Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Site stuff

Join our Innovation Panel to try new features early and help make Mumsnet better.

Original poster

From MNHQ - we need your comments....

139 replies

rachel(mumsnet) · 04/04/2008 14:18

Radio Newcastle have been in touch about a story in the local papers and we need your thoughts on the matter:

A three year old boy has been banned from nursery because of his hairstyle. His mum had taken him to a barber's for a tendy 'tramline' hair style. The nursery claims it has strict rules regarding dress code and he cannot come back until his hair has grown out.

The mother said that the the haircut was his idea - he saw someone in the barber's with a similar cut and was so excited she couldn't say no. Although he's only three, he likes to gel his hair before he goes out each morning.

"I didn't think for a second that a nursery would be so strict about
appearance.....The nursery is stopping the kids from having any individuality at all".

Should parents say 'no' when it comes to children expressing themselves through their dress and sense of style. Should nurseries have such a strict dress code?

Your thoughts on this would be v much appreciated
Cheers,
MNHQ

OP posts:
ShinyPinkShoes · 04/04/2008 14:37

Nurseries can't do what the heck they want to though.

Regardless of who they are owned and run by, they have to adhere to Ofsted guidelines and the National Standards.

JeremyVile · 04/04/2008 14:38

If the rule was there before the haircut then the mother should not have gone aginst it BUT I would be expecting a major explaination from the nursery as to why they felt this sort of rule necessary or at all appropriate.

tortoiseSHELL · 04/04/2008 14:39

That's what I mean though DSM - they're perfectly entitled to make whatever rules they want to, but it would affect your decision as to whether you sent the child there or not.

marina - my school invoked a 'no dyed hair' rule, because of 2 'bleached blonde' girls - they were natural!!!

MaureenMLove · 04/04/2008 14:39

I don't think the nursery is being unreasonble. It starts with one lad having tramlines, then the next has theirs spiked, the next will have dyed hair and so on and so on. You've got to draw the line somewhere and it ain't on their heads!

I also agree entirely with school uniform. If you let them all 'express themselves' there'd be twice as many rucks than there are now! In uniform, they all look the same, therefore you take away the 'I've got the designer gear, you haven't' aspect.

They are also much calmer in school uniform. DD and her mates bowled down the road, like they were the bees knees this morning, because they have a MUFTI day. Usually, its a struggle to get them out the door!

OrmIrian · 04/04/2008 14:39

I don't think the issue here is parental discipline or lack of it. She didn't say that she personally hated the style so why would she say no?

What possible reason could the nursery have for banning a haircut? They aren't a H&S issue, he hasn't got a swastika shaved into his head FGS! It's just rules for rules sake.

Personally I hate cuts like that but as both my boys have long hair I suspect they'd be banned too. And yes I could force them to have their hair cut, but for what reason? Simply on principle. Because what mummy says goes. I save my 'rules' for things that really matter.

tortoiseSHELL · 04/04/2008 14:40

SPS - that's true, but I wonder if that applies to 'dress code etc'. And it might be different for a private nursery or a state preschool or a kindergarten etc.

roar · 04/04/2008 14:42

ridiculous.

ridiculous that they have excluded him.

and ridiculous that we are supposed to believe that a 3yo boy gells his own hair every morning.

NotQuiteCockney · 04/04/2008 14:43

Mine was some spirals, on the lower back bit of my head. Very pretty. Really nice. Took bloody forever to get done, though.

DirtySexyMummy · 04/04/2008 14:46

MaureenMyLove - why would you need to draw the line somewhere? Who cares if they have long hair/short hair/dyed hair/ no hair? Why does it matter?

I personally don't agree with dress codes. Uniforms, I think are different, they are literally all the same and while I wouldn't choose it for my children, I think it is a choice one takes into account when choosing a school.

Dress codes do not remove the 'my gear is designer, yours isn't' aspect. I don't see what other benefits it has.

Zazette · 04/04/2008 14:47

Here's the haircut in question. I am mainly astonished that a 3 year old boy was able to sit still long enough to have that done!

DirtySexyMummy · 04/04/2008 14:49

So, the ear piercing is okay but the haircut is not?

What a nonsense policy.

sitdownpleasegeorge · 04/04/2008 14:51

Well, having googled the actual article it seems his mother chose the haircut for him and this is a nursery with a uniform (so possibly attached to a school).

If it is part of a school with a uniform (clothing and hair/jewellery)policy then I suppose they are within their rights to maintain standards of appearance across the board. If they let the pre-schoolers have it the mothers of school age kids would be saying it was unfair if their boys wanted to look like that too.

IMHO it looks well chavvy but then I am an old fashioned snob to say the least and a penny pincher who would not invest in a high maintenance haircut, especially on a 3 year old.

I suspect the mother thought it looked "well cool" or some other streetwise term of appreciation and has projected her desires onto her little boy who can't even see the effect without assistance given that it is on the back of his head.

DirtySexyMummy · 04/04/2008 14:53

Why does it matter in any setting what someones appearance is like? Especially as trivially as a hairstyle? For goodness sake, it just seems so ridiculous.

MaureenMLove · 04/04/2008 14:53

Well, the uniform set a good example of the school, when they are on trips of off premises. People do look more favourably on a bunch of smartly dressed children in a museum and a damn site easier for the teacher to round up everyone wearing blue or red or whatever jumpers.

Long hair or heavily lacquered or gelled hair does become a h&s issue. Far easier and fairer then, to say no across the board and save a teacher the job of having to decide who's got suitable hairdo's on a daily basis.

sitdownpleasegeorge · 04/04/2008 14:53

Anyway the this is only a 3 year old, the mother can withdraw him and place him somewhere more accommodating of his desire to express himself.

Anna8888 · 04/04/2008 14:53

If the nursery has a haircut code, then it should be expressly written out and parents need to sign up to it. Obviously any parent who doesn't want to sign up to it doesn't have to use that nursery.

If the nursery hasn't got a written haircut code, then they have no reasonable grounds on which to ban the child IMO.

DirtySexyMummy · 04/04/2008 14:54

Like I say, I agree about uniforms. I do not agree about dress codes.

'Long hair or heavily lacquered or gelled hair does become a h&s issue'

Erm, when?

tortoiseSHELL · 04/04/2008 14:56

Heavily lacquered hair could be a problem in chemistry lessons .....BANG!!!

Anna8888 · 04/04/2008 14:56

My daughter's school has uniform and a dress code, and I am fine with that. I have to be, because those are the rules.

If I don't like the school rules, I can send my daughter elsewhere.

ShinyPinkShoes · 04/04/2008 14:57

I can't get over this.

As childcare and educational professionals we are actively encouraged to accept people for who they are on the inside.

I could understand this with a much older child, but for a 3 year old...what message is this giving this little boy?

McDreamy · 04/04/2008 14:59

A nursery with a dress code how ridiculous!!! What about little girls who have their ears pierced?

Anna8888 · 04/04/2008 15:02

It's not necessarily ridiculous to have a dress code.

One of the reasons is safety. All the children play in the local (municipal) park, in groups of 10-15 children. The fact that they must wear a navy blue coat with a coloured sash means that they stand out from all the other children in the park. Harder to snatch or lose one.

The school only loses a couple of children a year, so the code is working

slim22 · 04/04/2008 15:03

Ridiculous the exclude a 3 year old boy.

But the mother should definitely be ostracized for her bad taste.

DirtySexyMummy · 04/04/2008 15:04

At all the nurserys I know they stick tabards on the kids for outings. Much more easily identifiable, and there is less risk of picking up some random kid who happens to be wearing a navy jumper on the way.

marina · 04/04/2008 15:05

Not to mention day-glo and haircut-obscuring baseball hats when out and about