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See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Rape myths thread in gransnet

126 replies

YonicScrewdriver · 03/09/2015 08:28

Hi MNHQ, can you ask the GNHQ bods to look at this thread? Thank you!

www.gransnet.com/forums/news_and_politics/1218612-Can-a-drunk-woman-give-consent?pg=2

OP posts:
SenecaFalls · 03/09/2015 15:12

Don't forget, many of us were teenagers in the 60s, involved in the surge in feminism and the campaigns against sexual discrimination. We have vivid memories of the challenges to men and taking responsibility for ourselves, our sexuality, reproduction, financial independence and getting away from the control that men had exerted previously. It wasn't the Dark Ages but a time of enlightenment and protest.

Yes to this!

BertrandRussell · 03/09/2015 15:20

When do people think today's grandmothers were born......1870? Many of you have the freedoms you have today because of the work those grandmothers put in. And as I said before, look back over the Ched Evans threads before you claim enlightenment for the young.

MsMarthaMay · 03/09/2015 16:10

I try to move on from it and tell myself it wasn't my fault but then you read some of the comments on that thread and the self doubt starts creeping back in. It makes you feel so ashamed.

FattyNinjaOwl · 03/09/2015 16:21

Martha Flowers
I know that feeling. I've been holding the tears back as I don't want my DCs to see me cry, but I know I will end up crying myself to sleep tonight and I will cry silently in the early hours when my 4 week old has me up. Knowing that some people still think this way is horrible. They are as bad as the nasty teens that blamed me when I was younger. Nasty. And I don't think people realise how much pain their words can cause Sad

MsMarthaMay · 03/09/2015 16:39

Ninjaowl, I'm so sorry for what you went through Flowers

MsMarthaMay · 03/09/2015 16:40

Have Mnhq even done anything about the thread!?

Simatmum · 03/09/2015 16:49

Please don't let those ignorant comments drag you down. You have everything to be proud of and the courage to speak out about how you have felt. Flowers

BlueBananas · 03/09/2015 16:57

I'm a bit late to reply but just wanted to say thankyou for the tea analogy I asked about this morning, I've never heard that before it's brilliant Smile

TheExMotherInLaw · 03/09/2015 17:21

just had a bit of a witter on the thread, and posted the link to tea

FattyNinjaOwl · 03/09/2015 17:47

Wilma just seen your post on gn.
Emotional blackmail? Really? I shared my story in the hope some gners would read it and perhaps change their views. Of course it hurts me reading that thread, as according to some, because I didn't say no, or report what happened, I wasn't raped. I was 11 ffs. So no not emotional blackmail, it is real life and honesty about how peoples narrow minded views affects real people.

Original poster
YonicScrewdriver · 03/09/2015 17:52

Wilma, what?

"However, this thread has been about the issue of consent, not the subject of rape as a whole"

Rape is about consent. What else is it about??

OP posts:
WilmaKnickersfit · 03/09/2015 18:47

FattyNinjaOwl (and MsMarthaMay) I am so sorry if you thought my 'emotional blackmail' was directed at you or anyone else on the thread who shared their experience. My comment was aimed at a couple of the mumsnetters who posted on the gransnet thread, virtually ranting, swearing and using passive aggression to challenge some of the opinions shared. No one in their right mind would think either of you were to blame for what you experienced. Again I'm sorry for any offence I caused you.

YonicScrewdriver yes, rape is about consent, but the discussion was about consent when alcohol was involved. Yes, the discussion widened, but to cherry pick comments and attribute them to all the posters is wrong.

BTW Just what did mumsnetters think the mods were going to do about the gransnet thread? Shut down it because some of you don't agree with everything being said? If you disagree why not challenge the views in a rational manner like most posters on the thread and maybe then some will change their opinions?

No wonder so many of the gransnetters have stopped posting.

Original poster
YonicScrewdriver · 03/09/2015 19:07

Wilma

I posted this thread because it's currently not possible to register on GN securely, which would have been needed to report the thread.

I expected MN to post a link to rape myths, as they do here when there is a thread containing rape myths and victim blaming, as that one was (oven ready etc).

HTH

OP posts:
WilmaKnickersfit · 03/09/2015 19:11

YonicScrewdriver that does help. thank you. I didn't know that was MN policy and FWIW the 'oven ready' comment is one of the worst I've ever read, especially from a woman.

I don't understand your point about being able to register securely though (I do understand http and https). What do you mean?

BoreOfWhabylon · 03/09/2015 19:27

Wilma I tried to register on GN earlier but the registration page is http, not https, so I wasn't prepared to put in my email or password.

I've let MNHQ know and they replied saying they will pass it on to Tech.

WilmaKnickersfit · 03/09/2015 19:32

Thanks for that. I never knew that would be of concern to people tbh.

Original poster
YonicScrewdriver · 03/09/2015 19:37

Mumsnet had a serious security attack over the summer, Wilma, and we were all advised to check for HTTPS before logging in. Three months ago, no one would've noticed!

OP posts:
DixieNormas · 03/09/2015 19:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Greymalkin · 03/09/2015 21:10

FattyNinjaOwl and MsMartha more Flowers for you both. I believe you too.

I just want to prefix this with saying I have read the whole of the GN thread and I can see that there were lots of switched on posters who challenged the ridiculous ones and stood up for victims, as we all should.

I was so, so sad reading some of those comments, the "oven ready" comment was utterly vile, talking about a woman's body as a "treat" for some randy bloke was ghastly, the analogies with animals were pathetic. I was seething by the end of the post that talked about women first being protected by their fathers, then their brothers until their husbands could take over. Fuck off and do one.

I couldn't help but notice the amount of posts that deplored rape at first, and then went on to start the next sentence with "But..."

My DS is only 2, and I will make a pledge here and now to make every effort I can to challenge rape myths with him as he grows up.

Greymalkin · 03/09/2015 21:20

Unbelievable:

"Looking smart/attractive/feminine is one thing, but if a girl goes out looking oven-ready she is asking for trouble."

suzannefollowmyvan · 03/09/2015 21:53

there were lots of switched on posters who challenged the ridiculous ones and stood up for victims, as we all should

there were, but it struck me that the challenges were a bit apologetic, comments like that on here would be vociferously and furiously shouted down immediately

BlueBananas · 03/09/2015 21:57

Wtf does looking 'oven-ready' mean? Confused

TwoFoldBenifit · 04/09/2015 09:47

Ok I'm posting on here as I'm not registered on GN. Someone on GN thread has said they were originally talking about consent given/not given when drunk, whilst I think the tea post was perfect, a poster is still saying the ownus in on the girl not be drunk or put herself in that situation. Well I remember when I was a teen. That the attitude was promoted amongst boys and girls, that it is taking advantage of someone if they are drunk / high, whatever, it didn't stop a rapist though, but that is not the fault of girl. But this now apparently grey area of drunken consent, is helping horny cocky lads think it's ok and it's not rape. Education for boys in consent is the way forward.

There was a program on recently about sex education, with a lady trying to approach it from a different direction to the norm, she challenged there perceptions and expectations.

So I found this meme, not the best example but unfortunately it was the only example I could find.

( BTW I was gutted when a lad I knew didn't want to take advantage of me because I was drunk, but I got over it and we did end up doing it, some other time when I wasn't drunk)

Blodss · 04/09/2015 11:09

Yonick I have been reporting the insecure gransnet log in for the last couple of weeks and pointed it out on this thread earlier. A MN mod said she would report it to a tech but nothing has been done and that was a couple of weeks ago.

MNHQ
BeccaMumsnet · 04/09/2015 15:43

Hi everyone - Tech have looked into this and have said that Gransnet is secure, but they are running tests to make sure.