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Original poster

From MNHQ - we need your comments....

139 replies

rachel(mumsnet) · 04/04/2008 14:18

Radio Newcastle have been in touch about a story in the local papers and we need your thoughts on the matter:

A three year old boy has been banned from nursery because of his hairstyle. His mum had taken him to a barber's for a tendy 'tramline' hair style. The nursery claims it has strict rules regarding dress code and he cannot come back until his hair has grown out.

The mother said that the the haircut was his idea - he saw someone in the barber's with a similar cut and was so excited she couldn't say no. Although he's only three, he likes to gel his hair before he goes out each morning.

"I didn't think for a second that a nursery would be so strict about
appearance.....The nursery is stopping the kids from having any individuality at all".

Should parents say 'no' when it comes to children expressing themselves through their dress and sense of style. Should nurseries have such a strict dress code?

Your thoughts on this would be v much appreciated
Cheers,
MNHQ

OP posts:
Mhamai · 04/04/2008 20:18

Children should be able to have varying hairstyles. I'm 40 and know a lot of men who are still recieving therapy thanks to bolw pudding cuts.

Tutter · 04/04/2008 20:21

i was wondering thre same thing

about rachel(mumsnet) i mena

why no (from mnhq) ?

StressTeddy · 04/04/2008 20:21

No 3 year old child of mine would decide how their hair was going to be cut
There's plenty of time for choices like that when they're older
Agree with bree.

CinderellaInCyberspace · 04/04/2008 20:22

I worked in a nursery where one little girl dressed as a dog for two weeks
she even went around on all fours

avenanap · 04/04/2008 20:26

That's pathetic. All of this over a haircut? It is down to a parent to decide how their child's hair should be cut, not a nursery. Since when have nurserys been given the right to tell parents how to cut their childrens hair? Rules should be there to protect the children, not to punish them for having a hair cut.

southeastastra · 04/04/2008 20:28

rachel has started lots of threads, would have thought hq would have been on to her before now

ThingOne · 04/04/2008 20:45

I find it odd that hat sort of haircut is banned. I had to google it to see what it meant and found a photo of the boy. Chavtastic, yes, but I don't understand why it would be banned in a nursery. Am I missing something about the significance of these haircuts? Do they have an underlying meaning?

I let my son choose his hair. I certainly don't let him choose everything or do as he wants but I do let him choose his hair. He has quite long hair for a four year old boy but I would be shocked beyond belief if a state nursery told him to cut it! Or even if a state primary did, quite frankly. It looks nice and he like it. Fortunately here in the hippy South West there are plenty of boys with long hair at the school he'll be going to as parents here somehow manage to discipline her children without giving them a short back and sides.

marina · 04/04/2008 21:53

Re Rachel(mumsnet) - I think you "lose" the "from MNHQ" if you are not posting from your usual PC.
Exactly the same thing has happened to Jane(mumsnet) tonight on another thread - and she reckoned that's what it was
Rachel is Old Tyme. One of the original Gang of Three

brimfull · 04/04/2008 21:58

I find it hard to believe that a 3 yr old boy insists on his hair being gelled every morning.

It's totally his mother's taste (or lack of) being put on him .

Which is obviously entirely normal ,we all do it ,we just have better taste

I think the nursery is being ridiculous,I hope she moves him.

VeniVidiVickiQV · 04/04/2008 22:03

Agree with everything marina said.

It's two issues - allowing a child to dictate what he wants when perhaps it isnt appropriate, and, the nursery being incredibly strict when it doesnt really matter/is misplaced.

Personally, I scoffed when I got DS's hair cut (he's just shy of 3yrs) the other day in a barbers and the guy asked if I wanted gel put in his hair. What possible need does a 2, nearly 3 year old have for gel?????

Remotew · 04/04/2008 22:13

I think the nursery was out of order on this issue. It's not for them to decide what's tasteful or not. Perfectly OK for them to bitch about it amongst themselves, out of earshot, of course.

3 is too young for a child to want a certain hairstyle/gel isnt it? Maybe, but I do remember having my DD's hair cut to a nice chin length bob at 6 years from long and she was devastated. The teacher gave her a lolly because she could see how upset she was on her first appearance at school with the new hairdo. I felt like a horrible mum, even though it looked lovely but the hairdresser was sissor happy and DD refused to go back there.

theyoungvisiter · 04/04/2008 22:13

They are all wrong - the mother is wrong for letting her poor child have that stupid haircut.

The nursery is wrong for creating such a big deal out of it. Schools - yes - I support uniform codes and dress codes etc up to the hilt.

But a nursery is not a school, children at that age are supposed to be expressing themselves and finding their personalities. Time enough to stamp out all that malarky when they get to primary!

IMO the only rules for nursery clothing should be 1) not dangerous (dangling jewellery etc) and 2) not offensive to others (dressing up as hitler or something!)

However if the nursery had a policy on haircuts outlined in their paperwork and the mother chose to flout it then her tough cheese I'm afraid.

waffletrees · 04/04/2008 22:15

The nursery over-reacted.

BUT - let's face it he does look bloody awful. His mum needs to have a chat with herself if she thinks hair gel and aftershave is good for a three year old. She should have said no to the hair and encouraged his creativity into a more healthy outlet (playdough, painting?).

PinkTulips · 04/04/2008 22:23

human beings have a right to be individual and to look however they feel comfortable and happy looking.

imo this applies whether you're 3 or 30.

a haircut doesn't affect your acedemic performance or disrupt class and therefore i feel very strongly that it should not be legal to have rules that dictate how a child can wear their hair, whether or not there is a uniform or dresscode.

and dresscodes for 3 year olds? wtf?

DragonPeaHead · 04/04/2008 22:30

The nursery is wrong
It is not the nursery's job to act as style arbiter
It is the nursery's job to keep children safe and protected. To that extent they can (and should) impose rules on eg dress (fair enough to ban shoelaces for under 3s if they will trip up on them/trip other children up, for example) and hair to the extent it is a safety issue (difficult to see at nursery - but akin to requiring long hair to be tied up in science classes). However a short hairstyle, no matter how ridiculous, has no safety or protection implications for the wearer or any other child.
What is the view of the nursery on, for example, cornrows in hair? What is the difference between the hair of one child bound into cornrows and the hair of another cut into tramlines? Nothing, except aesthetics.

DragonPeaHead · 04/04/2008 22:31

And why should we comment on the parents' decision in all of this? Why is whether he wanted his hair like that or whether he wants gel in his hair even a matter for discussion? The issue is entirely about the nursery.

VeniVidiVickiQV · 04/04/2008 22:34

Because we can

BreeVanDerCampLGJ · 04/04/2008 22:34

DragonPeaHead

I am presuming you are not PPH.

DragonPeaHead · 04/04/2008 22:37

Why are you presuming that?
I am actually. I was pretending to be the bastard lovechild of peahead and soupy for a while but I'll change back if it makes you happier

PrincessPeaHead · 04/04/2008 22:37

Is that better

BreeVanDerCampLGJ · 04/04/2008 22:44

It is,

but, but, but...........I thought you would agree with me >>>

VeniVidiVickiQV · 04/04/2008 22:45

Ner ner ner ner ner

BreeVanDerCampLGJ · 04/04/2008 22:47

LGJ strike QV from her Christmas card list.

Which could be a threat.....if she could be organised enough to send them early.

VeniVidiVickiQV · 04/04/2008 22:53

Was I on it?????

tatt · 04/04/2008 23:04

If a 3 year old took a pair of scissors to their hair - or their siblings - would the nursery then ban them?

Personally I don't think children should turn up in designer clothing and have their parents complain if it gets dirty. And I wasn't impressd by the boy with shoulder length curls, poor thing.

We ought to teach children that who you are matters and how you look doesn't. Pity parents have never been taught that.

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