year old of she wants without being accused of being 'ageist.'

If we ban “like an old lady” do we have to ban “like a baby” too?

Of course 60 year olds dress differently to 20 year olds. It's farcical to suggest otherwise.

Exactly. Where does it end?!

And - as has been said - if a 62 year old woman says 'I'm not wearing that! I don't want to look like a teenager!' would that be classed as ageist?

Or does it only apply when someone is referring to someone over 50? 🙄

I haven’t seen the thread in question but I agree there is a lot of ageism on MN. Mainly along the lines of anything deemed to be ‘old’ is bad. But equally as older MNers we need to be careful not to turn the tables the other way.

Regarding the Waspi thing, whilst I do feel sorry for that group of women, I can totally understand why there will not be sympathy from younger women.

@Shinyhappyapple Why do you think there will be no sympathy for WASPI women from younger women?

I wonder what you mean when you say you are entitled to your opinion. Do you have an open mind?

Do you think 'ageist' is a term that has any meaning? If so what dies it mean to you?

To me it is about prejudice and attracting characteristics to a group that's not in any way fact based like assuming someone with a particular skin colour, place if birth, hair colour, social background inevitably has a particular characteristic. It feels bad when the characteristic is perceived as undesirable but positive seeming prejudiced descriptions can also be a problem.

I'm sure you feel misjudged in some area of life occasionally so can you have any empathy for that experience based on a different 'ism'?

I can understand what you're saying here but it makes no sensevto me at all. Whatever I wear I most definitely wouldn't look like a teenager (although my very youthful looking, slight and short auntie was once offered a half fare on the bus she got on with her 20 year old daughter I seem to remember)

It seems completely imaginary to think any 62 year old person would say the reason they wouldn't wear a particular garment would be because they'd look like a teenager.

On the other hand it is absolutely likely that a person in their 60s might express ageist sentiments about the competence of a teenager and not respect their actual level of skill or knowledge in something.

I definitely agree teenagers can suffer from prejudiced ageist opinions about them.

That looks a bit worried- what did you mean?

Apologies if Im annoying you.

“although my very youthful looking, slight and short auntie was once offered a half fare on the bus she got on with her 20 year old daughter I seem to remember”