Sex board in Active and Ann Summers

[AutumnLeavesFallingIntoPlace]

Hi @MNHQ

As the previous thread about the sex board being in Active is almost full after a lot of discussion, I think a few of us were hoping you could address the main concerns arising:

• firstly and most importantly, it seems that no one wants it in Active. Posters on the sex board and off are widely agreeing across all threads that it was better not showing in Active for many reasons. It's making everyone's experience worse.
• secondly, we'd like to know to what extent Ann Summers and other advertisers have dictated the change in the sex board's visibility and the change in users being required to register three months prior to being able to post on the sex board to seven days. The 'reigniting intimacy' promotional piece seems to suggest this is a deliberate choice to bring the forum 'inline with [Ann Summers'] Pleasure Positivity Project'. Given the response to previous threads on Ann Summers in 2021 and 2022, they are not popular with many site users and their maternity/postpartum promotion might be considered to be unhelpful and unsupportive of new mothers and very much not in the spirit of MN.
• the sex board hosts a sexchat thread which invites users to contact each other via DM for explicit conversation and then move to other platforms to continue. There are no safety warnings or age verification on the sex board and this puts users at risk of predators exploiting MN's trustworthy reputation, particularly given the change in registration requirements
• finally, a lot of us wonder why MN have done such a u turn on the sex board, having argued initially that it would attract trolls. How and why did this change?

@LilyMumsnet I want to hide the topic but despite me asking several times in the last thread, you never responded telling me how to do this in the app (or if it's even possible to do so).

I dislike the implication that a lack of sex in the weeks after childbirth is a problem that needs fixing.

Could not agree more.

Yes. And insult to (birth) injury, we’re expected to buy the solution. From men.

MNHQ can’t tell you because they don’t know how their own app that they paid for, built and developed works. You have to go onto the website and hide it from there.

Given that I have more than once seen threads from new mums about their partners pressuring them for sex in the weeks postpartum despite it being against medical advice, I'm really not sure that the messaging from mn and Ann summers on this is helpful or appropriate tbh. Irresponsible, if anything.

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And not to mention that MN was flogging a dildo for postpartum women recently.

Very few women give birth and immediately fancy a wank

It's a serious site - plenty of people will recommend it to friends and colleagues because of the health or education topics, or the topic for children with special needs.

No worries about the sex topic existing, it's the fact of it being in active that's bothersome, as most of us don't want the thread titles on our screen if we're in the workplace or on a train etc.

The really irritating thing is that it's impossible to hide on the app. So a quick glance at Active means you'll have stuff on your screen that's NSFW whether you want it or not.

For those wanting to hide it on the app - follow these steps -

And for MN to own the fact that it is not a coincidence that they decided to "try it out" at the same time they launched a sex toy for vulva owners mums

Don't play us for fools @LilyMumsnet it's not a good look

Exactly

Can MN see how many people are hiding the Sex board?

I am, to keep it out of my Active feed, and I'm annoyed that I'm now made to feel/look like a prude when I just want to choose when I read about fisting, rimming, etc.

I don’t care if I look like a prude. I’m fed up with being made to feel like stuff like rimming and anal is mainstream and part of regular sex for most people, when it isn’t. We have a problem with porn culture in our society, it is a terrible pressure for younger people and this is all contributing towards it. Horrid.

Can MN see how many people are hiding the Sex board?

I’m sure they could track that if they wanted to.

Top tip - before you head into hospital to welcome your new arrival, wet your vibrator and stick it in the freezer. Then once you're home, it's perfectly soothing for those early postnatal days, so you can easily and safely numb yourself whilst making sure everything still works properly down there before that first postnatal nookie.

They’ve never been exactly hot on Tech so I doubt they can or want to! It might prove this was a stupid idea.

Absolutely, this isn’t supporting new mums, it’s undermining them if they try and put their own and their baby’s needs first and wait until they are ready. And as a PP said, some may already be under pressure from partners.

Yep, it might be possible but that doesn't mean it's possible on MN. They still haven't implemented an edit feature despite using it as a carrot to get people to pay for premium.

I'm another who is disappointed by Lily's response. If you're going to lie about the reasons for the changes at least try and make the lies convincing.

Is it Ann summers or smilemakers?

www.mumsnet.com/articles/the-whisperer

Shrek's ear is made by them and I'm not sure they have a connection with Ann Summers?

They're based in Singapore and talk a lot about vulva owners.
techround.co.uk/interviews/meet-cecile-gasnault-brand-director-of-smile-makers/

I think they have deals with both ££££

Christ that’s depressing. Wtf was MN thinking.

Don't understand why they are insisting keeping it in active when most users have said it's inappropriate.
Surely it's failed it's trail? Or is money more important than MN users being safe & comfortable on here now?
It's really grim I don't want to see explicit threads when I open the active page, if people want to see that they'll search for it we don't need it shoved in our faces.

I've been wondering if Justine has been having some kind of post divorce sexual reawakening and has decided that we all just need educating on how to have a good shag!

Personally I'm fed up by the men feeling emboldened to pop up on all the threads to tell posters we are prudish.

Yesterday I was on one where a man told me that messaging prostitutes was an acceptable way to find "intimacy and connection" and didn't mean a punter was shagging said prostitutes.

I'm sick of it. Mumsnet used to be a place where mens penis needs were largely irrelevant. Now they are front and centre.

<mutters about handmaidening>

MN appear to have collaborations with both! The Promoted by Mumsnet posts about finding new toys for the bedroom and 'reigniting intimacy' are sponsored by/written by Ann Summers. The latter does explicitly link the openness of the Sex topic with the AS Pleasure Positivity Project, which rather gives lie to @LilyMumsnet 's claim that there was no outside influence in the decision making.

Love sex, don't love it on mumsnet. I wouldn't have wanted to have come here as a mum of young kids and felt even more abnormal and pressured for not being sexual.