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Original poster

From MNHQ - we need your comments....

139 replies

rachel(mumsnet) · 04/04/2008 14:18

Radio Newcastle have been in touch about a story in the local papers and we need your thoughts on the matter:

A three year old boy has been banned from nursery because of his hairstyle. His mum had taken him to a barber's for a tendy 'tramline' hair style. The nursery claims it has strict rules regarding dress code and he cannot come back until his hair has grown out.

The mother said that the the haircut was his idea - he saw someone in the barber's with a similar cut and was so excited she couldn't say no. Although he's only three, he likes to gel his hair before he goes out each morning.

"I didn't think for a second that a nursery would be so strict about
appearance.....The nursery is stopping the kids from having any individuality at all".

Should parents say 'no' when it comes to children expressing themselves through their dress and sense of style. Should nurseries have such a strict dress code?

Your thoughts on this would be v much appreciated
Cheers,
MNHQ

OP posts:
BeauLocks · 04/04/2008 14:19

"he saw someone in the barber's with a similar cut and was so excited she couldn't say no."

Snort. I guess we know who's in charge in that relationship.

ScienceTeacher · 04/04/2008 14:20

Yes, parents should say no. Their unwillingness to say no is the root cause of many problems schools face today.

Nurseries can set whatever dress code they like, strict or lax.

cornsilk · 04/04/2008 14:23

Yes she should have said no. He is only 3 and needs to know that there are boundaries.

robinia · 04/04/2008 14:24

Parents should be able to say no but I can't see why a nursery would want to ban a 3-year old unless the hairstlye was potentially dangerous. Nursery is being unreasonable imo.

spamm · 04/04/2008 14:24

Surely you chose the nursery because of their ethics, code of conduct, style, guidelines and general educational thinking.

So if you do not agree with them, move the child, but do not expect them to change their thinking to suit you.

I think that parents should definitely lead with regards to kids style and dress - what if the ds had seen somebody with red hair, a nose stud or a tattoo and been really excited? Would the parents have said yes?

tiredemma · 04/04/2008 14:25

'Tramline' hair has not been 'trendy' for about 10 years. My kids know this and therefore would not even contemplate such a hideous style.

NorthernLurker · 04/04/2008 14:25

I don't see why the hairstyle was unsuitable for nursery - but I also don't see why a three year old needs a 'trendy' haircut????

coppertop · 04/04/2008 14:25

Nurseries have dress codes?

I agree though that the "I couldn't say no" is feeble though. If she can't say no at 3 what will she do when he's 13?

JeremyVile · 04/04/2008 14:26

Parents should, of course, be able to say no but in this instance I don't see why the mother would need to.

He/she wanted his hair a certain way, what on earth has that to do with the nursery?

NotQuiteCockney · 04/04/2008 14:26

But it's hair. It grows out. Surely it doesn't matter that he's got an unusual haircut?

I know schools are often strict about this (why? I don't know), but it's weird having this fuss at nursery ...

anorak · 04/04/2008 14:27

I detest dress codes, school uniforms, etc.

We are teaching people from an early age to judge by appearances.

Therefore I am on the side of no dress codes in nursery. Although I have no objection to a stipulation that children should be clean and wear clean clothes that are practically suitable for their day's activities.

kittywise · 04/04/2008 14:28

She sounds like a daft woman. The kid is most likely a pita. If he can control his mother like that he probably is a pita at nursery too.

SlightlyMadSweet · 04/04/2008 14:28

Hmmm

difficult to comment without knowing the full extent of the haircut.

If it is a couple of trams on one side of hte head like I have seen round here I don't see the problem. It is a haircut FGS.

If he has a spiders web of trams all over his head then maybe the mother should have had more sense and refused.

In either case it is a haircut, it doesn't pose a danger to him or the other children at the nursery so why ban him??

hecate · 04/04/2008 14:29

I actually don't see what a hairstyle matters, tbh. It's only hair. Now if it was a behavioural problem, then fair enough, but how does having a particular haircut cause anyone any problems? Is it a barrier to learning? Is it noisy? Does it answer back? Fire spitballs at the teacher? It's only hair. So the problem is looks. Rather shallow. Why not turf out the scruffy kids, or the fat ones, or the ugly ones? It doesn't matter how someone looks it matters how they behave.

"I couldn't say no" - if the mother really meant she was unable to say no to her child - pathetic! However, I suspect she meant that the child was excited and she didn't want to say no because it really wasn't a problem and she saw no harm in it.

DirtySexyMummy · 04/04/2008 14:29

Children should 100% be allowed to express whatever individuality they choose, and not be restricted by pointless 'dress codes'. If a child expresses an interest in something, I think that should be embraced.

However, tramlines? Did this incident happen in 1989?

marina · 04/04/2008 14:29

Parents should say no where it's already known that what the children want is against a dress/style code. So, eg, no to Uggs if the uniform list says plain black shoes.

So the little boy should not have been allowed to have his hair cut this way if his mum knew about the dress/style code.

BUT - he's three. This is a preschool, yes? Does it also have a uniform?
It seems a bit of a shame not to allow children under five a bit of leeway before they are engulfed in the world of Teflon trousers and polyester sweatshirts forever.

Three year olds are not averse to leaving the house dressed in a tutu, wellies and mum's jumper, given a chance.

In principle I'm against a nursery having such a rigid dress code and would think twice about sending my children to such a one. My dcs went to a nursery attached to a private school and while they had a uniform, approved haircuts were not stipulated. But this woman presumably signed up to her nursery knowing they took this line.

I also think tramline haircuts and gel on small children are pretty unflattering, personally. But that's a whole other radio interview...

Chuffinnora · 04/04/2008 14:31

Unless his hairstyle was putting him at risk of an accident I can't see why it should matter to them.
Sounds like snobbery.

tortoiseSHELL · 04/04/2008 14:32

If the nursery didn't have this in the guidelines before the haircut then I don't think they should exclude him now. BUT if they want to have guidelines for hair I think that is reasonable, as long as parents are clear what they are.

The mum however should decide on the haircut - if she can't say no to a haircut now, what else is she not going to be able to say no to later. Kids have all sorts of unreasonable demands and wishes - parents decide what is appropriate.

I let my kids express themselves at home - they can wear what they like. But they are neatly turned out in uniform for school, with hair neatly done.

DirtySexyMummy · 04/04/2008 14:33

You think it is okay to have guidelines for hair? Really? Why?

NotQuiteCockney · 04/04/2008 14:33

Whoops. Think I may have had a tramline (or ish) haircut once, not that long ago. Good thing they don't impose dress codes on parents, eh?

ShinyPinkShoes · 04/04/2008 14:34

The Early Years curriculum followed by day nurseries, nursery schools and childminders sets out to encourage children to be individual, to develop a strong self esteem and a positive self image.

Children should be supported in making choices and developing their creativity in my opinion.

Life gets more serious as we get older - surely children should be allowed to be children when they're 3?

tortoiseSHELL · 04/04/2008 14:34

Because it is their nursery and they set the rules basically. And when you decide to enrol in something you take on their rules and abide by them. But it's not reasonable to enrol and then have new rules given to you which exclude your child.

marina · 04/04/2008 14:36

You are not a three year old boy though NQC, I bet yours looked fine.
DirtySexyMummy, if you meant me, I think hair guidelines are pretty daft and sad at this preschool age, but if it was in the contract or whatever that the mum signed to put her ds in this nursery, then they are within their rights to exclude him, I suppose

DirtySexyMummy · 04/04/2008 14:37

I certainly wouldn't enroll my children in a nursery which imposed such draconian rules. Doesn't sound like a very fun place to go.

How can it possibly have any bearing on the child, or other children whatsoever?

marina · 04/04/2008 14:37

The dcs' school quietly vanished the "short haircuts for boys" requirement after a fantastic male teacher with shoulder length hair joined the staff