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Original poster

From MNHQ - we need your comments....

139 replies

rachel(mumsnet) · 04/04/2008 14:18

Radio Newcastle have been in touch about a story in the local papers and we need your thoughts on the matter:

A three year old boy has been banned from nursery because of his hairstyle. His mum had taken him to a barber's for a tendy 'tramline' hair style. The nursery claims it has strict rules regarding dress code and he cannot come back until his hair has grown out.

The mother said that the the haircut was his idea - he saw someone in the barber's with a similar cut and was so excited she couldn't say no. Although he's only three, he likes to gel his hair before he goes out each morning.

"I didn't think for a second that a nursery would be so strict about
appearance.....The nursery is stopping the kids from having any individuality at all".

Should parents say 'no' when it comes to children expressing themselves through their dress and sense of style. Should nurseries have such a strict dress code?

Your thoughts on this would be v much appreciated
Cheers,
MNHQ

OP posts:

Jacanne · 04/04/2008 15:07

I think it is a shame when nurseries have strict dress codes - they are little children and it does seem completely ridiculous.

With older children I can understand schools
insisting on certain standards.

I think that if the mother was aware of the rules in the first place then she doesn't have any right to complain.

meemar · 04/04/2008 15:08

I think that the rule is too strict. There is something that doesn't sit quite right about a nursery dictating what hairstyles a 3 year old can have.

However, if the mother knew the rule then she should have abided by it. Giving in because her son wanted the haircut and she couldn't say no is not a good enough reason.

Princesstandy · 04/04/2008 15:14

I wouldn't take my ds to a nursery that had such strict dress codes but then I would persuade my ds against having a hairstyle that was so severe anyway. Pretty pathetic she couldn't say no - I would have thought distraction would have been the answer here however I wasn't there. I wonder does the Mother like that sort of hair style and wanted the the kid to look cool, same thing as earings for example?
My ds's nursery was all about self expression and it did him the world of good. Good job they didn't have a dress code as you can't imagine some of the get ups my ds turned up in - I distinctly remember his cross dressing phase
There's plenty of time for uniformal conformity but then there's plenty of time for fashion too

ShinyPinkShoes · 04/04/2008 15:18

I wonder if it was his decision to have his ear pierced too

serenity · 04/04/2008 15:20

Ok. So the Nursery is part of a Primary School according to that article, with a uniform according to the picture. So, the Nursery would have a uniform code that fits in with the rest of the school (which the mother would have signed to say she agreed with when she accepted his place) Our school doesn't allow haircuts like that, so I'd imagine they'd frown on it if one of the Nursery kids in DDs class turned up like that. HOWEVER, excluding him was OTT. Couldn't they have just spoken to the Mother and asked her to make sure it wasn't cut like that again? It's only going to be a couple of weeks until it grows out (so probably the end of the Easter Holidays!) maybe if this was the third or fourth time she'd done it and ignored warnings, but first offence then out? Far too strict IMO.

morningpaper · 04/04/2008 15:23

I'm surprised that people are slagging off the mother. My 3 year old wants to dress up like a fairy most of the time (including at nursery) and I let her. Why ever not? A hair cut is no different. I don't think it's necessary to impose dress codes on toddlers.

FrazzledFairyFay · 04/04/2008 15:31

Personally, I would have said no to my 3 year old as they change their mind from oneminute to the next and a haircut will last a good few weeks. I don't think how they have their hair cut is the same as wanting to wear clashing/dressing up clothes as that is far more transitory.

However, I do think the nursery is being unreasonable - kids have years of dres codes at school, why does it have to strt as early as 3. As long as how their hair is cut/what they wear doesn't cause a safety risk, then they should be allowed to wear/have hair styles however their parents decide.

OrmIrian · 04/04/2008 15:39

Quite mp.

The mother might well be projecting her ideas of what is cool on her son, I don't know. But the nursery is definitely projecting their idea of what is smart on him too. No problem with a certain standard of dress - it should be practical and suitable for the weather. And I can see why they might want long hair tied back out of the way. But no matter how unpleasant the haircut in question might be it's not going to be a nuisance.

BeauLocks · 04/04/2008 16:43

My 3 year old wants to eat chocolate for breakfast. He also wants to wear my red nail varnish. But I don't let him.

foxythesnowman · 04/04/2008 16:51

He's 3. And he's been excluded for a haircut?

At 3 my DS was happy wearing Aurora's ball dress, he loved pink.

Crikey, if they can't have a bit of fun and play with their appearance when they are 3, when can they?

What on earth do the nursery think is going to happen?

Its madness I tell you! Madness!

OrmIrian · 04/04/2008 16:53

Mine was usually dressed as a tiger at 3. I could have stopped him doing it but why?

whatme · 04/04/2008 16:55

I think the nursery is wrong.
What worries me more is how some children are growing up so concerned about how they look from such a young age. You can see it all around, designer clad children, children who insist on designer labels, individual style should be exactly that, individual - it should not be what they wear or how they cut their hair that defines them. This problem in many cases now is not peer pressure but comes from the parents who start this from birth. Call me old fashioned I know!

Califrau · 04/04/2008 16:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FrannyandZooey · 04/04/2008 16:58

Dress codes like this always make me think of the comedy sketch:

"Hitler? Nice shiny shoes, nice smart hair cut - you're in.
Jesus? Long hair and sandals? Fuck off mate."

BetteNoir · 04/04/2008 16:58

Saw the little chap in question on the news.
He looks fine, for an 80's throwback.

Ridiculous policy from the nursery.
The child has had a haircut, not a swastika tatoo on his forehead.

I'm sure all the media attention is not helpful for him though.
I hope he doesn't feel unhappy and isolated by the whole affair.

BetteNoir · 04/04/2008 16:59

tattoo

BetteNoir · 04/04/2008 16:59

Ah, Ben Elton spoke much sense, F&Z!

fiodyl · 04/04/2008 17:00

she should of said no if she knew that it would be against the rules of the nursery. If she was unaware then she now knows and should abide by the rules or take her son to a nursery that does acept this hairstyle if she does not agree with them

FrannyandZooey · 04/04/2008 17:01

Hah Bette! i wasn't owning up to who it was as i knew there would be scoffing

OverMyDeadBody · 04/04/2008 17:01

I don't get how the boy's hairstyle matters to the nursery, I think they are definately being unreasonable.

But I also think the mother probably wanted her boy to have that (stupid) haircut and is now trying to blame him for it.

I don't think parents need to say no unless is is to keep their children out of danger and follow certain codes of morally acceptable behaviour.

I bet the school wouldn't have banned the boy if he'd turned up in a pink tutu, yellow wellies, a crash helmet and a purple feather boa (as my DS once did).

JulesJules · 04/04/2008 17:17

The mother did not seem to know that this hairstyle was not allowed at the nursery, so I think unless the policy was very clear beforehand, the nursery is being unreasonable to exclude him after the fact - I think that a word with the mother re subsequent haircuts should have been enough. Cannot see how this hairstyle (unlike earring)constitutes any kind of risk or unreasonable dress. However, to say that she "couldn't say no" is utterly wet.

lilolilmanchester · 04/04/2008 17:20

was just about to write exactly what JulesJules wrote. BUT would add if that is one of the nursery rules and she knew about it, then tough.... we don't have to like all the rules in life and the sooner kids learn that lesson the better IMO.

TheMadHouse · 04/04/2008 17:35

I just done think that it is right for a three year old to have a hair cut like this TBH. It must have taken ages and also I would love to know how she got him to sit still.

I think that the school are in the right to not accept something, if they think that it is unreasonable. There used to be a rule in my school about boys with hair that it could not be past their sholders.

I wouldnt do it to mine, but then they are curly and a lot longer. I suppose it is all about fashion and I wouldnt encourage a three year old to be fashion concious anyway

fryalot · 04/04/2008 17:35

I feel quite strongly that if you send your child to a school, then you should stick to the dress code as set down by that school... be it hairstyles, religious jewellery or burkhas!

However, in this case, the news report does say that the mum checked with the school about a dress code and they said that there wasn't one in the nursery (or reception)

So... in that case, the school is being unreasonable and need to either put in place a dress code/uniform or they need to let the parents bring their children in whatever style of clothes, hair, jewellery, they like.

wannaBe · 04/04/2008 17:37

a 3 year old that gels his hair? .

This is not about appearance. We're not talking about excluding a child because he is ugly or fat or anything that can't be helped. The hair cut is obviously against the nursery policy, and imo a line has to be drawn. Would you think it acceptable for girls to come in wearing makeup for example?

I'd bet any money that the mother was well aware of this policy but thought she'd get herself and her child a bit of fame and fortune if she went against it. I bet it says somewhere in the nursery contract that contravention of the rules could result in exclusion so she thought... result, get him a haircut they won't approve of, get him excluded and then the media can go to town and we'll be famous.

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