Childfree Mumsnetters' Board?

[musixa]

There's been some discussion on this thread about the idea of a childfree/life without children board, so I thought I would raise the suggestion on Site Stuff

[[https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4811166-to-ask-why-so-many-child-free-people-are-on-mumsnet?reply=126404125

My thinking is that the board would be a safe space for Mumsnetters who, for whether by choice or making the best of the hand they've been dealt, are embracing the childfree life, to discuss the issues that uniquely affect us - some examples I can think of are discrimination when it comes to workplace holidays; planning for old age and inheritance issues, how to cope when your friendship group only want to meet in child-friendly venues; family pressure to have children.

I would also hope it might stop so many threads like the linked one popping up, which often attract goady posters.

I hope you don't feel this is a step too far as a board suggestion and will give it serious consideration.

Have you not noticed? MN is not a moderated site. Users report offensive posts and inappropriate threads.

Why you would imagine a childfree board would need more of this than anywhere else is baffling. But then another poster seemingly can't imagine what anyone would possibly want to discuss there that couldn't be discussed elsewhere...

Sigh

Look, I'm honestly quite sick of arguing about this. I think having an unmoderated board purely for discussing issues which only affect childless or childfree by choice people on a site which still, (inexplicably it would seem based on this thread), markets itself as "for parents" would be a mistake which could potentially affect the entire site in a negative way.

I've been called all sorts of shit on here while not actually returning any of the personal comments or (incorrect) dissection and analysis of every post I've made because a surprising number of people seem to be completely unable to accept that someone disagrees with them and who also seem to not have the willingness or capability to actually read.

I have said a few times, I strongly support people's choice and think it's fantastic when people who don't want children choose not to have them. It would be awful to do it when you know you don't want them. I also empathise with those who are childless not by choice because that choice was taken away from them. I also support the idea of a new board but only on a trial basis and with an eye kept on it. I have explained my reasons why. None of those reasons is that I don't think childfree women can play nice. It is also not because I feel threatened by child free people. It is also not because I would find it hurtful and get 'hurty feelings'. It is not because I might feel excluded and simply cannot fathom that everything doesn't revolve around me....Newsflash!

As usual on here, people cannot engage in a grown up conversation without being completely obtuse whether willfully or not.

Anyway, I'll be interested to see how this ends up, so will keep following the thread. It is certainly quite divisive.

@PaddlingPoollyColour To be fair, suggesting that a board for childfree people was likely to bring more incels to the site because they relate to us was never going to go down well. And is hardly evidence of grown up discussion.

It could though 🤷‍♀️. Never said they related to you though. You've just made that part up to suit your umbridge

And I actually said antinatalists in the first place, not incels. They aren't the same thing, but I think a lot of incels hide behind antinatalism online.

It certainly has the potential to attract some people who strongly dislike the idea of people procreating. That doesn't mean everyone who doesn't have children has those feelings or anything like them of course.

You said:

Groups like antinatalists and incels thrive in each others company. Dave and co may feel they would be welcomed which would ruin the board and site.

Nobody here is asking for an anti-natalist board. Not one person. Childless and childfree people are asking for a board for childless and childfree people. Not anti-natalists. For some reason you’ve decided the two are interchangeable and that we would thrive in the company of incels. And you think that’s grown up discussion?

Anyway, if you’re worried about a site attracting people who disagree with procreation then MUMSnet itself is an issue. Or do you assume that antinatalists and incels see the banner and go, “damn guys. we can’t troll here, we’re not parents.”

Incels are dark, twisted people. They troll and take their bitterness out on people who are happily coupled up and have kids. They’re not going to appear on threads to give support to people not getting priority Christmas leave or being shamed for wanting to go to Disneyland without kids.

I've never heard the term "antinatalists" before now. And linking "antinatalists" whoever they are with people who have decided not to have children is bizarre, to say the least, but is consistent the nonsense spouted in PaddlyPoollyColour's posts.

Wow. I genuinely had no idea, until the past two days, about how strongly some women with children feel about those of us who don’t. I’ve been around here for a while now, and I had no idea I was so unwelcome, and viewed with such suspicion and disdain. I have never tried to tell a parent here that I know better than them how to parent, and haven’t ever made a negative comment about parents. I have offered advice to women on other topics about which I can be useful. To think that I am viewed as a weird interloper and am not really welcome here is a huge revelation.

Until yesterday I thought this was a community of funny, kind but straight-talking women, often fierce, generally intelligent, who enjoyed debate and sought and gave great advice from and to others. Now I see something else, and it’s pretty ugly.

I did not say or think anyone had asked for an antinatalism board at all. The quote you have just used was in response to the op who asked why I thought an antinatalist might like to join Mumsnet. I know most people on the hypothetical new board would not want an antinatalist there. But since we have some (quite a few) posters on here already who actively dislike people having children, I do wonder if a board for people without children may be misinterpreted as a bit of a dog whistle. Not that it is one. But it may be MISINTERPRETED as such.

It doesn't mean I think all childless or childfree people are antinatalists or anything like it. But unfortunately they do exist on here and it's not even hidden tbh. Saying how much they hate kids or saying it is wrong to have children full stop (for everyone, not just themselves) is pretty commonplace on here and elsewhere online really.

Anyway, all I've said is that I think it would need an eye kept on it for the reasons I've just mentioned. That doesn't mean i think any of the things people have accused me of on here, or feel threatened or hurted blah blah blah

I didn't say people who are childfree are antinatalists. In fact, I've said the opposite repeatedly

Can you put some of those posts in this thread, because I have genuinely never seen a post with an active dislike of having children.

On the other hand, I was recently told I should have sought help elsewhere for leaving an abusive relationship because I am not a mother.

@HeidiUpTheMountain Of course people who are not parents have plenty to offer. They will perhaps have tips on finance or careers, or views on current affairs and culture. I think mothers can feel equivalent dismissal too, for instance being told that motherhood equates to part time caring for your parents. A bit of sensitivity on both sides needed perhaps.

Look, I'm honestly quite sick of arguing about this. I think having an unmoderated board purely for discussing issues which only affect childless or childfree by choice people on a site which still, (inexplicably it would seem based on this thread), markets itself as "for parents" would be a mistake which could potentially affect the entire site in a negative way.

You are making no sense. MN is not moderated. There are no moderators scanning the threads and blowing whistles. It is self-moderated.

But good to see you so concerned for 'the entire site' crumbling from the dread force of women without children discussing things relevant to their situation.

Indeed.

That's not at all what I've said.

But that's probably enough of a massivr derail. And if people don't want to read my "nonsense" then maybe stop quoting and @ ing me after I tried to bow out of commenting.

@PaddlingPoollyColour You have a point I think, in that the site would have to change name and strapline. It would be too inaccurate, otherwise. That could reduce traffic from parents, since they may not want advice from a site titled something like peoplenet, by people for people. No need to reply, I expect you are fed up!

I think it's just another way to divide us. I had my first child unexpectedly at 41, so I feel some affinity with child-free women as I was one for most of my adult life (and had got used to the fact I'd be forever). It doesn't mean I now suddenly have zero in common with child-free women overnight. I do have insights that could be of use to someone.

Also, infertility has its own board already.

I, too, would like to see those posts.

I wondered that too

Also how would it be organised? There are loads of threads that have nothing to do with children. Eg there's already a Gardening thread so are you suggesting that should now be Gardening (Mums) and a separate Gardening thread for child-free women?

This thread is about the possibility of setting up a board for people who don't have children. Your posts - and only your posts - contain the term "antinatalists", thus conflating the idea of not having children and being "antinatalist".

thats kind of what I was wondering,

I dont care/mind if you have children, it makes no odds to me, sure there are considerations to be made and some things are more difficult with children we all know that - but I dont think anyone should be villified for having/not having/not wanting/wanting children

I have no objection to a child free board, but my question was, is that level of granularity needed? Do we need a chat-parking board and a chat-neighbour issues or do we leave them scooped into chat?

Thankfully MNHQ has made it clear that non parents are welcome to post, so you'll just have to put up with our presence.

There is nothing here that is not replicated elsewhere on the internet. The whole premise of this forum is parenthood and mostly motherhood.

this is call mumsnet for a reason. if you don't have children (for any reason) just use aaaaaallll the forums which are not for mums??

another thing is being childfree with no plan to become a mum, then why to be in a forum for mums?

I’m getting the impression us childfree people are not welcome here at all....not just anger & disbelief about a board but some mums wish we were not on MN.

There is nothing here that is not replicated elsewhere on the internet

Could you please link to a U.K. based forum, of similar size, with predominantly female posters, with such a wide variety of topics?