MNHQ here: have you got strong feelings and personal experience about partners staying overnight on postnatal wards?

[RowanMumsnet]

Hello

A broadsheet journalist is looking to write a piece exploring the pros and cons of partners staying overnight on postnatal wards, and we're trying to help her out with finding some case studies of women who have personal experiences and opinions one way or the other.

If this sounds like you, please email us on [email protected] to let us know:

a) what your opinion is about partners staying overnight on wards; and
b) what your personal experience is.

Ideally, anyone featured in the piece would be comfortable with divulging some identifying details, and possibly with being photographed.

It's for a good, reputable journalist working for a broadsheet newspaper - she's keen to explore all the angles.

(If you've already contacted us about this, thanks very much - we just need to find a few more candidates and then we'll let you know how the land lies!)

Thanks
MNHQ

IMO, not allowing partners to stay just further exasperates the divide between parenting roles; those first few hours/days are left to the mother to deal with, when it should be shared, not just for the benefit of the new mum, but the other parent too...and their child. I think there is also a massive difference between being admitted to hospital for non-birth related issues and being in a single-sex ward and not have partners stay, and having just given birth; they are two very different situations and the support needed is different too.

Yes they're different situations, but the common factor is that in both, the person who is the patient should be entitled to privacy, dignity, and a chance to rest and recover. I needed that when recovering from non-birth surgery; I needed that just as much when recovering from an EMCS.

Whether or not this is fair to men is a debate we should have when there are single-sex rooms. When weve got shared wards, it's the patient who needs to come first. The woman in the bed next to me shouldn't have to put up with my husband's wish to be there trumping her needs and rights as a patient.

What 53rdWay said.

if my DH is allowed to stay, his priority will be me and his newborn child, not leering at other women who have just given birth!

I absolutely agree. Most partners are in no way interested in the other women there.

I had horrific births both times and needed a lot of help. My husband wasn't able to be there to do that so I was forced to rely on overstretched midwives.

Sorry, that should have just read "when there are single rooms."

There are two groups here and I feel like there is always going to be someone losing out; you will have some women who want privacy, dignity and peace & quiet to recover, and then you will have others that want their partner their for emotional, mental and physical support....whose need/want is more deserving? Should it be that those who want partners get private rooms, and those who want peace and quiet go on a single-sex ward, where no partners are allowed....in that case, everyone would want their partners their and their own room, surely? You have to also think of what is the 'other group' missing out on, or what are the risks.

We aren't saying men's wishes should trump patients' wishes. We're saying banning partners is equally unfair to other women who do want/need somebody to stay with them, and a balance should be struck (ideally by splitting the ward, or providing more side rooms).

There are enormous amounts of women who don't have a partner and/or their partner cannot be with them.

Restructuring post-natal care to assume that all women have a partner there to provide basic nursing care, then it puts other women and their babies at risk.

Also rapist, child abusers, drug addicts and violent men are fathers too. Just because your husband/partner is a lovely man, you cannot assume that all other new dads are too. Also putting women and their babies at risk.

Oh, I'd have much preferred to have my partner there. Of course I would, he's lovely!

What I don't want - and what no woman on a postnatal ward should have to put up with - is sharing a small, crowded room overnight with a bunch of other people's partners who I don't know from Adam and who aren't even patients, at a particularly vulnerable time in my life.

Splitting the ward is a good idea but I don't know how well it would work in practice. What if it's 3am and a woman without a partner is brought up to the ward, but the only space is on the women-with-partners 'side'? Does anyone know how this works in hospitals that do this (presumably some do)?

FWIW I'm sure my husband would have been quite happy to go home and get a decent night's sleep, he'd been up since 6am. It was me who made him stay until I was mobile (he went home for a shower and nap the next morning).

My baby was premature with low blood sugars and needed hourly formula feeds, I'm pretty sure he would have ended up in SCBU if my husband hadn't been there to help me.

What's the midwives view on it? I suspect they don't have the time or inclination to police rude partners and entitled parents.

When I had DC1 I spent most of the night naked (save for knickers and massive pad) tits out, too hot, sweaty, knackered and uncomfortable. Why should women have to close the curtains and shield themselves? I could barely move let alone put on a nighty and co-ordinate a baby I couldn't feed.

Perhaps more women, those who feel strongly about having their partners their after giving birth, would consider a home birth if that's the case?

It seems to me there is the majority of women who would prefer it if partners did not stay overnight and the very vocal few who would, in retrospect, have wanted their partners to stay. I think the majority should have the ruling and the others should just abide by that.

If you wish your partner to stay in a room with an ensuite, then save up and go privately.

Now I have to leave this thread for the misappropriation of 'their'.

For a bit of perspective, I had a gynae op recently and then complications. I am autistic and ideally need DH with me, as well as physically disabled and needing him as a carer. This could not be accommodated, and I'd already waited four years for the op (separate issue ), however a nurse was made available to provide any assistance I needed with personal care. We had issues with me not being able to ask for things and I was at panic stations the entire time, but it generally went well considering.

If it can be done on a regular ward and following emergency admission, it can be done on a PN ward - there is no need for a partner to be there to provide care. By which I mean, I understand that there have been problems with care, but the answer is not to have partners there.

Bonding etc is a separate issue and I'm rather suspicious that it's only being added in to attempt to save the NHS money

I don't think that having a partner there should be an indication that basic postnatal care is therefore somehow redundant; partner or no partner, medical professionals need to be there and help support everyone.
Yes, there are bad people out there, but that flags up a bigger question over hospital safety and security measures to mitigate against these circumstances.
Splitting the ward is a great idea and if this could/has worked elsewhere then maybe something more hospitals should be looking into.

53rd way - not sure, but I stayed on Delivery Suite until about 2am because the bed on postnatal wasn't ready (was supposed to be being moved at 8pm). There also seemed to be a lot of movement in and out of siderooms while I was in. So I would guess it is similar to what happens to ensure single sex bays.

I would have loved my partner to be there too- and he was very sad to go home.

I was on a ward with partners and hated every second (DH went home). I felt vulnerable. It was loud. One man was on his phone for hours and hours. I was bleeding, trying to establish breastfeeding and work out how to care for my baby. I hated answering midwive's questions about such sensitive issues in the middle of the night, knowing 3 men could hear.

If nothing else, it's an additional source of heat and noise that you really, really don't need on these wards!

Ironically, DS was then admitted to SCBU- and I wanted DH with me. Partners are not allowed on the parent bay of SCBU overnight. Why? Did I need less emotional and practical support because my baby was in intensive care?!

If you wish your partner to stay in a room with an ensuite, then save up and go privately.

But why should I be made to go private and pay extra money, on top of all the taxes I pay already towards NHS, to get something like having my partner with me post-birth. That should be a basic option, not something I have to splash extra cash for!

"That should be a basic option,"

Why?

Why not Bertrand? If anyone is paying extra (and I don't think anyone should, this is not an impossible nut for the NHS to crack) why wouldn't it be the patients wanting privacy? Surely if you feel exposed and vulnerable in a bay with male visitors at 11pm, you're equally unhappy about it at 11am and would be happier in a side room?

So my rights as a patient are somehow lessened because I want my partner there? Both options should exist, cohesively, without one group being penalized, whether financially or emotionally/mentally.

Partners do not stay in other hospital wards because the other patients have a right to dignity and privacy. Why should post natal wards be any different? And there is obviously a difference between 11.00 in the morning and the middle of the night.

Because on other hospital wards the patient is not caring for a baby.