Private conversations held on MN

[Ohwhatacircusitis]

I thought MN was a public forum where essentially any one with a registered account could start a thread. And the thread was open to anyone with a registered account to join in the discussion .

Why then are " private threads " allowed? Where essentially certain MN users have a private conversation with each other which is being conducted on a public forum? I'm thinking here of the New Fred thread in 30 days, although I have seen other examples in the past.

Surely this isn't what MN is supposed to be about?
Why can't these posters use the private messaging facility or conduct their conversation elsewhere.

Total cliquism vibes.

I'm not reading the rest of the replies.

I will say I have generally really found MN a really helpful forum.

I think some of the support - practical and emotional - posted on a lot of threads is brilliant.

I've found a lot of the threads heartbreaking.

But I can't cope with cliquishness .
I thought I had found a place where people were equal. But I clearly haven't. So I don't belong here and I'm going to close my account.

Cue the posts about flouncing and mocking me. Fair enough..

I'm bitterly disappointed but I'm obviously too naive to participate with the big girls.

Imagine if the OP was here when the Mouldies scandal kicked off !!!!

they’d probably be calling for a custodial sentence

Oh @Ohwhatacircusitis there is flouncers corner just for you

@Ohwhatacircusitis I have bad social anxiety as well so I can understand where you’re coming from. This is a forum that has been around for a long time so there are bound to be people who have clicked and enjoy keeping up with each other on here, but may not be friends enough to do so off of this forum. Maybe you could start a thread on the Mental Health board as a chit-chat place for people with social anxiety to hang out, as I’m not sure there is something like that? Maybe there is, I haven’t actually searched before writing this so I could be mistaken. Also not telling you what to do or anything like that.

I hope negative experiences won’t put you off completely. I saw that you got a beating on the cat thread, but I have also gotten a beating posting before as well. I think anytime we post we’re putting our proverbial heads above the parapet and some people will be kind and others will be nasty and some people will just ignore what we say entirely.

Oh dear, issues on a second thread as well?
It was bad timing, happening across the Fred thread when it hadn’t even properly started. Perfect opportunity for misunderstanding.

Hi OP,

Mumsnet is a public forum and accessible to anyone with a registered account, and so there aren't any truly private threads . All threads on the site are visible to anyone accessing the site, and anyone with a Mumsnet account can post on threads.

Some long-term users may have ongoing threads or discussions that have built up over time, which can make them seem like private conversations, especially if you’re not aware of the context. This is common on discussion forums with lots of users - and not something that we'd stop our users from doing.

These threads are not exclusive, and other users are welcome to ask questions, join the conversation,If you come across a thread that doesn’t seem to make sense without background, feel free to ask Mumsnetters what it’s about - they would likely be more than happy to explain. Alternatively, you can hide the thread if it's not for you.

We don't want anyone to feel unwelcome on the boards, so if you have concerns about something and would like us to take a closer look, please report it to us using the report button.

I used to be a poster on long running threads but it kinda dried up.
OP the poster from Fred has tried explaining what their thread is about but you just refuse to accept it.
There is a long running thread called the Sweary Thread (I’m not part of it but look in on them from time to time) and I remember someone going on the thread to complain about their swearing. It was hilarious considering the title said it all

That's because there aren't any.

I have extreme social anxiety too. Those threads did feel off putting to me when I started: it felt a bit like I was back at school, on the outside of a social group.

Over time I saw other long running threads start and was in some, and saw they were just chats that hadn't reached a natural end point but had run out of space. That was all. If anyone asked we'd explain and they were welcome to join, we just hadn't finished chatting. That's all.

Unfortunately I do not have a Costco card nor can I eat a whole one

Golly. I can easily eat a whole Costco card.

On toast.

I don't understand your references to posters not being "equal". everyone can post, start threads, read threads. There are no private threads or private boards. Being on a long-running thread doesn't make the Fred posters superior to you. They're just people who have been chatting a long time and that doesn't mean they think of you as inferior to them somehow.

Jesus OP what a drama llama. Why do you think you should be able to tell people what threads they can start, and who can post on them? Honestly, you are being weird and extremely unreasonable.

I saw that you got a beating on the cat thread

Which one? That seems unlikely, TBH.

I linked one of the long-running cat threads and invited the OP to join us.

Bit chewy 😉😂

Does all this stem from it being on the 30 days board meaning previous posts disappear? It think that is genius. It was intentionally set up so that posts dropped off due to posters referring back to previous posts. Most of us just name change, a lot.

Look some of us have been around since all this were fields, I have been on here for 18 years and some of us connect over a shared experience and then continue to "talk" to each other and the thread keeps moving on. Some of the posters actually met up in real life because they discovered they are local to each other. MN used to be small enough that there were meet ups in real life with a lot of gin flowing.

MN is an absolutely massive place, there are so many boards and threads you can post on and be part of and be included in. It is a really supportive place, just avoid AIBU.

OP, this really is the definition of cutting your nose off to spite your face. You've decided that one thread out of thousands and thousands has made you feel unwelcome, so you're cutting yourself off from the entire site.

There is no social space in the entire world that is entirely open, whether real life or virtual. Not every thread is for you. If I started a thread about a little known sci-fi show from the 60's it would probably be entirely impenetrable to most of the users of this site. None of them would care though, because even if they understood they'd have no interest in it.

Not everything is for you, and that's OK. A group of friends sitting at a table in a cafe talking about their kids isn't a clique. Substitute the cafe for a Mumsnet thread and it's still not a clique. There are other tables (threads) in the cafe (board), there are other cafes in the city (Mumsnet site)

You're letting your illness isolate you because you can't cope with the fact there are parts of communities you're not a part of. I hope you're in therapy already for your social anxiety, this is definitely something worth talking about there.

I've been on here for many, many years too.
About fifteen, I think.
I have NC over the years.

I do not see MN as cliquey at all. If I wanted to join a dog thread, I would.

It would be a bit daft, as I haven't got a dog, but I could spam the thread with pictures of my cats, I suppose..............................

Which cat thread was that?

Me neither...I have never seen anything like a 'clique thread' where only certain members can post.

I would like to know that, too.
I think the denizens of The Litter Tray are very welcoming to all comers.

Even if you haven't got a cat, but just like them, and want to see pictures.

Not in the litter tray it was in AIBU. The shutting cat out one.

There really aren't any.
Certain threads have evolved over many years, and the same people post and chat on them.

The OP happened to click on one in Chat and decided she wasn't welcome, without really hanging around to find out what the thread was about.

Ah - I only saw the first few posts on that, and had to go out, so I didn't post on it myself.

It got rather heated, as things sometimes do on here.

MN is big enough for a totally harmless thread in 30 days only not to create any problem. You're not being reasonable OP.

Over the years there have been numerous chat threads, the quiche ones, some of the telly/radio ones go that way. I never quite worked out what the thigh thing was about but they weren't hurting anyone!

I don't think they are intended to exclude at all, they just evolve and if they are supportive to the group posting on them, what is the issue?