Ablesim on mumsnet

[Readyfreddo]

Hi. I’m really interested in whether mumsnet has an interest in and strategy for combatting the collective ableism on this site, particularly (but by no means exclusively) directed and children with and parents of kids with disabilities and additional needs.

As a parenting site I’m sure you’re aware of the massive challenges associated with raising a child with disabilities, and I’m curious whether you’d let threads about any other minority, protected group run as unchecked as you do where the discussion is around children with disabilities.

There’s a thread currently running about an autistic 3 year old queue jumping. I’d encourage the site team to read it for many examples of how problematic these discussions very often are. (In summary - the view seems to be that the three year old is probably faking it and if he isn’t why on earth is he out of the house without proper paperwork)

It wouldn’t be so bad if it was free speech for all. We could then answer these goady posters in a way they deserve and may understand. Instead, mumsnet deletes any real challenge of their views because it’s apparently not nice. 🤔

"Odd people"? Or odd behaviour? I don't think there was a single instance of anybody saying it's okay to laugh at odd people. There were a few mentions, though, that it's fine to laugh at odd behaviour if it's actually funny.

So they should be!

No, it isn't pushy when a mother asks for accommodations to be made for her disabled child.

It's a very reasonable request.

Yes they should absolutely.

But they don’t moderate much else.

Years ago there was a time when particular things were pissing posters off. And instead of responding they just put on the bunch of flowers emoji.

It worked really well. Maybe we should try that again?

Speaking as the parent of an ASD child, these post attacking ASD make me stick to the stomach.

Perhaps MN should just run adverts for eugenics. Its seems to be their current target market.

It's a forum. People discuss things on it. I don't think opinions should be banned, certainly not opinions on whether you should let somebody go in front of you in a queue. Can't have much of a discussion if only one view is allowed.

Except the disability laws and equality laws exist.

What was exaggerated or misrepresented? The OP, who was the only one there, described the mother and she was not polite.

It's not ableist to say the mother of a disabled child is pushy. It's not ableist to say you don't have to let a disabled person queue jump. It would be ridiculous of MNHQ to delete those comments.

She didn't ask for an accommodation. The boy had "pushed in", so to speak, and the mother asked if the OP minded, seemingly because the boy is autistic. She didn't go to OP and ask if she'd mind them cutting in; her request was retrospective, dare I say making the most of the situation that arose and trying to sway OP with a reason she should let them in front of her.

If she was after an accommodation, would she not have gone to the staff and asked for whatever she felt was necessary?

"The Equality Act of 2010 protects people against discrimination, harassment or victimisation in employment, and as users of private and public services based on nine protected characteristics: age, disability, gender reassignment, marriage and civil partnership, pregnancy and maternity, race, religion or belief, sex, and sexual orientation"

So these opinions are not acceptable.
And MNHQ needs to have a long, hard look at the Act.

👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

It's not ableist to say the mother of a disabled child is pushy. It's not ableist to say you don't have to let a disabled person queue jump. It would be ridiculous of MNHQ to delete those comments.

It would actually show that MNHQ were taking their responsibilities towards disabled people seriously if they showed that they were capable of robust moderation.

We seem to be no further on since 2010.

Mind blowing.

I suppose it helps make my point though.

It's pretty obvious the mother was lying. Most of us with experience with ASD can spot it a mile away, it stands out like dogs balls.

Are you suggesting no mother has ever lied about this? Really?

Do you believe it's acceptable to make racist comments?

If you ever read the Black Mumsnetters threads you will see that they often think MN is not quick enough to police racism. Others think MN overly moderates the site. There will always be different views on where the line lines.

It will always be a judgement. My own view is that the moderation is about right.

People who find the value that MN has on allowing discussion, as reflected in its moderation policy, are free to move to sites whose moderation policy better suits them.

Mumsnet knows its a problem, it's known for years, they do precisely zero about it.

The previous thread about it "Disability Hate On MN" isn't even that old.

I would welcome a "sticky" warning about hate speech across the forum.

I'll never forget the poster who said autistic teenagers didn't belong at public facilities

Except the child pushed in, the mother said he was autistic afterwards, yet he was happily waiting in the queue. So the mother clearly did in fact, make it up.

Do you really believe everyone is who they say they are? Are you this niave? You can't tell when a mother (or father) is pulling a fast one? Just because they say 'oh he's autistic' does not mean he is.

They are capable of it. They choose to prioritise free speech over deleting posts that you don't like and which don't break any laws, which is the case of all examples brought up in this thread. They do the same with racism, ageism, and other isms.

It's been this way since the beginning and is clearly never going to change. You can keep posting threads explaining how you would like them to moderate but trying to suggest they're breaking the law is embarrassing and, again, undermines your point.

People who find the value that MN has on allowing discussion, as reflected in its moderation policy, are free to move to sites whose moderation policy better suits them

It shouldn't be a question of moderation policies suiting some people and not others.

MNHQ should be moderating according to the tenets of the Equality Act. Good grief, it's been enshrined in law for nearly fifteen years.

Not if it’s a high masking girl like my dd

I agree with the op. I hope MNHQ respond.