Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Site stuff

Join our Innovation Panel to try new features early and help make Mumsnet better.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Sex board in Active and Ann Summers

181 replies

AutumnLeavesFallingIntoPlace · 22/02/2023 17:37

Hi @MNHQ

As the previous thread about the sex board being in Active is almost full after a lot of discussion, I think a few of us were hoping you could address the main concerns arising:

  • firstly and most importantly, it seems that no one wants it in Active. Posters on the sex board and off are widely agreeing across all threads that it was better not showing in Active for many reasons. It's making everyone's experience worse.
  • secondly, we'd like to know to what extent Ann Summers and other advertisers have dictated the change in the sex board's visibility and the change in users being required to register three months prior to being able to post on the sex board to seven days. The 'reigniting intimacy' promotional piece seems to suggest this is a deliberate choice to bring the forum 'inline with [Ann Summers'] Pleasure Positivity Project'. Given the response to previous threads on Ann Summers in 2021 and 2022, they are not popular with many site users and their maternity/postpartum promotion might be considered to be unhelpful and unsupportive of new mothers and very much not in the spirit of MN.
  • the sex board hosts a sexchat thread which invites users to contact each other via DM for explicit conversation and then move to other platforms to continue. There are no safety warnings or age verification on the sex board and this puts users at risk of predators exploiting MN's trustworthy reputation, particularly given the change in registration requirements
  • finally, a lot of us wonder why MN have done such a u turn on the sex board, having argued initially that it would attract trolls. How and why did this change?
OP posts:
Xrays · 22/02/2023 22:15

PurpleParrotfish · 22/02/2023 21:59

Also would like an answer to this. There’s such a big difference between “here’s a relatively safe space for MN users to talk about sex issues” and effectively inviting all the trolls and pervy men on the internet in.

Show quote history

And yet they are still very quick to delete threads about period pants for teens for example (that was a recent one that went whoosh) on the basis that it might attract the wrong people. But no worry they can all join the sex chat and any hole is a goal…. 🙄

DancingLedgend · 22/02/2023 22:22

@AutumnLeavesFallingIntoPlace thank you for articulating so well what so many of us are feeling.

After many years, I deleted Mumsnet soley over this issue,
Only back here as distraction from a family issue that is distressing me.

@PurpleParrotfish exactly.

@MNHQ are you determined to kill the goose that's laying the golden eggs for you, and destroy the community of posters , that have together been such a progressive support for SO many women?
You would do this for profit?
Shame on you @MNHQ
This is the ultimate ' not in the spirit'

CPL593H · 22/02/2023 22:31

Quite a large number of members have voiced the concerns outlined in the op over numerous threads in the last week and there has been no real reply from MNHQ, other than to say they are reading and aware of them. Can I ask when we can possibly expect sort of response, @MNHQ?

DancingLedgend · 22/02/2023 22:42

@MNHQ are you 'Grey rocking' us?

CPL593H · 22/02/2023 22:45

Sorry, somehow missed @LilyMumsnet post

"We wanted to try Sex in active" really doesn't cut it I'm afraid as a response, especially as it coincided with the whole Shrek's Ear campaign.

Can I ask as others have why the posting restriction on that board has been reduced to 7 days?

Original poster
AutumnLeavesFallingIntoPlace · 22/02/2023 22:49

CPL593H · 22/02/2023 22:31

Quite a large number of members have voiced the concerns outlined in the op over numerous threads in the last week and there has been no real reply from MNHQ, other than to say they are reading and aware of them. Can I ask when we can possibly expect sort of response, @MNHQ?

It's really not enough for them to say they wanted to try it out with no explanation of why, particularly in light of MN's own previously expressed concerns regarding this bringing trolls to the site.

It's not believable that it isn't influenced by advertisers when MN themselves have explicitly linked the presence of the Sex topic to Ann Summers in at least one of their promoted posts.

It's pretty appalling they haven't addressed safety on the sex chat thread beyond 'report PMs'.

It's disappointing they won't comment on the suitability of having a hook up thread for married men on a site designed to support parents.

OP posts:
Original poster
AutumnLeavesFallingIntoPlace · 22/02/2023 22:51

And very telling that they won't give a reason for reducing the posting time from three months to seven days!

OP posts:
Original poster
AutumnLeavesFallingIntoPlace · 22/02/2023 22:54

But I think each thread about this just gets one response from MN, so someone will have to start a new thread that only asks about the seven day thing, and then another that asks about safeguarding on sex chat, and then another about whether a cheating thread is in the spirit...I guess they hope we can't be bothered?

OP posts:
beastlyslumber · 22/02/2023 22:54

This is the ultimate 'not in the spirit' MN

Yep. I'm really sorry to see there's still no proper response. 'We thought we'd try it out' is not an answer. I also want to know how long this is on trial for, and what are the criteria for continuing or stopping the trial?

kittensinthekitchen · 22/02/2023 22:57

AutumnLeavesFallingIntoPlace · 22/02/2023 22:51

And very telling that they won't give a reason for reducing the posting time from three months to seven days!

They also won't confirm whether they are going to be showing SN boards, OTBT etc in Active too, since they "don't want to exclude" any part of the site.

Original poster
AutumnLeavesFallingIntoPlace · 22/02/2023 23:01

kittensinthekitchen · 22/02/2023 22:57

They also won't confirm whether they are going to be showing SN boards, OTBT etc in Active too, since they "don't want to exclude" any part of the site.

Show quote history

I guess they can't use those sections of the site to help sell vibrators so probably not!

OP posts:
Silvergone · 22/02/2023 23:04

Well said. It’s been so sad in recent months watching the sexualisation of mumsnet. It’s weird enough having a sex board on a parenting site, especially one with men in it but whatever.

But there’s been a major shift in Mumsnet HQ. I used to get adverts for buggies and families holidays. Now it’s all promoted posts screaming:

  • Do you need a new toy for the bedroom? (Aka shove this up your fanny.)
  • Do you pee when you sneeze? (Aka shove this up your fanny.)
  • Reigniting intimacy after childbirth. (Aka shove this up your fanny even though you don’t feel ready.)

It’s GROSS mumsnet.

Silvergone · 22/02/2023 23:05

The sexualisation of Mumsnet is noticeably in keeping with the sexualisation of motherhood and fetishisation of breastfeeding etc.

CPL593H · 22/02/2023 23:06

AutumnLeavesFallingIntoPlace · 22/02/2023 22:54

But I think each thread about this just gets one response from MN, so someone will have to start a new thread that only asks about the seven day thing, and then another that asks about safeguarding on sex chat, and then another about whether a cheating thread is in the spirit...I guess they hope we can't be bothered?

It feels like that. To me it all feels extremely disingenuous and as if there is a hope that the people who are vocally worried about this will all give up, eventually. I don't expect MNHQ to listen to me particularly, but the points that have been raised by many are valid and are being ignored.

Said days ago that I'm not concerned about a sex board per se because it could well have a place but it should be opt in not opt out (if you can, that in itself is a problem for a significant number it seems) Some regulars on that board have said they don't want it in active. It seems a generally unpopular decision, but here we are. When the Daily Heil picks up on all this (which I think is a matter of time) it will be no fault of the Cassandras warning that this is all very ill advised.

SweetSakura · 22/02/2023 23:15

Silvergone · 22/02/2023 23:04

Well said. It’s been so sad in recent months watching the sexualisation of mumsnet. It’s weird enough having a sex board on a parenting site, especially one with men in it but whatever.

But there’s been a major shift in Mumsnet HQ. I used to get adverts for buggies and families holidays. Now it’s all promoted posts screaming:

  • Do you need a new toy for the bedroom? (Aka shove this up your fanny.)
  • Do you pee when you sneeze? (Aka shove this up your fanny.)
  • Reigniting intimacy after childbirth. (Aka shove this up your fanny even though you don’t feel ready.)

It’s GROSS mumsnet.

Agree. I dislike the implication that a lack of sex in the weeks after childbirth is a problem that needs fixing. Rather than a perfectly natural and understandable part of the recovery process

SweetSakura · 22/02/2023 23:19

AutumnLeavesFallingIntoPlace · 22/02/2023 23:01

I guess they can't use those sections of the site to help sell vibrators so probably not!

Show quote history

Well, quite. Money talks it would seem. And even when it comes with a side dose of copy about " vulva owners" it seems @MNHQ are still happy to take it

WombsofWimbledon · 22/02/2023 23:24

I wrote the below about the imagined vibrator's, erm, conception. And now I’m imagining how bringing Sex into Active Conversations went. Assuming of course that it really had nothing to do with the coincidentally timed vibrator launch.

'What products can we sell to Mumsnet's core audience? Anyone? Just throw the ideas out there, there's no silly suggestions! Damien! You look like you've got something to say!'

'Well... my dad got my mum one of those electric fan things on a lanyard for her birthday..'

'Yes. YES! Love it, Love it. Put it on a post-it Philomena, stick it in the Menopause section. Mumsnet X Davina! Come on then, what else - new mothers? Anna, you've just had a baby, can you turn your video screen on please, let's see those microexpressions! Yes Molly-Maie - what have you got for us?!'

'So, well, like, sex and pregnant people or like new baby havers, that's taboo right. And like self care is so important. So I was thinking maybe a sex toy so that new mu... vulva... havers.. can feel, like...empowered?'

'Now we're talking! Molly-Maie you're on to something! Damien, I want you to team up with Anna on her next keeping in touch day to come up with a proposal on this!'

And the imagined totally unrelated decision to put Sex into Active:

‘Ok Guys! Snouts out of your nosebags, time to brainstorm getting the word out on Netmums! They need fresh blood, and I’m not talking about the… What Molly-Maie? Got something to say?’

‘So, well, like it's Mumsnet? But, you know, that’s quite cis heteronormative, maybe we could…?’

‘Yes, yes! Mumsnet, that’s what I said! Come on then, ideas everyone, no stupid ideas! Apart from you Damien, you’ve had a few!’

‘Well actually, I have been crunching the numbers, and the time they got the biggest influx of, er, fresh blood… was Penis Beaker.’

‘PENIS BEAKER! HAAARGH! Christ Alive, they’ve got some odd ones there, haven’t they?! Tell us more!’

‘Well, it was a post on the forums about whether other women’s, er, folk’s husbands, er partners, washed their… themselves… in a beaker. By the bed. You know. After… Anyway. Biggest increase in users. Mostly clicked through from the Daily Mail. Could we repeat that?’

‘Get the sex people interested you mean? I like it, I like it. Mothers! Sex! What's not to like?! Half of them will be gagging for it. The other half will be outraged! This thing is selling itself!’

kittensinthekitchen · 22/02/2023 23:29

@WombsofWimbledon

Love it! 🤣🤣

BIWI · 22/02/2023 23:41

Along with that other classic @WombsofWimbledon

Come on folks - there's no such thing as a bad idea!

Hawkins003 · 23/02/2023 00:29

WombsofWimbledon · 22/02/2023 23:24

I wrote the below about the imagined vibrator's, erm, conception. And now I’m imagining how bringing Sex into Active Conversations went. Assuming of course that it really had nothing to do with the coincidentally timed vibrator launch.

'What products can we sell to Mumsnet's core audience? Anyone? Just throw the ideas out there, there's no silly suggestions! Damien! You look like you've got something to say!'

'Well... my dad got my mum one of those electric fan things on a lanyard for her birthday..'

'Yes. YES! Love it, Love it. Put it on a post-it Philomena, stick it in the Menopause section. Mumsnet X Davina! Come on then, what else - new mothers? Anna, you've just had a baby, can you turn your video screen on please, let's see those microexpressions! Yes Molly-Maie - what have you got for us?!'

'So, well, like, sex and pregnant people or like new baby havers, that's taboo right. And like self care is so important. So I was thinking maybe a sex toy so that new mu... vulva... havers.. can feel, like...empowered?'

'Now we're talking! Molly-Maie you're on to something! Damien, I want you to team up with Anna on her next keeping in touch day to come up with a proposal on this!'

And the imagined totally unrelated decision to put Sex into Active:

‘Ok Guys! Snouts out of your nosebags, time to brainstorm getting the word out on Netmums! They need fresh blood, and I’m not talking about the… What Molly-Maie? Got something to say?’

‘So, well, like it's Mumsnet? But, you know, that’s quite cis heteronormative, maybe we could…?’

‘Yes, yes! Mumsnet, that’s what I said! Come on then, ideas everyone, no stupid ideas! Apart from you Damien, you’ve had a few!’

‘Well actually, I have been crunching the numbers, and the time they got the biggest influx of, er, fresh blood… was Penis Beaker.’

‘PENIS BEAKER! HAAARGH! Christ Alive, they’ve got some odd ones there, haven’t they?! Tell us more!’

‘Well, it was a post on the forums about whether other women’s, er, folk’s husbands, er partners, washed their… themselves… in a beaker. By the bed. You know. After… Anyway. Biggest increase in users. Mostly clicked through from the Daily Mail. Could we repeat that?’

‘Get the sex people interested you mean? I like it, I like it. Mothers! Sex! What's not to like?! Half of them will be gagging for it. The other half will be outraged! This thing is selling itself!’

The infamous beaker,

BaroldFromEastenders · 23/02/2023 01:30

@WombsofWimbledon it feels like I’m actually there reading that!

WombsofWimbledon · 23/02/2023 02:17

BIWI · 22/02/2023 23:41

Along with that other classic @WombsofWimbledon

Come on folks - there's no such thing as a bad idea!

😭😭😭

Caramelsmadfuzzytail · 23/02/2023 02:48

@LilyMumsnet
I was hopeful that the topic was hidden, but unfortunately it ain't.
I could tell you the usual info for device, browser and os, but I tried hiding the topic on quiet a few browsers and 2 different android devices and I don't own a PC or I'd have tried that. Oh, I use the mobile site.
This is getting old and boring now. So many people have said " why not JUST hide the topic." It's listed as not being followed in the relevant list in settings, so how the hell can I not follow something that's not followed already.

BlusteryLake · 23/02/2023 05:57

What an utterly inadequate, verbose response from HQ. I am getting so tired of the whole "If you have legitimate safety and integrity concerns over one of our boards, just turn a blind eye by hiding it and carry on using the rest of the site, thereby giving us traffic and credibility while we carry on with this practice".

lovem · 23/02/2023 06:04

People have been complaining about this since 1st February. www.mumsnet.com/Talk/site_stuff/4733509-have-some-peoples-hidden-topics-become-unhidden

That's almost a month of this.

It's not going to go away @MNHQ. You've made a mistake here.