Disablism

[BishopBrennansArse]

Shiny new thread.

Hopefully won't get derailed.

flouncing, i think its the difference between sympathy/empathy and pity.

i dont want to be pitied, but i find strength in someone sharing some empathy with me for my son and my situation raising him.

Maddy I agree, pity was a poor choice of wording. I too gain strength from empathy.

i also don't think there is anything necessarily wrong in someone saying 'wow, that must be hard' or some such.. because it IS hard, but DS is also my first child and i don't know any different. Its nice that people recognise that, as long as its not pitying me.

I've actually found it harder raising my NT daughter because i've had to re-learn HOW to parent, as she doesn't need the same kind of input and i've had to work out how to let her be independent long before i will ever be able to do that with DS!

Oh goodness yes. Its like being a new parent twice. DS1 was born with a stiff neck, couldn't suckle, all sorts of little things. DS2 was a little limpet. DS1 had/has mobility issues, DS2 is a monkey - climbed, jumped, scrambled and loves all outdoor activities.

DS2 at 10 has discovered pokemon go and is allowed out with my phone to the nearest half dozen stops (advantages of living in town, its only a few hundred yards). DS1 at 13 is yet to confidently open the front gate and walk through it without an adult to great him the other side.

Has anyone heard anything from MNHQ, or are they still 'looking into it'?

I think as we're all quiet. deregged, or still licking wounds we're out of sight out of mind and they're hoping that it'll all blow over.

Doubt they will comment again, they still don't feel they've cocked up and they don't care that they've cocked up.

What more can they say, they've made it clear there is no problem and they agree with the people who think we are getting annoying now.

Yes Dixie, i also think that was absolutely disgusting.

After careful consideration I've decided to unregistered, the support I've got from other users here has been fantastic but i can't sit back and be a part of a site which is run like this.

What has happened over the last few weeks is inexcusable and several times MNHQ have just sat by, fully aware but let things continue. They've thrown each and every one of us in the lions den.
All this while at the same time claiming to support Mencap's survey on attitudes towards learning disabilities, have they seen their own threads and biased attitudes?

I can't be a part of this.

If anyone finds a more disabled friendly site or facebook page could they link it?

It would be nice if we could find somewhere that we could all still get this support from.

Oh crap, everyone is leaving

Please do say if there's another place for disabled parents and parents with disabled children?

In spite of the prejudice on the main boards, I've found comradary, empathy and just good people on here in the corners.

There is no site for disabled parent i have looked and looked im a member of a few groups for my disability and there is disabled parents on it.

I have been keeping away from a threads that might turn controversial and being mumsnet lite for the last week or so its easier

I'm still drifting out and in as have a few loose ends (PM's) to tie up.

I'm under no doubt that I will go soon though.

Nothing from MN in here, nasty posts (not 'just' the disablist ones-many) left to stand and just a general feeling that it's time to move on from what MN is now.

There was a thread last night were a shit load of posts got pulled and the stated reason on each post was "we believe this is disabllist" so it would appear they are listening.

If I set up somewhere where people could chat, would that be treading on anyone's toes? I'm not parent of a SN child myself, but DH and I both have disabilities (minor in my case). I know that Im not a "known" around here, but ive been here a long time and wouldn't want anyone to lose a valuable source of support.

I'm same I'm disabled adult no kids so not looking for a disabled parent forum. Been trying challenge it myself this week, one my agency carers keeps refer to another client with Downs as girl. Not talking personally just as in "my next client is girl with Downs" . I questioned her if she was a girl or if she was a women. Oh she in her 40s but like a child. FFS really disappointing when "carers" can't even award someone dignity of being spoken about as an adult.

It's percuilar to learning Disabilites, because she didn't seem to have the problem if talking about someone with Demetia who may be u able to speak, walk or go to the toilet. Yet because they once achieved "adult status" it seems you don't revert back to a child even if you lose your adult functions.

Just bothered me though suspect she didn't give it a second thought.

Akire i think your last point is particularly valid. 'She didn't give it a second thought' I think a fair percentage of the disabilism we're seeing is casual, not concious, not malicious. The lack of thought means that it is a bit under the radar of people and when interpreted, we get the particularly snidy brigade type coments and we're being over sensitive.

I see it as rather like the Irish jokes that were prevelant in my childhood. Many jokes started Englishman, Irishman, Scotsman. The Irishman rarely faired well, but it wasn't until I was a teen I really questioned this. Its all going to take time, masses of patience and gently bringing the subconcious disabilism into the concious so it is thought about and acknowledged for what it is.

Yup agree completely. As I previously wrote on a thread that got deleted (sigh), it's very hard to challenge prejudice when the people concerned believe strongly that they cannot be disablist because they are good people.

How do you change people's attitudes and behavior when to even acknowledge what's happening is to challenge the very identity of those people?

The strength of their need to protect their own sense of self is far, far stronger than anything else.

I'm dealing with a very similar situation in rl, and it's incredibly upsetting to have people so determined to justify their own selves that they will lie and cheat and be incredibly cruel. Its turned into a crusade to push me out by any means necessary. It's awful and so, so, completely unnecessary :(